Emotional Affair: My Personal Story. Can anyone help?

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SofiasMami said:
3. With your counselor's guidance, come clean with your wife. (and get tested for STDs while you're at it.)

I was actually going to suggest this. However, I don't think the OP physically cheated on his wife, just emotionally.

*shrug* Not like either circumstance is better than the other.
 
shells said:
SofiasMami said:
3. With your counselor's guidance, come clean with your wife. (and get tested for STDs while you're at it.)

I was actually going to suggest this. However, I don't think the OP physically cheated on his wife, just emotionally.

*shrug* Not like either circumstance is better than the other.

Nah...he said he slept with her. It was just such a huge wall of text that you may have missed it. :p
 
EveWasFramed said:
shells said:
SofiasMami said:
3. With your counselor's guidance, come clean with your wife. (and get tested for STDs while you're at it.)

I was actually going to suggest this. However, I don't think the OP physically cheated on his wife, just emotionally.

*shrug* Not like either circumstance is better than the other.

Nah...he said he slept with her. It was just such a huge wall of text that you may have missed it. :p
Well, I stand corrected.

I thought they "cuddled" and went to "2nd base" (rare, but you can still contract STI's this way).

God, I would be furious and hurt if I contracted an STD from a cheating husband. Grumble, grumble.
 
shells said:
EveWasFramed said:
shells said:
SofiasMami said:
3. With your counselor's guidance, come clean with your wife. (and get tested for STDs while you're at it.)

I was actually going to suggest this. However, I don't think the OP physically cheated on his wife, just emotionally.

*shrug* Not like either circumstance is better than the other.

Nah...he said he slept with her. It was just such a huge wall of text that you may have missed it. :p
Well, I stand corrected.

I thought they "cuddled" and went to "2nd base" (rare, but you can still contract STI's this way).

God, I would be furious and hurt if I contracted an STD from a cheating husband. Grumble, grumble.

"For the next 4 weeks, we hung out every weekend. Went to dinner, a concert, dog walks, all sorts of routine fun stuff. And of course, we were all over each other, to the point where people were always staring. It eventually led to us sleeping with each other on one of the weekends. 2 days in a row. It was AMAZING."

It was further down in the text wall, lol. So much BS to sift through, blink and you miss it. I agree with you - transmitting an STD from your mistress to your spouse would be unforgivable.
 
Well, here-i-am - you certainly took a hell of a beating in this thread, didn't you.

A word of constructive advice: if you ever find someone else you fancy cheating on your wife with, I'd suggest a couple of discreet visits to the bathroom where you can wank it out of your system.

Really, staying faithful to a partner is not that difficult.
 
Electric_Fusilier said:
Really, staying faithful to a partner is not that difficult.

EXACTLY!! Just takes some simple self-discipline and control. Unfortunately it seems like many skipped the day they covered that in preschool.
 
Errrr...wtf ???
I never caught STD having sex with different women.

You can be honest with your wife...
There's consequence. Everyone reacts differntly.
I assure you it's not going to be a walk in the park.
Hell fire has no fiery that of a woman's scorn.

The advice you're gettting on here seem to assume that your wife will be understanding
and seeking counseling will be the cure to everything...and a couple weeks in the dog house.
At the very least you had issued her a FREE GET SOME DIFFERNT DICK card.
The worst she can do is stab your fucken heart out or cut your balls off while you're sleeping.

Most likely she will be devistated. If you had ever been cheated on before....you'll know
what's it's like to shower all day scrubbing the fresia out of your body trying to scrub your
partner off of ya and out of ya.

After the dust settle..if she dosn't divorce ya....She'll stock the living honeysuckle out of ya :p
Or issue a cell phone with a GPS system.lol
 
LC, just because you didn't get an STD, doesn't mean you are immune to them or that anyone else is.

Not everyone will even show symptoms of having an STD, but can be carriers, and can transmit the virus/infection/disease onto other people. Some people don't even know that they may have one, because it's been undetected and people don't know what to always look for.
 
SophiaGrace said:
You know, i watched a show on tv about the psychology of people who cheat. One of the psychologists on the show said that one of the main factors is well, Narcissism (also known as selfishness). If anything, you should work on this and also...Self-Control.

I was thinking Narcissism when I read his first post, too.

Actually, I'm kind of thinking shenannigans on this whole thing. Maybe it's just someone pulling our leg...
 
eris said:
SophiaGrace said:
You know, i watched a show on tv about the psychology of people who cheat. One of the psychologists on the show said that one of the main factors is well, Narcissism (also known as selfishness). If anything, you should work on this and also...Self-Control.

I was thinking Narcissism when I read his first post, too.

Actually, I'm kind of thinking shenannigans on this whole thing. Maybe it's just someone pulling our leg...

You know anyone could be lying on here. We just dont know.

I've gone the route of trying to help people just in case what they post about is true. It's better to take that route and possibly help someone than assume that people are lying.

Similarly if someone came up to me on the street and said they were hungry/homeless, yeah, they could be lying and making honeysuckle up. But i'd take the route of "well they could be telling the truth" and buy them something to eat.
 
You know, in a weird way I can relate to this guy. Granted, I wasn't married nor a father, nor did I continue on with the original relationship, but...

Well, maybe I can't relate to this guy.
 
Vic Sage said:
You know, in a weird way I can relate to this guy. Granted, I wasn't married nor a father, nor did I continue on with the original relationship, but...

