How to build self esteem?

[wadokai]

Everyone says you need self esteem, you should be confident..etc etc... but no one explains how?

How do you get more self esteem? How do you get more confidence?

In my situation, i've been through so much negativity that i've become a pessimist person who doesn't really see the bright side.

Often, I find my negative/realist side ends up being right...and..my self esteem just sinks more...

 

[Montreal Skye]

Honestly, I used to find that my negative attitude was the ONLY attitude. I was a terrible cynic and I felt that every bad idea I had about humanity was right. But I had to change that way of thinking, it wasn't overnight. When I started to see the glass half full, then I started to see the good in this world and in my life. That was step one to rebuilding my self-esteem, being positive. It wasn't easy though! It takes practice and perseverance! Daily meditation, yoga and also reading motivational quotes and texts were the best thing to help with that.

Time also is necessary because you have to learn to forgive others for how they treated you. It was drilled into me for most of my life that I was stupid and ugly and would never amount to anything. I also had bad romantic relationships that messed up my self-esteem. I realized that by holding on to all that hurt, I was still hurting myself. Forgiving isn't letting people get away with stuff, it's making an effort to move on from it and not let it affect you anymore. That also takes time. I read that if you can somehow find compassion for the person who hurt you, you can forgive them. After you forgive the others, you have to forgive yourself for whatever you've done in your life to make you feel like a bad person

After I changed my attitude and inner-voice, and did my forgiving, I started to work on myself. I made a list of all the things that were negatively affecting me and got rid of them. One was diet, I changed that completely. One was sloth, I started to exercise daily and lift weights. Another was television, it made me terribly lazy, so I got rid of the cable and my tv. With all that extra time, I was forced to fill it, so I developed some old hobbies that I'd lost interest in, knitting, sewing, cooking, playing piano, reading and writing.

I still have my days when I feel low about myself, but when I truly look in the mirror, I'm pretty pleased at the progress I've made to change the way I am, and that automatically boosts my self-esteem.

I think the main philosophy that I've created for myself, one that helps me tremendously, is that I want to look in the mirror each night and be proud of the person I am and proud of how I spent my time. This kind of forces me to be positive and to do things to make myself a better person. When you feel good about who you are, your self-esteem goes along with that.

 

[Gutted]

Self Esteem comes naturally to most I think. You either never think about it or you often think about it. I've seen none in between. I am the type who thinks about it a lot. Although it doesn't bother me. I think you just have to tell yourself that you can do it. That if you make a mistake, it isn't the end of the world. It works for me and can work for you I think. You just have to change your way of thinking a little.

 

[sadface]

I don't think having self esteem and confidence is the same thing as being an optimist. Personally, I think self-esteem and confidence come from becoming okay with and accepting the way things are, and coming to terms with what is and what is not in your control.

So I would say that is the first step.

 

[mduncanmoore]

"...When I started to see the glass half full, then I started to see the good in this world and in my life. That was step one to rebuilding self esteem, being positive. It wasn't easy though! It takes practice and perseverance! Daily meditation, yoga and also reading motivational quotes and texts were the best thing to help with that..."

This is great advice for those struggling to gain self-confidence, to learn more tips and reading check out Self Confidence Forum

 

[MadMonkè]

Do the right thing.

 

[VinnysEmpty]

I'm a bit of a back-slider and struggling to keep my spirits up. Part of the reason is probably because I do not regularly do the things that helped me two years ago and it is what some of the others recommend as do I - meditation, daily affirmations and consistently forcing myself to not go down the usual road of responding to things negatively in word, deed or thoughts. It took time but the reward was a better outlook on life.

 

[wadokai]

This is sounds lame but how do you meditate? Can you share some resources for daily afirmations and positive inspirational quote stuff?

 

[VinnysEmpty]

This is sounds lame but how do you meditate? Can you share some resources for daily afirmations and positive inspirational quote stuff?

