Approaching the end times

[cumulus.james]

It is only a few weeks until I am homeless now. Something strange happened, I can well imagine sleeping in a shop doorway. Freezing cold, hungry, thirsty, alone, scared. I can imagine it because I was thrown out at 15 and spent my first full night on the streets at 16. It was horrible. I went back both times to an abusive family because it was better than being on the streets. So I go to fantasy, impossible things, I just fantasize all the time about different lives.

My most stupid fantasy is that some time traveller or something appears and takes my consciousness and plants it in the body of a happy boy with a loving family, our experiences merge and I get to have a happy childhood and grow up happy and do all the things I should have done and make none of the mistakes I did. Of course it is a stupid fantasy, but I close my eyes and imagine it.

Can you imagine being a happy and normal 11 yr old boy with loads of friends and a family who loves you? It must be wonderful.
I contacted some charities. They can’t help me. I have no friends or family. Nothing.

What I am most ashamed about is that I think I will cry when I am in that shop doorway. I will be a tramp, a worthless pathetic nothing as it is. But I will be crying.

I wish I had a family who loved me.

I am scared. I am really scared.

 

[Jently]

honeysuckle that's bad news and I really feel for you.
I won't give you any suggestions of what you can try, as you're smart enough to know all those.
I have been close to being on the streets a couple of times and yes it's scary.
Thinking of you and hoping something happens quickly so you are ok.

 

[cumulus.james]

Thanks. It is the end for me. And I have no happy memories yet. I get to die in pain. Thats it.

 

[Skid Row 89]

Sorry to hear about what you're going through. Don't give up, you have people here at ALL that care about you including me. I hope things improve for you.

 

[cumulus.james]

Thanks. But they are only going to get worse.

 

[Triple Bogey]

What about shelters for homeless people ?
Or Hostels ?
They have them in my city.

 

[cumulus.james]

I was a rent boy. Being a rent boy is illegal. I am banned from them.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I was a rent boy. Being a rent boy is illegal. I am banned from them.

Move city's then. If you are homeless there is nothing stopping you.

 

[Tiina63]

You aren't a rent boy now. That was in the past and shouldn't mean you can't get into a hostel now.
You are NOT worthless at all and if I saw you crying in a shop doorway I would stop and help you, even if all I could do was to give you some money.

 

[Nuzzy Nuz]

Is there some sort of job u can do to earn a living?

 

[cumulus.james]

Is there some sort of job u can do to earn a living?

Not really, I only know prostitution best. I give blow jobs better than the best female whore. But I am too old now. Gays like to make out they are oh so virtuous, but they want teen boys. A 35 yr old female hooker can still turn tricks, albeit for penuts. I was able to do disgusting things but hold my stomach. It's a hell of a skill. I should have been all the better compensated really. It can take every fibre of your being to supress the gag reflex sometimes.