Bully victims need to let it go

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LeaningIntoTheMuse

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Do you agree with this premise?

My opinion is, I've wasted so much time on them already, that it's time to forget it and move on. I'm sure they have.
 
I agree with you, but it is very hard to actually do this. Being bullied can be so devastating that it colours the victim's view of human nature perhaps for the rest of his/her life. It makes trusting anyone very hard. I have been bullied and even now, many years later, have flashbacks to how it made me feel, the mixture of fear, anger, shame, self hatred and hating the bullies. It is good to move past it, but can be hard.
 
It's not as simple as forgetting and moving on for everyone. It depends on the person, and what they went through.

My advice would be to not try and "forget it and move on", but to come to terms with whatever happened to you, and then move on. Repressing how something makes you feel and actively trying to forget the memory could ultimately do more harm than good.
 
Essentially yes this is correct. But the problem is the human mind doesn't work like that. Your let it go principal is true of all negativity and regret in a person's life not just bullying. Just let it go. You can never change the past, only the future. There's a saying, only fools trip on what's behind them. Worrying about yesterday, just wastes today.
 
It's very very hard, especially if you have been bullied about 11 years... :(
 
It's really just a conscious choice. If you want to move on, you can. There's nothing more to it than that.
 
I think to just move on is easier said than done when it comes to bad things that has happened to you, everyone is different i think you can move forward from them but they will color your life experiences so may always be with you even if you are focusing on the future.
I also think that what is going on in your life in the present can also change how you feel about the past, if your life is going well it makes it a lot easier to deal with.
 
Tiina63 said:
I agree with you, but it is very hard to actually do this. Being bullied can be so devastating that it colours the victim's view of human nature perhaps for the rest of his/her life.

More importantly it colours the victim's view of themselves. They're more likely to think of themselves as a weak, vulnerable, and basically an unlikeable person. You can 'let go' of the memories, but the insecurity remains.
 
One of the reasons people bully is because the people they pick on can't let go. It's kind of hard to get a laugh out of picking on someone when the person you're picking on does nothing. It's hard to bully a statue.
 
That's crazy.

I have no doubt there will be some people who dwell on things like that probably shouldn't, but most people are mentally scarred by bullying, forgive the extreme example but it's like telling rape victim to just 'get over it'.
 
There are billions of people in the world, and those that are unhappy are the ones who have decided to be unhappy. If I go into a sombrero store I am doing that because I want a sombrero. And if I feel bad because I was bullied, I am feeling bad because I want to.

Being bullied is nothing like rape, because rape is something that traumatizes people. If you are raped you can go to a support group to start putting your life back together. Even if it doesn't work, you are making it your choice whether you are miserable or not. Bully support groups don't exist because people whom are bullied are not traumatized, unless they choose to be.

I like being happy, so I choose to be. So if you're miserable you have no one but yourself to blame. Bullied people should get a job and a relationship, and then they'll be happy. But they are just too lazy.

This is something unhappy people need to hear, whether they like it or not. But they'll probably just ignore the truth because they want to be miserable.
 
Boring-Weirdo said:
There are billions of people in the world, and those that are unhappy are the ones who have decided to be unhappy. If I go into a sombrero store I am doing that because I want a sombrero. And if I feel bad because I was bullied, I am feeling bad because I want to.

Being bullied is nothing like rape, because rape is something that traumatizes people. If you are raped you can go to a support group to start putting your life back together. Even if it doesn't work, you are making it your choice whether you are miserable or not. Bully support groups don't exist because people whom are bullied are not traumatized, unless they choose to be.

I like being happy, so I choose to be. So if you're miserable you have no one but yourself to blame. Bullied people should get a job and a relationship, and then they'll be happy. But they are just too lazy.

This is something unhappy people need to hear, whether they like it or not. But they'll probably just ignore the truth because they want to be miserable.

Being bullied and being raped has obvious similarities you're not seeing, there's no doubt which one is 'worse' ... if that's your point. People who are bullied can be effected for the rest of their lives, for the most extreme cases it's not just mental, either. It's not uncommon for people do develop emotional abnormalities from these "non-traumatic" events, or even for people to take their own lives.

