Does anyone get tired of hearing this saying?

[diane85]

I have dealt with loneliness a good portion of my life. I'm currently struggling a lot with loneliness because I have a hard time making friends and connecting with people. Some of my issues are partly rooted in the fact a lot of my relatives used to leave me out of different events and the few friends that I have sometimes leave me out of things.

I have struggled with being left out a lot in the past couple of years because I have been depressed. I have tried to seek help on different online forums. I tried to seek help or advice on two forums that are heavily focused on women and when I posted about issues about not being apart of different events and being the left out, many of the woman told me this, "Life is what you make of it." I also posted on a couple of Christian forums about this and I got posters making similar statements.

I do agree with that saying to an extent but sometimes it hurts me that people can't see that we all need some help from others in enjoying and living a full life. Some people can't understand how hard it for those who have hard time blending and connecting with people on a social level to try and enjoy things when they are alone and unsure of how to join or ask to be apart of a social group.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Yeah that is kind of an annoying saying when you are seeking more, true as it is. The ones that say it just don't understand because they don't know what it is like. They don't understand how hard it is for us in social situations. It's difficult for people for which things come easy or natural to even imagine what it's like. I've encountered that a lot, and trying to explain it to them, you'd be better off beating your head against a brick wall.

On a side note, I'm wondering why I'm getting a Kotex ad... :-/

 

[diane85]

Yeah that is kind of an annoying saying when you are seeking more, true as it is. The ones that say it just don't understand because they don't know what it is like. They don't understand how hard it is for us in social situations. It's difficult for people for which things come easy or natural to even imagine what it's like. I've encountered that a lot, and trying to explain it to them, you'd be better off beating your head against a brick wall.

On a side note, I'm wondering why I'm getting a Kotex ad... :-/

I agree people who have an easy time making friends and being apart of groups can't imagine what it is like not to being asked to events or to struggle to make friends. On one of the forums, I posted on several of the women on the forum said that I shouldn't make a big deal over things like not being asked to be a bridesmaid in a wedding or similar things. I know that those things aren't huge things, but for me they would make a small difference because I would know that there are people that like me enough to give me a part in their day. One of the posters from the forum, I'm talking about said that I had an unhealthy need for external validation and I need to go to therapy.

I have actually thought about therapy but the reason I fear going is because therapists probably have never been in my shoes. Most people don't how hard it is be lonely like us here. It kills me that these people look down on us.

One of the forums I posted on, people told me that there are other things I should be grateful for. I am grateful for having job, an apartment and other things that people in other parts of world don't have. Some suggested that I do volunteer work. I'm not against volunteer work and I have done some volunteer work in the past.

I don't feel it is wrong to want to be apart of certain things like going out with people to the movies, being in weddings or going to sporting events. When I posted these feelings on several forums, people tried to me me out to be the bad guy. A few people said I was a narcissist and they took things I said out of context.

 

[Sci-Fi]

I hate that "be happy for what you have" crap. Yeah we should, but those are emotionless things that only gives us security or shelter. They don't give us interaction with people or help with our issues of feeling shy, insecure, nervous, or what have you. An apartment only gives you a place to go and hide. A job might give you social interaction but a lot of that is just "shop talk". It doesn't give us what we really need, emotional connection with people, ones who understand. I've worked in customer service for a long time now, my job has me interacting with people every single day, and I can carry on conversations with no problem. That hasn't done a thing to build my confidence or social skills. I'm still nervous to be out in public, I still go home to my one bedroom apartment and shut myself inside at night.

 

[meekthoughts]

If the person is trying to give genuine advice, I don't mind them telling me that saying for the most part because it is true and sometimes I do forget it. But if they only vaguely understand my situation and feel that throwing overused quotes is all they can bother to do, it does get a little tiring.

That being said, being called a narcissist is a totally different thing. That is extremely rude to someone who is only trying to seek help from others and there are only two reasons I can think of for why they'd say that to you. First, like sci-fi said they might not understand your viewpoint and were quick to judge. Second, they actually completely understand what you are going through but deny it, thus hating those that have the ability to express their own concerns. In any case, I hope you don't take their words seriously.

 

[diane85]

I hate that "be happy for what you have" crap. Yeah we should, but those are emotionless things that only gives us security or shelter. They don't give us interaction with people or help with our issues of feeling shy, insecure, nervous, or what have you. An apartment only gives you a place to go and hide. A job might give you social interaction but a lot of that is just "shop talk". It doesn't give us what we really need, emotional connection with people, ones who understand. I've worked in customer service for a long time now, my job has me interacting with people every single day, and I can carry on conversations with no problem. That hasn't done a thing to build my confidence or social skills. I'm still nervous to be out in public, I still go home to my one bedroom apartment and shut myself inside at night.

Very well said Sci-Fi. When I dealt with those people who said that stuff, I felt bad but deep down I knew that having an apartment and job don't combat loneliness. I work mostly from home though. I do go the company I'm employed by a few times a week for meetings with my boss.