Well, maybe I can't relate to this guy.

Well, did it bother you...what you'd done? That's one of my issues with this person - he doesnt show any remorse for what he did...he's just pissed at his ex-mistress. He came here to get advice on whether or not he should confront her. No guilt, no remorse.
Big difference between making a monumental mistake and regretting your own stupidity, compared to what this guy is about.
 
EveWasFramed said:
Vic Sage said:
You know, in a weird way I can relate to this guy. Granted, I wasn't married nor a father, nor did I continue on with the original relationship, but...

Well, maybe I can't relate to this guy.

Well, did it bother you...what you'd done? That's one of my issues with this person - he doesnt show any remorse for what he did...he's just pissed at his ex-mistress. He came here to get advice on whether or not he should confront her. No guilt, no remorse.
Big difference between making a monumental mistake and regretting your own stupidity, compared to what this guy is about.

Oh I was a wreck. It's one of the reasons why I came on here. I almost sought out therapy. All I could think about the days after it ended was her cute little ways and whatnot. I realized that we were probably going to break up, but I wish the timing had been a bit better.
 
Eve, well this guy "me" does feel remorse. My original story was how I felt at the time. This thing I had with this girl just ended, and I am still confused about a lot of things. In the almost week that this post has been up, I have read everyones reply's and they all basically have the same theme, that I am an awful person, and what I did was wrong. I KNOW THAT. I didn't really think that way at first, but is has for sure rubbed off on me. Thats why I am here. Some people have offered some very honest CONSTRUCTIVE criticism on how to get over this and continue on with life, and others have been more focused on attacking me as a person, which is fine, but its getting old and don't think its really accomplishing anything at this point. Some of the things people have said have been hurtful, and is almost like the people giving advice are absolutely PERFECT and have never made a mistake in life. I was going through what I felt was a rough patch in life, and this girl seemed to make it all go away. Now I am realizing more and more that this was truly a selfish act on my part, and that I put my family in jeopardy. I posted this story not for entertainment purposes, or to get attention, but to get some input and get it off my chest.
 
I think a lot of us put ourselves in the shoes on your wife and we get angry because of that and also how selfish your first post comes across as. We imagine how it would feel if someone did this to us. And others have actually had this done to them. It's not a nice feeling to be cheated on and betrayed. It makes a person feel worthless and all trust vanishes. Personally, I've never been cheated on, but I've sat with friends and family while they cried and cried because of the pain and they never quite get over it. It destroys a part of them that never grows back.

Even if you never tell your wife what you did, you should be busting your butt to make it up to her. Eventually these things come to light though, even if it's 20 or 30 years down the road.
 
You know, that is actually the first time you have shown any sign of remorse or taking personal responsibility for what happened. Given that, is it really surprising that people have attacked your character? We all make mistakes, but there is nothing as galling as someone who does so and yet seems unrepentant... or even worse, blames others for his own mistakes. Oh, and being judged by an anonymous forum is nowhere near as bad as being judged by your family and friends.

Now, don't tell your wife, because that would just hurt her. Realise that if you get away with this (and you are by no means out of the woods yet, as I daresay your wife suspects/knows more than she has revealed) then you must never try to JUSTIFY having an affair again.
 
^^^Steel is right. There's no excuse for an affair.

Own up to your problem instead of shifting the blame off on others and you'll be taking the first steps in making things right... or at least heading in the right direction again.
 
tehdreamer said:
I think a lot of us put ourselves in the shoes on your wife and we get angry because of that and also how selfish your first post comes across as. We imagine how it would feel if someone did this to us. And others have actually had this done to them. It's not a nice feeling to be cheated on and betrayed. It makes a person feel worthless and all trust vanishes. Personally, I've never been cheated on, but I've sat with friends and family while they cried and cried because of the pain and they never quite get over it. It destroys a part of them that never grows back.

Even if you never tell your wife what you did, you should be busting your butt to make it up to her. Eventually these things come to light though, even if it's 20 or 30 years down the road.

I agree.

I know that when I read your original post a lot of old feelings came to the surface because I know what it's like to be cheated on. Being on the other side of things really hurts like honeysuckle. So, really, it's hard to feel sympathy when you're reminded of something really terrible in your life like being cheated on by someone you truly care about. It's a very touchy subject with anyone who has experienced it. All the harsh replies shouldn't be surprising.

It's good that you're feeling some sort of remorse. Now you can start picking up the pieces of your life.
 
I'm not perfect. And I never will be. Truth be told, I don't want to be. But that's more than just a mistake, dude. I'm sorry, you knew what you were doing. And didn't care to stop it. Maybe if you and your wife were separate, I wouldn't have been nearly as harsh as I was.

Feeling remorse shouldn't "rub off" on you. It should have hit you, like a ton of ******* bricks, when you did what you did.

Still, it's almost like you don't wish to see it from your wife's point of view. If she had did this to you, then this whole thread would be script-flipped. And you'd be asking for some sort of reason as to why she would treat you so bad. But you don't see it like that, do you?
 
You didn't come here asking for constructive criticism - if you had, my response would have been very different. I read EVERY single word of your very long post, and in it, I found nothing to suggest you were here to get opinions about how you could put your relationship with your family back together. You asked if you should confront your ex mistress about her current lover. Steel and BJD sort summed it up best. *shrugs*
 

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