Why should i live?

[mdyilmaz]

Thanks Dave,
However i have a bad habit. I do have friends and people care about me. My probelem is that i am alienasing them. Sorry about my typing mistake. English is my second language. Maybe i dont have any reason to continue and just want it to end. Or maybe i am just afraid of getting hurt and making myself distant to everyone. Probably both. I also think that u r hurt more from people who r closer to u, that is human nature. Are these relevant to my opinion of world, ofcourse. However mostly i know what i am feeling and why i am feeling. I dont think these effect my thoughts and answers to questions. I still dont know why should i live. Maybe we r just most evolved animals who r trying to survive, being happy not miserable.Then i end up thinking does it really matter if i live or die. Some people can say iit will matter to world if u leave sth good behind. Does it really help to me after i am gone. No. It is just another excuse to live fell urself better. U can say i will be nothing 50 years later, that is something. And also in the mean time i can be happy... I think we r programed to believe that we r important. We r nothing. We r only important to urself. Others r only important to us as long as they r useful to us. U will say that i am only thinking that because i am sad. No. Ask urself, when u say there r selfless people. Do u feel good when u help someone? If u feel good after doing sth, how can u be certain that u did not do it because u know u will feel good? I like to hear people who do sth and then did not feel anything good or bad. So, i believe i dont matter in the grand scheme of things. I am only important to myself since i am myself. So 100 years later i will be nothing. Does it really matter if i laugh today or not? Will it matter 6 months later what i did now? U r gonna say that it matters now. U r right. So what can i do now? What is my reason to live now? How should i live now? Should i just try to be happy now? Should i go outside and live the moment? Then u r saying there is no point to live just live the moment, maybe be happy. So, there is no reason to live but we just have to live since it is the nature of it. Then i am one of the ones who cannot survive and defeated by evolution i guess. A big part of who we are genetics. I want to say i dont want to have a son like me. I dont want him to be like me. I prefer for him to live a shallow but happy life rather than being like me. I wanted to find answers and live a life like happy, normal. But that is just not me. I am not the guy who just want to live one more day. So, again i ended up with the same question. Why should i live?

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LonelySutton, so u r saying since some people could not live, we should live for them. But then why should have they lived? How their lives are related to mine and why should i care?

Just go visit a cancer ward and all will be clear.

Almost everyone saw some tragedy in their lives. Seeing others suffer is a good motivater but it is not a right motivater. People should do sth since it is the right thing to do not because it makes themselves better, superior or sth. It is like making a commercial or election campain. U touch people's feelings so they act accordingly. What i wanted to say is people should help cancer children for example but not when they see a said ad. Or people help homeless not only when after one of their relative become one. So, i dont like ur idea to live because feeling bad that others cant live is not a good one. What i wanted to say earlier was not we should not care. Our feelings should not effect our desicions. I should not decide about sth just because i am feeling in a certain way about sth else.

 

[mackjimmy]

you have some issues, but we all do. you seem to have a very high IQ. After my best friend blew his head off with a .357 in 1981. I went into a downfall depression, and almost ended it in the same year. I started hanging out in cemeteries trying to communicate with the dead, after months with no success I came out of it and started living for life in general. camping under the stars ,talking to GOD ,he never answered back directly, but in away he did. One human being effects so many life's, When a person ends there life ,it creates a void in future events . you might think u don't matter, but u do. I don't even know you and I care about you. You have to find it in life, sure it's rough as hell sometimes, but you just keep on going. I have helped many hungry and homeless family's in my life time. If it ended in 1981, it would have changed all the people that I met at all the soup kitchens in Houston, Los Angeles, Atlanta ,every life counts. I care about ur well being, you just have to find it. Dave[/font][/size]

 

[mdyilmaz]

you have some issues, but we all do. you seem to have a very high IQ. After my best friend blew his head off with a .357 in 1981. I went into a downfall depression, and almost ended it in the same year. I started hanging out in cemeteries trying to communicate with the dead, after months with no success I came out of it and started living for life in general. camping under the stars ,talking to GOD ,he never answered back directly, but in away he did. One human being effects so many life's, When a person ends there life ,it creates a void in future events . you might think u don't matter, but u do. I don't even know you and I care about you. You have to find it in life, sure it's rough as hell sometimes, but you just keep on going. I have helped many hungry and homeless family's in my life time. If it ended in 1981, it would have changed all the people that I met at all the soup kitchens in Houston, Los Angeles, Atlanta ,every life counts. I care about ur well being, you just have to find it. Dave[/font][/size]

Thank you, i will try.