The other things the people on the forums told me was that I should be glad that I'm in good health. I'm grateful that my health is good even thought I'm slightly overweight. I have lost about 20 pounds in the past few months and I feel better physically but not emotionally because I feel other things about my appearance aren't attractive.

I still hurt mentally and those twats on the forums I used to post on really didn't understand me at all. When I talked about the difficulties I have making friends, they still tried me out to be a bad person. I once mentioned that some of my relatives often to events like pro sports games and never invite me. They told me, "well your relatives aren't mind readers." I know they aren't mind readers, but it still hurts when they can't even ask me if I would like to go.

I don't think people dealing with loneliness, shyness or self-esteem problems or social anxiety should be made to feel like everything is their fault and they are ungrateful. There are a lot of things I'm grateful for, but there are things I have long for like having friends and feel apart of a group. I don't think I'm a bad person for simply wanting to belong.

---

If the person is trying to give genuine advice, I don't mind them telling me that saying for the most part because it is true and sometimes I do forget it. But if they only vaguely understand my situation and feel that throwing overused quotes is all they can bother to do, it does get a little tiring.

That being said, being called a narcissist is a totally different thing. That is extremely rude to someone who is only trying to seek help from others and there are only two reasons I can think of for why they'd say that to you. First, like sci-fi said they might not understand your viewpoint and were quick to judge. Second, they actually completely understand what you are going through but deny it, thus hating those that have the ability to express their own concerns. In any case, I hope you don't take their words seriously.

I think with the forums I posted on, I think they mostly just didn't understand my viewpoint and quick to judge. One of the forums I posted on, is a sort of popular forum because it is partially focused on a certain vacation destination. Mostly women post there and I thought some of them might be able to sympathize with me and only a few did. Most of them were the types of people who probably always have friends around. I made the big mistake on that forum because I talked about how I hated never been asked to be in a wedding party. Several people jumped on me and said that being in a wedding is a pain in the ass and that I should be glad that I wouldn't have to pay for an ugly dress. Because of my desire to be in a wedding party, the narcissist comment came out from another person as a result of that. When I was talking about wedding parties, I mentioned that the closest friend I have had a small wedding with only her sister and her brother-in-law as the maid of honor and best man. I said on that forum that I understood my friend's reasoning for a small wedding. People on that forum ignored what I said and continued to be make out to be the friend who always wants attention and there were people say that I was self-centered and focusing too much on myself.

 

[Ak5]

It's true, life is what you make of it.

Whether lonely or not. There have been lots of people with disorders (mental and physical) who are famous, just search it up.

Once I accepted the notion that "Life is what you make of it, you only live once" is when I changed for the better. But anyway, we're all different. The important thing is that you do what makes you happy. If people reject you, find others who don't.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Life is what you make it. Bull Poop.

I'm sorry, but can a child who is picking up trash in a trash heap in a 3rd world country ascribe to this notion of "life is what you make it" if the child dreams of being an attorney?

 

[kamya]

"Life is what you make it." is one of those quotes that signify everything that is wrong in our society. That phrase is just bad advice. Our parents tell us that to motivate us, but it's all lies. It's the reason our generation is the most messed up in recent history.

It's the reason we have this so called unwarranted sense of entitlement. Feed us bullshit phrases like "Life is what you make it! Work hard and you can do anything. If you want it just put forth lots of effort and go for it!" and you expect us not to turn out this way? Tell us to get good grades. We do. Tell us to go to college for a better life and a good job. College that is over 300% more expensive than 20 years ago. We go to college and get a degree. What happens when we get out? "Oh we're sorry, there aren't any jobs. We lied. Have fun paying back your loans. What? You expect jobs to be handed to you? Here, take this internship. Work for free for a few years and maybe you will have a chance of finding a job here. Stop mooching off your parents! Man what is with this generation and their sense of entitlement?"

"Life is what you make it." Is not true. You can try. Maybe if you get lucky enough through all of your effort your life will be where you want it. But it's not because you made it, it's because you got lucky. Putting forth the effort is only buying you a lottery ticket. But, you have to buy a ticket if you want a chance to win.

 

[cumulus.james]

I have dealt with loneliness a good portion of my life. I'm currently struggling a lot with loneliness because I have a hard time making friends and connecting with people. Some of my issues are partly rooted in the fact a lot of my relatives used to leave me out of different events and the few friends that I have sometimes leave me out of things.

I have struggled with being left out a lot in the past couple of years because I have been depressed. I have tried to seek help on different online forums. I tried to seek help or advice on two forums that are heavily focused on women and when I posted about issues about not being apart of different events and being the left out, many of the woman told me this, "Life is what you make of it." I also posted on a couple of Christian forums about this and I got posters making similar statements.

I do agree with that saying to an extent but sometimes it hurts me that people can't see that we all need some help from others in enjoying and living a full life. Some people can't understand how hard it for those who have hard time blending and connecting with people on a social level to try and enjoy things when they are alone and unsure of how to join or ask to be apart of a social group.

