Does fate stand in your way?

[LonesomeLoner]

I honestly believe fate stands in my way. I've dreamt of finding true love my whole life. I'm 24 and so far it seems every ******* little thing seems to get in my way.

For example I got dumped after a week for no reason - it could well have been because of my ex best friend being fancied by her too.

What does everyone else think about fate? Has there ever been anything that seems to prevent happiness?

 

[Triple Bogey]

I honestly believe fate stands in my way. I've dreamt of finding true love my whole life. I'm 24 and so far it seems every ******* little thing seems to get in my way.

For example I got dumped after a week for no reason - it could well have been because of my ex best friend being fancied by her too.

What does everyone else think about fate? Has there ever been anything that seems to prevent happiness?

I don't think it's fate, more like 'luck'

but you can't really say your unlucky in love at 24

 

[kelbo]

Lonesomeloner - when you say you got dumped for no reason - do you really believe this to be true? I am pretty sure whoever dumped you would have had a reason for their actions....whether that reason is more to do with issues with them than with you is another story entirely. People generally tend to act on reasons - or are able to justify their actions, just because you can't physically see a reason or can't think of a reason doesn't mean there isn't one. Have you asked her why she ended it?

I tend to think it's about luck too rather than fate...because part of me likes to believe we can change our fate.

Triple Bogey - I think it's really unfair when someone says "you can't really say you're unlucky in love at 24" - don't be age-ist!!! Someone who is younger than 24 can feel unlucky in love and thus are able to express that. Age is just a number, and you can start having love affairs from a very young age. It's unfair to take that 'right' of feeling this way away from someone just because they are younger than you or what you perceive to be an adequate age to say you're unlucky in love.

 

[Walley]

Its not age that is the factor.. thats not what he meant. Its time.
At 24 you havent had alot of time as a muture adult to come to conclusions.
Its like sitting down at a restaurant and feeling like because the waitress hasnt taken your order within 5 mibs.. that shes neve going to come and the owner must hate me!

 

[EveWasFramed]

I dont believe in fate, so no.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Lonesomeloner - when you say you got dumped for no reason - do you really believe this to be true? I am pretty sure whoever dumped you would have had a reason for their actions....whether that reason is more to do with issues with them than with you is another story entirely. People generally tend to act on reasons - or are able to justify their actions, just because you can't physically see a reason or can't think of a reason doesn't mean there isn't one. Have you asked her why she ended it?

I tend to think it's about luck too rather than fate...because part of me likes to believe we can change our fate.

Triple Bogey - I think it's really unfair when someone says "you can't really say you're unlucky in love at 24" - don't be age-ist!!! Someone who is younger than 24 can feel unlucky in love and thus are able to express that. Age is just a number, and you can start having love affairs from a very young age. It's unfair to take that 'right' of feeling this way away from someone just because they are younger than you or what you perceive to be an adequate age to say you're unlucky in love.

possible but surely people in their mid 40's are going to feel even worse than people in their twenties ?

simply they have suffered more, had more rejections and felt lonely for a longer period of time.

 

[Cavey]

I dont believe in fate, so no.

Leave it to the mods to speak sense. Thumbs up from me!

 

[Tiina63]

I remember feeling lonely and wanting to meet the right person in my twenties and the loneliness felt just as deep then as it does 30 years later. Of course, I had more hope then that I would meet someone, so from that point of view it was slightly more bearable, but it was still very, very painful. I am so glad that I didn't know then how many lonely years I had to come.

 

[Midnight Sky]

I somewhat believe in it, but scope of this belief doesn't extend beyond me, if that makes sense.

 

[LonesomeLoner]

Well with a little debate here I'd like to point out I was very upset when I started this thread. I've never had a relationship before and feel so unable to find anyone, alongside coping with my mental health issues.

Everybodys different I guess

 

[9006]

I dont believe in fate, so no.

Me either, although sometimes things happen that kinda make me question it.

 

[Midnight Sky]

Well with a little debate here I'd like to point out I was very upset when I started this thread. I've never had a relationship before and feel so unable to find anyone, alongside coping with my mental health issues.

Everybodys different I guess

It's ok. I've been dumped before over a girl believing it was fate that we wont be together. Along with other bullshit she added to it as an excuse.

 

[kelbo]

possible but surely people in their mid 40's are going to feel even worse than people in their twenties ?

simply they have suffered more, had more rejections and felt lonely for a longer period of time.

No I don't believe that to be true. Someone can suffer and feel pain just as much at the age of 24 as they could do at the age of 40.

Someone at the age of 40 might have gotten used to being alone, or they might not have put themselves in situations to be rejected by as much as the 24 year old.

Everyone is an individual, so it is all relative to their life and their feelings regardless of age or time.

Its not age that is the factor.. thats not what he meant. Its time.
At 24 you havent had alot of time as a muture adult to come to conclusions.
Its like sitting down at a restaurant and feeling like because the waitress hasnt taken your order within 5 mibs.. that shes neve going to come and the owner must hate me!

Well how do you know the 24 year old might have experienced a lot more than the 40 year old? The 24 year old might throw themselves into more situations and have way more experience of rejection or pain than the 40 year old. The truth is you don't know, everyone is different and shouldn't be judged on by time or age

Blimey I'm so politically correct - all you age-ists out there! (Maybe it is because I am 25?!):club:

---

Well with a little debate here I'd like to point out I was very upset when I started this thread. I've never had a relationship before and feel so unable to find anyone, alongside coping with my mental health issues.

