A generalization about a certain kind of men

[Aube]

So here I enter a dangerous territory, the one made of generalizations!

This is just from some personal observation and it leads me to wonder. I've always been attracted to cerebral men who have some gift with speaking or charisma. Turns out my experience with them is not so good when it comes to intimacy. To summarize, it's not because there's a beautiful intellectual connection and attraction that it's working in a relationship on a day-to-day basis. Forgive me for not analyzing my own shortcomings in relationships here for it is not part of the the point I'm trying to make. I do remain conscious there are two people in a relationship.

Aside from these, I encountered a number of men near me who seem really interesting but turn out to be a bad idea for a romantic relationship. They are men who are quite intellectual, they may be interested in ideas or spirituality, yoga, creation. They're well-spoken. They may have a creative or intellectual position in life such as professor or creative director. They sound very stimulating for someone with an intellectual bend. But they are in fact not too good in a relationship. For example, one of my friend was with a man interested in aikido, buddhist meditation and other ''hipster interests'' with a creative job. He seems like a very well-balanced and enlightened man on the outside. Turns out he treated her terribly throughout their relationship.

Another of those men that I met was a charismatic intellectual who seemed open to many ideas. He later turned out to be in love with himself and mysogynistic (dislike women). He will avoid relationships with women like the plague (he's not gay but more like asexual or autosexual) and always talk about himself. He will talk to you only to serve his own interests.

It seems these cerebral men have lofty ideas about themselves. This seems to lead them to have high expectations of women and also to treat them badly. So far, my observation of these men leads me to think they are often incompetent, sometimes even dangerous, in romantic relationships. They can be narcissist of the worst kind. My friend who was treated badly started a relationship with a hotel clerk and is now happy. She's avoiding creative types whom she finds mostly involved in themselves. Another friend is happy in a relationship with a mechanics who is contented in life as long as he can drive his motocross in the sandpits. I'm not saying one type is all honeysuckle and the other extraordinary but I'm tempted to think these intellectual/spiritual types are not such good mates. The manual/technical types however seem like Mr. Nice Guys with their more simple tastes and needs, even if they look less dazzling.

I'm not so starry-eyed anymore about the great intellects of men I encounter. Now I'm thinking I should volunteer at the next engineering convention or get myself a sandwich every day at a nearby construction site canteen.

What do you think?

 

[Lonesome Crow]

well,
My grammer N spellin aint all wacked out for nutting.

I cant speak for all men. But guys like me that likes to get
our hands greasy or handle power tools...a little bit rough on
the edges arnt too cuaght up on prestiege.

In HS we were out riding skateboard, BMX, working on Cars..ect
We took wood shop, metal shop, drafting
It's not that we lack intelligence in math and science...We just like to
make fire and blow up honeysuckle.lmao

While some dudes where bussied in the chess club or doing mock trials...
You know...the preppy type.

Generally speaking...ive had some women that are like the type of men
that you speak off, The so call acedemic well educated type come after
me. They turn me off...a lot of it is CONTROLL and just too **** demanding.
It like i have to behave in accordance of whatever the fresia they think is proper.
Feels like i cant breathe around them. It's like they speak another lanague
as if they alway have too seek approval or justifications. Make thngs really
complicated to prove their intellect but they cant seem to luagh at a simple joke,
which makes them really not too bright.lmao

I tend to go for those down to earth girls. The kind that's dose gardening
or restore furniture...She's actaully very intelligent. She just dosnt need
to show it off.
Incidently she might also look rough on the edges or come off as the badgirl
but she can be very, very sweet.

We like to get down and dirty. Intimatcy is really, really intense.
In and out of the bed room. When we make love we make love
and set our souls on fire. When we fight...we mother fucken fight.
The pros and cons.
Guys like me are more hands on..we like to put our hands on our woman also.
We get stimulated in this way. Thats why we're more active.
Sometimes we're more simple minded. If anything we just wanna make our
woman happy. Rather not fight. Just go to work, come home to our family and woman.
What our woman thinks about us is more than what the world thinks...
In the sex department, it's like that way too. I actually enjoy getting my woman off.
Please her. It's not always all about me.
Yeah...under that rough exterior is a nice guy. Sometimes it works against us...
We tend to devote our love and life to our woman ...that one woman.
If we choose the wrong one...we're kind of screwed.

idk...im a musicain....some women loves musicians..other hates them.
It's kind of understand able...Music takes a lot of time, energy and devotion.
It's like a marriage sometimes. Ive actaully had relationship failed becuase of my music.
Plenty of arguments becuase I spent too much time playing or writting my music.

