O
Outcast
Guest
Goddamn, I'm too old for this honeysuckle. I've been told that I'm ugly most of my life and while I've improved a lot from my younger years (e.g. braces/ underbite, acne, overweight etc.) I still am not pleased with my appearance.
I've never actually been 'beautiful' and it's a bit discouraging to hear people say that a woman's appearance starts to go downhill at 30. I think I've 'maxed-out' what I could possibly do for my appearance unless I opt for extensive plastic surgery. Even then, plastic surgery has its limits.
My biggest issue and source of displeasure are my facial features and asymmetry. My face shape is asymmetrical (I think mainly because of my TMD problems) and it's been pointed out to me several times that my face is crooked or looks swollen on my right side. Furthermore, TMD is ******* painful so it's salt in the wounds. My eyes, nose, lips are all asymmetrical as well. I know that while a significant majority of people have asymmetrical faces - I look really, really messed up when looking straight-on in pictures and I feel agitated when I'm treated lesser based on my appearance.
At my lowest points, I was suicidal over my appearance (it was the source of my bullying, rejection etc.) and I questioned if I had BDD. It wasn't that I wanted to be a beauty queen...I just simply wanted to feel normal and confident but it was hard given the daily abuse I received for simply looking the way I do.
I'm in a better place now but goddamn, I feel so pissed to look the way I do sometimes. I'm well-groomed but my face shape and facial features are what they are and I just have to accept it. Within the last year or so, my eyes started drooping presumably from constant exhaustion and aging. My skin is worsening.
I've felt like an ugly duckling all of my life and seems like that's not changing.
I'm only going to get uglier until I die.
fresia.
I've never actually been 'beautiful' and it's a bit discouraging to hear people say that a woman's appearance starts to go downhill at 30. I think I've 'maxed-out' what I could possibly do for my appearance unless I opt for extensive plastic surgery. Even then, plastic surgery has its limits.
My biggest issue and source of displeasure are my facial features and asymmetry. My face shape is asymmetrical (I think mainly because of my TMD problems) and it's been pointed out to me several times that my face is crooked or looks swollen on my right side. Furthermore, TMD is ******* painful so it's salt in the wounds. My eyes, nose, lips are all asymmetrical as well. I know that while a significant majority of people have asymmetrical faces - I look really, really messed up when looking straight-on in pictures and I feel agitated when I'm treated lesser based on my appearance.
At my lowest points, I was suicidal over my appearance (it was the source of my bullying, rejection etc.) and I questioned if I had BDD. It wasn't that I wanted to be a beauty queen...I just simply wanted to feel normal and confident but it was hard given the daily abuse I received for simply looking the way I do.
I'm in a better place now but goddamn, I feel so pissed to look the way I do sometimes. I'm well-groomed but my face shape and facial features are what they are and I just have to accept it. Within the last year or so, my eyes started drooping presumably from constant exhaustion and aging. My skin is worsening.
I've felt like an ugly duckling all of my life and seems like that's not changing.
I'm only going to get uglier until I die.
fresia.