Everybodys different I guess

I understand it is hard when you have mental health issues on top of everything else...dating or finding someone is so hard these days.

Have you tried online dating?

 

[Triple Bogey]

possible but surely people in their mid 40's are going to feel even worse than people in their twenties ?

simply they have suffered more, had more rejections and felt lonely for a longer period of time.

No I don't believe that to be true. Someone can suffer and feel pain just as much at the age of 24 as they could do at the age of 40.

Someone at the age of 40 might have gotten used to being alone, or they might not have put themselves in situations to be rejected by as much as the 24 year old.

Everyone is an individual, so it is all relative to their life and their feelings regardless of age or time.

Its not age that is the factor.. thats not what he meant. Its time.
At 24 you havent had alot of time as a muture adult to come to conclusions.
Its like sitting down at a restaurant and feeling like because the waitress hasnt taken your order within 5 mibs.. that shes neve going to come and the owner must hate me!

Well how do you know the 24 year old might have experienced a lot more than the 40 year old? The 24 year old might throw themselves into more situations and have way more experience of rejection or pain than the 40 year old. The truth is you don't know, everyone is different and shouldn't be judged on by time or age

Blimey I'm so politically correct - all you age-ists out there! (Maybe it is because I am 25?!):club:

---

Well with a little debate here I'd like to point out I was very upset when I started this thread. I've never had a relationship before and feel so unable to find anyone, alongside coping with my mental health issues.

Everybodys different I guess

I understand it is hard when you have mental health issues on top of everything else...dating or finding someone is so hard these days.

Have you tried online dating?

---

one thing - a 24 year old is generally more attractive than a 40 year old and therefore more able to attract members of the opposite sex. I know I looked a lot better at 24 than I do now. The original poster is 24 and shouldn't feel too down in the dumps. He as plenty of time to gain some confidence and feel differently.

 

[Midnight Sky]

Really wish some of you wouldn't say such things around here, cause people will believe it, especially if they are say 40, and think it's all over for them.

Aside from my beard, I don't look any different now than I did 10 years ago.


There's also the young women that prefer older men and so forth..

 

[murmi97]

Well with a little debate here I'd like to point out I was very upset when I started this thread. I've never had a relationship before and feel so unable to find anyone, alongside coping with my mental health issues.

Everybodys different I guess

It's ok. I've been dumped before over a girl believing it was fate that we wont be together. Along with other bullshit she added to it as an excuse.

You don't think she legit believed in fate? A lot of women do. I'm one of them, and it totally will factor into who will be my partner. She might have been scared that you were gonna be persistent, so she added other lesser concerns in hope that one of them would persuade you.

 

[kelbo]

one thing - a 24 year old is generally more attractive than a 40 year old and therefore more able to attract members of the opposite sex. I know I looked a lot better at 24 than I do now. The original poster is 24 and shouldn't feel too down in the dumps. He as plenty of time to gain some confidence and feel differently.

Actually I would have to be pedantic and say that isn't true either....some men get better with age (they mature like a fine wine) hello - silver foxes?!?! Phwoar!!!

I think to generalise that 24 year olds are more attractive than 40 year olds is a bit harsh to the 40 year olds and quite patronising to the 24 year olds. It is like you saying 'Oh cheer up, at least you're not 40, you've got more years to find someone than a 40 year old so stop complaining`

 

[lostatsea]

There's something in business known as the locus of control. Basically, it's the balance between how much you believe your actions controls what happens to you. As you can imagine, the people in the highest positions, tend to have a higher locus of control. They don't believe in fate. They believe that the decisions they make, and actions they take, affect what's going to happen around them. In having that belief they rise to the highest levels of the corporate world.

Whether fate exists, or not, it is more beneficial to not believe in it. Or to look at it another way, it's easy to blame things that happen to you on fate, or bad luck. But it's self-defeating, and making yourself powerless, when you really aren't. Fate isn't standing in your way, but your attitude towards life is.

 

[Marginal]

There's something in business known as the locus of control. Basically, it's the balance between how much you believe your actions controls what happens to you. As you can imagine, the people in the highest positions, tend to have a higher locus of control. They don't believe in fate. They believe that the decisions they make, and actions they take, affect what's going to happen around them. In having that belief they rise to the highest levels of the corporate world.

Whether fate exists, or not, it is more beneficial to not believe in it. Or to look at it another way, it's easy to blame things that happen to you on fate, or bad luck. But it's self-defeating, and making yourself powerless, when you really aren't. Fate isn't standing in your way, but your attitude towards life is.

This 'locus of control' thing is new to me, having worked in non profits my whole adult life. Looks like my world view is similar, only turned inward. I don't believe in fate, I believe in personal responsibility...which, after almost 40 years of making decisions big and small, weigh a ton. But this is a bit off topic.

I do think fate, if it exists, is pretty scary. And it's even scarier to think at 24 that life is fixed, forever. Perhaps he doesn't need an attitude adjustment so much as a bit of love and kindness. Isn't that what we all need?

 

[lostatsea]

I do think fate, if it exists, is pretty scary. And it's even scarier to think at 24 that life is fixed, forever. Perhaps he doesn't need an attitude adjustment so much as a bit of love and kindness. Isn't that what we all need?

Yes, but you can't really love and be loved till you learn to love yourself.