How do you forget what someone has done to you?

[Wanderer145]

I thought I would put this out there as I'm really struggling with this at the moment. I had a relationship for 1 year in 2011 and it was my first real relationship. I was so happy with the person and we even thought that we would stay together for the rest of our lives, looking back that was really an in the moment thing. She was 4 years older than me also I was 21 at the time.

Anyway we broke up at the end of that year and it was a complete downslide, she kept contacting me I contacted her and I got very depressed during 2012 over it and it reached a peak when at the end of the year she told me she had slept with someone when I moved away. Of course it was 9 months after we broke up but we were still in contact. I can't even describe that feeling it was so painful. I was angry even though we weren't together it was being an emotional crutch for her for the whole year that made me feel like crap.

I sort of accepted that as she came back for about a week to me and visited me at my uni but then she just could not reignite anything and I felt used again saying she didnt know what she wanted, and she didnt want a relationship then as I was still hurt. We parted ways at the end of 2012 and talked a little for 6 months then she got another boyfriend this tipped me over the edge I was so angry I cut off all contact last year. Especially after being told some months earlier she didnt want anybody for the next year...dont even know why I believed she would stay alone out of choice.

Fast forward a year and here I am I still think about her and sometimes want to contact her but considering all the crap I went through I just want to forget the last two years as I've been so alone unable to meet people while she just does it like that. Guess its being a woman makes it easier in some respects.

EDIT: I guess I want to know an answer to this question. If nobody comes along to replace a partner, can you ever really forgive someone and fully get on with your life without thinking bad of them?

 

[jaguarundi]

I still think about her and sometimes want to contact her but considering all the crap I went through I just want to forget the last two years as I've been so alone unable to meet people while she just does it like that. Guess its being a woman makes it easier in some respects.

EDIT: I guess I want to know an answer to this question. If nobody comes along to replace a partner, can you ever really forgive someone and fully get on with your life without thinking bad of them?

Not sure what you are meaning about 'its being a woman makes it easier' but if what you mean is that a woman can get over a breakup more easily than a man, I will give you a clip around your ear here and now, because it ain't true!

What is true is that the person.. Male or female.. who was in deep in a relationship will likely hurt much more than one who was not so deeply involved.

Can you stop feeling bad about the other? My then husband pissed off with a woman he got together with at an office Xmas party. This was many many years ago .. Over 30 actually. I restrained myself from agreeing to have his legs broken for a reduced fee (I knew someone back then who enjoyed that line of work) but I stayed angry for at least a couple of years about it, even at the beginning of a new relationship. But in the end it wore off. For many years now I hardly think of him and I don't even remember the date of our wedding.

Give it time. ..

 

[Wanderer145]

I still think about her and sometimes want to contact her but considering all the crap I went through I just want to forget the last two years as I've been so alone unable to meet people while she just does it like that. Guess its being a woman makes it easier in some respects.

EDIT: I guess I want to know an answer to this question. If nobody comes along to replace a partner, can you ever really forgive someone and fully get on with your life without thinking bad of them?

Not sure what you are meaning about 'its being a woman makes it easier' but if what you mean is that a woman can get over a breakup more easily than a man, I will give you a clip around your ear here and now, because it ain't true!

What is true is that the person.. Male or female.. who was in deep in a relationship will likely hurt much more than one who was not so deeply involved.

Can you stop feeling bad about the other? My then husband pissed off with a woman he got together with at an office Xmas party. This was many many years ago .. Over 30 actually. I restrained myself from agreeing to have his legs broken for a reduced fee (I knew someone back then who enjoyed that line of work) but I stayed angry for at least a couple of years about it, even at the beginning of a new relationship. But in the end it wore off. For many years now I hardly think of him and I don't even remember the date of our wedding.

Give it time. ..

Oh no I was just commenting on how as she was an attractive woman she put herself out there and got another partner, never felt the need to tell me just did it. I just meant nothing to her at that point and she just detached herself from me completely. She was the one who initiated the break up years ago.

I don't know about time, I think its more acceptance. Time just drags on and I want to forget about this and I'm thinking the only way is if someone else comes along and replaces the negative feelings.

 

[user 115627]

If nobody comes along to replace a partner, can you ever really forgive someone and fully get on with your life without thinking bad of them?

