Monkee said:
For example a few months back I started chatting with a lady online and asked a lot of those types of questions that feature in the link, she became pissed off at me for asking open ended questions, even though she was asking me similar ones herself. So I guess we just didn't get along.
Probably because they
are annoying questions and she was smart enough to see you were not being yourself but instead were trying to apply some horrid marketing techniques you'd read on the internet on her instead of talking to her like a real person from your soul, you acted like a sentient OKCupid questionnaire.
“What’s your story?”
-No, I'm not going to encompass my life and personality and beliefs etc into one of your boxes. You want to know where I grew up? Ask me where I grew up. You want to know what my beliefs are? Ask me what my beliefs are.
“What did you do today?”
-Well I woke up about 50 times and kept getting sucked back into this nightmare I was having about being hacked to bits with a chainsaw, but then I finally managed to return to consciousness and for some reason even though I was having a violent nightmare I had a massive boner... I'm not turned on by violence, I swear!
Anyway I thought about touching myself but I needed to pee so bad and my lips were all slimey and I had carpet-mouth and loads of gunk in my eyes and I think I fell asleep with a beer in my hand because I was sokaing wet too so I didn't feel very sexy.
I sighed with the intensity of a single mother with 10 kids in the supermarket and dragged myself out of bed. I emptied my bladder in the general direction of the toilet and then hacked up a load of green mucous into the sink. Really it was quite impressive - looked like a small alien colony that even Mulder and Scully would have been afraid of.
When I left the bathroom I realised that I actually needed to poop! Don't you just hate that?! Reminds me of being a kid - Auntie Dave would drive us to visit mummy and he would say to us before we got in the car "Right if any of you little shits need to piss or crap then do it now because I aint stopping" and you didn't need to go at the time but then 5 minutes later you do! lol!
Am I going into too much detail here? Sorry, I talk a lot lol. Well, you
were asking for a story, not an answer, right?
“What’s the strangest thing about where you grew up?”
-Probably the miracle that is life? Science? The fact that everything we see and hear and smell and touch is made up of SCIENCE and MATHS and people walk around without being plugged into the mains and there is a GIANT MOTHERFUCKING BALL OF GAS in the sky that burns us if we stay under it too long? I don't know dude, what's the strangest thing about where you grew up? (stupid question)
“What’s the most interesting thing that happened at work today?”
-I had a sandwich.
“How’d you end up in your line of work?”
-I'm unemployed. I ended up here because I hate myself and I want to die.
“What does your name mean? What would you like it to mean?”
-I don't know what it means, but I'd like it to mean "Stop asking me stupid ******* questions, *******"
“What was the best part of your weekend?”
-Why can't you just ask me how my weekend was, like a normal person? You are trying way too hard to make me think about honeysuckle and it's draining me. It's not fun or cute that you're trying so hard. It's annoying. But if you must know, the best part of my weekend was where I sat in my pants and browsed the internet, ignoring the outside world.
“What are you looking forward to this week?”
-You not asking me stupid questions anymore.
“Who do you think is the luckiest person in this room?”
-Definitely not me!
“What does this house remind you of?”
-I don't even know where to begin with this one. A horse? A plank of wood? The place where my family was brutally assaulted and tortured to death? Perhaps it is just a house...
“If you could teleport by blinking your eyes, where would you go right now?”
-Anywhere but here, you ******* weirdo.
James: It’s a beautiful day!
John: They say that the weather was just like this when the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor. If that actually happened.
What a tosser. Avoid this guy like the plague. ******* moron.
Try:
Ron: How was your flight?
Carlos: I’d be more intrigued by an airline where your ticket price was based on your body weight and IQ.
Beverly: It’s hot today.
Gino: In this dimension, yes.
Riz: What’s up?
Keil: Washing your chicken just splatters the bacteria everywhere.
Go ahead, be bold. Upend the dinner table conversation! Turn small talk into big ideas at the next summer wedding reception you’re forced to attend! You never know which ideas will be worth spreading next.
No fresia that, if someone makes shitty small talk then they should expect a shitty small talk answer. It's not the responsibility of the person being spoken to to make the conversation interesting, and even so, saying something cringeworthily "RaNd0m" and
hilarious isn't necessarily the way to go. If I ask someone what's up and they talk about washing chicken and bacteria, I'm never going to talk to them again.
