Beginning to feel suicidal

[MysteriousTelephone]

I've posted in this forum a few times, largely about the same topic. In short, in 30, I'm renting with a decent job (engineer), I've got several hobbies that are filled with single people my own age, I have a muscular physique due to weight training, and yet I just can't get any woman to be interested in me. The chief 'block' appears to be my face, as I am called out for being ugly pretty regularly. I don't think I'm awful, somewhere around average, but then, does the average man make it to 30 without a single woman wanting to be with him? I have had a couple of one-night-stands years ago (2014-2015) but these people were very drunk every time, and wanted nothing to do with me the next day.

So as this builds up, all I really think about is killing myself. I just don't see what else there is for me in life. I love my friends and my hobbies, but my friends all have their happy families to go back to, and I'm just me. I spend New Years alone, then Valentine's Day alone, then my birthday alone, then it's Summer and everyone's having acrobatic sex abroad, then I spend Christmas alone, and then repeat.

So far, I put myself off the idea because I don't want to upset my friends. But frankly I just don't see how spending another 40 years repeating this is worthwhile, all just so I can see my friends on evenings and weekends. I don't know what to do, I just know that this feeling isn't going to go away, and over time I'm concerned that my desire to no longer live in a world where I'm ugly & unwanted, will eventually overtake my desire to not upset my friends.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Have you tried like speed dating or even a dating coach/matchmaker type of person?
I can't say much on your looks because I don't know what you look like, but I doubt you are ugly. Is there any specifics is why people claim you are "ugly" other than your face?

There is so much to live for, so I really hope you don't go the route you are thinking.

 

[Unsigned]

Well, I'm almost twice your age and I have only ever been with prostitutes.
And all those same holidays I am alone as well. Completely alone. I don't see what little family I have left, and we were never close anyway.

I believe we have spoken on this subject before, but are you willing to date average/plain or slightly below average looking women?
Not talking horror shows or anything, but your basic plain jane types, like that woman who played the receptionist on "The Office", or the actress Lili Taylor (a younger version I mean)?

My problem is that I have only ever had eyes for the young, hot, petite girls, and since I am not a 1%er or a Clooney lookalike, I have had to see the ones that take money. But if you are willing to meet someone average, maybe zero in on those types on the dating apps.

Hurting yourself is never the answer. Couple of thing to consider.
- Something incredible may be waiting for you tomorrow
- What if you "f" it up and you are permanently crippled or brain damaged? That happens quite a bit in these attempts.

Anyways, give it some time and you'll come out of it. I get depressed too. Sometimes real bad. But I'm 57 and I've always come out of it.
You will too. Relax and take it easy. Maybe go out and treat yourself to a nice meal. Good luck to you.

 

[MysteriousTelephone]

Have you tried like speed dating or even a dating coach/matchmaker type of person?
I can't say much on your looks because I don't know what you look like, but I doubt you are ugly. Is there any specifics is why people claim you are "ugly" other than your face?

There is so much to live for, so I really hope you don't go the route you are thinking.

I have been to speed dating events; I had fun with them, conversations flowed freely and people were nice. Then I get my results the next day and 12 out of 12 women ticked 'no' for me. This happened three times.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Clooney lookalike

I don't know, to me you have like Bruce Willis/Jason Statham/Joe Rogan vibes going on.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I have been to speed dating events; I had fun with them, conversations flowed freely and people were nice. Then I get my results the next day and 12 out of 12 women ticked 'no' for me. This happened three times.

Now that you said that, I'm almost positive I've asked you that before. Sorry for the repeat question.

 

[MysteriousTelephone]

Well, I'm almost twice your age and I have only ever been with prostitutes.
And all those same holidays I am alone as well. Completely alone. I don't see what little family I have left, and we were never close anyway.

I believe we have spoken on this subject before, but are you willing to date average/plain or slightly below average looking women?
Not talking horror shows or anything, but your basic plain jane types, like that woman who played the receptionist on "The Office", or the actress Lili Taylor (a younger version I mean)?

