How much progress have you made with shyness?

[Xelha]

For those of you out there who have had to deal with or are still dealing with shyness, how far have you come over the years? Maybe we can help inspire each other when it comes to getting over this issue.

I know I've come a long way. When I was younger(like in elementary school), I was so shy that a lot of kids thought I was *unable* to speak, and they'd tease me a lot about it. I used to be so afraid of sounding stupid, and so I would just keep quiet.

Later on though, in high school, I started to realize that I shouldn't worry so much about that. I started to learn how to laugh at the stupid things I did, and to make others laugh as well. Things have improved a lot. Now when I talk to one or two people, I'll be very talkative, and people don't even believe me when I say I'm shy. But when I'm in a group of people I'll quickly fall silent and revert to how I used to be.

So, I guess I've still got some room for improvement, but at least I'm getting better. What about the rest of you?

 

[Talus]

I've been slowly getting better over the years. I don't really have too much trouble dealing with people individually anymore, especially once I'm sort of familiar with them. Still I find that in any kind of group situations I tend to just kind of sit back and listen to people instead of participating. Most of the time I just have no idea what to say I guess, and my relative silence in the chat room here is a testament to that.

The most aggravating part is I don't know why it's so difficult to talk to people in those kind of situations.

 

[mintymint]

I tried to teach myself to go with my first impulse and let it not be overtaken by my second guessing. For example in college i would have an insight i thought should be shared with the class, but then i would instantly second guess myself. I would think: no one wants to hear what you have to say, it's probably something stupid anyway. Then i would sit back and think: you have something to contribute, you want to contribute, so why the hell is so much effort going into stopping yourself? Why stamp out that positive impulse?

The same thing applied to other things in life. For example if someone tossed a bottle in the trash, but it fell on the ground my first impulse would be to want to put it back in. Then I'd hear voices in my head telling me things like: no one else is doing anything about it, they'll all look at you funny if you bend down to pick up trash. Then I would think: i had an impulse to do something positive, something that i know is good, so why the hell would i want to crush that? When i see people doing stuff like that, i admire them for it! Stop being so self-conscious!

I know it seems small, but everyone's got to start somewhere

 

[Badjedidude]

I tried to teach myself to go with my first impulse and let it not be overtaken by my second guessing.

Oh, man...I used to have the same problem. I'd always get a gut feeling that I should do or say something...and then my stupid brain would get in the way...so over the years I've learned to sort of ignore my brain and follow my gut impulses when I get them really strongly about something.

----Steve

 

[roundasapenguin]

I'm a shy person coz I hate attention. My face betrays me constantly by blushing into the shade of a washington red apple whenever I get shy and that's terrible! I mean, I could fake my expression and pretend like I'm all brave but the blasted blush always gives me away

I always tell myself to think of other thoughts...think about work, think about this, think about that..just don't think about blushing but darn it, it still happens and it is quite embarassing.

 

[mintymint]

I tried to teach myself to go with my first impulse and let it not be overtaken by my second guessing.

Oh, man...I used to have the same problem. I'd always get a gut feeling that I should do or say something...and then my stupid brain would get in the way...so over the years I've learned to sort of ignore my brain and follow my gut impulses when I get them really strongly about something.

----Steve

Guts have a lot of good stuff to say... you just gotta listen

 

[Xelha]

When it comes to doing oral presentations, I still have a lot of trouble, even if it's only in front of like 5 students. Whenever I do them, my hands will be shaking, but apparently I've gotten a lot better at concealing this since my teacher/classmates made a comment recently about how "calm" I seemed. In those situations I'm anything but calm.

 

[Red_Apple]

I've made half-way-there progress I think. I get comfortable more and more being myself. Happened by talking to more people, immersing myself in different social situations, not being fearful overall. Was so shy I couldn't even communicate with my extended family members. Now I'm able to speak up, but not entirely voice everything. I still do some things within limit.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

My shyness wasn't on a group level...it was more on a personal or intimate level.
As a child I had to moved around a lot. Due to my parent's divorce.
I bascailly had to move from city to city, broading schools, relatives to relatives.
I learned how to make friends and fit in quickly and I would loose friends quickly due to circumstance that was beyound my control
or not of my chioce...The adults in my life moved me around.

While in HS...I had friends from various groups. Jocks, musician, stoners, preps, socails...etc.
When i join the military..I clicked with a group of guys that I've never met on arrival to my base on the first day.
We hung out during our off hours and roam the town partying for the first 3-4 months together. Grually we all went
our separate ways ...due to getting resigned to differnent bases..etc. Then I made new friends.

After the military..I had to relocate again. I moved back home..then relocate to a city. I knew no one at first
but after time. I met people. mmmm...Going out to night clubs everynight, I kind of got used to running into
complete strangers and chit chating with them. I never thought much about it or had to get tips. It was more
of learn as I go. As i stated...I partied every night and had a lot of exposure and practice of meeting new people.

I have a couple of best freinds while growing up since grade school. Even then we still had to go our separate ways
becuase our parents made us attend different schools or they met new friends or life changes.

Anyway..my challenges while in my teens or early 20's wasn't so much that I didn't socail...I socialized too much.
You know...when are you going to grow up ? , be responsible?, settle down?..you can't party forever?

Well...honeysuckle. After I settle down. Go to work, raised a family, have a significent other in my life...that's when my social
skills went to honeysuckle....That's what I get for doing the right thing of what society tell'in me how i ought to fucken live...
Should had listen to myself..follow my own intuitions and do whateve the fresia I wanted to do...

Plus failed intimate relationships...I developed trust issues and all kinds of other fucken issues I didn't know i had.
I think I ma burn all my fucken self help books. Half of the honeysuckle I read or stuff they talk about...I already had a clue about.
It's mostly wroking through guilt and shame and at the end...in so many different way..they'll say...Do whatever the fresia you wanna do.
Do the best as you can with what you have. Love yourself or look out for #1, Live how ever you wanna live...ERRR???? Seem to me like I was doing that all alone from
the day i was born...then some fucken know it all people told me I was wrong. It's so fucken retarded, i swear.
ok..ok..I ma forgive myself for taking fucken advice from people.

When I was in my 20's...I didn't think there was something morbidly wrong with me...Life wasn't easy and I had to face chanlleges
as I've always hd. i didn't have all those fuken guilt trips...not until I started reading about guilt trips and listen to people that made me feel guilty
for whatever the fresia reason they deem how I ought to live in accordance to their morals and vaules.

All of the problems I have from intimate relationships...I spoke to some of my ex...
It was bascially miss communicating or miss understanding. And serval of them actaully said they wanted to get back with me. So it wasn't all me
or i wasn't totally messed up....

I feel like I'm in my 20's again...a little crazy, a little wild, a little scare, more wise. I feel alive without all the guilt and shame BS. I feel alive. I feel like
I can breathe freely...I'm not stressed.

There's nothing wrong with me....thinking that there's something wrong with me...that's what wrong.

 

[SophiaGrace]

You must believe that you have important interesting things to say and that you are a likable person

Then you wont be as shy anymore n_n

 

[wheels]

No progress whatsoever.