I struggled with this question after the end of a 6-months long-distance-relationship. Some nasty things happened during this time and at the end...I'll spare you the details. But she tried to contact me multiples times afterwards - always saying how much she enjoyed our conversations and misses them and so on...I always replied in a short way out of sheer politeness, but I declined rigidly. Eventually she stopped trying and I was thankful.

For me fully forgiving was out of question...but of course holding an eternal grudge against her would be foolish as well. But I realized that if I would let her back into my life this whole thing would keep revolving around itself. Stuck in a loop of re-ignition and stalling over again. The worst thing to do is trying to forcibly fill that hole left in your heart. Sometimes there simply is no chance for a future together. I rarely think about her nowadays and even if I do, I don't really feel anything. It's the past...you have to leave it be.

So you have to draw the right conclusions from your experience though, learn your lessons...so you don't make the same mistakes over and over again. But that doesn't mean staying alone for the rest of your life of course. As for myself, it simply means being vigilant what I'm getting myself into. And this is not easy once you suddenly find yourself in love again.

This is merely my experience and the solution that worked for me. To me there is no real right or wrong way to deal with this. You have to find the way you can live with it - still being able to look at yourself in the mirror.

 

[Wanderer145]

If nobody comes along to replace a partner, can you ever really forgive someone and fully get on with your life without thinking bad of them?

I struggled with this question after the end of a 6-months long-distance-relationship. Some nasty things happened during this time and at the end...I'll spare you the details. But she tried to contact me multiples times afterwards - always saying how much she enjoyed our conversations and misses them and so on...I always replied in a short way out of sheer politeness, but I declined rigidly. Eventually she stopped trying and I was thankful.

For me fully forgiving was out of question...but of course holding an eternal grudge against her would be foolish as well. But I realized that if I would let her back into my life this whole thing would keep revolving around itself. Stuck in a loop of re-ignition and stalling over again. The worst thing to do is trying to forcibly fill that hole left in your heart. Sometimes there simply is no chance for a future together. I rarely think about her nowadays and even if I do, I don't really feel anything. It's the past...you have to leave it be.

So you have to draw the right conclusions from your experience though, learn your lessons...so you don't make the same mistakes over and over again. But that doesn't mean staying alone for the rest of your life of course. As for myself, it simply means being vigilant what I'm getting myself into. And this is not easy once you suddenly find yourself in love again.

This is merely my experience and the solution that worked for me. To me there is no real right or wrong way to deal with this. You have to find the way you can live with it - still being able to look at yourself in the mirror.

You got there in the end though, you were able to not think about the person and get on with your life. My mind keeps wandering back to this and I still get flashes of anger about it. I just wish it would go for good. I accept it has all happened I accept I was used and that if it ever happens again I will know this time to cease contact and not let it drag out like it did. I hope I'll forget over time as I really feel im going to be alone for more years despite my efforts to get out of this. Suppose that issue is for another post.

 

[jaguarundi]

+1. Good reply Rodent, and yes it is a great idea to be just a bit .. tentative withsomeone new before you hand them your heart. Although as you say, it can be easier said than done!

Something that has occurred to me before when people ask about break-ups or loss, is that it isn't at all like there is a gradual diminishing until nothing is left. Its much more like .. I don't know, maybe a fire? That seems like it is dying out, but there are sudden spurts, periods of smouldering, a brief flare when the wind blows, like that. The ashes may stay warm a bit, but eventually it really dies away.

But Wanderer, don't be looking for a new love just to oust the old one. Doing that has a lot of possibilities for the new relationship to go tits-up as well, if you haven't really let go of the first.

And as a side note .. If you two were over, I don't see why she would need to tell you that she was in a new relationship. You were not married with kids involved, her life is her own now, just as yours is.

And I understand that you don't want to wait for time and perspective to do its thing, and hell, its easy for me to say that. But it is still true nonetheless, and you still won't want to hear it, nonetheless

Oh and I will hold back the clipped ear, you dodged it there! Others on this forum may not have been so generous lol

 

[Wanderer145]

@jaguarundi

I don't want to re-tread that old ground it happened a few weeks after I said we shouldn't speak anymore and not ever think there is a future for us. I was right about it for sure, but that was last year.

