Can mannerisms make you appear ugly?

[JustJones]

I've never had any luck with women. When I talk to them, I either get the impression that they are a bit freaked out by me or they feel sympathetic towards me.
It really confuses me, because I don't consider myself a bad looking guy. I (I can post a picture if you don't believe me, hehe) I'm quite comfortable with my appearance and I really don't know why no one has taken a real shine to me yet.
Now here's the thing. Someone once drew a picture of me, this dude is incredibly talented and has a real knack for capturing a persons character in a drawing, and to my alarm the picture was grotesque. My body was in a real strange position with my elbows stretched out and my teeth pertruding in a big way.
So, what i'm thinking is that my mannerisms and the way I carry myself make me seem a lot less attractive than what I really am.
So do you agree with this? and would you be the kind of person to see through the slightly strange mannerisms?

 

[PieBeNice]

I say you beat the guy who drew the picture.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I say you beat the guy who drew the picture.

Good plan Pie!

 

[SophiaGrace]

Perhaps it IS your mannerisms.

I tend to think my mannerisms are sort of quirky, but no one ever mentions them to me. People are too...well..polite (at least in this culture) to mention such things.

What sort of strange mannerisms might be causing this reaction from girls? Any idea?

 

[JustJones]

Perhaps it IS your mannerisms.

I tend to think my mannerisms are sort of quirky, but no one ever mentions them to me. People are too...well..polite (at least in this culture) to mention such things.

What sort of strange mannerisms might be causing this reaction from girls? Any idea?

That's a very good (and difficult)question.
I know that I have a nervous smile. I'm trying to fix that though. Other than that, I really dont know. I think maybe I walk a bit funny. I get the feeling that maybe I arch my back and stick my neck out a bit. I really don't know though. I feel completely natural in my normal stance and it doesn't "feel" like anythings wrong. I could end up trying to correct a problem that doesn't exist.
What really bothers me though is that I don't think any of it should matter! If I met a nice a girl with slightly strange mannerisms I'm sure I would find it very endearing.

Would anybody else here be put off by how a person carries themself?

 

[Flood]

Yes mannerisms affect the way you appear. If I'm feeling confident, my mannerisms will reflect that. From the way I walk and talk to my facial expressions. I look like a totally different person when I'm feeling low and defeated.

How you carry yourself makes a huge difference.

If you're comfortable with yourself then there's nothing to worry about. But if you're concerned that ppl's perception of you is distorted then yeah I guess you could analyse your mannerisms to start.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

You mean body language ?

I guess picking you nose and ears in front of a girl is not a good thing.lol

Yes..I find certain very, very beautiful women unattractive.
Her attitude and the honeysuckle that comes out of her mouth...I don't mind the cursing.
It's the tone of her vioce and what's she's saying that dosn't match.

You can also easily tell if a woman is interested in you...we you had inneractions with her.
The tone of her vioce will automatic shift...it's not a fake shift..
It's a natural shift. Her vioce will be a little bit softer.

Her body will also shift...none of that hair flingging just to get your attention..(that too is a sign .lol)
She'll invite you into her space or lean into you more.

Here's some tips when dating. Sit next to the girl not across from her.
If you're comfortible in your own skin....She'll start touching you or lean into you.

I play with women's hands all the time...
Thats just something I started doing over the years.

Having been with women almost my entired life. When in a relationship sometimes
I'll just play with my GF's hair in bed or run my fingers and hand all over her body.
Or ..I'll show a lot of public effection for her....not like teenibopper locking lips all the time.

Heck i even have a female friend..We're in the plutonic relationship at the moment.
She touches my body all the time. She always has to have a part of her body touching mine.
When we talk...when not confronting each other with certain dis aggreements..
When we're just chilling...just hanging out. She position herself to my side...She'll leaning into
me and touch her shoulders with mine.

The first time I went shopping with her...she was making body contacts with me the entired time.
it was wierd..cuz for a moment ...i thought we were freaken the semiese twines..lmao

Her tone of vioce is very different when she talks to me verse another guy.
It's a natural shift...that she's not totally awear of. I notice it.lol

In other words..if you work on yourself from the inside out..meaning get rid of the shame, guilt, fears or internal conflicts...
there will be a natural shift of your body language and facial expression.

Get in touch with your body..lmao
When I get stressed or tenssion...I bite down on my jaw.
I stop breathing..I'll hold my breathe.
I'll hold my arms across my body...(don't evade my space...I'm closing up)
I won't make a lot of eyes contact on purpose...(disconnect)
My speach patterns are short and choppy....(no cummunications)

My friend can easily tell if there something wrong with me just by the way I carry myself...even if i tired to hide it or
control it...She'll call me on it or ask me what's really bothering me.

Don't shy away from plutonic relationships...the benifits out wieght the cons.
Sometimes it can lead into an intemate relationship. Other times you'll actaully be closer than your sexaul partner.
At the very least you'll get more comfortiable or more at ease being around the opposite sex.

 

[ledchick]

I remember the first time I saw another person pull their hair out, like I do. I have this terrible nervous habit or what some call Trichotillomania...or something to that effect. I will pull my hair out. Well, I did see another girl on my school bus do the same thing. At the time I was only doing this in private never when someone else could see me. I still think back to seeing that girl do the same thing I did !! and it really was not a pretty thing to see. I went out of my way to ensure that I never did this in public or where anyone can see me, it was such an unattractive thing and it has been blazed in my mind since how hideous it looks to others.
I guess that makes me think that some mannerisms can make a person pretty ugly. I see people that let their cigarette hang out of their mouth and I find that wholey unappealling.

