Do you fall hard really early in romantic relationships?

[VeganAtheist]

If so, how would one go about fixing that?

My counselor told me that I am the type to fall really hard for people quickly. I agree with her. I am near certain that I will fall in love with the next lady to say "Hello" to me in a friendly manner. But how would you even go about fixing that? She really didn't give me any tips except for "take it slow". That doesn't seem like it would help much.

Side note: This situation kinda reminds me of a song
Artist: Look Daggers
Album: Suffer in Style
Song: Before You Say No
Relevant lyric:
I told every girl I ever met I was in love with them
I've never been so alone and left without a friend
I had to see if any of them really cared
I never knew the difference between a song and a prayer


[video=youtube]

 

[Tiina63]

In the past I have fallen hard, very early. Loneliness can make us like this as we want a connection so badly. It is better to take it more slowly as then we get to know the other person better and have a realistic view as to whther or not they are really right for us or whether it is purely our loneliness talking. What has made me slow down is that I ended up in an abusive relationship because of falling too fast for the guy, without knowing much about him.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I can't say that I have. I'm very logical when it comes to emotions. And it takes me a bit to really - really - fall for someone. It takes me a while to like anyone in general.

 

[EveWasFramed]

you like ME, Nillabean. (Goo) lol

 

[Jazzbird]

This reminded me of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind =D

" Why do I fall in love with every woman who shows me the least bit of attention? "

It's because we're lonely.We get little or maybe no attention at all so we make a big deal out of it.We want to believe it's more than what it is,you know. =D

Even if it's a small friendly gesture for them.

Exposure is the answer in my opinion.Things that are big to us are simple for others because they are used to it.Try to control yourself next time and don't let the emotions take over.Try to remind yourself of past experiences so you don't snap out of reality.

I suppose there isn't much that can be said about "taking it slow" - it's just that and it's a REALLY good thing.You never know what someone is like.Don't be too quick to give people the keys to your heart =) they might stab you.

 

[workaloneuk]

I used to be like that, but after many disasters I've learned to be cynical about 'love' - I'm determined now to really study what people are like before deciding if I like them. There is no point falling in love with somebody if you don't actually like them as a person. That just leads to major disappointment down the road, so I now analyse first.
That of course means I never fall in love with anybody now lol

 

[VeganAtheist]

In the past I have fallen hard, very early. Loneliness can make us like this as we want a connection so badly. It is better to take it more slowly as then we get to know the other person better and have a realistic view as to whther or not they are really right for us or whether it is purely our loneliness talking. What has made me slow down is that I ended up in an abusive relationship because of falling too fast for the guy, without knowing much about him.

Sorry about your abusive relationship

Loneliness is definitely the driving force behind my quickness to fall in love.

I can't say that I have. I'm very logical when it comes to emotions. And it takes me a bit to really - really - fall for someone. It takes me a while to like anyone in general.

I wish I were as rational with emotions as I am with other aspects of life. Friendships don't seem to be a problem but romantic relationships... I cannot claim to be at all rational/logical.

This reminded me of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind =D

" Why do I fall in love with every woman who shows me the least bit of attention? "

It's because we're lonely.We get little or maybe no attention at all so we make a big deal out of it.We want to believe it's more than what it is,you know. =D

Even if it's a small friendly gesture for them.

Exposure is the answer in my opinion.Things that are big to us are simple for others because they are used to it.Try to control yourself next time and don't let the emotions take over.Try to remind yourself of past experiences so you don't snap out of reality.

I suppose there isn't much that can be said about "taking it slow" - it's just that and it's a REALLY good thing.You never know what someone is like.Don't be too quick to give people the keys to your heart =) they might stab you.

" Why do I fall in love with every woman who shows me the least bit of attention? " is basically it for me. There are some caveats but in general, this is true for me.

This weekend I was hanging out with a buddy and there happened to be several beautiful ladies there. Only 3 of the 8 said anything to me. I started having feelings for 2 of them. Pathetic!

Maybe exposure is the key.

 

[Regumika]

Not to make it sound trivial, but I think what it really is, is just lust.

How can you fall for someone at first sight if it wasn't lust? Now, if you started talking intensely for a little bit then we can consider that "falling for" part for real.

