I'm not ugly I have been called beautiful by many but it just seems I have no luck when it comes to love. I've had a few serious relationships that ended failing and recently I've met this guy who got my phonumber but didnt call back. So I called him and he said he was at work but he will call me and really wants to see me. He didnt so I decided well I'call him what do I have to lose. I called from home he didnt have that number and when he picked up he sounded really guilty. Then he told me he met another girl a couple of weeks back. I dont understand why say bulshit like ' I really wanna see you' but then say you have a gf. I dont understand what is wrong with me that I can't find a guy thats gonna stay and be there for me. I'm sick of my relaitonships turning out badnly and then ending up meeting guys like that. I dont understand whats wrong with me I always tried to put so much in a relationship but they just seem to end.
Why is it so hard for me to find love?
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kazman32
Guest
I wish I could help you. I wonder the same things. I have head many 'reasons". It wasn't meant to be...They weren't the right person etc...I thought I ad found the right one ..I really did..but I messed it up even though I corrected the problems , it was too late. Is God looking out for us and holding us from being with someone beacuse he is setting us up to be with the 'one"? or does God not really give a **** and were just cursed to be alone? or with someone who really dosn't love us 100%? I don't know I have thought about it too much..I'm getting to the point of not caring..it hurts to be lonely and not loved, and not able to do things for/with someone you care about, but I'm getting used to it...don't know if that is good or bad...I do hope things get better.
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BrokenDreams
Guest
I'm sure you will find someone sweetviki. You are lucky to be attractive, unlike me. I'm just an overly emotional and ugly girl no guy would ever want. *sigh* Love is so non existant for me.
Sometimes I wonder if there really is someone for everyone in the world. Well, it seems like it could be possible for everyone but me.
Honestly though, if there really are soul mates for everyone, why are there so many lonely people. I guess it must be due to the fact that they live distances apart, and have never met. Its sad that two people who are perfect for each other just don't meet due to long distances. Why can't fate bring them together?
I personally don't believe in any soul mate junk. I think its stupid. Love doesn't exist for me, and I'm sure I'll live alone, never having a true relationship. At my rate, I doubt I'll even get to go on one "date" with a guy.
But I'm sure you will find the right guy someday, or at least someone decent sweetviki. You seem like a great person.
Sometimes I wonder if there really is someone for everyone in the world. Well, it seems like it could be possible for everyone but me.
Honestly though, if there really are soul mates for everyone, why are there so many lonely people. I guess it must be due to the fact that they live distances apart, and have never met. Its sad that two people who are perfect for each other just don't meet due to long distances. Why can't fate bring them together?
I personally don't believe in any soul mate junk. I think its stupid. Love doesn't exist for me, and I'm sure I'll live alone, never having a true relationship. At my rate, I doubt I'll even get to go on one "date" with a guy.
But I'm sure you will find the right guy someday, or at least someone decent sweetviki. You seem like a great person.
G
Guest
Guest
Wow, the Sweetviki person interests me. It must be weird to be able to attract people and not be interested in the persons one attracts. I wonder if she ever thinks about the possibility that the people who find her beautiful can be as lonely as she is.
Not to say that she can't, in any way, seriously, and not to sugguest she lacks empathy; never met her, so cannot begin to make that statement.
But thinking about it from the other end of the spectrum, I'm a plain guy, of the sort one wouldn't look twice at, because the first time was so boring.
I don't know what the feeling is to have people drawn to one, to want to spend time with one, with no effort being made.
What's that like?
Not to say that she can't, in any way, seriously, and not to sugguest she lacks empathy; never met her, so cannot begin to make that statement.
But thinking about it from the other end of the spectrum, I'm a plain guy, of the sort one wouldn't look twice at, because the first time was so boring.
I don't know what the feeling is to have people drawn to one, to want to spend time with one, with no effort being made.
What's that like?
S
Searching_4_My_Soul-Mate
Guest
I'm with Broken Dreams on this one. I have been searching for my soul mate... I have been married and divorced twice. I am currently with a man I call my husband - but we are not married. We have lived together for the last 7 years and have two children together. There was a time that he couldn't wait to marry me. He couldn't stand to be away from me. I felt the same of him. As a matter of fact - even though the romance has fizzled a bit - I am still madly in love with him. I was sure that when I met him that I finally found my soul mate. But I was wrong because he is impatient with me and not in love with me anymore.
I have seen elderly couples who have only been with each other through out their whole lives. They are in there 80's but still very much in love and friends. They are soul mates. I look at the way that John Lennon and Yoko Ono seemed to be soul mates. That is the love I want . Why can't I find it? Does it truely exist? Or is it like trying to win the lottery.. What are the statistics on that? Maybe we have a 1 in 1 million chance of finding our soul mate - if our soul mate does indeed exist.
