Dating site advice.

[SarcasticJuan]

I've been on and off dating sites for the last few years, I've been back on them because of that lonely few hours before I go to bed but I've not been having much luck even getting a reply.

I've had a few dates but it never worked out, usually ended in them not replying to me and removing me from contact.

It seems women on these sites are very vague and make you do all the work, I don't even know what a good opening message is, my message is usually Hi (name), I'm (name), and then I'll try and fit in a question relating to one of the interests in their profile, about 90% no reply rate, and if they do it only takes a few more messages before they give up. I feel like none of them try because they get like 100 messages a day and they're waiting for the perfect one, although they're full of flaws.

I just feel like women on these sites get too much attention and have the choice to be picky, that or they assume everyone is a creep because of certain people. I have barely ever been 'flirty' because I don't know how, I just feel like a weird pervert or deviant. I don't even pick the typical girly hot type, more often than not they're overweight or not conventionally sexy but still have cute features and have a good profile description.

Maybe women who have been on these sites can give their two cents? Maybe guys have success stories or advice.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Id be happy to give my two cents.

The same thing that happens to you, happens to women as well. I speak from experience.
This isn't really a gender issue - it's a HUMAN issue.

 

[Peaches]

Nope, women don't get that much more choice, maybe <30 supermodels do

 

[LonelySutton]

I just feel like women on these sites get too much attention and have the choice to be picky, that or they assume everyone is a creep because of certain people. I have barely ever been 'flirty' because I don't know how, I just feel like a weird pervert or deviant.

I think the sites themselves are broken and if I could literally get 6 months off from work I would develop my new idea. Anyone who wants to take it and run with it... go ahead. Basically I think it needs to be a hybrid of a message board and profile. You need to see someone interacting to have any sense of them. Then, if you like them, you could check out their detailed profile and if you liked them, you would have something to discuss.

Let me say first, I think a lot of profiles are dead. I know I have never deleted any of my profiles and so, they are all there - but I am not. I have long deleted the e-mails that come from them. I think the sites are full of junk on both male and female sides. This is good for the websites as they can lure you with "lots of women" or men but only like 30% are actually available.

Women do have to be careful. It isn't just a deviant... someone who is clingy etc.. it just takes one to really make a serious problem in your life. Given the way those sites are it is very hard to tell from a profile and a picture. Even a normal e-mail can seem ok and then turn out to be a crazy... a scammer... a killer etc. You can't get any sense of the person from a cold e-mail.

A few years ago.. I had a pretty normal looking guy contact me and we went back and forth for a week. I could not at all see anything wrong with him and I started sharing. He wanted to meet up and I didn't and he immediately starts... saying lewd things and PMing me via the service that he wants to come over and F*** me. I now think he was using a photo he got off the internet. This was on Match. I mean.. what do you do with that? You just give up.

Dating sites don't work.

 

[Pike Creek]

Dating sites may not work for everyone, but I found my bf a year and a half ago through one and with a few ups and downs, we're solid. So saying dating sites don't work is truly subjective. They work for some, not others. Too many variables. I lived near a huge city so the dating pool was bigger, so were my odds of meeting a guy for a long-lasting relationship.

During the year of dating through OKC, I did get dozens of messages daily, but most were "hi, how are you" messages...I mean, that's all they would write, those were an immediate delete since this was not real effort. A lot of them were sexual, so I deleted them too since my goal was long-term, not casual. If I got a decent message from a guy, I would browse his profile. If I saw something that didn't mesh with me, I never replied, like in my case I didn't want a guy who had what I call "emotional and possibly financial baggage", i.e. ex-wife and kids, so any guy with that in his profile, I never replied to. And honestly, if I didn't see anything I liked in the photos, I never replied either. And that doesn't mean I was looking for a perfect face, whatever that means, I have a certain type of guy that attracts me so if I don't see those qualities in a photo shown, I have no interest. I think this is where men assume women are too picky, but it depends on the situation. My goal is long-term, so I need to be attracted to him physically if I'm going to spend my life with him...if my goal was just casual dating/friendship, I would probably have given more time to the guys I didn't find attractive on first glance. It's like many men say too, if they're not attracted to the woman physically, how can they be sexual and romantic? I personally don't think you can grow an attraction to someone in that way, but that's just me, so photos were important (natural looking, smiles etc...no thug photos or photos of their car etc...)

I took the time to visit profiles and message men too, half the time I didn't get a response. I'm sure it's because after reading my profile, they didn't like my description of what I was looking for, or maybe they didn't like my face, who knows. For me though, I never gave up. I spent my full-time on that site until I found someone...so many dates that went bad...it was hard on my self-esteem.

I also firmly believe that 75% of the people who frequent the free internet dating sites are there out of boredom or loneliness with no real intent to meet up ever. Men and women go on there to boost their egos after a breakup, or a separation, to talk to potential mates, but aren't really looking seriously. And a lot of people go on their to hook up or have phone/text sex, just for the thrill. Unfortunately this can lead to people getting hurt because the person who is there out of boredom may lead on the person who is there seriously, then disappear when they aren't so bored anymore. That happened to me too, so I upped my criteria.

