What the eff is wrong with me?

[Minty]

I just feel so annoyed with myself....not sure if it's classed as a 'social problem' but I just can't seem to have a pleasant drink on a 'school' night and just go home to bed.

Today, my parents took my dog to the beach for a run/swim (they do it once a week and I appreciate it because otherwise he's stuck in my flat all day). So, usually they drop him off at mine before I get home from work. Today they didn't and I went to theirs to get him. Had a glass of wine whilst I was there.

I'm like a dog that's tasted blood! 1 glass of wine leads to me wanting to get absolutely sh!tfaced. I bought a bottle on the way home which I have now finished and am thinking about going to the all night offy for more. But why do I do this? It's not like I am having a party and I'm having a great time and I don't want the party to end, I am just sat alone in my flat, drinking like a saddo, imagining about a great life I might one day have.

I am not an alcoholic by any stretch of the imagination. I go three/four weeks without a drop and it doesn't bother me, I think I'm a binge drinking addict. I just can't seem to do it normally and I can't understand why!

It's 1.30am here where I am and I know I am going to go to the offy any minute for another bottle. I tell myself all the sensible things in the world and they don't get through.

The rational part of me says 'Kat, you have to get up in 5 hours, don't be a dick' and the slightly alcohol part of me says 'ah go on, it's only Friday tomorrow...no-one works on a Friday'

I guess I am not really looking for advice because I know it already but why the flip can't I just drink like a normal person!

I said that I don't think it's a social problem but maybe it is. Sometimes if I do go out and have a few drinks, I sometimes what to come home early to drink more on my own any listen (and sing badly) to music.

 

[mintymint]

I'm cutting you off, Minty

 

[TheSkaFish]

I feel the same way. I can go a long time without drinking, but when it is around, I would drink and drink and drink some more. I think it is for a number of reasons: one, my tolerance has increased; two, I genuinely enjoy the taste of some drinks, such as beer and three; I'm pretty unhappy at the moment, and have been for a while.

I guess I would say, if you want to remove something in your life, you have to replace it with something else. It doesn't work very well to just say "I'm not going to eat cake anymore". You have to, say, replace cake with something, like salad. So if you want to drink less, start doing something else more. I don't mean another substance, of course, but just another activity to replace it with.

 

[Minty]

I'm cutting you off, Minty

Good!!! I need a dominant person to tell me 'NO'!! haha

---

I genuinely enjoy the taste of some drinks, such as beer

I buy the cheapest and strongest which usually means it tastes the most nasty. But it's not the taste I am after.

---

I'm pretty unhappy at the moment, and have been for a while.

I guess I would say, if you want to remove something in your life, you have to replace it with something else. It doesn't work very well to just say "I'm not going to eat cake anymore". You have to, say, replace cake with something, like salad. So if you want to drink less, start doing something else more. I don't mean another substance, of course, but just another activity to replace it with.

I think you're right. It's a way of filling the void. Okay this is going to sound completely sad, but when I am drunk on my own in my flat, I blast music (headphones on because I am a considerate neighbour ) and I sing along to my fave songs and I feel happy, momentarily. I imagine that I'm leaning against George Harrison's piano whilst Paul plays 'Hey Jude', but I can't sing sober ( I can't sing drunk but I think I can).

I just wish it were real and I didn't have to do this or I could change it.

 

[mintymint]

I'm cutting you off, Minty

Good!!! I need a dominant person to tell me 'NO'!! haha

Mintys have to look out for each other

I imagine that I'm leaning against George Harrison's piano whilst Paul plays 'Hey Jude', but I can't sing sober ( I can't singe drunk but I think I can).

Don't play it too cool haha

 

[cumulus.james]

"I am not an alcoholic by any stretch of the imagination. I go three/four weeks without a drop and it doesn't bother me, I think I'm a binge drinking addict. I just can't seem to do it normally and I can't understand why!"

That is how I started when I was 14, now I am an alcaholic. And it's not nice. My advice would be to completely give up alcahol. It becomes your friend, if you are feeling good then you 'celebrate' with it, if you are feeling down then you medicate with it, if life deals you a blow you turn straight to it.

Do you take much exercise? Endorphines and stuff cheers you up.

 

[Mr.YellowCat]

My question would be, does your drinking affect other people?
Or does it have potential to?

That is something I would be interested in, as I have personal experience with people who overuse alcohol.

If you can keep it to yourself, and dont hurt no one else, I´m like "okay then". But I´m not talking about damage you may be doing to yourself. That is a different question all together.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I buy the cheapest and strongest which usually means it tastes the most nasty. But it's not the taste I am after.

Ugh, yes, I've been there. Things were pretty bad for me in 2008ish or so...I remember drinking the cheapest, nastiest, most alcoholic 40 ounces I could find, that I paid for sometimes with quarters. I must have looked quite pathetic. That was when this whole recession crap started and I had pretty much given up on everything, I thought nothing mattered anymore. I was never physically dependent on alcohol, but I had basically given up on life even worse than I am today. Schlitz Bull Ice and Steel Reserve....yuck. Never again will I stoop that low.

