Absolutely bamboozled!

[TheSolitaryMan]

This is gonna sound a bit vague I'm afraid, but my goodness I'm in a confusing situation right now!

Have been around this girl socially for about 5 months now. She's really shy, and I've also been pretty shy with her overall. But I've been making a real effort to talk more recently and I feel this really relaxed connection just recently when we're talking.

There's tons of eye contact going on, we're standing near each other, lots of smiling...all great stuff. At least very friendly, if not romantic.

We seem to have quite a bit in common. Both shy, like the same leisure activities, neither of us are crazy party people etc. etc.

Additionally, she's also said some things to me that could be logically construed as flirty. Like asking to see my work out routine, saying stuff I've said is really funny, telling me she misses me. Sometimes I'll catch her seemingly looking at me too.

Last week she was talking to some female friends and I sort of waited to have a quick chat with her, but since she was busy I went to leave. She suddenly caught up with me and asked if I was going to hang around with her, which I was surprised at.

So I did. We talked. During this talk we casually mentioned free time and she said that she really wanted to see a certain show. Again, I was surprised she told me this, and didn't bring it up further because I didn't want to embarrass her. When she went to leave, she seemed to wait for me too.

Anyway, fast forward a day. We're getting on well again. So well, in fact, that I casually asked her if she wanted to see the show she mentioned together.

Her response? *Slight pause* "Yeah. I think my friend wants to see it too?"

So basically, we're now apparently going all together with this/these friend(s) of hers. I'm not sure if that means that I got "nicely rejected" or what? I'd almost rather she'd just said no

Weirdest thing is, other girls have sort of flirted with me when she's around, and she seems to dislike that (in terms of suddenly paying me more attention when that happens). Yet now that I really put myself out on a limb to spend a little time with her, I feel like perhaps I've made a mistake?

 

[kamya]

I dunno. Not much to go on yet. Maybe try asking her to join you for a date doing something you were already planning on doing. Then it would be more concrete whether you were rejected or not.

 

[Bob Arctor]

If she likes you it could just be that she's shy and would feel more comfortable on your first outing together if she had some friends along. The last girl I dated we started by hanging out with her friends. This is now a paragraph.

 

[Barbaloot]

Yeah, I wouldn't try to over analyze it right now. It could just be that she's shy and isn't fully comfortable with it just being the two of you, it could be that she's not sure, and it could also be that she had talked about it with a friend between the time she mentioned it and when you asked, and she had already agreed to see it with them (a handy tip for next time, if a girl you fancy brings up something she'd like to do or see, ask her if she'd like to go with you then and there, don't wait a day ).
Once you go on your group date you will get a better understanding of the situation.

Don't think of it as a mistake, you don't really know what's going on yet.

 

[Walley]

ya, what they said. dont over analyze things. there could be many explainations. could be a safetly thing where she likes to have someone else around at the start.. or could even just be that her and her friend already planned to go but she didnt want to turn you down?
it could be a positive thing. but either way dont let it effect you.

hey, never know, maybe the friend wants in too and they want to be the bread on a TheSolitaryMan sandwich!

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Once you go on your group date you will get a better understanding of the situation.

Trying not to get too negative. It's just a weird situation!

We hung out at someone else's house quite a while back, also with one of her friends, and she said she really enjoyed the evening. She sat next to me and was really talkative, asked me a lot about my hobbies and stuff.

At the end of that night, she stopped me from leaving for a moment, looked into my eyes and asked when we'd next meet up. I mean, is that flirty or am I just crazy? o_0

I find it utterly perplexing, with those kinds of cues for so long, not to mention a specific "I really want to do X", I kind of thought she'd be pretty unhesitant when it came to this event. Instead it was sort of like she was a bit surprised or worried that I mentioned it :\

Edit:

hey, never know, maybe the friend wants in too and they want to be the bread on a TheSolitaryMan sandwich!

Lol! Thanks Walley, that gave me a laugh

 

[Badjedidude]

So basically, we're now apparently going all together with this/these friend(s) of hers. I'm not sure if that means that I got "nicely rejected" or what? I'd almost rather she'd just said no

If she's as shy as you say, then it's possible that she's just not quite ready to be ALONE with you yet.

That's fine. She may need time to feel comfortable with you and you alone. Maybe she needs her circle of friends to approve of you. Who knows?

The point is -- go ahead and go to the thing and enjoy yourself. Spend time with her, talk to her. Meet some of her friends. Be nice. Tell her you had fun when you leave.

And then the next time you're with her, you can ask (jokingly) if her friends liked you and mention that you'd like to hang out again.

*shrug*

Don't worry so much about this. These sort of things are pretty fluid.

IN MY OPINION:

YOU DID THE RIGHT THING IN ASKING IF SHE WANTED TO SEE THE SHOW.

Don't look back and question yourself -- just move forward with confidence and accept the path you've chosen.

 

[Tiina63]

It could just be that she and her friend had already discussed seeing the show together and she didn't want to let her down.

 

[theraab]

Like everyone else said, it isn't quite clear what she wants. However, when she said that her friend wanted to see the show too, she may have been fishing to see if it was a date or just hanging out between friends. The fact that she seems jealous, and that she always wants to hang out with you is a good sign that she wants to be more than friends (but again, it's hard to judge from here).

It may be (as other people have said), that she wants someone along because she's shy. After the show you might mention that you had a good time and would like to go just the two of you some time and see how she reacts - the worst that could happen is she says no (in which case you are no worse off than you are now).

