Family sabotaging success

[roguewave]

This can apply to any self improvement, though in my experience it has been limited to acquiring more education (and therefore autonomy) and weight loss.

Whenever I announce that I am trying to improve myself they support me. Then, when I actually do the thing, they start to get very nervous and give me reasons why my proposed improvements are not a good idea. Or do little things like a sibling trying to get me to the bar on weeknights (I never get invited to the bar), or wanting to go for fast food all the time, etc.

I mention this because I've seen it in other families and think it isn't all that uncommon.

Maybe they are afraid we will leave them behind or are afraid of change in the people that are closest to them?

Discuss.

 

[Seeker]

Happens with my folks too, although I discussed it with them and found out the reason. They support any changes I want to make, but are used to the way things have been all these years, so they're afraid I might go overboard with it, and eventually let it become something they are not used to. So basically they are afraid to see their child changed. I don't know if this helps your situation or not, so my proposal would be to do what I did and talk to them about it, as only they can give you the right answer

 

[roguewave]

Happens with my folks too, although I discussed it with them and found out the reason. They support any changes I want to make, but are used to the way things have been all these years, so they're afraid I might go overboard with it, and eventually let it become something they are not used to. So basically they are afraid to see their child changed. I don't know if this helps your situation or not, so my proposal would be to do what I did and talk to them about it, as only they can give you the right answer

That makes sense. It's good they were receptive to you. When I tried to bring up the subject a while ago they took it as "oh, so you think we're totally unsupportive" and then put up all these walls so didn't hear what I was asking of them.

 

[Seeker]

Happens with my folks too, although I discussed it with them and found out the reason. They support any changes I want to make, but are used to the way things have been all these years, so they're afraid I might go overboard with it, and eventually let it become something they are not used to. So basically they are afraid to see their child changed. I don't know if this helps your situation or not, so my proposal would be to do what I did and talk to them about it, as only they can give you the right answer

That makes sense. It's good they were receptive to you. When I tried to bring up the subject a while ago they took it as "oh, so you think we're totally unsupportive" and then put up all these walls so didn't hear what I was asking of them.

In that case, maybe you should stop caring what they think of your decisions, I mean if they are not willing to listen to you, what right have they to judge you?

 

[monkeysocks]

Yes it is common, I found that family out of love and concern are full of advice, but some of those things are fear based not actually what was best for me.
.
At one point I was so sick of it I pulled down the hatches, because it was just making my life more complicated and felt like they each had a limb they were tugging on and the only thing they were going to achieve was pull them all off !

Only you know whats best for you in any given situation, take the advice that you chose and reject the advice you don't and don't let them overcomplicate your progress.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

Yup I have been here before. Not with family the very first time. The female I was with always wanted to come over when I was going to work out.

The second attempt, it went from support to wary to pending intervention in less than a year. How do you go from That is so AWESOME to I think you are addicted?

 

[Wessik]

Yeah... they are probably afraid of change. This makes sense, however, because change is a very scary thing. (Though not impossible to achieve.)

 

[Tiina63]

I have found that people generally are often like this, and not only family members. They don't want you or your situation to change because they are used to things the way they are, and/or because it would touch upon their own uncertainties about their lives, the path they have taken etc.
I have several single friends and I have learned not to tell them that I am looking for someone to settle down with as they start in with their 'oh, you're too old,' or 'do you really think it is going to happen' or 'you manage well on your own' etc till I feel like screaming or tearing my hair out. I know that is is becuase it touches on their own fear that maybe they are not so happy alone.
I think that it is a good idea if you were to look for people who support you in your aims and endeavors.