It's just literal years going by and it keeps coming back when I know I'm just a memory to this person. If time is what it takes I just dont want it to be more years. 1 year of your life for 3 just seems wrong to me. I am still looking because I dont know of anyone who accepts it and forgets without meeting someone else eventually and its been long enough already.

Would be nice if there was just an off switch I guess you have to sort of build an almost perfectly functioning one for this.

 

[Zett]

EDIT: I guess I want to know an answer to this question. If nobody comes along to replace a partner, can you ever really forgive someone and fully get on with your life without thinking bad of them?

You definitely can. It's been since February 7 this year that my ex-gf dumped me. She's already moved on and started dating someone else. At first I felt betrayed, angry, and pretty much cheated on but you know what I realized after weeks of drowning myself in tears of depression?

I realized it's tiresome to hold grudges. I couldn't hate her and I couldn't hold it against her. The negativity was a drain on my life and I felt it weighing down on me like a heavy anchor deep inside. Dropping that grudge meant that I needed to be honest with myself. I took responsibility for why the relationship fell apart. Admittedly my value of myself dropped towards the end, I lost all ambition and I was floating in mediocrity and comfort which led to her losing faith in me and dumping me for someone else.

I decided after that period of depression I would change everything I can within my power to increase my own worth and that changed everything. Depression faded, self esteem increased dramatically. If you're unhappy because of her, start investing in yourself. Eventually when you get more involved in making yourself happy you start to drain away the emotional attachment you've kept with your ex-gf.

It's good to keep no contact (you don't want to stay attached to her), in my case my ex-gf contacted me out of the blue and we caught up. After I noticed she would only contact me during her work hours and never her spare time I realized the friendship was really not a good deal for me. I felt used like I was entertainment while she's bored at work, and sometimes she would tell me about her problems and that would make me feel even more awkward. She broke up with me yet she still wants my emotional support, that really didn't work for me so about a week ago I pretty much told her I don't want anything to do with her if all I mean to her is side-work entertainment / emotional cushion. I'm not to be used like that, if I'm important to her she should at least show signs that I was still a good friend to her like either making time for me or caring about my own end. I was more than happy to keep the friendship if she was more sincere about it but it didn't feel like I was really a friend anymore.

I feel with any given post-breakup event the thing you gotta do is pick yourself up as quick as possible. You'll probably go through the 5 stages of grievances (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) and when you finally settle on acceptance you might want to rethink what you want out of life that doesn't involve this person. Personal development is a great counter to any event that causes depression. Nothing is better than thinking you can grow to be a stronger person after having gone through a traumatic part of your life. That's the kind of thing we all root for in films, hero gets beat down and gets back up stronger than ever and really it doesn't have to be just the stuff of films, it can be reality too if you pursue it.

Personal development is the reason I can be happy with myself finally, after 6 crappy weeks of tears, emotional feeding and gaming, I got out of that mess relatively quickly (my relationship lasted 3 years) and I've never been better mentally since. At first I thought I'd be smug about thinking I'd become something she'd regret losing but after investing in more of myself that thought faded and I realized the success of positive change was more than enough to make me happy and even spite has no room in my system.

 

[TheRealCallie]

If nobody comes along to replace a partner, can you ever really forgive someone and fully get on with your life without thinking bad of them?

You don't need a "replacement" to be able to forgive someone. The only thing you need to forgive someone is the ability to let it go. Realize that it happened and accept it. Forgiving someone is more for yourself than it is for them. You don't have to forget, but treat it as a life lesson instead of an excuse to feel pain and hold on to something that isn't there anymore. Forgiving someone isn't about making them feel better, it's about letting go of the burden it is causing you.
What they did may make you feel bad, but can you change it...can you change them? Sadly, you can't, so why let it eat at you so much? What does it do to the person to think bad of them? It's likely causing more emotional damage to you than it is to them. Is that person really worth giving that much to, even after everything that happened? Hasn't she already done enough to you....

 

[Wanderer145]

EDIT: I guess I want to know an answer to this question. If nobody comes along to replace a partner, can you ever really forgive someone and fully get on with your life without thinking bad of them?

You definitely can. It's been since February 7 this year that my ex-gf dumped me. She's already moved on and started dating someone else. At first I felt betrayed, angry, and pretty much cheated on but you know what I realized after weeks of drowning myself in tears of depression?