From what you say people should simply BE happy; it's not like you've lost some money and you can choose weather to dwell on it or not, it's much more deeper and complex than that. If it was that easy do you really think so many people would choose to be miserable?

And bullying groups do exist; a learning environment where you can attend with friends, family or bully victims to develop the skills and techniques required to deal with it, but most of all know that you're not alone.
 
GrannySmith111 said:
One of the reasons people bully is because the people they pick on can't let go. It's kind of hard to get a laugh out of picking on someone when the person you're picking on does nothing. It's hard to bully a statue.

I surely hope you aren't one of the bullies, because, speaking as a long term member, you aren't welcome here if you treat people that way. I don't care if you're young or not.
 
GrannySmith111 said:
One of the reasons people bully is because the people they pick on can't let go. It's kind of hard to get a laugh out of picking on someone when the person you're picking on does nothing. It's hard to bully a statue.
This is how I got around bullying in school. You give them a confused look and you make them seem stupid or you play along with the joke. They'll move on to somebody who gives them more of a response.
 
Dr. Strangelove said:
GrannySmith111 said:
One of the reasons people bully is because the people they pick on can't let go. It's kind of hard to get a laugh out of picking on someone when the person you're picking on does nothing. It's hard to bully a statue.
This is how I got around bullying in school. You give them a confused look and you make them seem stupid or you play along with the joke. They'll move on to somebody who gives them more of a response.

But bullies shouldn't pick on someone who's different.

I was bullied while suffering from bipolar mania/depression and un-diagnosed. Yes, I was weird, but the main reason I was weird was because I was undiagnosed and untreated.

The mentally ill are more likely to commit suicide because of this. Even now, I struggle with my past.
 
LeaningIntoTheMuse said:
Dr. Strangelove said:
GrannySmith111 said:
One of the reasons people bully is because the people they pick on can't let go. It's kind of hard to get a laugh out of picking on someone when the person you're picking on does nothing. It's hard to bully a statue.
This is how I got around bullying in school. You give them a confused look and you make them seem stupid or you play along with the joke. They'll move on to somebody who gives them more of a response.

But bullies shouldn't pick on someone who's different.

I was bullied while suffering from bipolar mania/depression and un-diagnosed. Yes, I was weird, but the main reason I was weird was because I was undiagnosed and untreated.

The mentally ill are more likely to commit suicide because of this. Even now, I struggle with my past.
No they shouldn't but that's life.

I've suffered from depression and anxiety most of my life. My parents we're/are alcoholics and drug addicts and left me to my sister to take care of me when I was nine. Although me living with my sister was better than the alternative of living with my parents it still wasn't the best environment. When I was eleven I was diagnosed with chronic hepatitis C that I got from my mother. This diagnoses and less than ideal childhood lead to my depression and anxiety. Been seriously suicidal dozens of times between then and now.

Long story short bullies had no emotional effect on me because I already had emotional damage from the rest of my life. Nothing they could do could impact me as my life already had. Probably how I was able to dismiss them so easily. Now, this isn't to say the impact bullies had on your life wasn't serious or traumatic, just explains my take on the problem.

Plus, you have to assume bullies are going through their own emotional issues.
 
One long lasting effect of bullying is that it isolates the victim and puts them behind everyone else in terms of social skills. Conversation sharpens our thinking, so what about people who don't get that experience.

Along with that there's evidence that a stressful environment due to violence or psychological torture can stunt a person mentally; it leads to high long-term cortisol levels, the hormone associated with the 'fight or flight' response. and increases the stress response, creating a tendency to overreact to even mild stress. Brain development in young people continues until about the age of 26. And yes I am trying to sound intelligent, but there's some studies to back it up.
 
LeaningIntoTheMuse said:
GrannySmith111 said:
One of the reasons people bully is because the people they pick on can't let go. It's kind of hard to get a laugh out of picking on someone when the person you're picking on does nothing. It's hard to bully a statue.

I surely hope you aren't one of the bullies, because, speaking as a long term member, you aren't welcome here if you treat people that way. I don't care if you're young or not.

^ Well, that was rude of you.

Anyways, hating people takes too much effort and energy. It's best to learn from it and move on. Nobody is going to get over something hurtful just like that, but making the decision to get over it is always a good choice.
 

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