MY BF WAS MEANT TO TURN UP LAST WEEK and im a guy and he likes me feminine, i have chronic back pain so just like when he stood me up last week i spent TEN HOURS shaving, veeting myself head to toe, nail polishing, preparing a home made romantic meal with valentines presents and candles today, i even bought real truffles to put in the meal, thatl just get eaten by me...alone crying into it now.
waiting for him was magical, it was only a few hours til i get human contact i was high with love and exitement ive waited literally years (nobody has given me any romantic physical contact in years) for and after all that at the time hes meant to ******* well ARRIVE another of these weird random appointments that keeps him standing me up appears at 7pm??? what and who arranges an appointment with you at 7pm? nowheres open!
...again like last time he wants to come over still but, the romance is broken, waiting next time wont be magical itl be after days of severe suicidal depression ill just be extremely impatient next time, its just taken any affectionate or romantic feelings i have and shattered them, tbh i just feel obligated to have him over now, it wont feel special ill just be annoyed, i dont want him NEAR me at the moment....do i let him visit again he could just do it again,... his company isnt looking so appealing now.
this last year has been the worst of my life, a spiral of one crushing blow after another, mother has a stroke, lose all my friends, got bullied and evicted...i wanted one bit of pleasure...i cant see myself feeling very romantic when he finally turns up and i dont think i believe these apointments
this guy has before told me hell accept me anyway i can i spent a day dressing fully female spent all my savings on the train ticket, another time he made me lug my own computer up there as he wouldnt let me use his hes in wiltshire (long way from me if you dont know the uk) and ive social anxiety and it takes 5 hours of hell to get to him on a train both times i did that i got a LONG email criticising every single thing i did when i was there, it cost me all my savings and im on disability, he owned his own business when i visited 2-3 years ago and he wouldnt even help me with the train faire then i get home after going thru hell to be with him to find i had been 'reviewed by him'....and it was scathingly cruel and he was totally oblivious to how hurtfull he was being.
ive considered dumping him hundreds of times but its the only way im ever going to just get hugged or a hand to hold and my life has been painfully lacking in physical contact and i badly need it itl literally driving me to suicide... even my dead wife had to go away for long periods and id only get a few days here and a few days there, my life has been very loveless really and i cant take this kind of crap , hes shattered the romance i was brimming over with and i cant see me being very happy when he finally turns up i dunno if i want him to bother now...
i dont want opinions either way on what to do with the ****** or if im letting him come over now i just have no one else to talk to and am just looking for some kind words please:-(
waiting for him was magical, it was only a few hours til i get human contact i was high with love and exitement ive waited literally years (nobody has given me any romantic physical contact in years) for and after all that at the time hes meant to ******* well ARRIVE another of these weird random appointments that keeps him standing me up appears at 7pm??? what and who arranges an appointment with you at 7pm? nowheres open!
...again like last time he wants to come over still but, the romance is broken, waiting next time wont be magical itl be after days of severe suicidal depression ill just be extremely impatient next time, its just taken any affectionate or romantic feelings i have and shattered them, tbh i just feel obligated to have him over now, it wont feel special ill just be annoyed, i dont want him NEAR me at the moment....do i let him visit again he could just do it again,... his company isnt looking so appealing now.
this last year has been the worst of my life, a spiral of one crushing blow after another, mother has a stroke, lose all my friends, got bullied and evicted...i wanted one bit of pleasure...i cant see myself feeling very romantic when he finally turns up and i dont think i believe these apointments
this guy has before told me hell accept me anyway i can i spent a day dressing fully female spent all my savings on the train ticket, another time he made me lug my own computer up there as he wouldnt let me use his hes in wiltshire (long way from me if you dont know the uk) and ive social anxiety and it takes 5 hours of hell to get to him on a train both times i did that i got a LONG email criticising every single thing i did when i was there, it cost me all my savings and im on disability, he owned his own business when i visited 2-3 years ago and he wouldnt even help me with the train faire then i get home after going thru hell to be with him to find i had been 'reviewed by him'....and it was scathingly cruel and he was totally oblivious to how hurtfull he was being.
ive considered dumping him hundreds of times but its the only way im ever going to just get hugged or a hand to hold and my life has been painfully lacking in physical contact and i badly need it itl literally driving me to suicide... even my dead wife had to go away for long periods and id only get a few days here and a few days there, my life has been very loveless really and i cant take this kind of crap , hes shattered the romance i was brimming over with and i cant see me being very happy when he finally turns up i dunno if i want him to bother now...
i dont want opinions either way on what to do with the ****** or if im letting him come over now i just have no one else to talk to and am just looking for some kind words please:-(