Any hope to find my "type" is practically nonexistent...

[Pike Creek]

I do think it's important that you have some things in common. If you have nothing in common, I really don't see how things can progress at all. But having all things in common is rare. If you are getting to know someone and you struggle for conversation because of the lack of common interests, even if you have a love at first sight type of phenomenon happening, you'll lose interest in that person quickly. I don't see how love can progress if you have nothing to talk about but the weather etc...

 

[Case]

Don't you think a spark can develop though, over time, even if it was not there right away? I have heard before of people who just saw each other as friends at first, sometimes even for a very long while, only to date later.

Yes. I had a spark develop over time. That was with the woman I married. I met her, and found her intriguing, but she was attached at the time, so I shut it all down. She became a friend. I knew her for months before I ever felt a spark.

- since conversation is such a big part of getting to know and enjoy someone, how do you move things forward conversationally with someone that you have little to nothing in common with? I have such a hard time wrapping my brain around the idea that you can have a spark with someone who doesn't have your interests, because to me it seems that it would be really hard to get a conversation going with someone who isn't interested in the things you like.

One girl I had little in common with, I was able to have (and I am not joking here,) six or seven hour conversations on the phone with her. What did we talk about? Life. Her life, my life, the life ahead, etc. What was she interested in? What did she desire? What frustrated her? I was fascinated by her views on things, as I am fascinated by people. I can have a conversation with almost anyone as long as they have something to say and they know how to keep a conversation going.

Sometimes these conversations lead to sparks, and in other times, the spark is already there before we even know the other person's name. I had one where we teased each other back and forth the moment we met. I knew nothing about her, but already I felt that spark, that vibe where I wanted to lock onto her and know everything about her. We ended up dating for a while.

 

[TheSkaFish]

But having all things in common is rare.

I actually met someone like that once. Star Wars? Lord of the Rings? Sci fi and fantasy? Videogames? Pencil-and-paper roleplaying games? Reading? Writing? Drawing? At least some music overlap? Guitar? Outdoorsy and adventurous? Likes pets? Philosophical? Playful personality? Even the same favorite car type?

Checks all around!

We used to share music with each other and she told me about the 7 levels of her dream world. She even told me once that she really liked and respected all the things I had to say, and that I "blew her away quite often".

And as if all that wasn't enough, she was easily one of the most physically attractive women I have ever seen in my life.

Of course, shortly after I met her and started talking to her, she met some guy and that was that. It was about 2 years ago now. She had a few minuses, nobody's perfect - but they were only smoking, which someone can easily quit, and profanity, which I think is likely going to be just something I'm going to have to let slide in the modern world. I don't think I'll be meeting someone else like her again.

One girl I had little in common with, I was able to have (and I am not joking here,) six or seven hour conversations on the phone with her. What did we talk about? Life. Her life, my life, the life ahead, etc. What was she interested in? What did she desire? What frustrated her? I was fascinated by her views on things, as I am fascinated by people. I can have a conversation with almost anyone as long as they have something to say and they know how to keep a conversation going.

Yea, that sort of reminds me of how things were with this last girl, though we actually did have a lot of overlapping interests. We liked some similar music, had some creative pursuits, philosophy, both liked to read and go for walks. We both were looking for some common goals in life too, like how we wanted to make more adventures, more memorable experiences, how that was important to us. And even when we differed on the things we liked, we still both liked things in the same way - with intensity. It was like you said - we discussed interests, desires, fears and frustrations, hopes, dreams, what we'd do if we could meet. Lots of talks that went until 2, 3, or 4 AM. Man. She did have a few significant minuses (atheism, too much profanity, and a strong preference for nonfiction instead of fiction, she couldn't really relate to my love of things like Star Wars but did not oppose it either, so I guess that's not really a minus), but she also had a way of making me interested in what she had to say, and a way of saying things that warmed my heart. I miss those nights.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Of course there is 'types'
I don't like women who are loud or who get drunk all the time.
My type is quiet interesting women. Problem is they don't like me.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

I don't think there are any easy or for certain answers on this one.

The one thing this threads reminds me of is a woman, I believe who came here at one point, might still be registered, but I forget who. I think she made 2 posts or something linking to her page. She's in her late 50's now or something?

She has this absolutely bat honeysuckle crazy website/blog, completely devoted to finding her 'soulmate', not sure if she would call it such a thing, but her companion.

I remember a lot of people critizing her, saying her standards were to high (which they probably were), however, she was very intelligent, and knew EXACTLY what she wanted. Only thing was, she hadn't found it yet.

