Called out a flakey friend...now I feel like I made a mistake

I hope he doesn't read this.

I called him out in a PM on Facebook. He is always flaking on things we schedule, and contacts me the day before and asks to get together...then flakes. Yes, I get pissed off.

He once flaked on a concert ticket that was $30...on the day of the concert. Couldn't resell it. I don't invite him to concerts anymore.

Should I be upset? Another thing is, he has a pretty active social life, so I'm wondering if I valued his friendship more than he values mine (I also put this in the PM.)

I've been on the receiving end of friendships like that. Yes you are right to be upset. But move on, this is not a friend worth getting upset over. However if its pure casual and you don't put any effort into it, you could still be acquaintances. I would not invest any effort into it though. I find that they actually react better to people like that.

You are totally justified to be upset, and yes it's obvious you put more value in your friendship than he does. I've been on that side of a so called friendship before, and Melly is right, best thing to do is move on. All it will do is stress you out and cause you to continuously be upset. You said you piece, so leave things where they are and put him on the back burner.

What if he does read it? As the others have said, he doesn't sound worth worrying about, though I can understand your being worried and upset. It does seem that you value his friendship more than he values yours. Maybe if you back off he will come to realise that you are a good friend and will be ready to put more effort into the friendship. But even if he doesn't, you won't have lost very much in him.

Personally, I wouldn't be upset. But I would know to never count on his word. I would just leave the friendship where it's at, and there's nothing more to it.

Well, he was one of my best friends in high school. But I don't think he's the same person he was back then. He's changed.

I'm still in contact with my other two best friends from high school, and I wonder if I should try to get together with them? One has said I can contact her anytime, but she's a single mom, so it'll be hard...and the other guy is an army guy and overworked (although he's still being a good friend.)

Well, there's been some healing, but I'm not sure if there are bad vibes now. At least he knows how I feel now, he responded to my PM.

I frankly don't care much, because it's really up to him if he wants to continue the friendship. Although it's not like it was 10 or 12 years ago, when I would hang out with him every weekend...he calls me once a year to get together, that's it.

Well either he has social anxiety or perhaps your friend isn't treating you like he should.I would suggest you to confront him or perhaps try not to hang with him as much.We don't have unlimited time on this planet and it would be tragic to spend it someone who doesn't share your values.

Ugly, I did confront him. That's what this thread is about.

He responded to "I don't remember doing that", but I offered him an olive branch. He hasn't taken it yet, though. He probably doesn't want to be friends anymore...but, honeysuckle, he's not the same guy he was back then.

And actually, I talked to him about MY social anxiety and depression, and he didn't understand, and was very critical. He's also always telling me to "just not be shy." He doesn't get it, and I probably could make better friends - have made better friends - than him.

I mean, you can't make people be a certain way. You either talk to him or you don't. That's your choice. He's going to be that way regardless of what you do. If you're sick of it, which I don't blame you... if someone kept dropping me constantly, I'd be like, hold the fresia on, don't jerk my stick all the **** time... But if you're sick of it, then don't bother with him anymore. If it happens not to bother you, then let it be.

Either way, he's going to be how he is. So, I guess the choice is on you whether or not you want to put up with it.

I also wouldn't expect someone who sees not an ounce of problem with dropping people off his schedule to truly understand the anxiety that you have in general. He clearly can't comprehend why someone would be upset if he can't even goddamn remember doing the shits. He probably doesn't think twice, doesn't even blink an eyelid, at some of the stuff he does on a daily basis.

I had a friend like this and we are now only friendly acquaintances. I think it's perfectly understandable that you're upset and you should let him know why you are. That said, if he's the type of person to be flaky and won't change, you might have to lower your expectations for him if you want to stay friendly. Try to make group dates so that if he doesn't show up you can still have a good time.

LeaningIntoTheMuse said:

Ugly, I did confront him. That's what this thread is about.

He responded to "I don't remember doing that", but I offered him an olive branch. He hasn't taken it yet, though. He probably doesn't want to be friends anymore...but, honeysuckle, he's not the same guy he was back then.

And actually, I talked to him about MY social anxiety and depression, and he didn't understand, and was very critical. He's also always telling me to "just not be shy." He doesn't get it, and I probably could make better friends - have made better friends - than him.

Click to expand...

OH you did! Then that changes everything!
Well lets see he has changed *check*

When he was critical,did he care at all? or was he just critical? Some times people can be quiet critical but that doesn't change the fact that they don't care for you.*semi check*

He cancels plans often and maybe doesn't want to hang out *check*

Well if he doesn't care at all and doesn't really feel guilty for putting you off like that,I guess your company will be more valued else where.he obviously isn't really worth the time sadly.

As suggested, step back. No need to fall out with the guy. But don't put as much time and effort as you may have before, into the relationship. Just see the guy as and when you're both available. Certainly don't do anything which may result in you being out of pocket.