Okay this is going to sound completely sad, but when I am drunk on my own in my flat, I blast music (headphones on because I am a considerate neighbour ) and I sing along to my fave songs and I feel happy, momentarily. I imagine that I'm leaning against George Harrison's piano whilst Paul plays 'Hey Jude', but I can't sing sober ( I can't sing drunk but I think I can).

I just wish it were real and I didn't have to do this or I could change it.

Haha that doesn't sound sad at all. I do that sometimes when I'm over at friends' houses and they've all gone to sleep so it's just me, beer, and nothing else to do so I hop on a computer, put on some headphones, and just listen to music until I feel like going to sleep. I sometimes close the door and quietly sing along. It makes me feel happier as well, because usually when I'm alone with my thoughts I don't feel too good about things.

 

[ABrokenMan]

Wine gives me a headache.
I too do not feel the need to drink every single day, but the times I do, I can keep going.
I've always been able to control my intake. Drinking alone makes me feel more depressed than without.
I like a nice beer with my steak that I grill, however.

 

[Minty]

"I am not an alcoholic by any stretch of the imagination. I go three/four weeks without a drop and it doesn't bother me, I think I'm a binge drinking addict. I just can't seem to do it normally and I can't understand why!"

That is how I started when I was 14, now I am an alcaholic. And it's not nice. My advice would be to completely give up alcahol. It becomes your friend, if you are feeling good then you 'celebrate' with it, if you are feeling down then you medicate with it, if life deals you a blow you turn straight to it.

Do you take much exercise? Endorphines and stuff cheers you up.

I am aware that I am a binge drinker but my mother is an alcoholic and I am deathly afraid that I will end up like her so I only really drink maybe once a month - every 6 weeks but the problem is, I go hard when I do! You are right though, I do tend to use it as a crutch when I am feeling down and get drunk when I am feeling good also.

Yeah, I do feel way better when I exercise but I don't do it as often as I should.

---

Ugh, yes, I've been there. Things were pretty bad for me in 2008ish or so...I remember drinking the cheapest, nastiest, most alcoholic 40 ounces I could find, that I paid for sometimes with quarters. I must have looked quite pathetic. That was when this whole recession crap started and I had pretty much given up on everything, I thought nothing mattered anymore. I was never physically dependent on alcohol, but I had basically given up on life even worse than I am today. Schlitz Bull Ice and Steel Reserve....yuck. Never again will I stoop that low.

Whoah that's bad. Glad you managed to get over doing that. Similar thing with me years back (probably around 2006/07) I had quite bad depression - escalated by the alcohol of course - but I was going through 3 bottles of 13.5% cheap white wine every other night. I carried on like that for close to two years, but I just seemed to snap out of it, got a job in a different Country, packed up and left. I will never EVER drink like that again. When I moved, I didn't drink for about 4 months without any issues so I don't think I was physically dependent but I was probably close to becoming so.

Okay this is going to sound completely sad, but when I am drunk on my own in my flat, I blast music (headphones on because I am a considerate neighbour ) and I sing along to my fave songs and I feel happy, momentarily. I imagine that I'm leaning against George Harrison's piano whilst Paul plays 'Hey Jude', but I can't sing sober ( I can't sing drunk but I think I can).

I just wish it were real and I didn't have to do this or I could change it.

Haha that doesn't sound sad at all. I do that sometimes when I'm over at friends' houses and they've all gone to sleep so it's just me, beer, and nothing else to do so I hop on a computer, put on some headphones, and just listen to music until I feel like going to sleep. I sometimes close the door and quietly sing along. It makes me feel happier as well, because usually when I'm alone with my thoughts I don't feel too good about things.

I'm glad I am not the only one and I agree, I feel happy - genuinely happy - when I do it, because I love music I guess and I know what you mean about being alone with your thoughts. Mine have a tendency to be mean to me! haha

 

[Ioann]

I actually don't think labels like 'alcoholic' are very helpful. i'm the same, in that I can go for months without a drink, never think about it, but when I start, I don't want to stop. Partly that is because I associate drinking with happier times in the past, being in the pub with my mates, and partly because being drunk is quite nice actually. It tastes good, and slipping into a pleasant drunken state is a good feeling. Why pretend otherwise?

Does that make me an alcoholic? A binge drinker? Who knows. It makes me someone who has got into a lot of trouble with booze, and really shouldn't drink. Maybe you're the same?

 

[Minty]

I think you hit the nail on the head.

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

I wish I could give you some advice or say something to make you feel better. I don't drink, I gave it up cause I ended up having the same problem. I'd go without days from not wanting to drink but whenever I do drink I couldn't stop drinking. For me I think the reason was cause I was lonely and just needed to escape. Drinking was an escape for me, now drinking kinda scares me cause anytime I drink I always end up doing the same thing. Hopefully you'll be able to have one drink without wanting to have more, I couldn't do it but who knows maybe you have the strength to do it.