dreamsurfer
Active member
[WALL-O-TEXT]
I've been alone for a long time now. I spent a few years actually living at home and not going out so I never had any friends or anyone to actually talk to. I used forums a lot because they were my only ways of communicating with people. But I started to hate them because people were arguing all the time and they weren't inviting anymore. Soon I got into college which was pretty horrible because of the social anxiety I had. I made myself look like a fool in all my classes so I'm pretty much a weirdo now... I managed to keep a 3.4 so far so my school work wasn't affected. But I had to take time off of school because I've been feeling really low lately and I just can't do any work when I feel like this.
But in all that time nothing got better. All my job applications are getting rejected. I can't even get a job volunteering. I mean who gets picky over free labor? I don't even want their money! I don't have any friends and haven't had any since high school so I'm pretty much alone all the time. I don't have any hobbies and the ones I had I just don't care to do anymore. With basically everything in my life going to crap I'm worried about health issues.
I notice that I'm sleeping well past 12pm now. And even when I do wake up I feel the urge to go back to sleep. I feel a lot weaker than usual and it's hard to get motivated to do anything. I get headaches everyday and I feel them non-stop. They aren't occasinal anymore. My outlook on life is just terrible. I don't want to die or anything but I honestly don't enjoy life anymore. I can't remember the last time I smiled and that really freaks me out. I ended up getting all kinds of addictions and I'm trying to get rid of them now. But it's hard to battle addictions because they are the only things that make me happy. Of course I know that relapsing is a bad thing and I'll feel twice as bad if I do but it's like deciding on being miserable or being twice as miserable with a little pleasure in between.
I really don't know what to do but living like this is hard to handle and it gets worse every day. Any ideas?
I've been alone for a long time now. I spent a few years actually living at home and not going out so I never had any friends or anyone to actually talk to. I used forums a lot because they were my only ways of communicating with people. But I started to hate them because people were arguing all the time and they weren't inviting anymore. Soon I got into college which was pretty horrible because of the social anxiety I had. I made myself look like a fool in all my classes so I'm pretty much a weirdo now... I managed to keep a 3.4 so far so my school work wasn't affected. But I had to take time off of school because I've been feeling really low lately and I just can't do any work when I feel like this.
But in all that time nothing got better. All my job applications are getting rejected. I can't even get a job volunteering. I mean who gets picky over free labor? I don't even want their money! I don't have any friends and haven't had any since high school so I'm pretty much alone all the time. I don't have any hobbies and the ones I had I just don't care to do anymore. With basically everything in my life going to crap I'm worried about health issues.
I notice that I'm sleeping well past 12pm now. And even when I do wake up I feel the urge to go back to sleep. I feel a lot weaker than usual and it's hard to get motivated to do anything. I get headaches everyday and I feel them non-stop. They aren't occasinal anymore. My outlook on life is just terrible. I don't want to die or anything but I honestly don't enjoy life anymore. I can't remember the last time I smiled and that really freaks me out. I ended up getting all kinds of addictions and I'm trying to get rid of them now. But it's hard to battle addictions because they are the only things that make me happy. Of course I know that relapsing is a bad thing and I'll feel twice as bad if I do but it's like deciding on being miserable or being twice as miserable with a little pleasure in between.
I really don't know what to do but living like this is hard to handle and it gets worse every day. Any ideas?