 

[M_also_lonely]

Tbh i dont know why im here... I just want a place to write down what i feel, im not looking for someone to pity me or anything like that. I just want to expres my self.

Every week of every day and every minute and every second i feel like i should die! I have never experienced true love or true friendship. I don´t know what more i should write but what i know is that i feel so lonely and sad that i cry every night! I don´t know why i haven´t killed myself already tbh... Every day i think up 10 different ways i could kill myself.

Ohh, I thought it is a post that I did previously, then I realized I dont use the "tbh". I mean to say, I was the same as you, until a few days ago. Never had friends, never had funtime like people do, never had achieved anything in my life in terms of career, academics, relationships, etc.

But you know, the situation you are in, can be solved. Death is not a solution. Life is your birthright. You get it only once. Yes, I have travelled your path, infact worse, because you seem to be like a neutron in a field of electrons, while I was a positron, means not only I was left alone, but I was constantly bullied, demotivated and sometimes, beated (yes, real hard) .

Now I am out of this situation. I am becoming happy, learning and growing.


You can do it too, if you want to know how to EXACTLY do that, you can PM me, I am not posting it here, because then I wont be able to determine whether you are interested or not
Good luck. I will be waiting for your message.

 

[Sometimes]

mdyilmaz, There is so much despair in your post!

I think I recognise what you are describing. Once, when I was young, I was asked by a psychologist to draw what I felt and all I could do was take a black crayon and cover the whole paper. I felt that way for years and years. I know it's hard to see, but it can change. I think you need to get that blackness out of yourself.

When people say "Everything can change in one day", they just may be speaking from experience. It happened to me. And I DON'T mean to say that one day something happened and everything was hearts and flowers. What changed my world was that something came up that took my focus outside of myself so significantly and for so long (years), that I could begin to heal. I'm still healing years later, and that's fine. And I never would have guessed it happening, it was so unexpected, and if I had killed myself when I wanted to, it never would have happened and I would have been gone gone gone. In my experience, getting your focus to be outside of yourself is absolutely essential. If it's hard to do this, choose something which requires intense focus. One of the things I chose was learning flying trapeze.

Dave seems to have so much experience, and good advice. If you don't want to wait to get lucky like I did, go out and find it, like he did. His model is better than mine, really I was just lucky.

 

[Despicable Me]

Why should i live?

Because you still have other questions you need to answer first, and you can't answer them if you're dead.
You say you're not depressed, but then you say you just wanted to live a happy life being 'normal', implying that you are depressed. You suggest you're alienating your friends and family. That's another sign.
And why not live? Is there some advantage to dying that most people don't know about? Are you going to keep that secret to yourself or do you plan to share it before you leave?

However mostly i know what i am feeling and why i am feeling. I dont think these effect my thoughts and answers to questions. I still dont know why should i live.

Are you really sure about that?

Maybe we r just most evolved animals who r trying to survive, being happy not miserable.Then i end up thinking does it really matter if i live or die. Some people can say iit will matter to world if u leave sth good behind. Does it really help to me after i am gone. No. It is just another excuse to live fell urself better. U can say i will be nothing 50 years later, that is something. And also in the mean time i can be happy... I think we r programed to believe that we r important. We r nothing.

That's simply not true. You have a very modern human perspective on what it means for something to be 'important', but you're trying to apply it outside of the human perspective, which cannot be done or else you do end up with the answer that 'we are nothing'.

