Dreaming of Marriage Life

Any of you want to get married but know you shouldn't? After some thinking I feel like if I get married it'll only end in a divorce. My job is demanding, and you see it all the time in movies - you get too involved in your job, you don't have any time to spend with your significant other, and things just get messy. In my ideal world I'd love to sit around and let my spouse earn the family income, but for reasons that will remain undisclosed I just can't do that. Is it really such a good idea to enter a marriage knowing it's just not going to work? I guess I've always liked the idea of being married that this realization kind of hurts.

Was there a functioning relationship prior to the marriage?

Unacceptance said:

Was there a functioning relationship prior to the marriage?

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You mean with theoretical significant other?

Yes. Marriage is just a word, the relationship, if it's successful has no change to it other than some nifty tax breaks.

I agree with unacceptance. Marriage is more of a relationship than any other stuff.

What is marriage exactly? It not even in my vocab

I would love to have a wife someday. I really would.

But I know the chances of that actually aren't very good. The base divorce rate is through the roof in recent years, it's not getting any easier to find decent people of either gender ('decent' meaning people who have grown up beyond drama and dumb honeysuckle), and I'm going in to a profession that historically places heavy tension on marriages. Given the above difficulties, what's the chance of me finding someone willing to put up with me being routinely gone for 24-48 hours at a time and having to work my share of holidays?

And really I don't see why that tension exists. A fire shift is traditionally 24-48 hours long, but it's offset by having 2 or 3 days off after every shift! If anything I would think it'd be easier than having a significant other work a 9-5 job...instead of seeing your loved one for a few hours every night, you get more time together. Not to mention you can effectively add 2-3 days to a vacation by scheduling vacation time at the end of your rotation...

I could see myself one day maybe getting married...maybe. But I can't realistically see it lasting. I wouldn't do it without a prenuptial either, I'm afraid. My luck I'd end up with a gold digger in the end who'd try and take me for all I'm worth.

My favorite license plate of all time was on a pink 50's Ford pickup. It read 'US2BHIS'.

Brian said:

I would love to have a wife someday. I really would.

But I know the chances of that actually aren't very good. The base divorce rate is through the roof in recent years, it's not getting any easier to find decent people of either gender ('decent' meaning people who have grown up beyond drama and dumb honeysuckle), and I'm going in to a profession that historically places heavy tension on marriages. Given the above difficulties, what's the chance of me finding someone willing to put up with me being routinely gone for 24-48 hours at a time and having to work my share of holidays?

And really I don't see why that tension exists. A fire shift is traditionally 24-48 hours long, but it's offset by having 2 or 3 days off after every shift! If anything I would think it'd be easier than having a significant other work a 9-5 job...instead of seeing your loved one for a few hours every night, you get more time together. Not to mention you can effectively add 2-3 days to a vacation by scheduling vacation time at the end of your rotation...

I could see myself one day maybe getting married...maybe. But I can't realistically see it lasting. I wouldn't do it without a prenuptial either, I'm afraid. My luck I'd end up with a gold digger in the end who'd try and take me for all I'm worth.

My favorite license plate of all time was on a pink 50's Ford pickup. It read 'US2BHIS'.

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AWW shuck Brian, your too modest. You need u can get any girl you want Plus aren't u a firefighter, chick dig fireman. Dam I'm so jealous

Staphylocccus said:

Any of you want to get married but know you shouldn't? After some thinking I feel like if I get married it'll only end in a divorce. My job is demanding, and you see it all the time in movies - you get too involved in your job, you don't have any time to spend with your significant other, and things just get messy. In my ideal world I'd love to sit around and let my spouse earn the family income, but for reasons that will remain undisclosed I just can't do that. Is it really such a good idea to enter a marriage knowing it's just not going to work? I guess I've always liked the idea of being married that this realization kind of hurts.

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If you know its not going to work cos of your job then I would say you need to ask yourself whats most important to you in life.

Money, carer or your wife?

Remember you can not take it with you and like I told a friend just last night actually that you work to live, you do not live to work.

I never sew much of my dad as a kid. He lived at work and for about two years lived away and I only sew him on a Sunday. Then he and my mum used to go out all day on there own.

Then when he did work again near where we lived he sometimes stayed at work all night and even if he didn't I was in bed about time he got home. Don't get me wrong I could had called him on the phone any time I liked and he would had come a running. But working all them hours did not do anything for he's family. No matter what he thinks ether. He would I know disagree with me.

If your job is getting in the way of life then get another job. money is not everything.

Staphylocccus,
Look at what your telling yourself. -> If you have a demanding job (supossing you mean time consuming, etc.) a marriage will not work. That thinking is black and white. Some women don't need a man to be around ALL the freakin time....lol It is possible to meet a girl who has her own life and her own goals and who isn't DEFINED by whether or not you are around. Infact, she might even admire the fact that you have a life of your own and goals too. It is possible. Look at military families. I doubt your job would take you away for a year without coming home to visit. Don't give up.

