confronting parents?

[skapunk23]

I'm starting to become annoyed with my parent.

I'm 18, and I got my driver's license about a month ago and i've been regularly driving to school for almost two weeks. I got my own gas, and I drove to my friend's house over the weekend, which is about a 30 minute drive.

When I got my license, my parent described two rules to me:

1) No driving with someone else in the car (IE, I can't drive friends places)
2) I can't ride in a friend's car (friends can't drive me places)

And that's all she said.

So, today, there was this teacher-vs-student softball game that my high school put on, and I wanted to go. My friend was playing and a lot of people that i'm sort of friendly with were going to be there. I'd like to become better friends with them.

I decided that I wanted to go and set up a plan with my friend where I'd follow him to the field in my car. The plan was made today.

Then I started thinking about whether or not i would be able to go because of parental permission. I was going to call her with my cell, but she's at work and she can't answer her phone a lot. If she picked up, she'd've said something like "you're bothering me with this right now?". She's said that kind of thing when I've asked to go to friends' houses before. I didn't want to make her angry at me for bothering her, so I decided not to call and just forget about the game.

So here's the problem: I really want to confront her and ask a bunch of questions about her rules. I'm sick of having to guess at what she'll say so I won't make her angry with me. Like, "If I decide to go someplace after school, do I have to call you and ask permission, or do i just have to leave a message about where I'll be at?" and "Where can I go, and where can't I?"

How can I do this without causing a massive problem?

 

[Sola]

Hmm... I do agree there has to be clearer communication about the guidelines.
Perhaps you can find a time when she's not working or up to her nose in some task... and approach her in a respectful way... just explain that you need clarification on a few points, and definitely do present her with some "what if" scenarios.

Perhaps if she sees that you are asking because you are attempting to respect the rules that she laid down, she might not be so short with you.

 

[Bluey]

WOW! I would not say its you coursing the problem mate.

I would say its your parents. I mean when you pass your test part of the fun is driving with friends. why would they give you a rule like that? It makes no sans to me. If they can not trust you then you would do as you please anyway. Do they think that you would get into trouble with a friend in the car? Are even you in there car. This to me is crazy.

I mean you would end up in moor trouble by taking separate cars I would of thought cos that could turn into a race.

I am not anyone that you should be listing to but mate your 18. If I was you I would do as I pleased just as long as your not breaking any law. and I mean the law of the land not some overprotected parental law.

 

[Irishdoll]

Well, I'm not really sure of your mom's personality, but as a mom I can try to give you a few scenarios that may help.
You could find a time that would be a quiet moment for her when she isn't so rushed and ask her if she would mind answering some of your questions about the rules.
You could also try writing her a letter or e-mailing her your questions.
If nothing else, leave her a voicemail and ask her when she might have time to answer some of your questions about the rules, since it's all still a pretty new thing and you want to be sure to follow her rules.

I hope some these ideas helped and good luck to you.

 

[Bluey]

Well I think you have had better advice of other ppl then me. But I know what I would have done at 18. And that is whatever I wonted to lol seriously I would of told my mum where to get off and no messing I would have.

 

[Minus]

How can I do this without causing a massive problem?

Maybe if you saw it as clarifying the rules instead of a confrontation. If you are trying to follow her rules you need to understand what she expects.

I don't know your mother but what you want to know seems quite reasonable.

 

[bookbinder]

I am not anyone that you should be listing to but mate your 18. If I was you I would do as I pleased just as long as your not breaking any law. and I mean the law of the land not some overprotected parental law.

Quite the rebel eh, Bluey?

Skapunk, don't be paying him any mind.

My parents had the same rules. Ask for clarification; it'll prevent you from getting into trouble with your mom later on.

Your mom must be some kinda beast for approaching her to be such a big deal.

 

[skapunk23]

Your mom must be some kinda beast for approaching her to be such a big deal.

Yes and no. Yes because I'm basically frightened of her(i don't want my other freedoms taken away). Also yes because she created those rules, so i don't think she wants me to feel like i have the freedom to do whatever i want.

No because it's possible i might be making too much of a deal over it.

Thanks to all of you for your advice, I really appreciate it. I still haven't discussed it with her, but I'll try to tomorrow.

 

[Elaeagnus]

Well, if you're living in your parent's house, you have to follow her rules, right? You are old enough to live on your own, so that's always an option. But if you want to stay at home (which is understandable), I guess the issue is you want to make sure you understand all the rules. Maybe just choose a good time when you're both calm and relaxed, like over a meal or on the weekend, and say that you're not 100% sure about her expectations. Asking for clarification shouldn't make her angry, I'd think. There's nothing wrong with it, especially since you've only been driving for a short time, and some new situations have just popped up that you didn't know how to address. The key is to stay calm and try to have an open conversation. Good luck.

 

[skapunk23]

I talked to my mom last night and she told me that i can call and leave a message if i'm going to a friend's house, but i can't go any place but there. She doesn't want me "gallivanting around".. whatever that means.

That's definitely better than before. Thanks for your help everyone

 

[bookbinder]

She doesn't want me "gallivanting around".. whatever that means.

Hahahaha

I've heard that phrase many a time. It means generally running about without regard for anyone's interests but ones own.

God, parents are more alike than they know.

 

[Mr. Sir]

I'm starting to become annoyed with my parent.

I'm 18, and I got my driver's license about a month ago and i've been regularly driving to school for almost two weeks. I got my own gas, and I drove to my friend's house over the weekend, which is about a 30 minute drive.

When I got my license, my parent described two rules to me:

1) No driving with someone else in the car (IE, I can't drive friends places)
2) I can't ride in a friend's car (friends can't drive me places)

And that's all she said.

So, today, there was this teacher-vs-student softball game that my high school put on, and I wanted to go. My friend was playing and a lot of people that i'm sort of friendly with were going to be there. I'd like to become better friends with them.

I decided that I wanted to go and set up a plan with my friend where I'd follow him to the field in my car. The plan was made today.

Then I started thinking about whether or not i would be able to go because of parental permission. I was going to call her with my cell, but she's at work and she can't answer her phone a lot. If she picked up, she'd've said something like "you're bothering me with this right now?". She's said that kind of thing when I've asked to go to friends' houses before. I didn't want to make her angry at me for bothering her, so I decided not to call and just forget about the game.

So here's the problem: I really want to confront her and ask a bunch of questions about her rules. I'm sick of having to guess at what she'll say so I won't make her angry with me. Like, "If I decide to go someplace after school, do I have to call you and ask permission, or do i just have to leave a message about where I'll be at?" and "Where can I go, and where can't I?"

How can I do this without causing a massive problem?

you need to hold them at emotional gunpoint. follow your conscience. if it's not morally wrong, it's not morally wrong. don't let your parents control you like mine did.