My problem is that I have only ever had eyes for the young, hot, petite girls, and since I am not a 1%er or a Clooney lookalike, I have had to see the ones that take money. But if you are willing to meet someone average, maybe zero in on those types on the dating apps.

Hurting yourself is never the answer. Couple of thing to consider.
- Something incredible may be waiting for you tomorrow
- What if you "f" it up and you are permanently crippled or brain damaged? That happens quite a bit in these attempts.

Anyways, give it some time and you'll come out of it. I get depressed too. Sometimes real bad. But I'm 57 and I've always some out of it.
You will too. Relax and take it easy. Maybe go out and treat yourself to a nice meal. Good luck to you.

I mean, sure, I wouldn't say I only go for a certain 'type' of woman. When I think about the women I've liked, some have been big, small, busty, flat, loud, quiet, all sorts. So it's not that I'm pushing myself out of the market by only going for one type of woman.

I am on all the usual sites for dating apps, though I am yet to get an actual match. A handful of times I'll get a buzz to say I've matched with someone, though when I go to check they've disappeared, so I must assume they've swiped on me by mistake or something, and gone back to unmatch.

I mean sure, I wouldn't want to be one of those people who tries to kill themselves, messes it up, and everyone gives you that pity because they know. I came to the conclusion that drowning is the best solution; I think something like jumping from a building or in front of a train seems scary, but jumping into water does not. You put on a weight belt, handcuff your hands behind your back, and there's no way that drowning won't work.

 

[MysteriousTelephone]

Now that you said that, I'm almost positive I've asked you that before. Sorry for the repeat question.

That's ok, I'm not offended by people asking questions.

 

[Unsigned]

I mean, sure, I wouldn't say I only go for a certain 'type' of woman. When I think about the women I've liked, some have been big, small, busty, flat, loud, quiet, all sorts. So it's not that I'm pushing myself out of the market by only going for one type of woman.

I am on all the usual sites for dating apps, though I am yet to get an actual match. A handful of times I'll get a buzz to say I've matched with someone, though when I go to check they've disappeared, so I must assume they've swiped on me by mistake or something, and gone back to unmatch.

I mean sure, I wouldn't want to be one of those people who tries to kill themselves, messes it up, and everyone gives you that pity because they know. I came to the conclusion that drowning is the best solution; I think something like jumping from a building or in front of a train seems scary, but jumping into water does not. You put on a weight belt, handcuff your hands behind your back, and there's no way that drowning won't work.

What I meant to say is that NO attempt is a good attempt even if it works.
I wish I had an answer for you as to the girls.
Maybe take some time for yourself and just do things that make you happy for a while and try not to think about it?
I know...this sounds crazy coming from me, a guy who complains all the time.
But I mean it. Maybe do that UK 3 peak challenge or something like that. Anything to get your mind off the girls for a while.

I don't know, to me you have like Bruce Willis/Jason Statham/Joe Rogan vibes going on.

Thanks for that but my lifetime results have been quite different from theirs.
I also know that my attitude + my unrealistic expectations == nothing good.
But like I've said before, I don't hurt anyone and at least I am not making some poor woman miserable...

 

[TheRealCallie]

That's ok, I'm not offended by people asking questions.

What about a dating coach/matchmaker? I mean, if it's something you really want, I would say it would be worth trying all avenues.

Thanks for that but my lifetime results have been quite different from theirs.
I also know that my attitude + my unrealistic expectations == nothing good.
But like I've said before, I don't hurt anyone and at least I am not making some poor woman miserable...

Oh, I wasn't saying anything about getting girls or results. I was just giving you my own opinion on how you look. So while you aren't Clooney, there are other good looking actors.

 

[Unsigned]

Oh, I wasn't saying anything about getting girls or results. I was just giving you my own opinion on how you look. So while you aren't Clooney, there are other good looking actors.

Thanks again.

 

[okidoke]

This is a tough situation for sure. When we're younger, I think we all believe that there will be someone for us and we'll have this content life with a significant other, but it just isn't the case for a lot of people. I'm not saying you're one of them, but I'm married for 25 years and I am one of them, so being in a relationship isn't always the answer to our emotional wants either.