One of my sisters is the opposite of me.
When they visit or i visit them...
Its like, OMFG someone please help, i cant breathe.

Well...When I did constructions for 2 yrs. I was rather buff with a sexy body
All of that heavy lifting of materials, tools and equipments. I dont really need to go to the gym.
I have plenty of endurance
We're rather not a shy bunch. We'll holla and whistle at ya...
A simple sandwich and cantee of water hand delivered by an angel would be greatly aprriciated.lol

 

[BlueArtist]

I work at a university and I see it amongst 90% of all the academics on campus. The treat others that didn’t study further past a normal degree as inferior, they are usually arrogant and full of themselves. They are so uptight about their titles as Professors and Doctors that they feel offended if people dare not to address them by their titles and staff are scared of them and walk on eggs around them to not offend them in some manner. I on the other hand couldn't give a rat’s ass about their titles and I call them by their names and not by their titles, and when it comes to manners they have none. I've met cleaners with greater personalities than these so called intellectuals and I can have a much more meaningful conversation with the cleaner than I can have with these intellectual people since all they can yammer on about is their specific fields of study. Problem I think is they are so caught up in their little worlds because they don't know about anything else other than the subject that they are good in, most of them have never worked outside a university, the just kept on studying and never left the university. It is almost as if they are trying to compensate for an inferiority complex by bullying others and by make them feel as if they are stupid.

 

[kamya]

Because while other guys were out dating, ******* around, and doing normal guy things, learning the social/dating game and developing social skills, they were spending their time studying or being creative or being committed to whatever they were into. These guys suck to deal with but they are the ones most likely to actually make a difference/do big things in the world. Let them have their egos.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Because while other guys were out dating, ******* around, and doing normal guy things, learning the social/dating game and developing social skills, they were spending their time studying or being creative or being committed to whatever they were into. These guys suck to deal with but they are the ones most likely to actually make a difference/do big things in the world. Let them have their egos.

As I say guys like me that works out in the field doing the actual
work are not lest intelligent. We read blue prints and schematics
just the same. Comprehend mechanical, science, math and physic
just the same. Its actaully more dangerous for us becuase some
of the stuff we're working with are very dangerous. We are the
ones expose to the real deal...Hands on.
Sometime whats on paper isnt going to work, fualty designs...ect
Some of the engineers never see the actaul product they've designed.
Its all theory to them. Trying to convience an engineer he made a mistake is
like pulling teeth or major red tape. It's their mentally that the think they're
superior or some stupid bullshit. Can never admit
they might had made a mistake until someone gets hurted or killed.

Nothing absolute nothing gets done in this world without team work.

Chuck Yaker didnt break the sound barriors by himself. It was all team work.
What made Chuck good was that he was hands on. He understood his aircrafts
engineering, and aerodynamics...ect He transfer data to engineers to make modifications.
Breaking the sound barriors didnt happened overnight. Many, many test flights and modifications.

The same with the Wright Bros. Many, many modifications to find the proper air foil for
the wings and props. They had a group of people working with them in thier shop.
Team work, all team work.

The superior complex dudes.....
It's basic relationship with people. When they get into a relationship
with a woman. They have the same mentally. Communications break down...ect Head games and mind *******.

Thats what a relationship with a woman is...a partnership and teamwork.
Lots of two ways communications...Lots of adjustments.