The truth is very simple, and I've explained it elsewhere on this forum, but I'll explain it again.
Every life, every cell, every molecule, every atom, and every particle in our universe is important to how it currently exists. If but one particle, the smallest 'thing' in existence, were missing then the entire universe would have been very different than it is now. Things would not have turned out the same way because of just one particle. The creation of the universe would have not had that one particle to effect it. And if it were to simply go missing now, the entire future would be very different, as well. This is simply how things work. You seem to want a 'scientific' approach, so look at science. It is all there, black and white.

As you know, we are composed of more than just a few particles. We are composed of billions and billions of them, and unimaginable number of things we can't even see - and so we also have an unimaginably even greater number of effects that we can't ever see. Everything we do, everything we are, everything about us is very important to how the universe works.
We, as people, are also capable of making our own decisions. Something that nothing else humanity has ever seen has the capability to do this except life itself, something we currently only know existing on Earth. And being so, we therefore have the capability to have a significant role in the fate of this entire universe, even though we are so small on its scale. Size is unimportant, though. Even the smallest things matter in the grand scope, because they all have an effect in the end.
So we can use this decision-making ability as an advantage to alter the universe. Perhaps in ways that we may never understand, but it is still something that we have and even death cannot eliminate it, as death itself is part of that effect. So you're left with a choice of how you think best to use this life. You may use it intelligently or ignorantly, to add or to remove, to give or to receive, or to balance. That is your choice to make.

And even the act of refusing to make a choice is a choice in itself, so you cannot escape this. If there is such a thing as a destiny, then making these choices are humanity's own destiny.

So, you're wrong on that one. We are not nothing. We are not unimportant.
We are just as meaningful and important as the smallest things and the largest things. Size is completely irrelevant, because we are all composed of the same energy, break down into the same energy, and were all once part of the same energy.
You can be a nihilist if you choose, and say that absolutely nothing is important, but even then you're only denying the reality of existence, what is observably real, and what you have participated in your entire life up to this point. You are denying the definition of 'nothing', and overlooking it's reality. You are also denying the definition of 'importance', and overlooking it as well.

You said you liked defining things.
So define 'nothing'. Define 'important'. Define 'life'.
What do these things really mean to you? To us? To the universe?
If nothing else these questions will give you something to seek until your time comes more naturally. They are not easy to answer.

We r only important to urself. Others r only important to us as long as they r useful to us. U will say that i am only thinking that because i am sad. No. Ask urself, when u say there r selfless people. Do u feel good when u help someone? If u feel good after doing sth, how can u be certain that u did not do it because u know u will feel good? I like to hear people who do sth and then did not feel anything good or bad.

Meh, I do that all the time. Trying to help people is very tiring, frustrating, and etc.
The only time it 'feels good' is when they get back to me and tell me things got better for them. And even then it doesn't even matter if it was my advice which helped them or not, I'm just glad they are better. But more often then not I don't have much more contact with them so I never know. I do it simply because I genuinely care about other people, and I know this world is a really horrible place sometimes, and everyone could use the extra help. There are tons of people like this out there. They don't care about feeling good or receiving anything. They really just want to help, because it's the right thing to do. Many people have done it at least at some point in their lives.

What does this matter, though, unless you are depressed over the way people behave? It should be irrelevant unless you are admitting that people and feelings are important.

So, i believe i dont matter in the grand scheme of things. I am only important to myself since i am myself. So 100 years later i will be nothing. Does it really matter if i laugh today or not? Will it matter 6 months later what i did now? U r gonna say that it matters now. U r right. So what can i do now? What is my reason to live now? How should i live now? Should i just try to be happy now? Should i go outside and live the moment? Then u r saying there is no point to live just live the moment, maybe be happy. So, there is no reason to live but we just have to live since it is the nature of it.

What you did here, this moment, yesterday, tomorrow, and your entire life is always going to matter. Everything you've ever done effected the people around you, as well as the things you've touched, and used, created or destroyed, even the air around you or that was ever around you, breathed by you, it was all effected.
Those people and those things will then go on to do different things then if you had never been around to effect them. Everything in the universe is different because you were there. It would be very different if you weren't.

