Usually dating is not a problem for me because
a) I don't date
and
b) I never find anyone I could really like
the problems arise when I find someone who I like, because of my stupid body and chronic illness.
The problem is, if you get to know people socially then they have time to appreciate your other qualities so it's not such a deal breaker if you cannot walk more than 2.5 miles without being sick or need to spend time in bed watching movies instead of going dancing.
On the other hand, what to do when you talk with people online, or you meet them for a date when you barely know them?
I know that the wise thing to do is not to tell anything on the first meeting or online, because doing that was the reason why I haven't dated in the last year - whenever I mentioned it, I never heard from the guys again, except for a couple of times when they clearly thought it would have been easier to take advantage of a disabled person. (One actually had just invited me out for a second date, saw my pretty cute disability scooter and after two hours wrote me to cancel).
On the other hand when I don't mention it I feel like a fraud, like I am reeling them in with baits and then they will be stuck with my partially horrible life.
Now I am so lucky that I can have half of a normal life, so why do I feel so guilty? while others with worse disabilities manage to find boyfriends and girlfriends because of their awesome personality, maybe that's the point, I don't think I have that. I try to carry as little emotional baggage as possible, but with my terrible experiences with guys that is also an extra handicap.
I just don't know how to introduce the subject without sounding like a trauma victim or without diminishing the problem, because it is (a problem).
a) I don't date
and
b) I never find anyone I could really like
the problems arise when I find someone who I like, because of my stupid body and chronic illness.
The problem is, if you get to know people socially then they have time to appreciate your other qualities so it's not such a deal breaker if you cannot walk more than 2.5 miles without being sick or need to spend time in bed watching movies instead of going dancing.
On the other hand, what to do when you talk with people online, or you meet them for a date when you barely know them?
I know that the wise thing to do is not to tell anything on the first meeting or online, because doing that was the reason why I haven't dated in the last year - whenever I mentioned it, I never heard from the guys again, except for a couple of times when they clearly thought it would have been easier to take advantage of a disabled person. (One actually had just invited me out for a second date, saw my pretty cute disability scooter and after two hours wrote me to cancel).
On the other hand when I don't mention it I feel like a fraud, like I am reeling them in with baits and then they will be stuck with my partially horrible life.
Now I am so lucky that I can have half of a normal life, so why do I feel so guilty? while others with worse disabilities manage to find boyfriends and girlfriends because of their awesome personality, maybe that's the point, I don't think I have that. I try to carry as little emotional baggage as possible, but with my terrible experiences with guys that is also an extra handicap.
I just don't know how to introduce the subject without sounding like a trauma victim or without diminishing the problem, because it is (a problem).