 

[firebird85]

I'd say if a guy has never had a girlfriend in his life or not much female experience, and he's living in a society filled with alot of corruption, I'd say he has a right to question everything around him and be a little on guard in the mind. Relationships aren't what they used to be. It used to be that you met someone when you were young, and stayed together until you were old. Now you find someone new every few months. Being a 21 year old who has never had a girlfriend, all this stuff is still a foreign language to me. But I know how women are and what they've become. I consider myself to have taken the red pill (good move) and I'm glad I did. Natural selection and preference is just a politically correct way of describing eugenics. I don't buy into all that alpha male PUA garbage and I don't believe in money because money is a slave system. We only need it to live because the powers that be want it that way. You can be a working well-off woman and expect a guy to be in the same position and I don't see that as being questionable. But it is wrong. But when you have a girl who has bipolar, or a weight problem, who lives with her parents at 23, and has no job and she expects a guy to have a job a car and a house THAT isn't because of some gender roles crap, and that is certainly not a preference. That's being shallow, plain and simple. Just because you're a female doesn't mean you get a free pass. You were brainwashed by the corrupt society to believe this and you consider certain guys to be undesireable. But what you don't understand is that all people both men and women, we are all undesireables to the powers that be. If you are going to weed people out it should be happening on both sides, not just men. Eugenics. Eugenics happens in the job market, in the dating scene, everywhere. I guess people don't see a problem with it, but I just think it's a cruel thing to do to the population.

One of the worst pieces of proof to all this is how you can see a woman with a disability, and she will have no problem finding a guy, and who will accept her for who she is. I have even seen disabled women have kids. That's just it. Everyone says the man can spread bad genes in the gene pool, which means they shouldn't reproduce (eugenics) but somehow the woman doesn't? and when you flip the situation around, and you have a man with a disability or social awkwardness, when it comes to finding a girl, 9/10 times he is SOL. And what do people say? Man up, have confidence (ugly guy with confidence), stop blaming the world, etc. etc. My favorite is finding a girl who is "just like you". That would be great, but that's not possible to do so. Why? I'll tell you why. Because eventually, like me, you will find out that the women who are on the same level as you are.....they don't want what's equal to them. They want something better. They want the alpha male. The rich guy. The convict. They don't want the poor, nerdy man who has critical thinking skills.

This is not a rant, I just want to know why stuff like this exists, that's all. You can say there is nothing wrong with people being selective, but again, you have to sort out the differences between preference and being unrealistic to the point of being a eugenicist, like someone who wants to kill off old people or deformed people. I don't have all the answers, but I'm half way there. When you die if you have to answer to a higher power it's going to take one long look at you and say....nazi's don't pass.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Because while other guys were out dating, ******* around, and doing normal guy things, learning the social/dating game and developing social skills, they were spending their time studying or being creative or being committed to whatever they were into. These guys suck to deal with but they are the ones most likely to actually make a difference/do big things in the world. Let them have their egos.

Actually, I disagree. I have never been in a relationship, but I know I would be good at it and treat the girl right.

This is more of a statement of how someone was raised, rather than how they were socially isolated. Ted Bundy was an extremely charming fellow, yet he was sick.

 

[passage]

I'd say if a guy has never had a girlfriend in his life or not much female experience, and he's living in a society filled with alot of corruption, I'd say he has a right to question everything around him and be a little on guard in the mind. Relationships aren't what they used to be. It used to be that you met someone when you were young, and stayed together until you were old. Now you find someone new every few months. Being a 21 year old who has never had a girlfriend, all this stuff is still a foreign language to me. But I know how women are and what they've become. I consider myself to have taken the red pill (good move) and I'm glad I did. Natural selection and preference is just a politically correct way of describing eugenics. I don't buy into all that alpha male PUA garbage and I don't believe in money because money is a slave system. We only need it to live because the powers that be want it that way. You can be a working well-off woman and expect a guy to be in the same position and I don't see that as being questionable. But it is wrong. But when you have a girl who has bipolar, or a weight problem, who lives with her parents at 23, and has no job and she expects a guy to have a job a car and a house THAT isn't because of some gender roles crap, and that is certainly not a preference. That's being shallow, plain and simple. Just because you're a female doesn't mean you get a free pass. You were brainwashed by the corrupt society to believe this and you consider certain guys to be undesireable. But what you don't understand is that all people both men and women, we are all undesireables to the powers that be. If you are going to weed people out it should be happening on both sides, not just men. Eugenics. Eugenics happens in the job market, in the dating scene, everywhere. I guess people don't see a problem with it, but I just think it's a cruel thing to do to the population.