I don't think that being attractive has much to do with being loved. The most beautiful people cannot find happiness in a relationship... yet the less attractive seem to be able to find true love. Look at Marilyn Monroe... She was beautiful, rich and famous... yet died alone. I used to be sexy and good looking... My first husband was quick to snatch me up.. Then I found out that I was only a trophy for him. He didn't care about me. As a matter of fact- he cheated on me. My looks were only enough to keep him until someone prettier came along. I feel as though I went through the same thing with my second husband. He was so turned on by me until we had kids. Of course - having a baby changes a woman's body. After having kids - he lost interest in me. There was no friendship to begin with - only lust. He didn't love me for who I was inside - only for what I looked like on the outside and for the sake of bragging to his friends, "Yeah - I'm f*%$ing that!" After the looks are gone - there is nothing left.
I understand how you feel. Why do people have to lie? Why do people act like like are interested when they aren't? Why is it that we cannot find love? I don't have the answers. Kazman brought up a good point about God's will for us. There is a song about "unanswered prayers". A guy is devestated when his sweetheart leaves him. He prays to God to get her back but God doesn't give her back to him. He is like "WTF, God?" It is hard to imagine that God would not grant you something that you want so badly. But eventually the guy moves on and meets this awesome woman and have kids with her. He is so happy... Then one day he runs into his ex. He is reminded of those unanswered prayers and thinks "Thank God for unanswered prayers" because he is happy with his current life... I don't know if that helps you to feel better. I can also tell you not to let that guy get you down. He is not worth it... But I'm sure it is not just him that is upsetting you. He is just another straw to help break the camel's back. We all have to try to find a way to be happy with ourselves. If we can do that - then everything else should fall into place.
I have seen elderly couples who have only been with each other through out their whole lives. They are in there 80's but still very much in love and friends. They are soul mates. I look at the way that John Lennon and Yoko Ono seemed to be soul mates. That is the love I want . Why can't I find it? Does it truely exist? Or is it like trying to win the lottery.. What are the statistics on that? Maybe we have a 1 in 1 million chance of finding our soul mate - if our soul mate does indeed exist.
I don't think that being attractive has much to do with being loved. The most beautiful people cannot find happiness in a relationship... yet the less attractive seem to be able to find true love. Look at Marilyn Monroe... She was beautiful, rich and famous... yet died alone. I used to be sexy and good looking... My first husband was quick to snatch me up.. Then I found out that I was only a trophy for him. He didn't care about me. As a matter of fact- he cheated on me. My looks were only enough to keep him until someone prettier came along. I feel as though I went through the same thing with my second husband. He was so turned on by me until we had kids. Of course - having a baby changes a woman's body. After having kids - he lost interest in me. There was no friendship to begin with - only lust. He didn't love me for who I was inside - only for what I looked like on the outside and for the sake of bragging to his friends, "Yeah - I'm f*%$ing that!" After the looks are gone - there is nothing left.
I understand how you feel. Why do people have to lie? Why do people act like like are interested when they aren't? Why is it that we cannot find love? I don't have the answers. Kazman brought up a good point about God's will for us. There is a song about "unanswered prayers". A guy is devestated when his sweetheart leaves him. He prays to God to get her back but God doesn't give her back to him. He is like "WTF, God?" It is hard to imagine that God would not grant you something that you want so badly. But eventually the guy moves on and meets this awesome woman and have kids with her. He is so happy... Then one day he runs into his ex. He is reminded of those unanswered prayers and thinks "Thank God for unanswered prayers" because he is happy with his current life... I don't know if that helps you to feel better. I can also tell you not to let that guy get you down. He is not worth it... But I'm sure it is not just him that is upsetting you. He is just another straw to help break the camel's back. We all have to try to find a way to be happy with ourselves. If we can do that - then everything else should fall into place.
I
In The Matrix
Guest
sweetviki said:
Don't put as much into the relationship. Always keep the balance, keep the chase, make it interesting and intriguing, perhaps a bit mysterious. Live a life other than that shared with your partner. Too often when two people meet they spend hours on end on the phone, or together, and pour each others' hearts out. They move in together and get into each others' routines, and then wonder why they feel imprisoned and unmotivated in life. The passion dies almost instantly, because there's no more pursuit in the relationship.
Just as a guy wanting to please a girl would make sure he doesn't smoulder her and call her up every hour, a girl wanting to please a guy will have to keep a distance as well, keep him wanting. Ever seen Swingers? Yeah, don't do what Jon Favreau's character did.
You say you've got the looks, I'll trust you on that.