I know it's a huge topic of debate (especially from women) since "many" women can find a guy not physically attractive but later finds him attractive because they got to know him. This doesn't usually work the other way around (from men towards women).

You know what also? When women say to men "I didn't find him attractive at first but later found him attractive after knowing about his personality" is basically like the stereotypical guy that doesn't know how to compliment their partner. "Yeah, you can lose a few pounds, but I still think you're pretty because I like what's inside."

Oops, got off topic, or is it? Anyways.. while we all need to be attracted to both looks and personality, looks is just so much easier to determine than personality. One can fake their personality, but it's not so easy to fake your looks (wipe off that make-up, easy).

 

[VanillaCreme]

you like ME, Nillabean. (Goo) lol

That I do! So let's make it official on Facebook. That's what all the kids are doing now days, right?

 

[ardour]

A mixture of desperation and physical attraction. I've had fantasies about what the rest of the my life with a person would be like, when in reality we had only spoken a few times. Desperation makes you act in a way that isn't really 'you', so it's important to keep the emotions in check.

 

[VeganAtheist]

A mixture of desperation and physical attraction. I've had fantasies about what the rest of the my life with a person would be like, when in reality we had only spoken a few times. Desperation makes you act in a way that isn't really 'you', so it's important to keep the emotions in check.

Desperation. Yes. Desperation it is.

I have done the same thing. Just yesterday I was texting a young lady and thought about us living together, having a casual conversation about what we would eat for dinner. We haven't even been on a date yet.

Scary. Especially scary since I don't think I can keep my emotions in check at the moment - which is why I decided that I probably should date at all right now.

 

[Solivagant]

I can't say that I have. I'm very logical when it comes to emotions. And it takes me a bit to really - really - fall for someone. It takes me a while to like anyone in general.

^ Ditto.

Not to make it sound trivial, but I think what it really is, is just lust.

I'm not even sure it's lust; sounds to me more like falling "in love with the idea of love", as they say.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Not to make it sound trivial, but I think what it really is, is just lust.

I'm not even sure it's lust; sounds to me more like falling "in love with the idea of love", as they say.

I have to agree with this. Being in love with the idea of love. Falling in love with the idea of being loved.

 

[Triple Bogey]

it takes me months to like someone and think about asking them for a date.
I haven't had a crush for 4 years.
Just some vague attraction that comes and goes.
I can never get serious about anybody because I know there is little chance they will like me back.

 

[sk66rc]

Although it's hard for me to really trust someone, it doesn't really take that long for me to fall for a girl once I've decided to trust her... When I was 19, I used to work with a girl that I got along really well... Apparently the feelings were mutual... It took us 4 days to move in together once we've decided to get into a relationship... So, yeah, I guess I've learned my lesson & still am...

 

[Mountain stomper]

I swear this is maybe one of the most accurate, informative, spot on threads I've ever seen !

I thought I was the only one who could fall ridiculously head over heels with a woman, in like 3 minutes.... on a slow day !

Absence makes the heart fly stupidly out of control ! ...or wait, what was that saying again ?

Just remember, for most of you, falling instantly over a woman / guy, is not always going to be a bad thing. But for anyone with HSV, it's going to be all bad, at least 80% of the time.

 

[VeganAtheist]

When I was 19, I used to work with a girl that I got along really well... Apparently the feelings were mutual... It took us 4 days to move in together once we've decided to get into a relationship... So, yeah, I guess I've learned my lesson & still am...

4 Days? That is kinda scary!
But then again, I would have done the same thing with my last relationship. She was actually checking out schools in my area because she wanted to move in with me after a few weeks of knowing me... and I would have let her.

 

[ardour]

The majority of the infatuation I've felt has been over women who I had little in common with, and would never felt that way in return (none do, but moreso with them.)
This makes me think that unavailability or 'wanting what you can't have' is big part of the attraction with crushes.

 

[Rosebolt]

I have to agree with this. Being in love with the idea of love. Falling in love with the idea of being loved.

This makes sense to me. Whenever i feel like i fancy someone, i always have this idea about how they feel the same way about me, even though it's ridiculous. I'm really weird sometimes, haha.

 

[Littlesecret]

Yeah