 

[Mistborn10]

I've been trying for awhile and nothings come of it. I have had the same experience you have so far. If I do get a response they stop responding eventually. I didn't have much of a problem getting girls to hang out when I lived in a bigger city and worked jobs around girls my age. Now with a different job and city I never hang out with anybody hence the attempt at dating sites. It's impossible for me to express myself and seem worth someone's time without being around them in person. I think girls and guys are really picky on sites compared to reality. Like Lonely Sutton said girls are worried that guys are gonna be crazies and I think it makes them more apprehensive compared to if they meet you in real life.

 

[SarcasticJuan]

Id be happy to give my two cents.

The same thing that happens to you, happens to women as well. I speak from experience.
This isn't really a gender issue - it's a HUMAN issue.

How many messages did you get in a week? Do you have any things that turn guys off?

 

[EveWasFramed]

Id be happy to give my two cents.

The same thing that happens to you, happens to women as well. I speak from experience.
This isn't really a gender issue - it's a HUMAN issue.

How many messages did you get in a week? Do you have any things that turn guys off?

Three or four and sometimes they're not legitimate people - they were scammers.
And the second question is subjective, is it not? I'm sure we all have "turn offs."

 

[Solivagant]

Id be happy to give my two cents.

The same thing that happens to you, happens to women as well. I speak from experience.
This isn't really a gender issue - it's a HUMAN issue.

^ Ditto.

 

[Badjedidude]

Never had success with 'em.

But then I'm too paranoid to post pics on my profiles, so I guess that's fair.

 

[Dreamermec]

I just feel like women on these sites get too much attention and have the choice to be picky, that or they assume everyone is a creep because of certain people. I have barely ever been 'flirty' because I don't know how, I just feel like a weird pervert or deviant.

I think the sites themselves are broken and if I could literally get 6 months off from work I would develop my new idea. Anyone who wants to take it and run with it... go ahead. Basically I think it needs to be a hybrid of a message board and profile. You need to see someone interacting to have any sense of them. Then, if you like them, you could check out their detailed profile and if you liked them, you would have something to discuss.

Let me say first, I think a lot of profiles are dead. I know I have never deleted any of my profiles and so, they are all there - but I am not. I have long deleted the e-mails that come from them. I think the sites are full of junk on both male and female sides. This is good for the websites as they can lure you with "lots of women" or men but only like 30% are actually available.

Women do have to be careful. It isn't just a deviant... someone who is clingy etc.. it just takes one to really make a serious problem in your life. Given the way those sites are it is very hard to tell from a profile and a picture. Even a normal e-mail can seem ok and then turn out to be a crazy... a scammer... a killer etc. You can't get any sense of the person from a cold e-mail.

A few years ago.. I had a pretty normal looking guy contact me and we went back and forth for a week. I could not at all see anything wrong with him and I started sharing. He wanted to meet up and I didn't and he immediately starts... saying lewd things and PMing me via the service that he wants to come over and F*** me. I now think he was using a photo he got off the internet. This was on Match. I mean.. what do you do with that? You just give up.

Dating sites don't work.

That's a good review, and someone told me that he previously worked for a dating site posting fake profiles and exchanging a few messages with people to lead them on and drops them off.. It keeps members hoping and praying for a longer period before giving up on the site.

 

[TheWalkingDead]

Id be happy to give my two cents.

The same thing that happens to you, happens to women as well. I speak from experience.
This isn't really a gender issue - it's a HUMAN issue.

Well there's always ALL! Boo, how are you?! :club: Been a while since I was around here!

Back on topic, I don't know what happened, but things seemed to be different when I used dating sites in my 20s compared to how things are now (that's 44 just recently!).

I don't know if that's because I have changed and got older and therefore a lot of the people who were around then met someone and moved on, or the sites have changed, or something else has changed.

I think they can work, and I keep a profile up on one site, but I pretty much never send any messages. When I do, I pretty much never get a reply, it doesn't matter what I write, I've given up trying to figure that out.

Recently someone messaged me, this led to what seemed like a promising interaction, then without warning, Boom! Logged on one day and her profile had been deleted, that was that.

Ah well, maybe I will log back on for some more punishment in the name of research :club:

 

[Case]

Let me say first, I think a lot of profiles are dead. I know I have never deleted any of my profiles and so, they are all there - but I am not. I have long deleted the e-mails that come from them. I think the sites are full of junk on both male and female sides. This is good for the websites as they can lure you with "lots of women" or men but only like 30% are actually available.

At least with OKC, you can filter out those unused accounts by searching for "last online" or "new."

 

[fabs45]

I go on dating sites all the time mainly plenty off fish cause i heard of plenty of people who had success through that site and its the only site i know of that is free to message users...The only problem is that unless u become a member u cannot see who "liked you", which can be bothersome...Honesty though dating sites has their flaws and i know exactly how you feeling....you never know what to mention on your profile so unless you want to write a 1,000 word description with literally everything about yourself u can't win and even if you do write everything about yourself chances are people will lose interest in reading everything about you....So my advice would be join a team or club or hobby you enjoy, go to the bar to mingle or other social events....Or invite friends over from school to hang out...I heard girls like guys that can cook, so that's a plus i think
Dating sites dont work cause you can't really get to know a person without the face to face interaction...
happy relationship hunting