I was a cop for over 20 years and I have seen many suicides, and many of them are horrific, sad, painful, tragic, agonizing and sometimes not swift at all, but almost all were pointless and enacted due to unnecessary reasons that were only temporarily a hardship for the person. In all those years I went to maybe two suicides where I felt that the person actually made the choice for the "right" reasons. I'm not going to go into what those two situations were, but I can tell you without any doubt that you are nowhere near that sort of situation. Many of us contemplate the option for various reasons at some point in our lives, as I have myself, it's an option to put a halt to despair and pain etc, but how dare "the fates" or "the universe" or whatever power you subscribe to try to convince you to end the life you were given to experience to your full potential. Give it the finger.

As for what to do? Well, since you're free to do as you wish, without dependents or a commitment, just do things that you enjoy. Do them with gusto, get involved in new things as much as you can and let your personality flourish, and honestly, you just don't know where all that will lead, but at least you've had a great time experiencing life. Take the opportunity to be hedonistic where others can't.

I often think about those poor dogs that are rescued from living on the streets in deplorable circumstances where their fur is utterly matted and infested with critters and they're in real poor health and snarly at people because they're scared from years of abuse etc etc and after being rescued and cleaned up and given a lovely situation they are so happy and carefree. It's like the past is gone and the new, late, happiness is all that matters. A part of me continues to believe in happier days and I refuse to believe that life is futile.

And finally, there's an old saying I'm sure you're aware of, that good things come to you when you least expect them. Just enjoy you life best you can friend. (That last line was as much for me as it was for you and anyone else)

 

[MysteriousTelephone]

What I meant to say is that NO attempt is a good attempt even if it works.
I wish I had an answer for you as to the girls.
Maybe take some time for yourself and just do things that make you happy for a while and try not to think about it?
I know...this sounds crazy coming from me, a guy who complains all the time.
But I mean it. Maybe do that UK 3 peak challenge or something like that. Anything to get your mind off the girls for a while.

I tend to see those things as just distractions, but they do very little to solve the problem at hand. Thing is, my life isn't short of enjoyment, I would say nearly every day I do something that I enjoy, and yet I still wake up to a world where I'm considered ugly & unwanted the very next day. Just feels like I'm going to be in my 50s, still single, with my friends telling me to 'just be patient, something will happen for you soon!'

 

[MysteriousTelephone]

This is a tough situation for sure. When we're younger, I think we all believe that there will be someone for us and we'll have this content life with a significant other, but it just isn't the case for a lot of people. I'm not saying you're one of them, but I'm married for 25 years and I am one of them, so being in a relationship isn't always the answer to our emotional wants either.

I was a cop for over 20 years and I have seen many suicides, and many of them are horrific, sad, painful, tragic, agonizing and sometimes not swift at all, but almost all were pointless and enacted due to unnecessary reasons that were only temporarily a hardship for the person. In all those years I went to maybe two suicides where I felt that the person actually made the choice for the "right" reasons. I'm not going to go into what those two situations were, but I can tell you without any doubt that you are nowhere near that sort of situation. Many of us contemplate the option for various reasons at some point in our lives, as I have myself, it's an option to put a halt to despair and pain etc, but how dare "the fates" or "the universe" or whatever power you subscribe to try to convince you to end the life you were given to experience to your full potential. Give it the finger.

As for what to do? Well, since you're free to do as you wish, without dependents or a commitment, just do things that you enjoy. Do them with gusto, get involved in new things as much as you can and let your personality flourish, and honestly, you just don't know where all that will lead, but at least you've had a great time experiencing life. Take the opportunity to be hedonistic where others can't.

I often think about those poor dogs that are rescued from living on the streets in deplorable circumstances where their fur is utterly matted and infested with critters and they're in real poor health and snarly at people because they're scared from years of abuse etc etc and after being rescued and cleaned up and given a lovely situation they are so happy and carefree. It's like the past is gone and the new, late, happiness is all that matters. A part of me continues to believe in happier days and I refuse to believe that life is futile.

