why do I have a will to live?

[mathersfrench]

Im a freshman in high school. I have felt depressed since ladt year. I feel that my life is not woth living. I have friends. But I dont particularly like any of them. I dont really like anything besides music. Im just a quiet bubble of depressed thought. My parents don't even. Nobody cares. I have a cusin who texts me a lot about her problems. But she was raped. And both her parents are alcoholics. I think me being her friend is only thing that has kept her from killing herself. Because of her, I feel like for pussy for being depressed just because I'm lonely. I contemplate suicide everyday. But I cant do it. please help me. what should I do to not want to die.

 

[Tiina63]

Have you thought about getting professional help? You sound very isolated and cut off from people around you, and might benefit from having someone you could really be open and honest with about your thoughts and feelings. You sound very caring-you are giving your cousin a lot of support at a hard time in her life. But don't feel guilty for feeling so low about being lonely, because loneliness is so painful.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Have you thought about getting professional help? You sound very isolated and cut off from people around you, and might benefit from having someone you could really be open and honest with about your thoughts and feelings. You sound very caring-you are giving your cousin a lot of support at a hard time in her life. But don't feel guilty for feeling so low about being lonely, because loneliness is so painful.

I agree with what tiina has said. You deserve support like you are giving your cousin.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

I agree with Soph and Tiina that you could do with decent third party support.

Also, do not feel bad about feeling as you do. Just because you have not had a traumatic experience with your cousin does not mean that you aren't allowed to feel unhappy.

Feeling unhappy and contemplative is an essential part of being human - look to it as a warning sign for something you can address, especially with help and don't beat yourself up over it

 

[Ak5]

First of all, good job on helping your cousin, your family, you guys stick together; your a very big support.

I'm currently a "sophomore" (I'm homeschooled so my current "grade" doesn't really count, I've been homeschooled since "freshman" year). Anyway, I share your pain. I've been depressed since 8th grade and suicide seemed like a huge get away for me, I thought about it every day. I was living in a constant stream of depressed thoughts of "oh I have no friends, oh girls won't like me, I'll never be able to be happy" and so on; that's why I joined this site.

You have the luxury of being in school, you have the possibility to make friends every single day. You don't like your current "friends", make new ones. Open up to new people, there is always a tomorrow.

Good luck.