Now I almost said, "only problem was, she hadn't found it yet." But I decided that wasn't the problem. There really was no problem, see. I didn't read through her entire blog, but I read quite a bit of it. This woman clearly had a VERY high IQ, with a LOT to say, to a world that mostly probably, didn't want to hear 99% of any of it. What strikes me most profound, though, is that, she hadn't given up. The greater portion of her life is over, and I'd be willing to bet, she's still looking, but she hasn't given up. Not only has she not given up, but she doesn't seem to be to bothered or in dispair either.

Thoughts creep in, such as, maybe she doesn't exist, maybe it was some ploy to get website recognition, but nobody in there right mind could possibly fabricate such an intricate falacy.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm not completely sure I know what to say, except that, even though to me, this woman is completely nuts, and I don't personally think she'll ever find who she is looking for, I admire her spirit. I also know for a fact, (due to my awesomeness), that her spirit, will definitely out live her. Decades into the future, some person will find her in the internet archives and read every single word she ever wrote, and be absolutely astonished at her will, her spirit, whatever you want to call it. To me that's amazing. It's amazing because we live in a world where 90 to 99% of the time, people are going to tell us, our dreams are not practical, not logical, have no chance, etc... etc... And largely for many of us, those accusations may turn out to be true, but not always...

I could go the route of saying, our dreams can change, we change, life happens, circumstances occur, we settle here and there, and largely that does occur, and by and large isn't always a bad thing, but there is something to be said for being completely and irrationally uncomprimising on one's hopes and dreams. I think it's rather amazing. And in the end, the people who didn't comprimise, and did realize their dreams... Those are the people who, most often, everyone comes to know, on a global scale, and to admire, and aspire to be. Those are the people who give hope, to, at the very least, this little dreamer, in his mountain of failures...

Go ******* get your life companion, and if I happen to see you both together, whether I know it or not, be damned sure I'll have a smile on my face for the beauty of two people sharing their life together, through the thick and thin of it.

...Sounds like a **** good dream, keep at it, and good luck.

 

[jjam]

Heh. Having a gamer girl to be close to would be awesome. I once had a chance at building friendship with one. As a customer, I discovered she liked gaming. Our simple hellos and customer/server exchanges became quick talks about gaming. One evening she even started up the conversation. I left as usual, but then the unusual happened. I went back in to her workplace and gave her my number and gamertag. I shook her hand, told her my name and got her's.

Really positive stuff, right?

Never heard from her, not even in the virtual world. lol!

After not seeing her in a while, I bumped into her at work. I didn't think it was awkward. I kind of assumed she just wasn't interested, but I didn't throw it at her. I ordered my stuff and didn't let the disappointment throw off my happy groove. On a different day I went in and she gave me this spill about how she normally discards guy's numbers, but that she still had mine. I smiled and gave her positive feedback.

Again, positive stuff, right?

Again, never heard from her. And she ceased working there shortly after.

I won't say that it was all a big game for her. It's entirely possible that she was having a hard time with things not at all related to building friendships, something I can definitely relate to. I think if I ever see her again in this big city, I'd tell her that I'd still like for us to be friends.

Now, I could be discouraged by that experience OR I could give another girl gamer the same kind of attempt and see what happens. It was a good attempt, I think. I shouldn't assume that because it didn't work that it's because I have some unfortunate fate when it comes to building friendships with gamers who are female.

 

[Cucuboth]

Of course there is 'types'
I don't like women who are loud or who get drunk all the time.
My type is quiet interesting women. Problem is they don't like me.

Ha. Yeah. This.

Finding my 'type' isn't so much an issue, to be honest. It's actually BEING someone's 'type' that seems to be impossible ....

 

[ardour]

Yeah I know what you mean about shared interests; if she's not into gaming she'd likely look down on it and make you feel like a loser.

 

[Solivagant]

Yeah I know what you mean about shared interests; if she's not into gaming she'd likely look down on it and make you feel like a loser.

I don't think that's really true. I'm not a gamer, but I'm more than willing to hang with someone while they play, educate myself and listen to them talk about it, if that's what they enjoy. Maybe one day they could even convince me to start playing with them. A lot of people end up taking an interest in their friends' or partner's interests, even if they previously had no interest in it at all. I've been introduced to a lot of things I came to enjoy by other people.

 

[Case]

Yeah I know what you mean about shared interests; if she's not into gaming she'd likely look down on it and make you feel like a loser.

