S
Searching_4_My_Soul-Mate
Guest
Wow! It has been 5 years since I worked full time. Well, I just went back to work full time 3 weeks ago... It only took the first week to realize what it is like to be the mother of 4 kids and work.
Where should I start? I guess I'll start with me and how I feel... I feel guilty that I have to shove my kids off to a baby-sitter instead of being home with them. I feel bad that I cannot attend all pre-school functions. I already have anxiety about that - but then to request time off work - I get anxiety about that as well. There is the constant pressure of worrying who is going to watch my kids -and will this person take care of my children or hurt them?
Now - on top of that - my children and hubby make me feel guilty as well. My hubby makes me feel like I'm a selfish whore because I am working - when all I want to do is pay the bills and help take care of the family. My kids are always calling me while I'm at work and get mad at me if I cannot talk. My hubby's family ***** that I don't do enough at home or for my hubby. (I really need to quit calling him my hubby because we are not married and he doesn't want to marry me anymore)
My employer - well - I am the only woman there with small children at home - as far as I can tell... My kids and baby-sitter call me at work - and I get the "looks". A new baby sitter just started working for me this week. She is hard of hearing and my kids have been sick... I tried taking her calls in another part of the office because I was disturbing other people working.. But I got kicked out of that part of the office as well. I went to the lobby - and when the person working there got a phone call - I went outside the doors into the hall... I got "told" about talking in the lobby. I apologized but all I got was a "glare".
And now let's get to the other pre-school Moms... I am having a tough time keeping it together - with everyone's schedule..blah blah blah.. I sometimes forget to send things to the school or whatever... Some of the preschool Mom's act like I'm a child abuser because I work - or because I have to hire someone to watch my kids because I don't have a family member who can.. Or - because I didn't wait until my kids were older to go to work. I would love to be able to be home with my children- but we don't all have that luxury.. I feel fortunate enough to wait until my youngest was practically 4 before going back to work full time...
So - my point being - I am already stressed enough as it is.. But I get no support from anyone else about this - except for the support of other Mom's who are either in my position now or have been in the past. My family is pissed because I'm "not home" for them.. My employer is pissed because I'm still "running my home" from work... If I were a man - there would be a good chance that I wouldn't be made to feel this way.
Where should I start? I guess I'll start with me and how I feel... I feel guilty that I have to shove my kids off to a baby-sitter instead of being home with them. I feel bad that I cannot attend all pre-school functions. I already have anxiety about that - but then to request time off work - I get anxiety about that as well. There is the constant pressure of worrying who is going to watch my kids -and will this person take care of my children or hurt them?
Now - on top of that - my children and hubby make me feel guilty as well. My hubby makes me feel like I'm a selfish whore because I am working - when all I want to do is pay the bills and help take care of the family. My kids are always calling me while I'm at work and get mad at me if I cannot talk. My hubby's family ***** that I don't do enough at home or for my hubby. (I really need to quit calling him my hubby because we are not married and he doesn't want to marry me anymore)
My employer - well - I am the only woman there with small children at home - as far as I can tell... My kids and baby-sitter call me at work - and I get the "looks". A new baby sitter just started working for me this week. She is hard of hearing and my kids have been sick... I tried taking her calls in another part of the office because I was disturbing other people working.. But I got kicked out of that part of the office as well. I went to the lobby - and when the person working there got a phone call - I went outside the doors into the hall... I got "told" about talking in the lobby. I apologized but all I got was a "glare".
And now let's get to the other pre-school Moms... I am having a tough time keeping it together - with everyone's schedule..blah blah blah.. I sometimes forget to send things to the school or whatever... Some of the preschool Mom's act like I'm a child abuser because I work - or because I have to hire someone to watch my kids because I don't have a family member who can.. Or - because I didn't wait until my kids were older to go to work. I would love to be able to be home with my children- but we don't all have that luxury.. I feel fortunate enough to wait until my youngest was practically 4 before going back to work full time...
So - my point being - I am already stressed enough as it is.. But I get no support from anyone else about this - except for the support of other Mom's who are either in my position now or have been in the past. My family is pissed because I'm "not home" for them.. My employer is pissed because I'm still "running my home" from work... If I were a man - there would be a good chance that I wouldn't be made to feel this way.