my experience

Not trying to offend anyone, but I've been treated like I'm worthless by women . Men have been cruel too. But I don't want to date a man. So I focus on women. I got criticized and disagreed with yesterday by a popular poster and member, who shall go nameless. I think she is a narcissist feeding off the weak and heatbroken. Had the nerve to tell me I only THOUGHT I tried but not really, and everything I had happen to me I could choose its effect, or basically not to be affected, yeah I can choose not to be devastated when my fiance leaves me and before that chose to watch yankees games instead of spend time with me. My life has been a nightmare from year 5 when my father left to live with another woman. My sister left when I was 10 and I became Isolated with few or no friends. I was bullied in school and this was because I was smarter than the rich kids, but very short and small. I grew later after high school. I was locked in a locker for 2 hours in a jock strap so to be fair guys have treated me like crap most of my life too. There is alot more after high school as now I am in September of life. Spending it alone, watching couples have all the fun. I was told by a woman yesterday that there is a positive in every thing that happens to you even though she was raped, she says it made her stronger. Ok I guess we should all get raped. Of course this new age philosophy of possitivity is possitively SICKENING. Its obsessing on ignoring the reality of what really happens and straining to make something positive out of something totally negative, let me tell you I have had 4 attempts made to kill me, 4 major heartbreaks, 3 0r 4 nervous breakdowns, 2 near fatal car accidents, witnessed 4 people die, been taken for every penny I had by my exwife, thrown out of 2 churches, and I will tell you more later, but NONE of this made me stronger or better, I'm damaged and have social problems along with PTSD (nothing positive about that) . Our past makes us what we are, our experiences shape our personalities, and I have had many many bad experiences. I am not saying I have had the only hard life at all. But because of someone elses misery, I will not feed off that and say I am ok cuz they have it worse. That is a sick approach and does not work for me anyway. I spent the last 90 days trying to get 1 date, nothing, contacted 1000 women, I'm not a bad looking guy, and I am kind and warmhearted in spite of my pain, but I won't deny my pain. I need someone to help me get well, I am willing to help them too. People have found fault with this, saying we need no one and must be happy on our own, BS, not going to happen. I need a nice lady to help me. One to grow old with, one that won't abandon me. I have been asked why do you even try anymore with all that heartbreak, I don't know any other way to heal but by love , mutual unconditional love. The philosophy of pop psychology today is gross to me, it does not work. I am tired of these pat answer people , please shut up with pat answers and this "modern" approach to true emotional pain. I am drowning and I need someone to pull me out, but they all run away when they find out I have some problems. Like they have none. Women pick to find faults and point to any reason to reject me, even cuz I liked bossa nova and Walter Matthau Jack Lemon movies, she said we didnt have anything in common, I could write an encyclopedia but I will stop there , but don't assume you have read everything, this is only a partial list of crap. Why can't a decent looking kind woman pay attention to me ? I see them with asses all the time and guys that couldnt hold a candle to me intellectually, or romantically I am certain. My IQ is 145 and I have 3 degrees, I have many interests and accomplishments, but everything I try to do to get with a nice girl goes sour. I'm not sure many exist, and are available. If they do, I can't find em. I am tired of promise breakers, and women with double standards, and there are MANY of those. I will give but I expect to get in return. Thats fair and square. But it seems I feel optional with all the independent women, they just don't need us the way they used to. And I want to be needed too. There is nothing wrong with that. I should have lived 100 years ago, I feel like a man out of time, I don't belong anywhere, my thoughts seem antiquaited to most, eccentric to some, even selfish and crazy to others. SORRY so long. But there is alot on my heart, I'm bleeding, please be kind. I want a love that won't die. I feel I am forced to lie about myself to get someone, because they can't handle the truth. I don't want to lie, I just want to share love. Horrible man huh ? And my sister died in may, my son left for college the other day so I got NOBODY ! Am I allowed to mention I am extremely depressed and considerations based on that ? I will not be specific but I think you know hat I mean. I feel dejected rejected and despondent. Who will help me? I can't save myself ... I'm drowning and can't swim. I was told to keep getting up after being knocked down, well, I'm just about knocked out.

Hey, thanks. You can find something positive in negaitve.
I am not making fun, but the way you worded the mesaage I have to say I got a good laugh. And I am only half through. So that is a good thing. Laughter is good medicine so they say.

Oooh, was it Amy? Jk.

Naizo said:

Oooh, was it Amy? Jk.

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I was working :club:

charlie brown said:

But there is alot on my heart, I'm bleeding, please be kind. I want a love that won't die. I feel I am forced to lie about myself to get someone, because they can't handle the truth. I don't want to lie, I just want to share love. Horrible man huh ? And my sister died in may, my son left for college the other day so I got NOBODY ! Am I allowed to mention I am extremely depressed and considerations based on that ? I will not be specific but I think you know hat I mean. I feel dejected rejected and despondent. Who will help me? I can't save myself ... I'm drowning and can't swim. I was told to keep getting up after being knocked down, well, I'm just about knocked out.

