Feel like im choking

[Hawx79]

I am suffering so badly like im choking and locked in a vault!
Feel so alone and hopeless, i have really no one in my life and i live alone and i hate my job because of colleagues who are not willing to accept me for who i am as they think im a weirdo! Its hard to show my face every morning at work as i feel there all laughing at me and none of them speaks or says morning to me even though i smile at them.

I have no one, i live alone, i wish i had a male friends to hang out with and a girlfriend that loved me. But that is just too much to ask. I feel everyone in the world hates me and sometimes i see scenes in my mind of people putting the noose around my neck and wanting me to jump... I just want to cry sometimes so badly.

I just want to to enjoy live for what it is but times like this i wish i was never born.

 

[Tiina63]

Hi Hawx79, I am sad to hear that you are so lonely and hurting.
It sounds as if your workplace is completely the wrong place for you. Could you look for a new job? Being with people all day every day who are so unfriendly towards you is a very unhealthy situation.
Then you could maybe try joining things based on your hobbies and interests and see if you meet potential friends/a girlfriend that way.
As these are big issues to tackle, maybe you could deal with your job situation first and then look to your social life, as it might be too much to do both at once?

 

[Hawx79]

Ive been doing my current job for months now and before that i used to be unemployed for months as well so i was really happy to be offered this but little did i expect that it would make me even more miserable then before.
I have hobbies and interests and i do meet man and women along my path that i also talk too but it never lasts. Im a very closed person so its extremely difficult for me to pursue them, especially when they also dont want to get along with me either.
I feel i am cursed to be alone no matter what i do. And i fear my strong desires inside can make me sick.

 

[Tiina63]

Hi Hawx79, I have a similar problem as you re. going out socially. I can talk for a short while, but nothing seems to lead on from this. Being closed makes thinggs harder, as people tend to be drawn towards those who are outgoing. But at least you are making the effort to change things and I know from experience how hard that must be.
I can also understand how your feelings are making you feel sick. Sometimes my loneliness hurts as much as trapping my fingers in the door would. It makes me feel the same agitation.
Could you look into the possibility of training courses or further study which might help you to find a new job?

 

[pearl92]

I completely understand where you're coming from. I used to be in the same position myself. I went to a special ed high school so I never had a real teenage life, at all. So when i graduated and started college I felt incredibly delayed, like some 12 year old trapped in an 18 year old body. I was never able to make a single friend. And I felt like it was hopeless. Until there was this one kid that attended 2 of the same classes I had (which one was music and thats my strong point) so I decided to talk to him, and I ended up meeting his friends, started hanging out with them, meeting others through them and so on. You just have to meet the right person. All it takes is ONE person sometimes to change your life. And thats what happened to me. There is hope for everyone. You just have to be determined, or else you will never escape your true agony your in right now. I hope this has helped you and i sure **** hope things turn out better for you soon

 

[Hawx79]

Just by chance I got shifted today to another part at my work which is bit easier, but i have no idea for how long.
I sometimes wonder if im a bad person inside? Why else do i deserve the treatment i get from life and society?
I often am so tired of it all, i just want to live a calm live from now on.

 

[dan_in_stoke]

Hi Hawx79,

I know exactly where you are coming from. Know exactly how you are feeling.
I became the odd one out at college so had no choice to carry on going and endure it.
I often feel the same way, if I had done something so bad.

I think more likely, they, your work collegues don't know you.

In your new area, try to chat to someone, only briefly over work issues first then gradually bring up social things. You might start something.

 

[sth]

I feel everyone in the world hates me and sometimes i see scenes in my mind of people putting the noose around my neck and wanting me to jump... I just want to cry sometimes so badly.

That's not true. I like you. I don't really know you but I've been sporadically following your stories here on ALL for almost one year now. I sympathize with you, and I really hope that you will eventually find your peace and happiness in this world.

 

[Hawx79]

Hello i want to say thanks all for your support and kind words.