I realized it's tiresome to hold grudges. I couldn't hate her and I couldn't hold it against her. The negativity was a drain on my life and I felt it weighing down on me like a heavy anchor deep inside. Dropping that grudge meant that I needed to be honest with myself. I took responsibility for why the relationship fell apart. Admittedly my value of myself dropped towards the end, I lost all ambition and I was floating in mediocrity and comfort which led to her losing faith in me and dumping me for someone else.

I decided after that period of depression I would change everything I can within my power to increase my own worth and that changed everything. Depression faded, self esteem increased dramatically. If you're unhappy because of her, start investing in yourself. Eventually when you get more involved in making yourself happy you start to drain away the emotional attachment you've kept with your ex-gf.

It's good to keep no contact (you don't want to stay attached to her), in my case my ex-gf contacted me out of the blue and we caught up. After I noticed she would only contact me during her work hours and never her spare time I realized the friendship was really not a good deal for me. I felt used like I was entertainment while she's bored at work, and sometimes she would tell me about her problems and that would make me feel even more awkward. She broke up with me yet she still wants my emotional support, that really didn't work for me so about a week ago I pretty much told her I don't want anything to do with her if all I mean to her is side-work entertainment / emotional cushion. I'm not to be used like that, if I'm important to her she should at least show signs that I was still a good friend to her like either making time for me or caring about my own end. I was more than happy to keep the friendship if she was more sincere about it but it didn't feel like I was really a friend anymore.

I feel with any given post-breakup event the thing you gotta do is pick yourself up as quick as possible. You'll probably go through the 5 stages of grievances (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) and when you finally settle on acceptance you might want to rethink what you want out of life that doesn't involve this person. Personal development is a great counter to any event that causes depression. Nothing is better than thinking you can grow to be a stronger person after having gone through a traumatic part of your life. That's the kind of thing we all root for in films, hero gets beat down and gets back up stronger than ever and really it doesn't have to be just the stuff of films, it can be reality too if you pursue it.

Personal development is the reason I can be happy with myself finally, after 6 crappy weeks of tears, emotional feeding and gaming, I got out of that mess relatively quickly (my relationship lasted 3 years) and I've never been better mentally since. At first I thought I'd be smug about thinking I'd become something she'd regret losing but after investing in more of myself that thought faded and I realized the success of positive change was more than enough to make me happy and even spite has no room in my system.

Thanks man thats useful advice. It spurred me into action last year I took up art classes to meet more people, planned some more travelling, finally started learning to drive a car so many other things. Of course as time has gone and people have come along I can't but help think I should forget about what happened last year and get on with life. After all of that effort to get on its kind of dragged me back down and its been so long already. I think I just need to keep pursuing my own personal development and finding my way. Even a year later the anger flashes keep coming along but they just fade into indifference. It's better to know you dont think much of that person and as time has gone on they dont think about you as much with someone else in their life. So its all in the past just pushing it away is the best thing to do.

---

If nobody comes along to replace a partner, can you ever really forgive someone and fully get on with your life without thinking bad of them?

You don't need a "replacement" to be able to forgive someone. The only thing you need to forgive someone is the ability to let it go. Realize that it happened and accept it. Forgiving someone is more for yourself than it is for them. You don't have to forget, but treat it as a life lesson instead of an excuse to feel pain and hold on to something that isn't there anymore. Forgiving someone isn't about making them feel better, it's about letting go of the burden it is causing you.
What they did may make you feel bad, but can you change it...can you change them? Sadly, you can't, so why let it eat at you so much? What does it do to the person to think bad of them? It's likely causing more emotional damage to you than it is to them. Is that person really worth giving that much to, even after everything that happened? Hasn't she already done enough to you....

I think its a deep rooted problem of mine that I want to make something good to happen to get on with it. It does cause more damage to me I know its bringing nothing but negativity on my life. I just have nobody and my mind wanders back to when I did have something in turn it reminds me of the chain of events. I was much much worse last year and even worse the year before now its approaching the point where I don't feel as much anymore. I dont want to change them I just want to forgive myself for this as I should be way tougher by now after all thats happened.

It does feel like I'm stuck in the past a little that I've been left behind especially when it comes to my peers who are all meeting new people or are in much longer relationships. That triggered this line of thinking of late.

