How do you get over that person who suddenly leaves your life?

[lostatsea]

It's so many different feelings. I don't think I'm sad that she's happy. But I can't deny I wish I was that guy. The fact that it's just meaningless sex hurts. If she had moved on to a great guy and something "real" it would be much more comforting. A part of me is 100% selfish in knowing if things went differently she wouldn't have been with this guy at all and would be spending most of her time with me still.

A huge part of me is just sad that she's not in my life anymore. But the stupid part is I know she's living a happier life because I'm not in it. Parting ways was the right thing to do for both of us. I just can't move on.

 

[Senamian]

It'll take time. Rome was not built overnight - you're not going to heal that fast either. Unfortunately, you will have to eventually accept what she is doing, when you find out. I don't think she is really ready just yet, to settle down. I know quite a few people who aren't - and it does hurt to see who I once knew, do such things.

I also did the "if this had changed...." kind of ideal. Eventually I realized something. Would THEY still be happy? Would I have been happy? Was it really meant to be? And no matter which circumstance would have changed, it would still have been "on the edge". It wouldn't have been fair to either of us - and by the sounds of it, not for you two either.

Don't be afraid to be upset, or sad. But also do not be afraid to let yourself breathe! Though a relationship has ended, the world still turns - and you're still a good part of this world. And you are always allowed to be happy again.

 

[lostatsea]

Ha, and now I know she is sore spending "two nights rolling around" with him... is completely into him, and can't wait to see him Friday... like why do I do this to myself when I know it's going to drive me crazy...

The guy is leaving on Saturday back to Britain... what does she expect to do when he flies back... why do I care so much... AAAAHHHH

 

[Senamian]

Because lots of people tend to do that to themselves And like you said... She posts everywhere. Unless you stop going on the internet (which for many of us is very unlikely!) you won't be able to fully avoid letting yourself "just check once more".

Hopefully, eventually you'll be able to feel a lot better towards yourself though

 

[lostatsea]

Thanks Sem... you are extremely compassionate and comforting. That's why I love this forum... no matter how dumb I act, people like you understand and try to help as best you can.

 

[Senamian]

Well I've dealt with enough to know what it is like to NOT have anyone to talk to, or anyone who gives a ****.

 

[Alienated]

Well I've dealt with enough to know what it is like to NOT have anyone to talk to, or anyone who gives a ****.

DITO... and might I add ANYWHERE

 

[Senamian]

Yup, ANYWHERE is right.

 

[firebendr]

I can relate on the ''why do I care so much'' part. 'No contact' is even harder. I just came out of a really bad break up, long distance. He was such a big part of my life in a short amount of time, and BAM, he's gone. Take it one day at a time. All the best.

 

[kelbo]

It sucks. I don't know how to do it either, I guess you have to take one day at a time and try busy yourself as much as you can...Just like idle hands makes devils work so does an idle mind, even more so. To do lists become a friendly saviour and someone you can message instead of looking on websites that person goes on might help. Though curiosity does get the better of us sometimes.

I can write all of this and believe it but it doesn't help me in my moments of weakness. I split with a guy I was with for two years in May. It was a devastating break up since we lived together. I had no other option but to move out...I didn't have friends or family that I could move in with either so was forced to find somewhere on my own in less than a week. It was the first time I'd lived alone as well as parting from the man I loved.
The past four months have been so rocky, there have been days I've not left my bed or eaten or even washed etc as I've been too depressed. I am getting better though now I can see it. I did the whole rebound fling too, started a relationship with a guy who was the complete opposite to my ex, but that wasn't giving me happiness and I realised I was just trying to fill the void too quickly and that I needed to be alone so I confessed to this guy and ended things, fortunately he understood and we are still on friendly terms.

Recently my ex has been in contact and we have been catching up over texts which has made me feel awkward. He seems happy, over me and its a bit hard to deal with, though I am trying to sound positive like I'm moving on with my life...and it isn't like I haven't been because I have been doing a lot since the break up: I did a walking challenge through work for 16 weeks and got a certificate for it, I cut my hair short and have started looking after my appearance differently, I've started studying towards a degree, I've even started doing new things such as going to the theatre, seeing live music etc that is different from what I'd usually see...and whilst I can say all of this and it sounds like I am moving on, moving forwards, I feel more stuck than ever. I miss him but I know our relationship was not healthy. But hearing things like how he didn't use up the rally driving experience gift voucher I bought him and his Dad when we were together (which cost me over £300) because he didn't want know if he wanted me in his life at all and felt awkward using it just makes me feel really sad.

