What to do?

[ladyforsaken]

All the best aspalas. It was good of you to make the move in messaging her. I think I know what you mean about your feelings disappearing, kind of feeling numbed, right? I think that's normal.

Hope your meet-up with her goes well and have fun!

 

[aspalas]

Thanks.

I'm meeting her in about 2 hours and I'm pretty nervous. I expect the worst but I hope I'll stay calm and comfy during our conversation. I'll just have coffee somewhere and then I'll ask her if she wants to take a short walk and I'll just tell her that I like her or I'll mention the card I've sent her. I really hope I'll manage to stay calm because if she doesn't like me I'm eager to ask her some questions about her behaviour etc.

Thanks again for the support, I'll post an update as soon as I'm back.

 

[Edward W]

Good luck, don't pressure yourself or her and hopefully things will work out.

 

[aspalas]

Yeah I'm not going to pressure her or whatever. If I think she's really uncomfortable or something after I told her that I like her I'll just leave. I don't want her to feel bad about it and that's also a reason why I want to stay calm. I'm feeling better now anyway. There's still the possibility that she likes me back but I'm focussing on how to cope with her rejecting me.

Thanks anyway! I hope I'll come back with good news!

 

[ladyforsaken]

Be calm and just be yourself, that's the best way. And you're making an effort, that's the best thing you can do.

All the best and hope it goes smoothly for the both of you. Looking forward to an update soon.

 

[Veruca]

Good luck you! Tell us all about it after!

 

[aspalas]

Ok, it didn't really go as I wanted. Once I was driving to the city centre I was really calm. I waited for a while for her to show up, she was 5 minutes late because she came from her work. The minute I saw her I thought "what the hell am I doing?". It's really hard to explain but I realised that it might be a terrible idea to tell her that I like her, because I didn't feel anything at that moment. Usually when I see her or speak to her I'm very excited but this time I felt nothing. I didn't see her as a potential partner. She said she was hungry so we went to another café because they only sold coffee, tea and things like pie at the one we were supposed to go (plus, there was no empty table left). I bought her a sandwich and a drink and I bought a drink, a sandwich and a muffin (she wanted me to share the muffin with her).

When we were eating/drinking she was telling me about some stuff I don't really remember because I was thinking about what to do. I really didn't (and still don't) know what the hell happened. I still thought/think she looks good and she's nice, but I didn't feel the urge to let her know I like her anymore. I was pretty satisfied with my situation. She noticed I wasn't really paying attention to her so I decided to think about this later. When we were finished I said I needed new gloves (because I needed new gloves ), she wanted to come with me so we went to a big department store to buy gloves. She had bought some nice cheap gloves there so she said I should go there. We've been in that store for a while because she wanted to show me some stuff, shoes, parfume. Eventually I found nice gloves and I payed and we left. By this time I already decided that I wasn't going to tell her that I like her because to be honest I'm not sure I even do. We talked for a while and she mentioned that in another department store (the HEMA) you can have breakfast for 1 euro, she said she wanted to try that sometime. She said she didn't have any classes on tuesday morning and asked me if I had time on tuesday morning. I have time on tuesday morning, so I said yes. She asked if I wanted to have breakfast there sometime, I said yes. After this we walked back to our bicycles, she gave me a hug and I went home. Now I'm here.

I still don't really understand what happened to me. I think I'm just satisfied with being friends. Maybe this is some weird thing my brain does to protect myself from having a broken heart, I just don't know. I had a good time and she showed interest in me but it left me cold... This is probably ony of the weirdest experiences I've ever had. I don't know what happened to me and I don't know what to do, but as long as I think it's better to just be friends I think I'm OK.

 

[ladyforsaken]

It's funny how things work sometimes. I think the main thing really is that you do what you feel is best or feel most comfortable doing. And if now you decide being friends is better, just do that.

But then I'm not sure - what if your feelings for her come back just as easily as they disappear? I don't know really, I've never experienced this before and like you say, it's quite bizarre to me too.

I'm glad it went on anyway, I'm sure it is an experience that you'll definitely learn something from. I'm curious though if anyone else here has ever felt this way?

 

[perfanoff]

Ok, it didn't really go as I wanted. Once I was driving to the city centre I was really calm. I waited for a while for her to show up, she was 5 minutes late because she came from her work. The minute I saw her I thought "what the hell am I doing?". It's really hard to explain but I realised that it might be a terrible idea to tell her that I like her, because I didn't feel anything at that moment. Usually when I see her or speak to her I'm very excited but this time I felt nothing. I didn't see her as a potential partner. She said she was hungry so we went to another café because they only sold coffee, tea and things like pie at the one we were supposed to go (plus, there was no empty table left). I bought her a sandwich and a drink and I bought a drink, a sandwich and a muffin (she wanted me to share the muffin with her).