 

[wolfshadow]

I agree with the jist of what Lonesome Crow is saying.

Attractiveness owes at least as much to accessability as it does to aesthetics.
When you engage with another person, it usually doesn't take very long to establish whether they are comfortable in your presence.

If I get the sense around a woman that she doesn't really want to know, it severely diminishes any potential attraction that may have existed beforehand.

 

[ChessGuy42]

I've never had any luck with women. When I talk to them, I either get the impression that they are a bit freaked out by me or they feel sympathetic towards me.
It really confuses me, because I don't consider myself a bad looking guy. I (I can post a picture if you don't believe me, hehe) I'm quite comfortable with my appearance and I really don't know why no one has taken a real shine to me yet.
Now here's the thing. Someone once drew a picture of me, this dude is incredibly talented and has a real knack for capturing a persons character in a drawing, and to my alarm the picture was grotesque. My body was in a real strange position with my elbows stretched out and my teeth pertruding in a big way.
So, what i'm thinking is that my mannerisms and the way I carry myself make me seem a lot less attractive than what I really am.
So do you agree with this? and would you be the kind of person to see through the slightly strange mannerisms?

The short answer is: yes. .. or, rather YES!!!

The long answer is that its more than just mannerisms. I've spent a good amount of time researching this at both informal and academic levels... attractiveness seems to be a multi-modal mental representation. It also seems to be the case that women integrate more information when developing an attitude of attractiveness than men do. A multi-modal representation is one that integrates information from more than one physical sense or (by some definitions) mental process.

In particular, the following factors seem to be integrates when forming an attitude about attractiveness:

General visual appearance. From general physical appearance, the following things can be inferred: fitness, health, and grooming habits. The first factor is generally where the hatred from overweight guys like myself comes into play. Evolutionary psychology claims we use fitness subconsciously as a means to evaluate the likelihood of offspring survival... although what 'likelihood of offspring survival' means seems to differ by gender. Health seems to be a gross picture of one's health, judged by skin tone (how much it deviates from the accepted norm for an individual's race), breathing, and other such characteristics. Grooming is seems to be judged by how well you present yourself according to accepted standards given your fitness and health, and seems to be taken as a sign of how attentive one is.

Tone of voice. There is evidence to suggest that testosterone and estrogen levels actually influence what you soundlike. Again, evolutionary psychology claims we evaluate this mostly subconsciously as a way to evaluate the likelihood of offspring survival, although quite a few women I know are consciously aware that they prefer men with deeper voices.

Touch. - A surprising amount of information seems to be inferred from how and when you touch other people. In particular, decisions about general social awareness, confidence, and interaction comfort seem to be linked to touching. Most know that it's okay to shake hands, hug, or even kiss on the cheek when we're greeting someone... but what is the information content of, for example, touching someone's hand at a socially appropriate point during a conversation? It seems to signal the toucher knows its okay to touch people during conversations, that the toucher is confident the one being touched won't back away, and that the toucher is comfortable enough with the one being touched and with the interaction to touch that person.

Smell. Its the least used sense by the modern human, one of most used sense by our ancestors, and is linked to memory. And.. when memories are recalled, that information content of the recall may be integrated with current experiences in an effect called 'priming'. For example... I can clearly identify the odors from several body sprays that my ex girlfriends used to wear, and I've noticed that I find myself attracted to women wearing the same.. or even similar... scents. I'm fairly sure it's a case of typical classic conditioning: Whenever I smelled this scent in the past, I used to experience positive feelings. Thus, whenever I smell this scent, I should expect to experience positive feelings.



I'd also like to note that this is a theoretical and incomplete breakdown, although there is some evidence to suggest this model of attractiveness decision making is accurate.

 

[JustJones]

I'm DOOMED! haha
That's a thorough bit of info there which has made me realise just how unattractive I am!
Let's see-
I'm pretty pale
I don't have a deep voice
I'm not overly well groomed
I smell like a fusty dish cloth (hehe just kiddin)

I think I need to work on allot of this stuff and SOON!
I think I can handle the touching thing though. Someone once advised me that touching a person as you spoke can give a major impression of confidence and it's something I've been working on lately.
Thanks for the info Chessguy42

 

[ChessGuy42]

I'm DOOMED! haha
That's a thorough bit of info there which has made me realise just how unattractive I am!

Erk, sorry about that!

I hope it helps, though. I've been spending about two years researching this after my last relationship ended leaving me absolutely frustrated and confused. I know I still haven't got the entire picture, but I'm pretty sure I've got some good-sized pieces of it.

I also want to note that this seems to be a continuous decision function, not a discrete function. That is, it has an infinite number of possible values to it as opposed to a finite number. For example, someone might 'assign' you an 'attractiveness value' of 7.548395136791 as opposed to picking one of the ten numbers in the set: {1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10}. The implication of this is that no particular definiciency dooms you. Some may weight more heavily, but there's no lack which can't be overcome.

I also want to note from my personal experiences... paleness isn't necessarily that bad, but don't get your picture taken. I'm extremely pale - I went to school for CompSci for 8 years, so the only tan I ever had was from a monitor screen. Most people don't seem to notice it when I'm out and about (although I do live in an area that isn't full of super-tan people)... but if I get my picture taken, I look like a ghost. Also... if you don't have a deep voice, you can compensate from that by speaking at a slightly slower rate. Slow speech tends to be associated with deeper voices, so you can sort of trick someone into thinking your voice is deeper than it is by speaking more slowly.