He asked me if I would like to meet up with him next week for a catch up next week and though I said yes I'm beginning to think it is not a great idea...I'm sex starved and emotional...one of these is bad enough never mind together I'd most likely pounce on him!!! Ha. How awkward would that be.

I think I am going to be honest and tell him that I still hold feelings for him, that I am not sure I could be sensible if I saw him and that it'd most likely mess my head up.

 

[Senamian]

Kelbo: It can be devastating to have to move out... For me it was him moving out without telling me, and me being stranded from home at the doorstep of an empty house of my brother's. And there was no family I could turn to that evening, nor friends. (As friends had moved away, or gone to college).

Relationships are never easy. The end of relationships are definitely worse (sometimes).

 

[Rosebolt]

Not quite the same, but i can somehow relate. In the last 10 days i learned for good that i cannot rely on my parents (for now) anymore. Also lost a close friend the same day, and realised that i won't be able to see my crush again, with no ways of contacting her anymore, because of circumstances that are out of my control.

Now i'm trying to deal with all of that. It feels vaguely relieving. Once again being shown that myself is the only person i can trust. First i just want to mourn the losses and then move on, to do it "the right way" but i just feel very numb about it. Not sure if i can get over it as quickly as i want to. However i'm known to have absolutely zero patience.

As cliche as it sounds, i think the best advice i can give is to be your own friend, as you will never leave yourself.

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

I've been through heart break before and when they left, I felt a great deal of pain in the pit of my stomach. For days I was crying on my bed and it was very hard to get over them. For one I would get rid of things that will remind you of them, if you don't want to get rid of anything, put it in a box and put it somewhere else where you won't have to see it. After that, just try to concentrate on yourself and get yourself involved in new activities and do things that will make you feel better about yourself. Now I know this pain won't leave you over night, so whenever you feel sad or miss this person, write them un-sent letters on how you feel. It's very healthy to express yourself, don't keep those thoughts and emotions in. If you want to cry, than cry- bottling anything in will only make things much worse for you in the end.

Wish you the best of luck! =)

And remember to love yourself, before you get involved in another relationship make sure you love yourself completely before entering into a new relationship. Hope I helped you out in some way.

 

[ardour]

It hurts really bad because someone who knows you very well has decided they don't want you in their lives any more, with a sudden cut-off of any contact. So it isn't just the loss of them, it's what it means. I guess people come to the conclusion that they're 'unlovable' and that the same thing will happen again with the next person.

And I've read it takes at least 6 months for the average person to get over, longer depending on the length of the relationship.

 

[blackdot]

And I've read it takes at least 6 months for the average person to get over, longer depending on the length of the relationship.

It's been 3 years now. Still not a day goes by that I don't think of her.

 

[Senamian]

I don't think science can ever measure the supposed "getting over it" time frame, as there are way too many variables for it to be accurate.

 

[ForGrantedWife]

It hurts really bad because someone who knows you very well has decided they don't want you in their lives any more, with a sudden cut-off of any contact. So it isn't just the loss of them, it's what it means. I guess people come to the conclusion that they're 'unlovable' and that the same thing will happen again with the next person.

I was that girl, but for good reason. Before I met my husband I was with a guy who didn't treat me right. He couldn't be trusted and he hurt my heart often and without any regret. Until I left him of course. He tried and tried to get back in touch with me even after I married and had our first child. Sometimes it's too little too late. There is a price to be paid for damaging someone's trust and disrespecting their love like it doesn't matter until it's over. I'm not sure if any of this applies to the boys here but please be advised not to hurt the women who love you if you get lucky enough to find one. There's only so much we can take before we have to bail and save ourselves.

 

[Mike510]

I replaced my feelings for my former fiancee by meeting other women. I know this sounds bad but I felt empty without her and the only time I have felt happy since is when I am with other women.

 

[Senamian]

It's the affection you desire Of course... For a lot of us, "the one that got away" will always be cared for. Always. And many of us... Desire love and affection - so it's more common than you know, Mike.

 

[ardour]

What saddens me is when people walk out on their spouse after 10, 15, 20 or more years of marriage because of boredom or whatnot, oblivious to how that wastes decades of another person's life.