You only live once. There's no grantee in life in anything.
I felt like my heart had be ripped out of stumped
on a couple of times...As of me, "better to have lost at love
than to had never loved at all."
On the flip side...I had sex thousands and thousands of times anywhere of everywhere
I loved her, i was in lust with her, i was in love with her...and I ended up hating her too....lmao
F-it...it was a journey of a life time.

Trying to achive a balance between work, love,play, and faith is a challenge and a half. Simplified, simplified.

Even while in a realtionship when all was well. I'd probably
saw my partner maybe 1-2 hours per day. Those were valuable
time and I try not to spend it away be a couch patato.

Well...it sucks ass to come home to an empty house after a
hard day's work. No amount of money or material things I had
too that loniness away.

Still to this day, i still belive in love becuase i'm not a fucken
robot. I pray god will send me a super model this time and not
a phyco *****...I'm getting more picky as i go
I mean...I'm going to lose her one way or the other. So a younger one with a hawt body.
This way I can died before she dose.....lmao

The first thing you have to do is lose the "it won't work" mind-set. (I know, look who's talking here, right?) Going into anything with that attitude will doom it from the start. If you think the demands of your job will make it difficult, then do what you can to keep your relationship a higher priority. Obviously if you get to the proposal stage then you'll have been in a relationship already and she will have seen how much the job requires from you. If you ask her and she says yes then she should already know what she's going in to. But like any relationship you can't get lax. You have to continue to show her what she means to you and that might mean a sacrifice every now and then for her benefit.

Having been married before let me just say...

Be careful of what you wish for

LOL just kidding!

Marriage is a wonderful thing. I miss being married. I loved the idea of 'coming home to my wife'. To 'our apartment' with 'our furniture' eating 'our food'.

Marriage, like any relationship, is hard. It requires work. On both sides. You must be prepared to compromise some things, but not others. YOu have to learn to put others before your own needs. YOu now live with this person and see all of those wonderful little habbits you never saw before when you were just 'dating'. You have to deal with the moods...both yours and hers. You could be in a bad mood and not her, and vice versa.

The basis for all of this, however, is love. If you are in love, then it will work. YOu may have to work at it, but it will. If you are away alot, then that means the time together must be that much more special. If she knows this before you even begin the relationship, then it may not be a problem at all.

You jut have to work at it. As time goes on that fire starts to dim...and you need to find other ways to keep it ignited. But it can work. Screw the statistics. I am not 60% of the population. I am grundel. I am me, and I beleive in love. I beleive I will be with that special someone for the rest of my life. I beleive that my empty arms will be filled again. As long as I believe then there is hope.

Im just 17 and see love as a lie already...lol

Chris 2 said:

AWW shuck Brian, your too modest. You need u can get any girl you want Plus aren't u a firefighter, chick dig fireman. Dam I'm so jealous

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Actually they don't, really At least not here they dont...truth is, due to a few things that got to the newspaper and twisted around a bit, and also because of the people my Chief allows to join our department, the fire department here is kind of a joke amongst most of the community.

And then it's a joke among a lot of other Fire/EMS people in our county, because our Chief is so hard-set in his ways and his fire tactics...but that's another can of worms.


Elsewhere chicks may very well dig firemen...until they realize they're never around! Hah.

I do tend to be modest about the fire thing though, regardless. I don't talk about it a lot. It's not the big heroic thing that people make it out to be and I really hate it when I see other firefighters toot their own horn.

I used to dream about getting married to someone i really cared about, but now i've accepted that its never going to happen to me, and that the chances are i'm going to be alone and unloved for the rest of my days on this god forsaken planet of ours, with only my cat, cigarettes, t.v. and computer games for company.

I want you to forget what all the standards and statistics are. Why should those automatically apply to you? I'll tell you why. Because you've already chosen for them to apply. How will a marriage work if you don't have any faith in it?

Love (and marriage) is a choice. When you choose to love, and to make a life-long commitment, your priorities change. Now, you could marry a spouse that is very independent and would do ok with your demanding job. Or maybe you find someone that you're willing to compromise your job for. Maybe you wait a little while and eventually work up to a less-demanding job, and then get married? Any way around it, there are choices all along the way. And your choices define your marriage. TV doesn't dictate what your marriage is. Neither do statistics. Nor does your family history. It's all up to you.

Is that a lot of pressure? Maybe. But it's worth it, if it's what you want.

Marriage, I have so many opinions on it. But ill try to simplify it.
People brought up the pessimist, optimist argument of if you go in with the mind set it is going to fail. However in reality, if you have a bad feeling of something and feel like it needs to change for you to be successful then you are probably right. Because we know what we are capable of, and whether we choose to lie to ourselves or not is our own decision.
Now in my head don't know of everyone else the steps to marriage are dating, relationship, move in together, wait 1-4 years depending on the female, then proposal. Now if she has survived the move 1-4 year period of living with you then, she probably can handle your work hours. Also you have already handled the initial challenges of living together the only real problems that arise once you get married after this stage. Is roles in my opinion you would thoroughly need to discuss what you both think of marriage before you jump into it because if not you are going to end up in couples councilling because all of sudden she expect you to do things and you expect her to do things.
As for dreaming about marriage, I think you are forgetting that marriage is just a ceremony with a few words, everything else you personally attach to it. And of course society attaches to it.