Darn those tears

[roundasapenguin]

I think if I wasn't human, I'd be a watering pot.

But since I am human, I dare think I'm a human watering pot. I don't know if someone of you out there experience this but whenever I'm faced with situations that upsets me, even the slightest bit, I feel my face going all red and to my horror, the tears start coming out.

To be honest, I am not THAT upset that I'd feel the need to cry but the tear ducts do not appear to be listening to me. At the slightest of challenge from a colleague or someone, even though I know it is not something that's like end-of-the-world upsetting, I can literally FEEL the tears pooling in the eyes and its such a horridly embarassing reaction.

Does anyone out there experience this? How do you stop it? I tried various things - thinking about other stuff (which is kind of hard when you have a confrontation infront of you), looking at the floor, bitting the inside of my cheek.

I hate this pathetic reaction of my eyes which I cannot control

 

[SophiaGrace]

crying is the most embarassing thing to do in front of another person I think.

Me personally, i just remove myself as quickly as I can from the situation...

 

[Tyche]

To tell you the truth, alot of the time i don't even feel the tears starting, until they're falling. Most situations dealing with authority figures leave me in them, or both of us. I have tried holding my breathe, and slowing the panic inpulse, taking calming breathes and regulating them. It sometimes helps, but i like SophiaGrace's response too. Remove yourself quickly.

 

[Brian]

I haven't experienced that myself.

But I do know of a Fire Chief who, by all accounts, is incredibly emotional, and openly cries when he has hard decisions to make, or at award ceremonies. Yet he still leads a fire department.

So you're not alone, I guess?

 

[Enchantress]

Oh Yes I can totally relate to that cause me too ,even worse,sometimes when I get really angry and outraged at someone I can't stop my tears.Can't control them and it's exactly like your tear ducts don't listen to your will at all.That makes you appear weak,vulnerable and easy to get to though you might not care at all.That sucks! I wish there was a cure.Wish I could never cry if it has to be like that.

 

[Badjedidude]

I haven't cried in like 5 years. I feel sorrow/grief normally (like when a friend dies or something)...but I don't display it or actually cry tears. I don't know if that's because I CAN'T cry or because I simply don't. *shrug*

----Steve

 

[cheaptrickfan]

Does anyone out there experience this? How do you stop it? I tried various things - thinking about other stuff (which is kind of hard when you have a confrontation infront of you), looking at the floor, bitting the inside of my cheek.

I also cry when I get really angry, and I HATE it. I haven't found a way to stop it yet.

It was at its worst when my ex and I were arguing. He'd make me so upset and angry I'd start crying and then I'd feel as though he'd sneer at me for being so weak that I'd let my feelings get out of control. Awful.

One benefit of being alone - there is no one to fight with to get me that angry.

 

[Zak]

I rarely cry though I get sad and super emotionally depressed or whatever you call it, by even the slightest of things, but its difficult for me to cry actually. But what's awkward is, when I get upset, my face really looks like I m gonna cry the next moment like my eyes kinda become bigger and I will have a serious face and stuff. So people actually think that I will cry in the next few seconds, little do they know that I found a way to counter it by smiling right at their face (might even make it look more awkward lol but still) and for some reason, it works on the 'getting scolded' part lol

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I can shed tears of happiness as much as tears of sorrows.

Boys don't cry. Girls don't get angery. That's really retarded programing.
It's control through guilt and shame. Sometimes it's deep ingrain that a person will become an emotion phobia and to the piont
of thinking there's something wrong with them. Stuffing your emotions (anger/pain) will lead to depression...
Errr you're surpressing and depressing something that is natrual. It's like holding your fucken breath

Crying is good for you. It release toxian from your brain. It also release the tension and stress from your
mind and body.

No, I don't like to cry in public..but I've broken down into uncontrolable crying in a room full of people many times.
I've also watched many grown men break down and cry thier heart out. It's healing.