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I am sorry for all the hardships you have faced. I want to say, even though you are down right now, that you are a stronger person than many I know for still walking after all of that. I believe that the best thing people can do is feel what they feel until they can move on from it. That can be extremely difficult when you are grieving.

Do you have a good relationship with your son? To at least have someone to keep in touch with?

To the OP, I can say this:

1) I lead a very boring life by comparison. I'm OK with that.

2) Regarding the mutual love thing... it's rare. It doesn't happen for most people. Most of the couples you see together have at best a shallow appreciation for one another based on a need for external validation. They don't love the authentic version of their partner. Rather, they love the social approval they receive from being coupled with that particular person. When you see those people, don't for a second think you are missing out on something. You're not. I'd love an authentic relationship with a hip woman, too. I just don't see that happening in my lifetime.

3) Depression's tough. Therapy is seriously worth it.

4) IQ is meaningless when it comes to relating to others, and interests are meaningless when it comes to dating. Ironically, they're more of a hindrance than anything. It sucks, but that's reality.

Just my two cents in this if you do not mind:

I had a hard time reading your post because you did not use paragraphs. A long post like that really needs that.

I have been treated like I am worthless by women too and it really gets me upset. But then something happens to me. I stop and think about it and I say to myself that if she is going to treat me like this before I get to know her then it is better for me not to get involved with her.

I also have not gone through the experiences that you had. You've had a lot more bad luck than I have but I don't consider myself happy-go-lucky after reading your post. It is my hope that your luck changes soon and for the better this time.

TheDude76 said:

Regarding the mutual love thing... it's rare. It doesn't happen for most people. Most of the couples you see together have at best a shallow appreciation for one another based on a need for external validation. They don't love the authentic version of their partner. Rather, they love the social approval they receive from being coupled with that particular person.

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Have the same opinion. The majority of relationships seem to be primarily about affirming self-worth first, companionship second.

You seem to have a lot of resentment about your feelings, thinking that you're not allowed to feel them or subconsciously thinking that what you are feeling is not right, or maybe you've been told that. Well, NO ONE HAS TO LEGITIMIZE YOUR FEELINGS FOR YOU. What you feel is what you feel. Your feelings are your feelings; they are neither right or wrong. But your feelings are also not you; they are temporary visitors. Feel them, but try to look at them objectively. You feel one way now; but since you felt differently in the past at different points in your life, you CAN feel differently again.

And I agree with the poster above who said you have survived much more than others. My life is positively charmed compared to yours. You should be proud of that.

And here comes the potentially harsh part: You are very focused on getting into a relationship. It may be time to adjust your expectations. How about saying to yourself, "Okay, relationships don't seem to be working out for me. What ELSE could make me happy at this moment?" You say you have a lot of hobbies -- do none of those really satisfy you? Might it be time to find another? Or are you just hyper-focused on the relationship aspect because everyone else seems to be in a happy one? We of course always want what we perceive others have. (These are just some suggestions because you seem really unhappy with the way things are -- I am in no way saying that what you want is invalid.)

If you're just about knocked out, it means you haven't reached rock bottom yet. Sometimes, it's hard to choose differently before you reach that point. Most people have to reach rock bottom before they can climb back out. BUT, you DO have a choice. Whether you choose to take my advice or not is on you. It's your CHOICE.
You chose to take what I said and only come here and post this thread condemning me instead of hearing what I was saying. And thats fine, you are allowed to do that, but that doesn't mean I'm going to change what advice I give to people just because it's not what they want to hear. Of course people don't want to hear that they can be different because it's HARD to be different. It's a simple solution, sure, but it's definitely not easy.
You also chose to assume that my life is perfect and I've never been through anything, but you'd be wrong. I have reached rock bottom and I climbed out of the hole I put myself in because I didn't have confidence in myself because of what I went through. But you know what? People helped me, people told me things I didn't want to hear because sometimes those things need to be said. I owe my life to people like that. I owe my life to people who didn't give up on me, people who made me see that things could be different if I just changed my outlook on life. If I just stopped focusing on what was negative and started focusing on the positives. Whether you believe it or not, you DO have positives in your life. Whether you life with regret and misery or start looking at the bright side is your CHOICE. It's everyone's choice to choose how they want to live. I never said it was easy, but it is a choice.

Also, I never said or treated you like you were worthless. NO ONE is worthless. That's just how you chose to see what I was saying.

This is clearly stated that it's partially about another member. Please do not make threads publicly airing dirty laundry about other forum members. Thank you.