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Making friends in a new place
05-21-2011, 04:25 AM
Post: #1
Making friends in a new place
I am looking to move to a new area. But there’s something I don’t understand

Years ago I dated someone who moved 3 times in the time I knew him. Every time he moved within a week he knew several people in the street. I heard he moved again last year and no doubt knows half the street again. There was nothing special about him, he was unemployed, not blessed with the best of faces and very common. I never found out how he did it.

These people who seem to accumulate friends wherever they go how the hell do they do it? Perhaps they are just in your face and shove themselves in peoples lives and sometimes it stick I don’t know.

There has never been a worse time for making friends than in this day and age for some reason. Perhaps its my age, it was certainly much easier to make friends in my early 20’s. perhaps it is the case that people in their teens and early 20s enjoy a kind of freedom that allows for new friendships, once you get to 30’s and over people are partnered, have kids, have careers and the friends they accumulated along the way so much harder to find a 30+ yr old to be friends with. And at the same time as 18 yr olds probably don’t want to hang out with me, I don’t really crave their company either as we are in different places in our lives.

I’ve seen a couple of 16 yr olds on here because they are struggling to find friends. Trust me act now. Because by the time you reach 30 (and it comes along sooner than you would believe) it is too late. It is also true that it is easier for women then men to find both relationships and friendships. And it is 4000 times easier for straight people to find anyone at all to talk to than gay people. Which is another warning to the kid worried about being gay. Don’t be gay if you can possibly help it. Being gay is a cancer on the soul, it leaves you hurt and alone.

Ugh…

What world is this so blackened and cruel?


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05-21-2011, 06:49 AM
Post: #2
RE: Making friends in a new place
*hugs cumulusjames*

it's hard meeting new people sometimes it's just a matter of meeting people who are compatible to hanging out with

which is sometimes just being in the right place at the right time

sounds like your friend is either really lucky, or maybe he puts himself out there more in terms of talking with more people and such

as I often do I would try maybe checking out meetup.com to see if there is anything of interest in your area

or just start talking with different people who come across your path it's hard and it feels pretty weird but maybe just try talking about general stuff like time the weather ect


good luck

lol, I have a feeling i have stumbled upon the post of a fellow gay comrade

Big Grin

please accept this gift basket to celebrate our gay comradely Big Grin

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i agree that it feels that dating is probably near infinitely easier for straight people, i mean i have near infinitely more potential dating prospects and they don't have to spend time trying to figure out if someone is straight or not

but I don't think being gay is a cancer on the soul,

it's a bit of a pain I'll admit the only people who are ever interested in me are men, which is flattering but really not much help

but don't let it get you down, are there any gay clubs or much of a gay community in your area?

if you can't have any control over then just try to remember us gays are pretty cool

*Hugs*

Smile

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05-21-2011, 06:53 AM
Post: #3
RE: Making friends in a new place
I think you are exaggerating friend. People move all the time. There are plenty of people who are just nomads.

You just have to take the first step... I think. You need to go out there and introduce yourself. Then remember the persons' name. Then greet them whenever you see them. I think we over complicate making friends and lovers. I am guilty of it too.

Most people say you should join a club or volunteer. You need to get out there and meet people. At least I think that is how it works... I could be wrong.

If suicide were not the answer. I would not constantly be thinking about it.
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05-21-2011, 05:35 PM
Post: #4
RE: Making friends in a new place
I have been thinking of volunteering. The problem is finding something that suits. Chelmsford is very middle of the road and middle class so we don’t have the endless community organizations other towns have. Really we only have three sectors, children, elderly and disabled. In this day and age its best a single man does not get involved in anything to do with children so that’s out, I could imagine working with the old and infirm might severely depress me so those are out.

Kinda leaves St. Johns Ambulance, Red Cross and The Samaritans. I tried to enquire about St. Johns ambulance but they never got back to me. I’m of such low self esteem I took it personally lol
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05-22-2011, 01:43 PM
Post: #5
RE: Making friends in a new place
Actually a lot of organizations that involve children need single childless adults to actually run the organization. One such organization is the Boy Scouts. Trust me they do not want to be scaring away potential volunteers who are like you. They have a whole training program on how to handle children so you will not have such accusations come along.

All the other organizations you mentioned are good as well.

If suicide were not the answer. I would not constantly be thinking about it.
[Image: hpotato_otaku_kaichou_wa_maid_sama_side_...rd06-1.jpg]

Inspiration To Get In Shape... Applies to Everyone
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05-22-2011, 07:06 PM
Post: #6
RE: Making friends in a new place
I'm gay. I might be quite blokey with it but boy scouts would be just a tad too much testosterone for my liking lol

Besides which there is many a man whose life is ruined because of a false accusation or miss understanding, and mud sticks with these things even if cleared. In addition to that the rules regarding children are so silly these days and I don’t agree with them, for example in nursery’s if a toddler hurts themselves no only are you not allowed to tend to the injury you are also not allowed to comfort them at all. It's no wonder kids are growing up so weird and cold these days when they are denied 1) affection from other adults and 2) the chance to play out with their friends. I live in a country village and the children used to roam free, playing on the green, exploring by the river. Now despite the fact most houses in the street have children you never hear or see them.

Also working with children would not really help me make new friends. I don’t think I have much in common with anyone under 16 and they cant go to the pub and I don’t like the music they like (lady gaga if it’s a girl, really bad heavy metal if it’s a boy).

Leaving that aside there seam’s very few things where I could meet people around my age group. The only thing that comes to mind would be the disaster relief charities because a lot of people see that as an adventure. I am not sure how I would feel about going to a third world disaster zone, its not so much the possible danger, I’m not sure I could cope with seeing the suffering.
(05-22-2011 01:43 PM)AFrozenSoul Wrote:  Actually a lot of organizations that involve children need single childless adults to actually run the organization. One such organization is the Boy Scouts. Trust me they do not want to be scaring away potential volunteers who are like you. They have a whole training program on how to handle children so you will not have such accusations come along.

All the other organizations you mentioned are good as well.
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05-23-2011, 08:26 AM
Post: #7
RE: Making friends in a new place
It sounds like you just need to get out of where you are at. Those middle sized towns are good for raising families. I would recommend going to someplace heavily populated. After all, if there are more people around you there is more of a chance you will meet someone right?

<_< The boy scouts are not too found of homosexuals anyway.... here in the states anyway.

If suicide were not the answer. I would not constantly be thinking about it.
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