When we were eating/drinking she was telling me about some stuff I don't really remember because I was thinking about what to do. I really didn't (and still don't) know what the hell happened. I still thought/think she looks good and she's nice, but I didn't feel the urge to let her know I like her anymore. I was pretty satisfied with my situation. She noticed I wasn't really paying attention to her so I decided to think about this later. When we were finished I said I needed new gloves (because I needed new gloves ), she wanted to come with me so we went to a big department store to buy gloves. She had bought some nice cheap gloves there so she said I should go there. We've been in that store for a while because she wanted to show me some stuff, shoes, parfume. Eventually I found nice gloves and I payed and we left. By this time I already decided that I wasn't going to tell her that I like her because to be honest I'm not sure I even do. We talked for a while and she mentioned that in another department store (the HEMA) you can have breakfast for 1 euro, she said she wanted to try that sometime. She said she didn't have any classes on tuesday morning and asked me if I had time on tuesday morning. I have time on tuesday morning, so I said yes. She asked if I wanted to have breakfast there sometime, I said yes. After this we walked back to our bicycles, she gave me a hug and I went home. Now I'm here.

I still don't really understand what happened to me. I think I'm just satisfied with being friends. Maybe this is some weird thing my brain does to protect myself from having a broken heart, I just don't know. I had a good time and she showed interest in me but it left me cold... This is probably ony of the weirdest experiences I've ever had. I don't know what happened to me and I don't know what to do, but as long as I think it's better to just be friends I think I'm OK.

I'm very, very happy that your date went well

"The risk of a wrong decision is preferable to the terror of indecision.
-Maimonides "

Please take your things at your own pace but give her a chance in your heart. Don't lock yourself up. And you don't have to tell her you like her. She doesn't come from the moon, she knows it. There's no reason EVER to be ashamed of your feelings. Keep your head high man and good luck to you!

 

[Veruca]

Hey aspalas,

I think that went very well indeed!

I used to feel this way when I first went on dates. I would be so nervous so I'd be trying to calm myself down and when I get to the date, I'd be feeling so neutral, sometimes even cold that I'd come back wondering where all my crushing went. I think what happens is that while we're trying to get a grip on our nerves, we actually end up talking ourselves out of feeling for the person.

If you really liked this girl before and nothing about her on the date turned you off, then I would urge you to not overanalyze or worry too much and instead just go with the flow. If you like her, then its okay to show that you like her. Its a risk sure, but there's no other way about it. We kind of have to put ourselves on the line if we want to experience love/romance .

The good thing is, she seems to be interested enough to suggest a second date (you should be so proud of yourself for having taken the leap!)

 

[ladyforsaken]

The good thing is, she seems to be interested enough to suggest a second date (you should be so proud of yourself for having taken the leap!)

Yeah!!

 

[aspalas]

Yes thats true. I'm still not really sure what happened but I'll just go with the flow like you said. I still would like to know that I like her but I don't think I will actually tell her. Well, We'll see what happens in the future.

 

[aspalas]

Hi there.

I still don't feel the same as I did before. I still kind of like this girl but I don't really feel the urge to tell her or something. I havent spoken to her for about 5 days now actually. I think I'll just try to forget her, unless she starts flirting with me again. If she does I'll just ask what she wants from me.

I actually have a date with someone else soon. Well, not a date really, I'll just explain. A pretty long time ago I asked this girl out. I think it was just before I started to like the girl this whole thread is about. She's absolutely gorgeous, she's a model (not a super model or something, an amateur), but I didn't think it would work out so I canceled it. A friend of her told me she was really upset about this. We didn't speak for a couple of months but we're chatting every once in a while for quite some time now. Very often, recently. I'm getting to know her better and she's amazing, we share many interests and she's always nice and interested. The only problem is that she lives quite far away (she used to live in the same city as I do but she moved to another city because she's studying there), so I haven't seen her for a pretty long time. She asks me to come over a lot but I never did.

Here's the thing. I have to take 5 pictures of a friend for an admission at the art school in the city where she lives. Since she's a model I figured I could take pictures of her. I asked if she was ok with that and she gladly agreed, so I'm gonna visit her soon. She also asked me if she could introduce me to that city's nightlife and obviously I agreed, she said I could sleep at her place.

I don't like her at the moment but who knows what will happen. I just try to not think about this other girl anymore, I think that's the best thing to do. When she was on vacation we didn't speak either and that felt pretty good actually. If anything shocking happens I'll post it here.

 

[aspalas]

Might be time for a little update. I didn't speak to this girl much lately, haven't really seen her either, and I thought it would be an easy task to just forget her. The last 2 weeks or so however, she's been on my mind a lot. I just can't forget her. I don't think I'm deeply in love but I still like her. The worst thing is that all my memories about her make me extremely sad and regretful. We've spend a lot of time together, we've been on the same school, went to festivals, long school trips, etc. We used to hang out a lot, but all my memories about stuff that's supposed to be great (like that school trip or the festivals), just make me sad somehow. I can't stand it, I can't think about it without feeling regret and sadness, it just ruins all my memories that are supposed to be fun.

Well anyway, she started talking to me yesterday and wants to meet up some time soon, and this really triggered my "heartache" even more. I don't know if I should be happy that she wants to see me or not, I just feel horrible about everything. Except for this girl everything is going relatively well I guess. I still don't really have a good relationship with my mom or dad (even though I live with him) and this bothers me sometimes, but I guess it's for the best, and I'm moving out after this summer anyway if everything goes well.

Just wanted to write this off of me because I feel very crappy at the moment.

Cheers.