That's exactly what I thought (i.e. lame) but it helped. The affirmations are something you would write, 3-4 of them that you would repeat to yourself each day. For meditation check out the book Wherever You Go There You Are. There are others but that is the one I was introduced to to get an idea of what the goal is. Meditation starts out hard and the reward is slow in coming so it is difficult to notice if there is any progress. It liken it to when I lifted weights - I didn't think it was worth it but after a couple of months of dedicated lifting a glance in the mirror showed that I had shaped by body in ways I liked.

I still believe what my a psychologist told me a while back. Our brains fall into bad habits, for any number of reasons, and we need to break those habits by consciously intervening and doing/thinking things in different, more positive ways.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Honestly, I used to find that my negative attitude was the ONLY attitude. I was a terrible cynic and I felt that every bad idea I had about humanity was right. But I had to change that way of thinking, it wasn't overnight. When I started to see the glass half full, then I started to see the good in this world and in my life. That was step one to rebuilding my self-esteem, being positive. It wasn't easy though! It takes practice and perseverance! Daily meditation, yoga and also reading motivational quotes and texts were the best thing to help with that.

Time also is necessary because you have to learn to forgive others for how they treated you. It was drilled into me for most of my life that I was stupid and ugly and would never amount to anything. I also had bad romantic relationships that messed up my self-esteem. I realized that by holding on to all that hurt, I was still hurting myself. Forgiving isn't letting people get away with stuff, it's making an effort to move on from it and not let it affect you anymore. That also takes time. I read that if you can somehow find compassion for the person who hurt you, you can forgive them. After you forgive the others, you have to forgive yourself for whatever you've done in your life to make you feel like a bad person

After I changed my attitude and inner-voice, and did my forgiving, I started to work on myself. I made a list of all the things that were negatively affecting me and got rid of them. One was diet, I changed that completely. One was sloth, I started to exercise daily and lift weights. Another was television, it made me terribly lazy, so I got rid of the cable and my tv. With all that extra time, I was forced to fill it, so I developed some old hobbies that I'd lost interest in, knitting, sewing, cooking, playing piano, reading and writing.

I still have my days when I feel low about myself, but when I truly look in the mirror, I'm pretty pleased at the progress I've made to change the way I am, and that automatically boosts my self-esteem.

I think the main philosophy that I've created for myself, one that helps me tremendously, is that I want to look in the mirror each night and be proud of the person I am and proud of how I spent my time. This kind of forces me to be positive and to do things to make myself a better person. When you feel good about who you are, your self-esteem goes along with that.

This. Read it, emulate it.

Well, except necessarily for the forgiveness part. As Nemesis teaches us, just retribution is both necessary and righteous. But we will all need to forgive ourselves somehow, and find redemption.

 

[Montreal Skye]

This. Read it, emulate it.

Well, except necessarily for the forgiveness part. As Nemesis teaches us, just retribution is both necessary and righteous. But we will all need to forgive ourselves somehow, and find redemption.

Thanks Although I wouldn't agree with retribution. Just my opinion, although I do have to say I did have revenge fantasies for a long time! That's where I kept them though. Success is my revenge.

Wadokai, there is a great site here: Meditation Oasis On that particular link, there is a list of guided meditations. You can get them on ITunes for free too. Her voice is very lulling, I do one every morning when I wake up, just randomly choose one. It's difficult to calm your mind at first, but the overall benefits I've experienced are great. It's really helped my anxiety.

 

[Sterling]

Fake it till you make it.

 

[johnwillson953]

Becoming Successful by Building self esteem and Building confidence. Learn to build inner strengths that are necessary to accomplishing success.

How To Build Self Esteem

 

[mue]

Lack of self esteem isn't reason, it's consequence.

I think, all man have own internal progress's plan.
Own outlook of life, own criteria of success.
Unfortunately, probably you stuck one of this point.

Self esteem will come with affairs.

 

[Parabolani]

You have to earn self esteem. If you do things to make yourself proud of yourself you will have high self esteem. Simple as that.

 

[perfanoff]

You have to earn self esteem. If you do things to make yourself proud of yourself you will have high self esteem. Simple as that.

Seconded!