But looks aren't everything; it makes things easier initially perhaps, and ranks really high up there for guys. But personality and character are what keep things going. Work on that, and you've got so much more going for you. Soooooo much more.And do you realize you're basically making every eager little boy on this site PM you, professing their love for you because they think they have a chance at you? Yeah you knew.
Oh I know loks aren't everything and I dont depend on that to make my relationships work. I try to be myself, try to alwasy be there for the perons when he needs me but it seems like it burns out and doesnt last. Maybe I do need to not put so much into a relaitonship but give it space and let the guy come after me.
K
kazman32
Guest
I
In The Matrix
Guest
sweetviki said:
It's the 'game' that's being played between a guy and a girl; you gotta keep that going. When you've thrown yourself at him, you've basically killed the game that has been working thus far.
J
justjames
Guest
some people are simpler and have simpler needs and can just hook up with people who are roughly the same and they understand each other and can have long lasting fulfilling relationships.
but when you get people who are deep and complex, the chances of encountering someone else who is deep and complex in enough of similar way to connect with you drop off quite a bit. which means you have to expend the kind of effort most shy lonely people are not equipped to expend in order to churn through enough potential people to find one of the ones you are looking for.
ie, you have to be really outgoing and self confident and socially active to find who you're looking for. you also have to have the strength to turn people down when you know deep down it isnt going to work. but being lonely often decimates those qualities and you just get stuck in a black hole of loneliness.
it's a difficult problem. i'm trying to figure out a strategy, but i'm pretty sure it involves getting the hell out of the sticks because the people round here are shall we say "uncomplicated" which is fine for smalltalk, but i dont stand a hope of finding someone who will understand me.
but when you get people who are deep and complex, the chances of encountering someone else who is deep and complex in enough of similar way to connect with you drop off quite a bit. which means you have to expend the kind of effort most shy lonely people are not equipped to expend in order to churn through enough potential people to find one of the ones you are looking for.
ie, you have to be really outgoing and self confident and socially active to find who you're looking for. you also have to have the strength to turn people down when you know deep down it isnt going to work. but being lonely often decimates those qualities and you just get stuck in a black hole of loneliness.
it's a difficult problem. i'm trying to figure out a strategy, but i'm pretty sure it involves getting the hell out of the sticks because the people round here are shall we say "uncomplicated" which is fine for smalltalk, but i dont stand a hope of finding someone who will understand me.
H
Hi :)
Guest
BrokenDreams said:I'm sure you will find someone sweetviki. You are lucky to be attractive, unlike me. I'm just an overly emotional and ugly girl no guy would ever want. *sigh* Love is so non existant for me.
Sometimes I wonder if there really is someone for everyone in the world. Well, it seems like it could be possible for everyone but me.
Honestly though, if there really are soul mates for everyone, why are there so many lonely people. I guess it must be due to the fact that they live distances apart, and have never met. Its sad that two people who are perfect for each other just don't meet due to long distances. Why can't fate bring them together?
I personally don't believe in any soul mate junk. I think its stupid. Love doesn't exist for me, and I'm sure I'll live alone, never having a true relationship. At my rate, I doubt I'll even get to go on one "date" with a guy.
But I'm sure you will find the right guy someday, or at least someone decent sweetviki. You seem like a great person.
Brokendreams, I'm impress with you. Even though you say you don't believe in love anymore deep down I know you do. Or else you wouldn't encourage swetviki, give her hope when she has lost her temporarely.
Take that strength that you can give to others and give it to yourself. You deserve it!
Bonne Chance!
B
BrokenDreams
Guest
Hi :) said:Brokendreams, I'm impress with you. Even though you say you don't believe in love anymore deep down I know you do. Or else you wouldn't encourage swetviki, give her hope when she has lost her temporarely.
Take that strength that you can give to others and give it to yourself. You deserve it!
Bonne Chance!
Merci beaucoup!
I want to believe in love, it just doesn't want to let me. I wish the guy I liked could like me back. Instead I feel like I'm annoying him to death. *Sigh* I just wish for once one guy would like me.
jales
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BrokenDreams said:I'm sure you will find someone sweetviki. You are lucky to be attractive, unlike me. I'm just an overly emotional and ugly girl no guy would ever want. *sigh* Love is so non existant for me.
Sometimes I wonder if there really is someone for everyone in the world. Well, it seems like it could be possible for everyone but me.
Honestly though, if there really are soul mates for everyone, why are there so many lonely people. I guess it must be due to the fact that they live distances apart, and have never met. Its sad that two people who are perfect for each other just don't meet due to long distances. Why can't fate bring them together?
I personally don't believe in any soul mate junk. I think its stupid. Love doesn't exist for me, and I'm sure I'll live alone, never having a true relationship. At my rate, I doubt I'll even get to go on one "date" with a guy.
