So, I've been reading around this forum for a few weeks and have finally decided to make a post (though it may well be my last as I'm more of a listener).
First and foremost I feel the need to say how much respect I have for those on this forum. I have read a lot of stories, and it is truly great to see people hanging on in there, not just because of how much of a struggle it can be for some and yet they persist, but because it gives hope to people like me. So, thanks.
I myself have always been a guy okay with staying at home, not really doing much so long as I have someone to talk to. Recently, I haven't. I have a few friends I would occasionally play video games with, though they have stopped inviting me and, me being me, I feel like I'm interrupting just by saying "hello".
That, though, isn't my real issue. The person I was dating broke up with me about a year ago - I was really depressed and I imagine hard to handle. She is with someone else now, and is the only person I talk to. She hasn't really had time for me recently; maybe a sentence a day. From 5 hour conversations to a sentence is painful. She started being insensitive - blaming me for being sad, not listening to me when I try to explain. As such, I have stopped speaking to her.
So now, I talk to no one. Hence, here I am.
Extra stuff about myself as a person: I am 17 as of current. To occupy my time I will write music - it's very therapeutic (though not as therapeutic as my two fluffy cats). I am at college at the moment, studying Maths, Chemistry, Physics, Computing and Biology. Without college no doubt I'd go insane stuck indoors. I don't really go outside often, only when with friends, of which I don't really have any. The acquaintances I have at college all see me as the happiest, smiliest, most positive person, which is odd seeing as most of the time I am depressed. I have told no one I am depressed - I guess i'm scared of the consequences. I like to think I'm a nice person. My aim in life is generally to make people smile (and according to the two people I have been with I am extremely sweet and cute). My proudest moment is probably talking a girl I hardly knew out of suicide. I've never kissed. My childhood was rather abusive. I have a large family and so people usually don't have time for me. I feel the need to re-iterate my love for smiling - everyone is beautiful when they smile. I am extremely shy. I am extremely lonely. I can honestly talk to one person for hours.
I think that'll do. Again, I may not post again, and again, you're all awesome people.
First and foremost I feel the need to say how much respect I have for those on this forum. I have read a lot of stories, and it is truly great to see people hanging on in there, not just because of how much of a struggle it can be for some and yet they persist, but because it gives hope to people like me. So, thanks.
I myself have always been a guy okay with staying at home, not really doing much so long as I have someone to talk to. Recently, I haven't. I have a few friends I would occasionally play video games with, though they have stopped inviting me and, me being me, I feel like I'm interrupting just by saying "hello".
That, though, isn't my real issue. The person I was dating broke up with me about a year ago - I was really depressed and I imagine hard to handle. She is with someone else now, and is the only person I talk to. She hasn't really had time for me recently; maybe a sentence a day. From 5 hour conversations to a sentence is painful. She started being insensitive - blaming me for being sad, not listening to me when I try to explain. As such, I have stopped speaking to her.
So now, I talk to no one. Hence, here I am.
Extra stuff about myself as a person: I am 17 as of current. To occupy my time I will write music - it's very therapeutic (though not as therapeutic as my two fluffy cats). I am at college at the moment, studying Maths, Chemistry, Physics, Computing and Biology. Without college no doubt I'd go insane stuck indoors. I don't really go outside often, only when with friends, of which I don't really have any. The acquaintances I have at college all see me as the happiest, smiliest, most positive person, which is odd seeing as most of the time I am depressed. I have told no one I am depressed - I guess i'm scared of the consequences. I like to think I'm a nice person. My aim in life is generally to make people smile (and according to the two people I have been with I am extremely sweet and cute). My proudest moment is probably talking a girl I hardly knew out of suicide. I've never kissed. My childhood was rather abusive. I have a large family and so people usually don't have time for me. I feel the need to re-iterate my love for smiling - everyone is beautiful when they smile. I am extremely shy. I am extremely lonely. I can honestly talk to one person for hours.
I think that'll do. Again, I may not post again, and again, you're all awesome people.