I don't think that's really true. I'm not a gamer, but I'm more than willing to hang with someone while they play, educate myself and listen to them talk about it, if that's what they enjoy. Maybe one day they could even convince me to start playing with them. A lot of people end up taking an interest in their friends' or partner's interests, even if they previously had no interest in it at all. I've been introduced to a lot of things I came to enjoy by other people.

I agree, Soli. It seems like a natural part of getting to know someone you like. I may or may not become a "fan" of a partner's specific interest, but I will always make an effort to ask questions and support her passions. Also, I've never had anyone make fun of any of my interests. That would seem cruel and unusual, and I tend to avoid those types of people anyway.

 

[Alma lost her spoon]

It's more than possible to have a shared outlook with someone without having to be identical mirrors to each other in terms of hobbies & pastimes.

Exploring different possibilities with someone that connects in a similar way is pretty exciting.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Yeah I know what you mean about shared interests; if she's not into gaming she'd likely look down on it and make you feel like a loser.

I don't think that's really true. I'm not a gamer, but I'm more than willing to hang with someone while they play, educate myself and listen to them talk about it, if that's what they enjoy. Maybe one day they could even convince me to start playing with them. A lot of people end up taking an interest in their friends' or partner's interests, even if they previously had no interest in it at all. I've been introduced to a lot of things I came to enjoy by other people.

I feel the same way, Solivagant.

 

[edgecrusher]

Yeah I know what you mean about shared interests; if she's not into gaming she'd likely look down on it and make you feel like a loser.

I'm sure there are some that would, but not all. It is all about shared interests with me. We wouldn't have to play all the same games, but an appreciation for gaming in general seems like a must considering how much I game. There tends to be a certain type of personality that comes with someone who is that nerdy. Like practically awkwardly nerdy, but I think that is cute in a girl because you don't see it often.

 

[ABrokenMan]

I can speak from experience: finding someone who is your type after a long and arduous search, and becoming friends with them, but that person is not interested in a relationship (already taken / spoken for, wishes to remain single, etc) is heartbreaking beyond words.
Be careful of what and whom you wish for.

 

[Punisher]

I want a deep, intimate and legitimate connection. A nerdy gamer girl who also does not want kids and is in no way religious.

You've canceled out almost 90 percent of the world population right there. That will leave 10 percent. But how many in that 10 percent will be female, a nerdy gamer, in your country and will not want children ?

 

[VanillaCreme]

Well, if the hope is gone so is the idea. You should never give up. At least not give up the idea. It's out there, but if you give up, you will most certainly never find it.

 

[Case]

I want a deep, intimate and legitimate connection. A nerdy gamer girl who also does not want kids and is in no way religious.

You've canceled out almost 90 percent of the world population right there. That will leave 10 percent. But how many in that 10 percent will be female, a nerdy gamer, in your country and will not want children ?

Not 90%. The distribution is more like 59% religious, 23% non-religious, and 13% atheist, according to Gallup International's 2012 survey here.

At about 36% non-religious or atheist, I think edgecrusher's chances of finding someone are better than if he said he only want to date a redhead.

 

[Limlim]

fresia, there's this red head I work with that gives me a boner every time I see her. Kind of makes me angry to be honest. Not at her mind you, moreso at having to get up and walk around uncomfortably after.

 

[edgecrusher]

I want a deep, intimate and legitimate connection. A nerdy gamer girl who also does not want kids and is in no way religious.

You've canceled out almost 90 percent of the world population right there. That will leave 10 percent. But how many in that 10 percent will be female, a nerdy gamer, in your country and will not want children ?

Not 90%. The distribution is more like 59% religious, 23% non-religious, and 13% atheist, according to Gallup International's 2012 survey here.

At about 36% non-religious or atheist, I think edgecrusher's chances of finding someone are better than if he said he only want to date a redhead.

I'm not sure of the statistics but from what I've always read it was a little higher than that. I think it's said that 85-90% of people believe in god even if they aren't religious. Though there are certain.... things, that come with that belief so in a way they are sort of religious to begin with.

Either way, I am well aware that I am basically looking for a needle in an oversized haystack.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Either way, I am well aware that I am basically looking for a needle in an oversized haystack.

The needle is still there, though. You just have to dig. If you don't want to, then that's on you. Nerdy, gamer girl won't just knock at your door in an oversized brown sweater, jeans that are too big, and push her glasses up at you and wave as a gush of wind blows your hair around each other until it entwines and you kiss.

Doesn't work like that. You don't keep that open mind, you don't find.