You may not realize all that you'd done, and all that you will do, but does that make it meaningless or unimportant just because you don't know its true effect? Of course not. It just means it is meaningless and unimportant to you, right now, because that's how you have decided to see these things. Because you feel that way in this moment.

And we, as people, don't need to live because of "the nature of it". We live because we want to.
You want to live because you want to live, too. That's the only reason you've asked us to answer this question for you. The only reason you are here now. Because you want to live. Don't you see it? If you had really decided there is no answer to this question you'd have already done it by now. But you decided to ask us, instead.
So you want a reason to live 'right now'? Wanting to live is a pretty good one, even if you reject everything else in the world, and in the universe. You can still live for yourself, give yourself meaning, give yourself a reason. Just because. You don't need a reason as to why, though you can certainly find some reasons if you feel it will help, good reasons.

The fact is you've become an existential nihilist, which is but one of many philosophies conjured up by the human mind, and one that is particularly troublesome for the individuals who follow it. But it is not necessary, you could just as easily accept one of the many other philosophies in life, or come up with your own, and start living again simply due to that. Existential nihilism is generally nothing more than the result of someone who has lost their passion, or had never found it to begin with.

Then i am one of the ones who cannot survive and defeated by evolution i guess. A big part of who we are genetics. I want to say i dont want to have a son like me. I dont want him to be like me. I prefer for him to live a shallow but happy life rather than being like me. I wanted to find answers and live a life like happy, normal. But that is just not me. I am not the guy who just want to live one more day. So, again i ended up with the same question. Why should i live?

I think the more important question you should be asking yourself right now is... Why do you think you shouldn't live? There is obviously a reason in there.
We can't answer this question for you, because none of us know you, but there is a reason, and it's not because life is meaningless, it's not because we're all unimportant. It's because you have a personal reason that you're not wishing to face.

I think you should search yourself, ask the right questions, and find that answer.

What i wanted to say earlier was not we should not care. Our feelings should not effect our desicions. I should not decide about sth just because i am feeling in a certain way about sth else.

I agree with you that we shouldn't want to live because others can't. And we shouldn't want to care because we see something sad.
But why shouldn't we let our feelings effect our decisions? Why shouldn't the way you feel effect the way you feel about something else?

You're denying your own humanity here, your existence, your life... So it's no wonder you want to end it. You feel you are nothing because you are rejecting everything that makes you something.

Does that answer your questions?

 

[mdyilmaz]

Thank u all for replies.
Despicable Me, u have some good points. I dont want to make long discussions. Some of them i am not completely agree with, some of them are a little of for me but that is not really important. I like ur answer that i should live because i want to.

Ofcourse, i have personal problems. Everyone has, some more than others. However, generally the more important problem is our perspective. I thought a lot in the last few days. When i could not find an answer for the question why should i live, that does not mean that there is not an answer. also, not answering that question does not answer the question why should i die. Maybe i asked the wrong question.

Why should i die? I dont have any reason to die. Cause everything suck is not an answer since it is just a matter of perspective. Maybe i want to die because it will end all my problems. However that is not really the only way to end problems. I also want to live. Maybe i should stop thinking about these thing and escaping from real problems and start to focus on life, recovery. I have to note that these are not that simple.

I have a lot to say but i wont. U probably heard the saying death is easy living is hard. I have been trying for years now and failing. Every time i started over and failed again and ever time i felt worse than before. Maybe i am just afraid anymore to start over, to fail again, to being hurt again. However, i will try again. I have nothing to lose, right. I have no choice but to try again, right. Actually, i chose to try again.

Thank you all. I lived only in my house for tha last 6 months alone, as i said i alienized everyone. I will start again with meeting my friend at the weekend. One step at a time.

 

[Raven22]

Why would you not want to live? The World can be a beautiful place. It can also be a dark lonely place. Life is better than no life at all. Alive and you can find happiness and friendship. Once your dead you miss out on so much of what could be, and what you are seeking to make life worth living.