But I'm sure you will find the right guy someday, or at least someone decent sweetviki. You seem like a great person.
ur cool. If i were i guy, who was of the appropriate age, and rich enough(on the whole just asssuming that i met ur standards). Then I'd get to know u. But i'm not a guy and i like guys and u like guys 2. So anywayyy, i still think u are cool and if u wod like to be my penpal that wod be kool. pls email me at [email protected] if u can
..or get the time, or want 2.. that wod be kool. oka lata if anything
L
lonelygirl
Guest
I think In the Matrix is totally right. These days relationships are moving way too quickly, particularly with young people. They meet, hit it off and "hook up" immediately. If you have sex right away there is nothing to look forward to in the relationship, and the spark quickly wears out. Keep the romance, the excitement of the chase, by NOT being totally available 24/7. Frankly that makes you boring and familiarity breeds contempt. Absence does make the heart grow fonder in a new relationships.
PS I am married. I love my husband but I do believe that nothing gold can stay. I do think that all relationships have a shelf life.
PS I am married. I love my husband but I do believe that nothing gold can stay. I do think that all relationships have a shelf life.
K
kazman32
Guest
My grandparents have been married almost 65 years, but I admit things are much different today, instead of truly trying to work things out people would rather just give up and move to a new relationship.
L
lonelygirl
Guest
Hi Kazman,
Even in the grandparent's generation, I think many people stayed in stale boring relationships just because no one really divorced then, even when things were bad. These days relationships are pretty disposable. It's sad. I love my husband but there are so many things missing in our relationship. I don't want to be trapped in a loveless marriage. I hope that things will renew themselves and get stronger rather than weaker!
Even in the grandparent's generation, I think many people stayed in stale boring relationships just because no one really divorced then, even when things were bad. These days relationships are pretty disposable. It's sad. I love my husband but there are so many things missing in our relationship. I don't want to be trapped in a loveless marriage. I hope that things will renew themselves and get stronger rather than weaker!
K
kazman32
Guest
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BrokenDreams
Guest
Yeah, I remember learning that divorce was looked down upon back then. I wish relationships could last. The glory does wear off easily when things move too fast. Or at least it sure looks like it does. I have no clue if its true, I have no experience with relationships. Love is so complicated...
L
lonelygirl
Guest
Hi guys,
I hope that my marriage will be renewed. I know that divorce is so incredibly hard on kids. I would hate to do that to my son. He deserves two parents loving each other.
I love my husband and he loves me. It's just that there are areas of our relationship that are not very strong. I hope we can get through it together, perhaps going to counseling together and learn to work through problems rather than giving up or fighting.
I hope that my marriage will be renewed. I know that divorce is so incredibly hard on kids. I would hate to do that to my son. He deserves two parents loving each other.
I love my husband and he loves me. It's just that there are areas of our relationship that are not very strong. I hope we can get through it together, perhaps going to counseling together and learn to work through problems rather than giving up or fighting.
E
Elaeagnus
Guest
Hi lonelygirl-
Divorce can be tough on kids, but so can growing up in a household where the parents are always fighting or unhappy. I'm sure as a mother, you want what's best for your kids, but that doesn't necessarily mean sticking in an unhappy marriage.
And just because two people divorce, it doesn't mean that the kids won't be happy or won't see loving relationships. My parents divorced when I was small, but they stayed in the same area, so I spent 4 days a week with my dad and 3 days with my mom. Since then they've both moved on to very nice long-term relationships that eventually led to marriage. Admittedly, I turned out pretty lonely and unhappy, but I have 5 very happy, well-adjusted siblings with no problems being in relationships, and I don't think the divorce is why I'm a lonely person.
I think the impact of divorce really depends on the age of the children and how the parents handle the break-up. Just remember- your son may prefer to have two happy parents rather than two parents that live together. I hope you can work everything out with your husband, but if you can't, remember that staying unhappy may not be the best for your son.
Divorce can be tough on kids, but so can growing up in a household where the parents are always fighting or unhappy. I'm sure as a mother, you want what's best for your kids, but that doesn't necessarily mean sticking in an unhappy marriage.
And just because two people divorce, it doesn't mean that the kids won't be happy or won't see loving relationships. My parents divorced when I was small, but they stayed in the same area, so I spent 4 days a week with my dad and 3 days with my mom. Since then they've both moved on to very nice long-term relationships that eventually led to marriage. Admittedly, I turned out pretty lonely and unhappy, but I have 5 very happy, well-adjusted siblings with no problems being in relationships, and I don't think the divorce is why I'm a lonely person.
I think the impact of divorce really depends on the age of the children and how the parents handle the break-up. Just remember- your son may prefer to have two happy parents rather than two parents that live together. I hope you can work everything out with your husband, but if you can't, remember that staying unhappy may not be the best for your son.
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