 

[The Good Citizen]

Yep its not a bad sign, I suspect as Tina said she didn't want to break a promise to her friend.
Look at it this way if she had just plain said yes to just the two of you going, you'd be racked with pre-date nerves by now and given that you've been friends so long theres still no guarantee it would have been treated as a date by her anyway.

Your tricky moment is still to come, at some point you have to make some sort of move to let her know how you feel, unless she plays a blinder and does it for you. *don't bank on that!*

 

[Walley]

It could just be that she and her friend had already discussed seeing the show together and she didn't want to let her down.

that's my take on it. seems most likely

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Well, seeing as I've not heard anything since I asked (a few days now), I'm feeling really embarrassed. I don't think I should be the one to call either, because that'd be pushy/creepy.

I think I shall just go by myself, so next time I see them I can say I've been. Would be a lot less awkward for all concerned.

Like everyone else said, it isn't quite clear what she wants. However, when she said that her friend wanted to see the show too, she may have been fishing to see if it was a date or just hanging out between friends. The fact that she seems jealous, and that she always wants to hang out with you is a good sign that she wants to be more than friends (but again, it's hard to judge from here).

It may be (as other people have said), that she wants someone along because she's shy. After the show you might mention that you had a good time and would like to go just the two of you some time and see how she reacts - the worst that could happen is she says no (in which case you are no worse off than you are now).

Yeah, I also wondered if she was "fishing" for some sort of confirmation. But even so, I didn't have the guts to say: "Nah, I just wanted to hang around with you."

I don't think she would have taken that well, though of course I can't really say for sure. Would have been cringeworthy regardless.

I know I shouldn't regret asking, but I think I do... XD

 

[Tealeaf]

I still think she might have been confused as to whether or not what you're asking for is a date or a friendly outing. At this point you're not losing anything if you call.

 

[Walley]

I don't think I should be the one to call either, because that'd be pushy/creepy.

dude.. be the one to call her. what's wrong with that?
it will clarify everything and she will know that you're interested.
it's not too creepy or pushy at all! creepy is waiting on her doorstep in the morning and jumping out of the bush with flowers in your hand. pushy would have been to not walk away in the first place without an answer.

call to say.. hey, so what do you think about going to see that movie we talked about? I would like to see it tomorrow night and wondered if you would like to go?
if she brings up her friend again, just say something like.. sure! your friend can come along, but we wont be able to count that as our first date so i'll have to ask you out to dinner another time ;p

you shouldnt worry so much about seeming pushy or desperate. in general girls like a guy that knows what he wants and makes an effort. and a girl knowing that you like her can be the desiding factor in her accepting you.
ive seen it before, where a girl first meets a guy and it could go either way, until he makes an effort or says something witty and changes her view.

 

[The Good Citizen]

call to say.. hey, so what do you think about going to see that movie we talked about? I would like to see it tomorrow night and wondered if you would like to go?
if she brings up her friend again, just say something like.. sure! your friend can come along, but we wont be able to count that as our first date so i'll have to ask you out to dinner another

Ha smooth, you should try that. That is a GREAT test the water suggestion.

 

[monkeysocks]

All good suggestions above - better to know, if she is shy you definitely going to have to make the first move to find out.

If your not brave to try other suggestions there is always in writing

plucking ideas out of the air here - but something like a text saying 'shopping for christmas cards, would you like one with 'Friend' or 'Girlfriend on the front ?'.

 

[Chikid]

I know I am in no place to give advice on talking to girls but if I were you I would just ask her out to lunch. If you work together maybe go on lunch break or if you go to school then ask to go eat after school or something

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Well, she never got back to me when I left a message. Game over, I guess?

Really strange, I could swear sometimes she seems really interested in me and it's like we're so similar and conversation feels like entering a warm bath. Never really been able to relax like that while talking before.

She'll make strangely personal comments suddenly, ("You can always trust me.", "When will I next see you?", "It was really great to see you again.") then I get weird situations like this where I feel like I'm an idiot for expressing that I like being around her.

I'm really starting to think I just don't 'get' how girls think (no offence to the fine ladies here intended!) Or at least, all the girls I've met in recent years seem to really flirt with me (even physically) and then just suddenly drop into some sort of gigantic emotional non-sequitur.

 

[monkeysocks]

If she didn't get back to you I would leave the ball in her court if it was me. Chase her and you will be putty in her hands.

She may just be busy, so keep all your options open and if you get other opportunities take them up.

Sometimes women do just want to be friends, but they should be honest from the start.

 

[Walley]

ya, what she said^^

I have been married for 17 years, and have many female friends. if any (straight) guy has them figured out.. it would be someone like me.
but guess what? lol I havent yet either.
the good thing is.. that we don't have to!
and to be prefectly honest with you, no matter what the ladies say.. they don't really want you to figure them out!
it's like learning how to tie a corset, even if you become a pro they still probably wont want you in the dressing room lol.

I will tell you the secret that I have learned. the secret behind communication with the opposite sex is...
to treat them as another person. they are not a different species or the prey to your predator instincts.
they want pretty much the same things you want. (the right girl for you will anyways)
talking to a girl is easy! it's like talking to yourself...
the only thing to remember is, do not assume you know what they are thinking at all times unless they have made an effort to make it clear.
that can only lead you down the path to the darkside of the force.