One of the worst pieces of proof to all this is how you can see a woman with a disability, and she will have no problem finding a guy, and who will accept her for who she is. I have even seen disabled women have kids. That's just it. Everyone says the man can spread bad genes in the gene pool, which means they shouldn't reproduce (eugenics) but somehow the woman doesn't? and when you flip the situation around, and you have a man with a disability or social awkwardness, when it comes to finding a girl, 9/10 times he is SOL. And what do people say? Man up, have confidence (ugly guy with confidence), stop blaming the world, etc. etc. My favorite is finding a girl who is "just like you". That would be great, but that's not possible to do so. Why? I'll tell you why. Because eventually, like me, you will find out that the women who are on the same level as you are.....they don't want what's equal to them. They want something better. They want the alpha male. The rich guy. The convict. They don't want the poor, nerdy man who has critical thinking skills.

This is not a rant, I just want to know why stuff like this exists, that's all. You can say there is nothing wrong with people being selective, but again, you have to sort out the differences between preference and being unrealistic to the point of being a eugenicist, like someone who wants to kill off old people or deformed people. I don't have all the answers, but I'm half way there. When you die if you have to answer to a higher power it's going to take one long look at you and say....nazi's don't pass.

Don't take this the wrong way dude, but really re-read what you said. You use a bunch of ambiguous words and phrases like "corruption", "money = slave system", and "eugenics". I'm sure everything you said makes sense to you, but thats probably becuase you are in a reality tunnel where this negative stuff all seems normal and makes logical sense.

But you see, it also makes logical sense to think "Well I dont know wtf I'm doing on this planet, so I'm just gonna try to enjoy my life as much as possible, doing things I enjoy (or doing things I have to do, like work/study...etc in order to do the things I enjoy)". People that live in this or a similar "reality tunnel" IMO usually don't like people who live in other more negative reality tunnels. Maybe that is why you haven't had success with women. Its also why depression is difficult to get out of.

Maybe what I just said doesn't make sense to anyone except me, but when I read the concept of reality tunnels, it really changed my outlook on perception and "reality"

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I understand where firebird is coming from.

Although I know two young women right now. One is in a relationship with an older man (she's 20 and he's 27), and it's a very controlling relationship. She is very unhappy. The other girl I know is 18 and is with another 18 year old, and both of them are really nice people...and if you judged him by his looks, you'd think "bad boy"...but he's actually a pretty nice guy.

I say it's different. My 33 year old sister still goes for the bad boys, and gets burned every time.

 

[In a lonely place]

So here I enter a dangerous territory, the one made of generalizations!

I'm not saying one type is all honeysuckle and the other extraordinary but I'm tempted to think these intellectual/spiritual types are not such good mates. The manual/technical types however seem like Mr. Nice Guys with their more simple tastes and needs, even if they look less dazzling.

I'm not so starry-eyed anymore about the great intellects of men I encounter. Now I'm thinking I should volunteer at the next engineering convention or get myself a sandwich every day at a nearby construction site canteen.

What do you think?

I think yes, it can't do any harm for you to look at 'other types' of men. If nothing else it'll increase your experience of how stupid we can be sometimes!
(ALL members excepted of course) ;-)

 

[beautifulsorrow]

Well if you know a man is cerebral, maybe you know it because he's showing it off, and if he's showing it off then he's full of himself. I'm sure you can find a cerebral man who's also good in a relationship, so maybe you should continue looking for that type.

