How many lonely/friendless people actually want friends? As a loner myself, I am naturally drawn to other loners, eccentrics, social outcasts etc. I don't have social anxiety and I am able to strike up conversations for the most part (with people who I feel I may be able to relate to) but when I do, the other party seems to reject my advances.
A good example is back when I was in school, I sat next to this girl who I had a lot in common with, someone who was probably picked on in school and considered a 'nerd' like me and we spoke a lot in class. She would say things out loud to me like "I just moved into the area and I have no knowledge of how to get around. I just want to drive around and see things but I have no one to go with", so I'm assuming this is an invitation and I say "Well, I'll go with you! I'm new to the area too and wouldn't mind looking around with you", after that she just dropped the subject and the next time I saw her she brought it up and said, "yeah last weekend I just was driving around alone" and I'm thinking, " really?!!! I said I could go with you!".
Other examples are people saying "I'll be so bored this weekend I have no friends or anything to do. I just stay in my house all day and night and do nothing." So I'm thinking that a) I can relate and b) they're giving me an opening to invite them out or want someone to hang with, so then I say "hey, we should hang out together because I don't get out I'm usually home doing nothing as well. so, we can both get out!". Then the person will never contact me but then the next time I see them, I ask them about their weekend and they'll say "oh, I was just bored doing nothing as usual" once again, I'm just thinking " really?!"
As a friendless person I would jump at the chance to get out and hang out with some other like minded individuals if they invited me out, so I don't really understand what's going wrong. Its actually hurtful when people put it out there that they want friends and then I try to initiate that, but they don't accept it. Its one thing if a person doesn't communicate their loneliness, you initiate, and they reject you but its a whole other situation when they say to your face that they have no friends, you try to be their friend, and they deny you. Maybe I'm not the exact person they want to associate with... maybe I'm not cool enough for them? What do people actually want? Do lonely people actually want friends or not? If someone wants to pursue a friendship with you do you actually accept it? Do friendless people have preference about the types of people they associate with (should they even be allowed to have preference?)?
input would be greatly appreciated
A good example is back when I was in school, I sat next to this girl who I had a lot in common with, someone who was probably picked on in school and considered a 'nerd' like me and we spoke a lot in class. She would say things out loud to me like "I just moved into the area and I have no knowledge of how to get around. I just want to drive around and see things but I have no one to go with", so I'm assuming this is an invitation and I say "Well, I'll go with you! I'm new to the area too and wouldn't mind looking around with you", after that she just dropped the subject and the next time I saw her she brought it up and said, "yeah last weekend I just was driving around alone" and I'm thinking, " really?!!! I said I could go with you!".
Other examples are people saying "I'll be so bored this weekend I have no friends or anything to do. I just stay in my house all day and night and do nothing." So I'm thinking that a) I can relate and b) they're giving me an opening to invite them out or want someone to hang with, so then I say "hey, we should hang out together because I don't get out I'm usually home doing nothing as well. so, we can both get out!". Then the person will never contact me but then the next time I see them, I ask them about their weekend and they'll say "oh, I was just bored doing nothing as usual" once again, I'm just thinking " really?!"
As a friendless person I would jump at the chance to get out and hang out with some other like minded individuals if they invited me out, so I don't really understand what's going wrong. Its actually hurtful when people put it out there that they want friends and then I try to initiate that, but they don't accept it. Its one thing if a person doesn't communicate their loneliness, you initiate, and they reject you but its a whole other situation when they say to your face that they have no friends, you try to be their friend, and they deny you. Maybe I'm not the exact person they want to associate with... maybe I'm not cool enough for them? What do people actually want? Do lonely people actually want friends or not? If someone wants to pursue a friendship with you do you actually accept it? Do friendless people have preference about the types of people they associate with (should they even be allowed to have preference?)?
input would be greatly appreciated