Hi

[Locke]

Hello, I'm new here.
My name is Locke. I'm 30 years old, I work from my home and I live in New Mexico, USA. My hobbies include reading and playing video games.

I suffer from a currently untreated anxiety disorder. I don't have any friends because I'm afraid of people. I'm afraid to leave my house because when I'm around people, I go through massive, embarrassing anxiety attacks.

I've tried making friends on other forums, and it hasn't worked. I have a really hard time talking to people, I don't know how to relate to anyone. I try my best to be friendly, but no one wants to talk to me. I guess people just don't like me. I've been trying to make friends with people on various forums, blogs and websites for over a year now. I haven't made a single one. Honestly, I'm not expecting it to work here either, especially after this overly- depressing and long introduction post.

I don't say all of this to get sympathy or advice or anything. Someday I'll get health insurance and maybe this will all change, maybe I'll be able to get counceling or meds or something and my life will be better. I'm just trying to hold on until then, but I'm afraid. I don't want to be alone anymore, the soul-crushing loneliness and boredom is killing me. So I have to try.

Anyway, I don't know what else to say. I know I've said too much already, but hiding how screwed up I am hasn't worked on other forums, so I'm being completely honest here.

 

[Barbaloot]

Hi there, welcome to the forum.

 

[farawayfille]

Maybe you could recommend some good books to read! welcome

 

[9006]

Welcome to the forum!

 

[Lilianna]

Welcome!

 

[Locke]

Thanks for the welcome everyone, I appreciate it!

Maybe you could recommend some good books to read! welcome

Any time, I mostly read fantasy lately. Is there a book sub-forum here?

 

[Rosebolt]

Heey there, first off, don't worry about the "rambling" it is very good of you to keep trying to find people to connect with. After all these years of dissapointment you keep trying, that is very courageous of you, shows that you are a very strong person. Hold on to that man, you're a fighter you know that and you can live through this and find your happiness.

That being said, i'm going to be a little less nice now. What is holding you back is your negativity. People sense that, they see that. What happens is that people generally avoid such people, i've seen it first hand as well, it's not necessarily that they don't care for you, but humans are generally selfish creatures, and people are afraid that a negative influence might negatively influence their lives as well.

You said you weren't looking for advice, but i'm giving you this anyway. All because you are a worthy human being and it is worth my time to write this down and send to you, understand that okay?

Oh, and a warm welcome to the forums! Message me anytime if you want to talk about anything!

 

[Locke]

Heey there, first off, don't worry about the "rambling" it is very good of you to keep trying to find people to connect with. After all these years of dissapointment you keep trying, that is very courageous of you, shows that you are a very strong person. Hold on to that man, you're a fighter you know that and you can live through this and find your happiness.

That being said, i'm going to be a little less nice now. What is holding you back is your negativity. People sense that, they see that. What happens is that people generally avoid such people, i've seen it first hand as well, it's not necessarily that they don't care for you, but humans are generally selfish creatures, and people are afraid that a negative influence might negatively influence their lives as well.

You said you weren't looking for advice, but i'm giving you this anyway. All because you are a worthy human being and it is worth my time to write this down and send to you, understand that okay?

Oh, and a warm welcome to the forums! Message me anytime if you want to talk about anything!

Thanks for the welcome, Rosebolt.
I apologise for the negativity. On other forums, I have been nothing but polite and helpful towards people, and it still didn't help. I thought here, I was being honest about how I was truly feeling. But after reading your response, I see that you're right: I was letting my anger, bitterness and depression speak for me, and of course it came out in a negative way. I wrote off this forum and the people here as something else that won't work out, before giving it a real chance. And again, I am sorry for that.

Your comment made me want to delete this website from my bookmarks and pretend I was never here. But I didn't, because I realized that I need that honesty, even when it hurts. Because I'm not strong. I need to know what I'm doing wrong, what I can do right. I'm at the end of my rope. I can't keep going like this.

So I don't know, maybe I do need advice. I was taught when I was younger that if I couldn't solve my own problems, I would never amount to anything. But I can't solve this lonliness problem alone, unless I can convince myself that my cat can talk. I'm just afraid of judgement. I feel like people judge me every time they look at me.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed another long and depressing post. And thanks again for the warm welcome!

 

[Limlim]

Heya
Did you get your name from FF6?

 

[Rosebolt]

Thanks for the welcome, Rosebolt.
I apologise for the negativity. On other forums, I have been nothing but polite and helpful towards people, and it still didn't help. I thought here, I was being honest about how I was truly feeling. But after reading your response, I see that you're right: I was letting my anger, bitterness and depression speak for me, and of course it came out in a negative way. I wrote off this forum and the people here as something else that won't work out, before giving it a real chance. And again, I am sorry for that.

Your comment made me want to delete this website from my bookmarks and pretend I was never here. But I didn't, because I realized that I need that honesty, even when it hurts. Because I'm not strong. I need to know what I'm doing wrong, what I can do right. I'm at the end of my rope. I can't keep going like this.

So I don't know, maybe I do need advice. I was taught when I was younger that if I couldn't solve my own problems, I would never amount to anything. But I can't solve this lonliness problem alone, unless I can convince myself that my cat can talk. I'm just afraid of judgement. I feel like people judge me every time they look at me.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed another long and depressing post. And thanks again for the warm welcome!

I was talking about your negativity towards yourself, and how that influences others. There is no need at all to apologise for that, at all, we've all been there, at some point in our lives. Also, there is no need to do it all alone, humans are social creatures by nature, and, like it or not, that includes you and me.

Don't tell me you're not strong, listening to my reply which can come across as quite harsh when you are feeling like you do, and then being able to understand that and look into it, is very strong indeed. Let me tell you, two years ago, i could never have done that.

Having to solve your own problems is basicly the right way to go, whoever told you that was in my opinion right, but there is a small difference. You don't go and let everyone solve all your honeysuckle, but you can accept help to do it yourself, and even should, and that is what you are doing right now.

Again, there is no need to apologise for what you post, i have respect for your honesty of which this forum is worthy, you have every right to breathe, type, and live.

Stay strong man, you can do this, and remember, you are not alone!

 

[ladyforsaken]

Hi Locke, welcome to the forum.