 

[Lednip]

I study philosophy, keep up with modern poetry and read classical literature in my free time. Also I am a very cerebral person, so what I'm trying to say is I'm one of the people you are generalizing. In the past I was a very conceited and narcissistic person, and I made a lot of people very sad. One day though, my body betrayed me and I found myself on my deathbed. Of course doctors intervened and saved me, but I was in the hospital for a period of time. During the duration of my stay, a lot of people visited and supported me. The fact that people took the time to come and visit a nasty person like myself really had an effect. I now know how far a little bit of kindness can go, and I really make an effort now to be a pleasant person (although it's often in vain). I wanted to tell you this because these people you talking about are people too. Even if they act like they want to be alone, they don't want to be. People can change, and I guarantee that if you put the effort in to show these fellows the importance of humility, you will get you're intellectual with a good personality. (Although I can't say if it'll be worth it!)

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I study philosophy, keep up with modern poetry and read classical literature in my free time. Also I am a very cerebral person, so what I'm trying to say is I'm one of the people you are generalizing. In the past I was a very conceited and narcissistic person, and I made a lot of people very sad. One day though, my body betrayed me and I found myself on my deathbed. Of course doctors intervened and saved me, but I was in the hospital for a period of time. During the duration of my stay, a lot of people visited and supported me. The fact that people took the time to come and visit a nasty person like myself really had an effect. I now know how far a little bit of kindness can go, and I really make an effort now to be a pleasant person (although it's often in vain). I wanted to tell you this because these people you talking about are people too. Even if they act like they want to be alone, they don't want to be. People can change, and I guarantee that if you put the effort in to show these fellows the importance of humility, you will get you're intellectual with a good personality. (Although I can't say if it'll be worth it!)

While this is very sentimental...and a lot had falling into this trap and line of reasonings.
The hope of someone changing leads into a lot of faults hope.
To invest so much time and effort into believing an adult
Can get his/her honeysuckle together. So they gatta have one of those near death experinces to wake the fresia up.
To get humble. Get greatful. Get appriciative and considerate of others.
I have a better chance at winning the mega millions Loto...
Eventaully it all leads to survival/self preservations of me getting a little bit Self fish.
I gatta change. I cant fix anyone. i gotta save my own ass.

A narcisiss is someone that's not willing to change.
A self absoring prick..is a self absorbing prick.

 

[fuzzybutt]

I think that you have some kind of certain taste that can't really be applied to everyone. You did call it a generalization though.

I would fall on the creative side though I don't know how I would do in a relationship so I don't know all my weaknesses.

 

[Bubbles]

Hello!

I used to know a builder who was very in tune with human nature. He just knew things. I don't know, maybe he likes to read or think or watch... but he doing something - that makes him see the world in a way that just seem true and right.

And I met a man who was unemployed, he was the funniest man I have met. Having him home for a coffee and a smoke was like a night out watching a stand up. And we all know comedians are very clever, yes?

So , behind that working class man , you can find a treasure, go for it !

 

[Aube]

@Lednip: I like your life story. It goes to show that changing is possible when faced with death. In fact, I experienced something similar when I saw a narcissist change as he was nearing death. As another poster says, you just have to go through a lot with a narcissist and it may not be worth it. Unless they have a near-death experience.

I've been willing to give intellectual men a chance. I find I don't have the same patience anymore. There might be good-hearted intellectual men, it's just that I don't know where they are.

I'm willing to give a ''simple man'' a chance now, unlike before. It would be nice if someone has both a good heart and a strong intellect but then, a strong intellect does not necessarily show into a love of books or an intellectual profession. If I have to pick, I'd choose a good heart and an ability to be in a relationship first and foremost and of course to be happy with the other person. Then, after that comes being curious and interested in ideas but it's not a prerequesite anymore. Yeah, my checklist is very short now.

 

[firebird85]

The men you look for are out there. Millions. But are you willing to stop being shallow. That's what women need to decide. Guys like mare are living true forced loneliness because I am stereotyped and forced out by the opposite sex. I know that I am living TFL because I have never had any girlfriend, relationships, dates, or even much platonic contact with girls before. So I know how it is to be undesireable and non-existant to the opposite sex because I am.

 

[Limlim]

I think that is what she is saying firebird. Or rather is the conclusion she's come to based on her OP.

 

[flaneur]

(embedding was disabled)

 

[Aube]

(embedding was disabled)

Yeah, that's exactly it and more.