Angry...

[grainofrice24]

Coffee, cigarettes, more coffee, bourbon.

Get up, go to work. Get the crap kicked out of you for 10-12 hours. Leave the office

Cigarettes - coffee.

Take-out or cook. Eat.

Climb in bed - throw on Ipad.

Pass out.

Repeat.

40 years of that? I don't ******* think so.

You ever feel the world ******* with you. I eat healthy all week - and then your cousin shows up with your favourite kind of casserole - "I made you this for helping me move last weekend".

And you eat the whole ******* thing. Ugh now I'm disgusted with myself. Undid a week's worth of work!

Try to work from home - the wifi gives out and you can't do honeysuckle.

Try to do something nice - buy muffins for the whole team - you slip and drop them all over the parking lot...after you've told everybody you brought muffins.

Try to help somebody out - you overlook something and get burned.

The only things I do right - are in the first line. What does that tell you. All that nice loving happy good-time sunshine and rainbows bullshit. Not my style.

Awake at 4 AM smoking over a hot IDE (shout-out to all my programmers) - for enough money to keep me alive until the cirrhosis/lung-cancer kicks in is all I got eh? Might as well roll with it yeah?

Cheers to that

 

[Jayne26]

The joy of being an adult

sleep
eat
work
repeat, repeat, repeat.

 

[dd11]

My 19 yr old son is discovering the joys of being an adult. He just got new tires on his car. Then his 'low tire pressure" came on. He looked at his tires, then I saw him out there mumbling some curse words changing his tire, putting the spare on and then he had to take his tire to the shop to have a screw removed from it and have it patched. We have spent the last 2 months with all our cars in the shop.
But, find some fun when you can. Yesterday, DD and I loaded up our bikes and took at 7 mile jaunt through the Rails to Trails in the woods going over some beautiful bridges, observing a blue heron and some other wildlife on a beautiful sunshining day.

 

[Despicable Me]

Awake at 4 AM smoking over a hot IDE (shout-out to all my programmers)

Which IDE would that be?

a beautiful sunshining day.

Sunshine often makes me angry.
The heat and unnecessary levels of light hurt both my skin and my eyes.

I like cold, cloudy, rainy days.

 

[constant stranger]

I'd spout some pollyanna platitudes grainofrice, but my supply of them has run dry.

Keep on keeping on.

It's better than the alternative.

 

[Sometimes]

...

40 years of that? I don't ******* think so.

...

I'd like to hear you expand upon this idea.

 

[IndigoSpace]

Coffee, cigarettes, more coffee, bourbon.

Get up, go to work. Get the crap kicked out of you for 10-12 hours. Leave the office

Cigarettes - coffee.

Take-out or cook. Eat.

Climb in bed - throw on Ipad.

Pass out.

Repeat.

40 years of that? I don't ******* think so.

You ever feel the world ******* with you. I eat healthy all week - and then your cousin shows up with your favourite kind of casserole - "I made you this for helping me move last weekend".

And you eat the whole ******* thing. Ugh now I'm disgusted with myself. Undid a week's worth of work!

Try to work from home - the wifi gives out and you can't do honeysuckle.

Try to do something nice - buy muffins for the whole team - you slip and drop them all over the parking lot...after you've told everybody you brought muffins.

Try to help somebody out - you overlook something and get burned.

The only things I do right - are in the first line. What does that tell you. All that nice loving happy good-time sunshine and rainbows bullshit. Not my style.

Awake at 4 AM smoking over a hot IDE (shout-out to all my programmers) - for enough money to keep me alive until the cirrhosis/lung-cancer kicks in is all I got eh? Might as well roll with it yeah?

Cheers to that

I know I've posted up a thread that might have come across as Pollyanna - ish, but I do get your post as well. I've been in this place many times. Not the cigarettes though as I don't smoke, but you can be sure I make up for it with tons of chocolate.

One of the reasons I take myself out everyday at the weekends is because I'm scared of just sitting all the time in the house, because of the effect on my health. As for the lung cancer, etc, I'm sure it's more complicated than whether you smoke or not. I read that Japanese men are the world's biggest smokers and have the lowest rates of lung cancer and heart disease and it's probably due to their diet. Don't quote me on this though as I don't have the literature to hand now, lol. Also it's still better not to smoke I'm sure. What I'm really getting at here is that I think we add to our stress levels by telling ourselves what is fattening, unhealthy, etc, when we've already got enough going on with coping with being alone. Then that added stress can make us ill, not the excessive sitting, eating, or smoking, etc...although it can of course.

I'll stop rambling now

 

[grainofrice24]

Thanks everyone for the responses.

@despicable me - IDE may not be the right term. I run a lot of data-base queries. SAP / SAS / SQL - all open at the same time . I prefer the dark summer nights, over the bright sunshiny days. I sometimes go for drives late at night...1-2 am on a weeknight. Nobody is out - the birds haven't started chirping - got some ambient music on the radio....just wish I could drive forever like that...

@constant stranger - thanks for the kind words...and sparing me the stomach churning optimism .

@sometimes - to quote the deadbeat hero:

Life is like a movie. If you've sat through almost half of it and it's sucked the whole way through...it's probably not going to get good right at the end to make it all worth the while. Nobody should blame you for walking out early

I can't keep this up for another 40 years - maybe I can...but if it's all for nothing...why the hell should I?

@Indigo Space - I suppose I should quit smoking. I agree with your other note...trying to solve the side-problems is made all the more difficult when all the while debilitating depression / misery remains unopposed. You're not rambling...but in case you are - to quote the great Robert Plan - Ramble On!