ManicPie
Member
- Joined
- Oct 3, 2009
- Messages
- 20
- Reaction score
- 0
Have you ever found yourself wishing for a disaster to happen to you? I know I have. I don't know if it's because I'm macabre, or a romantic, or depressed. But sometimes, when I am feeling especially lonely, I wish that something awful would happen to me. Usually, my "wishes" involve me ending up in the hospital for a long period of time I suppose "wish" is too strong a word - It's more of a sick fantasy. I don't want these things to happen to me because I think I deserve them or anything - I recognize how horrible they really are, when I actually think about it - but I think I romanticize them. I find myself sitting in the middle of class, fantasizing about this twisted scenario: 'I am walking down the stairs to a class, when suddenly, some idiot jostles up the stairs and pushes me over just as I turn around to say hi to someone. I fall all the way down, shouting and screaming. People look on in horror as I fall. Then my crush, who happens to be in passing (we have similar class routes) stops, panicking. He runs and gets help, and I'm unconscious. I wake up in the hospital to an empty room. After that, I seem to pass in and out of conciousness. When I'm alert, suddenly people care. Suddenly people are visiting me in the hospital, people that I never really thought of as my friend. Maybe even my crush."
I know that whole story is ridiculous. I know how unrealistic, naieve, and stupid it sounds. But that's the way fantasies are. However, I am kind of disturbed that I wish horrible things would happen to me, just to make people come to me and care about me, open up to me. Oftentimes, you read stories and novels about people suffering through disasters in their lives. They may have gone through cancer or a massive earthquake, or whatever. But somehow, they build relationships. They reach out to people because they are forced to, and other people reach out to them. I want someone to reach out to me, I guess, and my brain seems to think that disaster is an okay means to that end.
Does anyone else ever find themselves thinking about having a disaster happen to me? Of course, I would never actively TRY to make something horrible to me - that's just plain backward - but I find myself daydreaming about theses horrible yet comforting ideas. I am wondering if it's just me, i suppose.
I know that whole story is ridiculous. I know how unrealistic, naieve, and stupid it sounds. But that's the way fantasies are. However, I am kind of disturbed that I wish horrible things would happen to me, just to make people come to me and care about me, open up to me. Oftentimes, you read stories and novels about people suffering through disasters in their lives. They may have gone through cancer or a massive earthquake, or whatever. But somehow, they build relationships. They reach out to people because they are forced to, and other people reach out to them. I want someone to reach out to me, I guess, and my brain seems to think that disaster is an okay means to that end.
Does anyone else ever find themselves thinking about having a disaster happen to me? Of course, I would never actively TRY to make something horrible to me - that's just plain backward - but I find myself daydreaming about theses horrible yet comforting ideas. I am wondering if it's just me, i suppose.