I am sick of that saying, and I don't think it is particularity true. I cant break out of my situation because the options/resources/support/finances whatever are not there. Life is not what you make of it when you do not have the resources to make anything. You can not just go and get anything you want (unless you are one of the 1% of the worlds population who controls 99% of the worlds resources. You can not build a house if you have no bricks or cement. Many people are trapped by their situation and environment.

 

[Ian Haines]

"Life becomes what you're unwaveringly resolved to make it."

Now, THAT I can line up with, but my unwavering resolve circuitry shuffled-off-it's-mortal coil a long time ago and I'm in a state of permanent grief, over it.

Most clever snippets are only a moderation or two away from having some worth, to us and those spurting such priceless garments of tailor-made wisdom can't be bothered to see that, before saying it...again!

It's a cliche that is what you make it!

 

[meekthoughts]

Now, THAT I can line up with, but my unwavering resolve circuitry shuffled-off-it's-mortal coil a long time ago and I'm in a state of permanent grief, over it.

Most clever snippets are only a moderation or two away from having some worth, to us and those spurting such priceless garments of tailor-made wisdom can't be bothered to see that, before saying it...again!

It's a cliche that is what you make it!

^That first line has to be a Shakespeare reference, or else I'm going crazy.

Quotes and words of wisdom never speak the whole truth. The people who make them have to summarize the idea into a phrase or two, so of course they can't capture all the "buts" and exceptions. We usually have to infer these ourselves and pretty much build on the basic idea with our own personalized add-ons. Quotes/sayings don't always apply for every person either.

Cliches are a cliche in itself.

 

[jjam]

One potential solution could be in going against the "rule" that cold approaching = bad. Think of it this way. There are people out here just like you looking for TRUE friendships and to build something special with someone of the appropriate sex. Those same people are, like you, struggling to build meaningful relationships, including but not limited to romantic relationships. The STARTING point is a problem for many people.

If you have a friendly exchange with someone that you think you might want to get to know, why not go for it? What... because someone posted at a message board or wrote in a book that it will creep someone out? Screw that. If it creeps them out, then let them be creeped out. Not your problem. Your intentions are very good. Ask yourself this. Would you APPRECIATE someone cold approaching you, especially if you thought you could work towards something with them? If the answer is yes, then **** the rule that forbids cold approaching. Embrace the Golden one instead.

 

[Bread]

Life is what you make it. Bull Poop.

I'm sorry, but can a child who is picking up trash in a trash heap in a 3rd world country ascribe to this notion of "life is what you make it" if the child dreams of being an attorney?

Couldn't have said it better. I find the saying an extremely stupid thing to say, personally.

 

[Ak5]

I still believe there's truth in it: You do whatever the fresia you want with your life; nobody is forcing you do to something or not do something.

 

[Ian Haines]

You're not going crazy!

Now, THAT I can line up with, but my unwavering resolve circuitry shuffled-off-it's-mortal-coil a long time ago and I'm in a state of permanent grief, over it.

Most clever snippets are only a moderation or two away from having some worth, to us and those spurting such priceless garments of tailor-made wisdom can't be bothered to see that, before saying it...again!

It's a cliche that is what you make it!

^That first line has to be a Shakespeare reference, or else I'm going crazy.

Quotes and words of wisdom never speak the whole truth. The people who make them have to summarize the idea into a phrase or two, so of course they can't capture all the "buts" and exceptions. We usually have to infer these ourselves and pretty much build on the basic idea with our own personalized add-ons. Quotes/sayings don't always apply for every person either.

Cliches are a cliche in itself.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Some sayings have merit, but I think ones like this are just idealistic junk.

I still believe there's truth in it: You do whatever the fresia you want with your life; nobody is forcing you do to something or not do something.

Sadly real life is anything but like this.

You want to eat? Get a job. You have a job, you have a boss. You have a boss, you have somebody who will give you orders. You don't follow those orders, you lose your job. And so on.

Nothing to stop you "being a renegade" and doing what you "want", but you'll probably come out of it poorer and/or in jail.

Anyway, back to the statement. As Soph said, it's unrealistic.

In fact, it crosses that to being distasteful actually. If you're paralysed from the neck down or missing limbs when you're born, who the **** is some random person without any of those problems to say "Hey, life's what you make of it, don't you know that?"

Horrible piece of "advice".

 

[Limlim]

Thread kinda reminds me of this

 

[Bluey]

"Life is what you make of it."

I have said that myself a few times.
Like you I obviously agree with it but ye there are always going to be things in your life that you can do nothing about.
Well there is for me.

so maybe ppl should say "you should make the best out of what you have" instead.

Life is like a card game in one way. You cant help what hand you get dealt but you can help how you play that hand. With a bit of luck hopefully you'll end up in a good happy place.

 

[Jilted John]

Life is what it makes you.