Bebeskii
Well-known member
Okay, I've been kind of egotistic for a while. loneliness faded away somehow. Also my empty void does not exist anymore although those things come to me little by little as summertime gets closer. You know I was totally ostracized by my peers and feeling lonely all the time. Now I have become snobbish, very hygienic. I hate living in my country which is a nation slobs. There are too many people who dresses up poorly and dirty as well as habits of spitting, throwing phlegm out and spreading mucus from nostrils in public areas. I know 60% of people are poor in this country but they all have a money to buy a soap so why do they all look so dirty. Those kind of people totally disgusts that I don't even want to look at. Another thing I noticed is that I'm saying 'hello' not often to my classmates though I know no longer hate them. My school principal told my mom few days ago that I'm acting very condescending and haughty. Also I noticed that I've become more confident and independent which is a good thing right ?. There is something that concerns me. Today, my acquaintance from another school come to my school to meet me. He considers me as a friend so I try to be friendly to him. My classmates tell me that I look very similar to that person. He is ugly, too introverted and humble ( I like him but these are true ). I hate to be compared to someone who looks ugly. I'm kind of obsessed with looking more handsome . Honestly, I feel kind of ashamed to be with him. My classmates make a fun of me when I'm with that person like " where is your ..... " or ' How is your very best friend doing ?. I know no matter what others say I must not change my attitudes towards him and I think it is not because of my classmates. The thing is what I did today kind of made him disappointed. I literally run away from him and said very few things and headed home immediately. It was just very awkward and I did not want to around someone like him. I know how I'm acting is wrong but I don't feel it is wrong. I craved for a companionship and was lonely for 2 years. I'm pretty sure my chronic loneliness made me this way. I did not choose to be this way. It is just how it worked after many days of crying and going through tough times. IDk, any advice to me ? Words like 'underling', 'idiot' has come my common vocabulary words and all I aspire is to become very successful in everything I do and become upwardly mobile.