Alex said:
I went and met a girl in town today who I'd been speaking to on msn, which is a big thing for me, not really sure if it was a date but seemed almost like one. I have never had a girlfriend etc and live quite an isolated life.
Hey man, that was me 'til four years ago, ish. Complete with a girl I liked on the internet and met in real life, only to fall flat on my face in the most horrible of ways.
It's possible to come out of it. You need some bricks to build with, though. Gotta go make some bricks first.
I knew it would be hard but it was even worse than I thought. While she talked I just had nothing to say back, nothing about me or my life seemed worth talking about. I don't have the energy to speak and be funny to people in the real world like I do on msn.
Well, yeah! You've got two issues, here:
-As you admit, your life is sort of lacking in the activity/experience department. Experiences, opinions, thoughts and stories are the grease and fuel for the social gearworks.
-You are probably, to some degree, an introvert. We don't just enjoy time to ourselves, we -need- it. To socialize, you need to gradually build up a tolerance for being around people in order to find out how you fit in and see how to enjoy it. Trust me, it takes some time. You may also have depression or anxiety problems which act as energy drains. BAD energy drains.
Again, you need bricks, to build some towers and eventually a castle. When people see your castle, they will be intrigued by it. Who doesn't like castles?
When she made comments about the snow, how pretty something was etc I just don't care, I'm too dead inside, I have to fake even mild enthusiasm, the only thing I like is comedy, but found it hard to bring this side of me out to her.
See #2 above. Then, see #2 above -a second time-.
Hey, I can absolutely relate. My first 'date' was a girl I met in a video game and decided I was in love with. I met her in real life. She was fantastically gorgeous, but was cold as ice from that moment on. I believe she was going through some changes as a person, because she expressed as much. But a lot of it was because I was boring and lacking in substance, and shy/sheltered/quiet.
My second, third, fourth, fifth dates with other girls were equally successful.
But I deadened my fear of talking to women, slowly. I learned how to talk to them and be at ease on a date. Dude, three years ago the thought of talking to a girl and going on a date would literally bring me to the edge of a panic attack complete with a side of chest pain. Now? I'm no cassanova, but I do have a girlfriend. And she's pretty cool. Totally worth it.
We talked about bricks a little. Bricks are experiences, aspects of
you. You build them as you live and when you
grow as a person. But you can't be afraid to try. Start with simple things to occupy you that will yield big rewards: Start working out, learn to cook. Find something interesting to study, some kind of mythology or history subject, be able to talk about it. Take a communications class at a community college and learn how to talk without being fearful. Heck, join Toastmasters! They're specifically tailored to teach you that.
I did those first three, and the results are incredible. First I became more attractive, more -confident- (it worked). Then I gained something to talk about and interest the right female (it worked). Finally, I built the tower with some mortar: I'm able to cook an awesome meal (even cooking vegetarian), and that just brought it all together. Suddenly you're not 'that boring, awkward guy' who stares at his shoes. You're the 'Wow, hes so interesting and different!' guy.
I know you weren't looking for advice. But I've shared my experience, similar to yours. Take what you will of it.