 

[Zett]

Thanks man thats useful advice. It spurred me into action last year I took up art classes to meet more people, planned some more travelling, finally started learning to drive a car so many other things. Of course as time has gone and people have come along I can't but help think I should forget about what happened last year and get on with life. After all of that effort to get on its kind of dragged me back down and its been so long already. I think I just need to keep pursuing my own personal development and finding my way. Even a year later the anger flashes keep coming along but they just fade into indifference. It's better to know you dont think much of that person and as time has gone on they dont think about you as much with someone else in their life. So its all in the past just pushing it away is the best thing to do.

Hey no problem. And the best part about personal development is that once you get the ball rolling and start increasing your positivity, it'll make you happier. When you're happier you attract more people too, and the whole thing just goes up and up. Completely self fulfilling. People love positive people and from what I've seen, people are certainly attracted to passionate + positive people. So if you really get into whatever it is you're interested in (art?) and bring out more of your individuality I don't think you'll look back and feel so bad.

In my case because I got so fat during the relationship, the act of inserting exercise as part of personal development has increased the amount of positivity (from endorphins). Plus watching the weight drop week after week has been pretty satisfying.

 

[ardour]

I have no experience, but I'd say you don't ever really get over it. This is what 'baggage' refers to. Someone who's known you, was close to you, has rejected you and freed themselves of your company. It's personal and deeply affecting.

 

[painter's radio]

You don't forget but you start to look at it differently. Usually I notice the change happening when I think "wow, I didn't even think of her once yesterday!" This usually takes well over 365 days, though.

It wont be like this forever. One of my exes was unfaithful in our relationship and it really hurt me. It was a small town too so the guy she slept with, I had the pleasure of seeing at all the local music events, in the street etc. So much hatred during those times... but a couple of years after we broke up, I saw this guy at a party and went and had a beer with him. Just ******* did it. Stopped being so hateful and couldn't be bothered anymore. I suppose it was time that healed it though. I don't really believe in therapy or drugs to cure these things, just something to stop us from killing ourselves, or others. A distraction. One day you just think "lol, this is stupid" and don't give such a honeysuckle anymore.

Never take a grudge to the grave, because the people who hurt you made your music sound so much sweeter in doing so. Even if you did have to lock it in a dusty box for 20 years or so. It'll sound amazing when you open that time capsule.

 

[Wanderer145]

Never take a grudge to the grave, because the people who hurt you made your music sound so much sweeter in doing so. Even if you did have to lock it in a dusty box for 20 years or so. It'll sound amazing when you open that time capsule.

I don't want to take it to the grave I want to forgive her and most of all forgive myself I'm on my way I can't help but feel as I was unable to meet someone over the last 2 years and she did it on 2 occasions it made me hate her. My own inability made me hate her even more. Shameful to admit. I'll forget about this in time, it doesn't affect me as much as last year but I do want to just fully let it go. One day I'll look back and remember the good times instead of being constantly reminded of the bad ones... thanks for the advice.

 

[Mr.YellowCat]

I did not read all the replies, so I dont know if what I´m about to say was said already.
But I from what I understood, from what I read, it does not seem she did anything to you. It feels a bit as if you are angry at her, jealous of her, etc., but the way I see it it was a relationship, and it ended. Relationships end. Thats the way it is. Do you really fault her for moving on?

This is the way I feel about it, as it seems you have a tendency to demonize her in some regards (overstatement). Its as if you are telling us she hurt you, but I think its that you have been hurt, but not by her, just the end of what was.

I may have misunderstood. If that is the case, I apologize for making this remarks.

 

[Wanderer145]

I did not read all the replies, so I dont know if what I´m about to say was said already.
But I from what I understood, from what I read, it does not seem she did anything to you. It feels a bit as if you are angry at her, jealous of her, etc., but the way I see it it was a relationship, and it ended. Relationships end. Thats the way it is. Do you really fault her for moving on?

This is the way I feel about it, as it seems you have a tendency to demonize her in some regards (overstatement). Its as if you are telling us she hurt you, but I think its that you have been hurt, but not by her, just the end of what was.

I may have misunderstood. If that is the case, I apologize for making this remarks.

Yeah it's a little difficult to explain in full here but I was used pretty badly as an emotional crutch and found she did not care for me after a while. Kept telling me she didnt want anybody she was going to stay alone, don't know why I believed her. She wouldn't keep her distance after we broke up but it sort of died out. Kept saying tell me when I meet someone and don't go with anyone too soon. 2 weeks after we stopped finally talking last year she went and found another guy.