Somewhere alone the line when I cried in front of people. I stopped worrying what other things about me.
It's kind of like being able to laugh at myself..Okay, so i made an ass out of myself...so what.

Okay so I cried my heart out for wahtever hurt and anger I was holding on to. She had to hold me like a baby.
No she's not my mother. But i do know, she loves me and care about me very, very much.
She's also cried her heart out for whatever hurt and pains she went through. We are very close, today.
Trust building....I actaully understand her. She actaully understand me. No guilt. No shame.

The closest people to me. Poeple that cares and love me (male or female) I've watched those people cried their heart out.
There's no guilt or shame in it. Actaully these people are very , loving, confidence and successful people.
They're not afraid to cry and they're not afraid of being themselves.

 

[Danielle]

I so agree Lonesome Crow....

Crying is a healthy release. It's better to cry than to not cry when you need to. Men and women, cry when you need to....or feel it. It does not display weakness. It takes more courage to cry in front of others than it does to remain stoic. Crying shows that you are human... that you are alive....that you feel.

 

[PoWer2tHePeOpLE]

It was at its worst when my ex and I were arguing. He'd make me so upset and angry I'd start crying and then I'd feel as though he'd sneer at me for being so weak that I'd let my feelings get out of control. Awful.

*******. sounds exactly like my stinkhole of a father.
---

i used to work in customer service and there were girls who ran into management that was cold hearted and made more than a few of them cry, this would make me angry when i heard these stories and i knew who were the icy culprits responsible for spreading these little powergames of domination and control and i am afraid i made it my personal mission to take a few of these bastards down ... (maybe that's immature.. dont know..)

so i found myself in a few screaming match power struggles that were heard by the entire supermarket.. ok, sure so a few people seemed afraid of me and i managed to isolate myself socially even more than i was, but at least i took down the tyrants a peg or two.. (i hope)

regarding your embarrassment of crying in public..

a friend of mine was telling me that when he was in primary school a student did a performance of a song in front of the class, some of the kids were visibly embarrassed by this performance, so at the end of it the teacher said that anyone that was embarrassed by that, 'it was their problem'... i like that the teacher pointed this out..

it's like some forms of embarrassment seem to be internalised by us because 'other' people find it difficult to deal with, and it's really them that are embarrassed.

jennifer saunders and dawn french have a chant, 'i will not fear ridicule, i will not fear ridicule'

 

[Badjedidude]

Crying shows that you are human... that you are alive....that you feel.

Hmmmm, not really. Actually, many (or even most) cultures in the world don't allow men to cry. It's considered abnormal and strange when they do, and is possibly a sign of mental illness or even religious dysfunction (depending on the culture).

Crying just doesn't fit into their society structure, that's all. Difference of culture. It doesn't mean that those cultures are "holding back" the emotions or feelings of those men, or that the cultures are wrong...they're just that fundamentally different from the Western perspective.

So I would argue that it's not strange at all if someone doesn't cry when sad or grieving.

----Steve

 

[cheaptrickfan]

It was at its worst when my ex and I were arguing. He'd make me so upset and angry I'd start crying and then I'd feel as though he'd sneer at me for being so weak that I'd let my feelings get out of control. Awful.

*******. sounds exactly like my stinkhole of a father.
---

i used to work in customer service and there were girls who ran into management that was cold hearted and made more than

I'm sorry.

Hmmmm, not really. Actually, many (or even most) cultures in the world don't allow men to cry. It's considered abnormal and strange when they do, and is possibly a sign of mental illness or even religious dysfunction (depending on the culture).

Just because a society's norms of behavior restrict an emotional expression doesn't make it healthy. I think that sometimes crying is a necessary emotional release which ought not be deemed as a sign of weakness.

 

[PoWer2tHePeOpLE]

It was at its worst when my ex and I were arguing. He'd make me so upset and angry I'd start crying and then I'd feel as though he'd sneer at me for being so weak that I'd let my feelings get out of control. Awful.

