Why Can't I Let Go?

[RobertJW]

I have just spoken to my ex wife on the phone.

She won't go out with me even as a friend. She won't take me back even on a trial basis. She says she never wants anything to do with me again. She says nasty hurtful stuff to me. She says she doesn't love me and won't love me ever again.

But I love her so much it hurts.

As I sit here typing this through tears, I ask myself why? Why?

I hate living like this, if I had the bottle I'd kill myself, but as it is I'm too cowardly. So I have to live this shitty life, in constant depression and always on the verge of tears. Apart from my kids I have absolutely nothing. A life bereft of emotional fulfillment is hardly worth living.

What makes it worse is I know I'll never meet anyone else to help me "move on". Without the emotional support of someone I will be stuck like this til the blessed release of death.

Sorry to sound so morbid but thats how I feel and I hate it.

 

[Naleena]

Robert,
I agree you need some support. I don't know how long you have been separated but, grieving is a normal part of healing (believe it or not). I don't know enough about you or what's going on to say much. I had someone I loved soooo much take his life. To this day, it hurts when I think about him. I mourn the "us" that could have been.

I understand a little of where you are coming from. Someone doesn't have to be six feet under for you to mourn the loss of their presence in your life.

You can not control or change your wife's feelings. I may be wrong but it sounds like you are pushing her. That's a big mistake men and women make.

Keeping you in my thoughts tonight.

((((((((((((((((Robert))))))))))))))))))))))

 

[bookbinder]

What makes it worse is I know I'll never meet anyone else to help me "move on".

Bad call. You're not moving all the chess pieces buddy. You don't know what the future has in store for you.

You need to stop convincing yourself that you really need this woman in your life. After all, I saw you wrote how she nagged you constantly, so much so that you felt like you had to jump ship. That's a serious move- I doubt you'd just do it over nothing.

For some reason, though, you seem to have forgotten all that and keep telling yourself that you love this woman and need to be with her. WAKE UP. As soon as you get back with her, she'll only be nagging you again just like before.

I apologize for the bluntness, but this ain't healthy.

 

[wannadie]

Hey Robert, I got divorced recently so I can understand what you are going through. It's not easy to let go of someone you love so much. But trust me this is not end of the world. Just take care of yourself. Right now all I have for you to offer is... (((LOADS OF HUGS))). PM me if you ever want to talk.

 

[RobertJW]

Thank you Naleena, I appreciate that.

zraskolnikov, you are right mate, I gloss over the bad stuff and only remember the good. But I'd rather be nagged than be lonely.

wannadie, thank you too. I might take up that offer pretty soon.

 

[penny143]

Bah, exes suck!

Wanna be a member of the Lonely Hearts Club Band? just kidding...

 

[RobertJW]

Penny - I prefer The Beach Boys!

 

[bookbinder]

zraskolnikov, you are right mate, I gloss over the bad stuff and only remember the good. But I'd rather be nagged than be lonely.

You sound like it's a choice between being lonely and having her. Think progressively: it's a choice between being lonely and plucking up some courage, going out, and finding lots of women who are perhaps smarter, perhaps better-looking, and definitely don't nag.

 

[Incognita]

As soon as you get back with her, she'll only be nagging you again just like before.

or god forbid, even more

 

[RobertJW]

Its not goinmg to happen anyway. I feel crushed.

I feel there is no hope for someone my age to "start again". No one would want me anyway.

If I could get hold of some decent strength drugs I wouldnt be here now. I have tried before and failed.

 

[bookbinder]

"Your age"?!?! How old are you?

You've got to be kidding. I know someone who has a full social life (and who isn't married, by the way) and she's 62.

You don't need strength drugs. Even "decent ones" will not help you in the long run. What you need is good old fashioned human perserverance. And all that takes, friend, is for you to give yourself a chance.

 

[penny143]

Penny - I prefer The Beach Boys!

I am in shock and total disbelief!