And finally, there's an old saying I'm sure you're aware of, that good things come to you when you least expect them. Just enjoy you life best you can friend. (That last line was as much for me as it was for you and anyone else)

I'm not saying I just want to be married and settle down and that will solve all my problems, but on a base level I would like to be found attractive by more than zero people. A couple of one night stands would keep me going. You say that most suicides are based on temporary hardships, how long does this need to continue for it to no longer be 'temporary'?

As I've said, I just see no interest in spending every year alone, just seeing friends and doing hobbies. Even if my job was a professional waterslide tester and I spent my weekends in Prague, I'd still wake up to a world where nobody wants me (in a romantic sense). I've spent the last 12 years pursuing my interests and hobbies and... now I'm really good at them. That's it.

 

[MysteriousTelephone]

What about a dating coach/matchmaker? I mean, if it's something you really want, I would say it would be worth trying all avenues.

Are matchmakers even a thing in the 21st century? Really though, every other person I know has had some success with dating, as in verifiably more than zero. They have had people found them attractive and want to be with them, the suggestion that I need specialist expertise just makes me feel like an absolute freak.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Are matchmakers even a thing in the 21st century? Really though, every other person I know has had some success with dating, as in verifiably more than zero. They have had people found them attractive and want to be with them, the suggestion that I need specialist expertise just makes me feel like an absolute freak.

Yes, I just googled and I live in the middle of nowhere, but there are a half dozen within 2 hours of my location.
Honestly, I can't really say why you've had no success. Maybe it's something minor that you just aren't aware that you're doing that's a turnoff. Maybe it's something major, but maybe look around and see if there's anything in your area in regards to that. Maybe it's the solution you're looking for. What's the harm in trying, right?

I don't see a matchmaker as any different than seeing a doctor or a therapist. You need some guidance and they specialize in that. I usually try to offer some kind of advice, but since you don't post a whole lot, I don't really have a sense of anything from you.

 

[okidoke]

I'm not saying I just want to be married and settle down and that will solve all my problems, but on a base level I would like to be found attractive by more than zero people. A couple of one night stands would keep me going. You say that most suicides are based on temporary hardships, how long does this need to continue for it to no longer be 'temporary'?

As I've said, I just see no interest in spending every year alone, just seeing friends and doing hobbies. Even if my job was a professional waterslide tester and I spent my weekends in Prague, I'd still wake up to a world where nobody wants me (in a romantic sense). I've spent the last 12 years pursuing my interests and hobbies and... now I'm really good at them. That's it.

Temporary as in it's just your thinking that's causing your emotional state, which comes and goes. You're still enjoying moments in your life. An analogy to your situation would be like living in poverty, but you still have times where you have fun enjoyable moments.

 

[okidoke]

....... the suggestion that I need specialist expertise just makes me feel like an absolute freak.

Let's say you actually are a "freak", are that unattractive that people cross the street to avoid you. You think there aren't women in the same situation?

 

[MysteriousTelephone]

Yes, I just googled and I live in the middle of nowhere, but there are a half dozen within 2 hours of my location.
Honestly, I can't really say why you've had no success. Maybe it's something minor that you just aren't aware that you're doing that's a turnoff. Maybe it's something major, but maybe look around and see if there's anything in your area in regards to that. Maybe it's the solution you're looking for. What's the harm in trying, right?

I don't see a matchmaker as any different than seeing a doctor or a therapist. You need some guidance and they specialize in that. I usually try to offer some kind of advice, but since you don't post a whole lot, I don't really have a sense of anything from you.

So, I also just googled it, and prices start from £1,195.

You ask what the harm is in trying? Busting £1.2K on a "professional service" that does not guarantee results.

As far as things I do, I'm at a loss. I've asked friends etc, but they don't believe me and seem to think I'm making this up. I guess the problem is that it was always so easy for them to attract people, they don't concieve of a world where it's very different.

 

[MysteriousTelephone]

Let's say you actually are a "freak", are that unattractive that people cross the street to avoid you. You think there aren't women in the same situation?

I've no idea, I'm sure some women find it harder than others to get a date, or that others get more attention. I've never come across a woman in her 30s who hasn't had a boyfriend or any male interested.