*******. sounds exactly like my stinkhole of a father.
---

I'm sorry.


ditto.

its ok, it's just that what you said reminded me of people that have that sort of energy/perspective/attitude. you know, of the mind that if they throw another person off balance and in particular make them cry then they are the 'winner' and the person crying is weak and somewhat of a 'loser'.. i saw it too much growing up and i saw my mother suffer.

it affected me. so now if i hear of anyone making someone cry and taking any kind of pleasure in it, especially of 'victory' i see red and want to destroy them.

i am a caveman

as for my father.. i am at peace with the kind of diseased ballsack he is.

---

 

[Badjedidude]

Just because a society's norms of behavior restrict an emotional expression doesn't make it healthy.

See, but that's my point. You see it as restricting an emotional expression because you were born, trained, and brought up in the Western mindset. To these other cultures, it's not restricting anything. That emotional expression is an aberration to them, much like randomly screaming profanity in public would be an aberration for you or I.

----Steve

 

[PoWer2tHePeOpLE]

Just because a society's norms of behavior restrict an emotional expression doesn't make it healthy.

See, but that's my point. You see it as restricting an emotional expression because you were born, trained, and brought up in the Western mindset. To these other cultures, it's not restricting anything. That emotional expression is an aberration to them, much like randomly screaming profanity in public would be an aberration for you or I.

----Steve

in which culture is crying considered an aberration?

screaming profanity to me sounds more like an active choice in behaviour and i can't see how it's similar to crying in anyway, not in my experience. i find it hard to believe that a person would choose to cry/not cry.

the powerful emotional states that are the fuel for crying/sobbing/weeping are a part of essential emotional human nature and i think come unbidden, unless other strong conscious forces are applied to repress this 'behaviour' - perhaps the cultural forces you speak of - but i agree with CTF, i don't think that it's very healthy to repress this process, whatever a culture may attempt to instil into its children.

 

[PoWer2tHePeOpLE]

((SophiaGrace))

 

[Badjedidude]

in which culture is crying considered an aberration?

A lot of aboriginal island cultures, most nations in the Middle East, Eastern Siberia/Mongolia, etc. There are lots of 'em, but I don't have any one specific culture in mind...and I'm too lazy to google it but I know it's there.

Haha I'm not saying it's bad to cry. I'm just making the point that crying isn't necessarily a basic, inherent human form of expression. Is it possible that you think it is because your culture taught you to believe so? ^_^ Just consider it, that's all I'm saying.

----Steve

 

[Silvernight]

Dude.. I feel for you. I have a similar problem at times. I may not actually feel weepy, and it may be something that I realise I shouldn't get so upset about but the tears just start flowing of their own accord and there's just nothing I can do stop them, which believe me I tried. It's soooo embarrassing. If it is possible in that particular situation, I would get away as quickly as possible to calm down, if not, I try to avert my eyes, hum to myself, anything, though it's usually not very effective. You've got to be blind not to notice that the person in front of you is getting progressively more shifty and teary-eyed. Seriously, this is a bit of a curse. I think we simply have a very high-strung nervous system.

 

[PoWer2tHePeOpLE]

in which culture is crying considered an aberration?

A lot of aboriginal island cultures, most nations in the Middle East, Eastern Siberia/Mongolia, etc. There are lots of 'em, but I don't have any one specific culture in mind...and I'm too lazy to google it but I know it's there.

Haha I'm not saying it's bad to cry. I'm just making the point that crying isn't necessarily a basic, inherent human form of expression. Is it possible that you think it is because your culture taught you to believe so? ^_^ Just consider it, that's all I'm saying.

----Steve

right you are sir, i'll think about it

but i think that crying IS a "basic, inherent form of expression", hence babies cry regardless of colour, creed or culture.. until adults begin 'THE PROGRAMMING"..