I do admit as posted above my reasons that this is half my own problems, but like I said I can't fully explain everything through posting only a part of it.

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

I'm sure after awhile you'll be able to except what happened and over time you'll move on. Sorry to hear how things ended up, but you should be with someone who truly wants to be with you. I can understand that you're at a rough time in you're life right now cause trust me I am too & I find it extremely hard to forget about my ex boyfriend due to what happened but that's a different story. Not sure on why she told you those things, but it seems like she was holding a lot of things back from you. Next time you do end up finding someone, make sure you get to know the person fully inside and out. Don't rush into anything, especially if you're still not over her yet. Whenever you're ready though, concentrate on yourself. Do things for yourself right now and get into new hobbies. Another thing you can do is write her unsent letters, keep a notebook and write to her and speak you're mind in the letters. Say anything you need to say in them, vent in them, pour you're heart out. Do it everyday if you must, overtime see if you notice a difference to how you're feeling. If you're still hurting don't stress yourself out over it, each person heals differently. Just continue to write to her, until there's nothing else for you to say to her. Not sure if this is helpful to you or not, but this is what I did when my ex boyfriend and I broke up and it helped me out a lot.

 

[zibafu]

I didn't read your post fully since I am heading out

When people have a massive impact in your lives you never really forget, you eventually put it to one side, but the memory will always be there.
Its up to you to choose how you deal with it
My mum and dad split up when I was 9 years old, I'm 27 now and my dad still has venom in his voice when he talks about her - he claims she cheated on him when he was working away, I don't think she did but its neither here nor there.
Now he has 2 daughters to his current partner and yet if I mention my mother in anyway hes got hatred in his eyes. He knows better now than to say bad stuff cause I'll flip out at him.

I've had one relationship that lasted 2 months, the only reason I asked her out is because I was already emotionally there, and it seemed like she was too, 2 months later she ends things claiming it was just a fling and she wanted to be free to date others, I was upset as you can imagine, its been just over a year now and I still think about her sometimes. The difference is I didn't hate her or be angry with her, in fact I am still friends with her.

I don't think you ever let go of that first love, its always gonna be that big memory purely because its the first of such a memory. Learn to put it aside, don't hate the person, since at one point they were the most important thing to you, don't fight the thoughts of them when they pop into your head, just get on with things.

 

[Rosewood]

I agree new love never replaces the old. Take what can and learn. If anything I tell my self this is who I don't want to be.It any seem like a small lesson but sometimes it's what you get so make lemonade.

 

[Wanderer145]

I'm sure after awhile you'll be able to except what happened and over time you'll move on. Sorry to hear how things ended up, but you should be with someone who truly wants to be with you. I can understand that you're at a rough time in you're life right now cause trust me I am too & I find it extremely hard to forget about my ex boyfriend due to what happened but that's a different story. Not sure on why she told you those things, but it seems like she was holding a lot of things back from you. Next time you do end up finding someone, make sure you get to know the person fully inside and out. Don't rush into anything, especially if you're still not over her yet. Whenever you're ready though, concentrate on yourself. Do things for yourself right now and get into new hobbies. Another thing you can do is write her unsent letters, keep a notebook and write to her and speak you're mind in the letters. Say anything you need to say in them, vent in them, pour you're heart out. Do it everyday if you must, overtime see if you notice a difference to how you're feeling. If you're still hurting don't stress yourself out over it, each person heals differently. Just continue to write to her, until there's nothing else for you to say to her. Not sure if this is helpful to you or not, but this is what I did when my ex boyfriend and I broke up and it helped me out a lot.

I used to write letters 2 years ago about this but I gave up on that, made a huge email also that I never sent. Deleted it last year because I couldn't stand looking at it. That time for me has passed, I put away all the things I owned from her in a box somewhere.

I'm ok I do want some new hobbies as the ones I've taken up always seem to end up burning out due to money or lack of motivation. The ones that have stayed are the ones that make me feel so much better about myself like cycling and art.

I don't feel like i'm in a rush to meet someone it has been 2 and half years its a long time it brings back some pain on the odd occasion but it tends to flare up when I feel like im making no progress with anything.

Thanks for replying