I can't find people

[Despicable Me]

One time (I don't remember where) someone asked in a forum where to meet people. The question was marked as ridiculous, but it made sense to me.

"of course you can meet people in bars and clubs"

But what if I don't want to meet people who go to bars and clubs?
I don't want to look for people in restaurants or the mall, I don't want to look for people in concerts. I don't care for people who go out just because. People who go out where everyone goes out. I don't want to find people who does the exact same thing that everyone else.

I can't find people that ask questions, people who break the mold. I can't find people with unique opinions. I can't find people that know things no one else knows. I don't know where to find people that don't think about money, or celebrities. People who aren't thinking which brand is better or what cell phone takes the best selfies.
I feel I'm going mad, looking for ghosts of ideas that never existed. Looking for an spiritual "resistance" hiding from the noise. I can't find people that make me want to be better; to learn more, to give more.
I don't want small talk, I don't care how's the weather or what do you do for a living. I don't want to hear about cars or fashion. I don't care what team is doing well this season or for what candidate are you voting. I don't care how your kids are getting good grades or what diet are you taking, what shows are you watching or what band is releasing a new record.

I can't find people who look from outside... and beyond. People who make me feel sane. Maybe they don't exist. Or maybe they are also looking...

Wow. Everything you said, Everything you're still saying, I've said pretty much exactly the same things before. Other people just don't really get it, but I've been there, I've done that. This topic brings up so many memories of failed attempts.
This is also exactly why I'm here. I believe I even posted a topic similar to this when I got here, just to see.

But you know what the real problem is? Even if we find the type of people we're looking for, what is there even to talk about? No one has any real answers no matter how profoundly depthful their perspective is. I sure don't have any answers to give. I doubt you would be better off getting to know me, personally.

We obviously share the same perspective on something, I don't know what that 'something' is, but it seems we share it. But what would people like me and you talk about? I don't know about you, but I'm not even very good at talking anyway. I know a lot of stuff, stuff that no one else seems to know, but what is the point when it would take me my whole life to explain it all to you? And I'd bet you have some of the same. Things no one else knows, things you want to share, but things no one else understands because they are built upon an entire life of seeking, finding, studying, devotion. Is this not true?

If you can tell me you would have something to talk about with someone like me, then you have come much farther in your journey than I have in mine. And if that is true, then I would only humbly ask that you teach me, because I do not know.

 

[Xpendable]

If you can tell me you would have something to talk about with someone like me, then you have come much farther in your journey than I have in mine. And if that is true, then I would only humbly ask that you teach me, because I do not know.

Start simple. You can express thoughts or feelings you haven't share due to fear. You can vent your mind with the hidden truths that burn you inside. I'm not some holder of great wisdom, I also just want to communicate deeper and hopefully learn new things. I'm just tired of the same lazy answers and delusions some people throw at you.

 

[Veruca]

I used to feel the same way you do. Everytime I steered a shallow conversation towards somethinf that required more thought and analyzing, people moved away. Its true, a lot of people dislike deep conversations but I've grown to respect this.

Talking about the deep stuff, sharing opinions, analyzing and questioning can all be very stimulating but it can also lead to so many negatives. Not everyone wants to deal with being disagreed with or disagreeing with another. Some dont want to step out of their comfort zone and deal with the challenging philosophical questions of existentialism. Some people are insecure about sharing their opinions or views because they are afraid they may look stupid or be patronized by the other person.

And I get it, its important to have our own thoughts be questioned, but I decided that its not worth making others uncomfortable. So I embraced small talk. I thought what the hell, some conversation is better than no conversation, and while superficial topics exhaust me after awhile, at least for the 30 mins or so that I feel lonely, I can have some human company.

And you know what happened? Slowly I bonded with these "superficial talking" people, and the more I put my expectations of good conversation aside, the more fulfilling my time with them became. Eventually our conversations naturally moved towards semi intellectual to the truly stimulating.

So like what a lot of members are saying, give people a chance. Ive come to find that what prevents me at least from having a meaningful conversation is me. When I embraced the natural flow of conversations, things became better.

Maybe its worth a shot eh?

 

[Xpendable]

@Veruca

What's count to you as a deep subject?

 

[Despicable Me]

Start simple. You can express thoughts or feelings you haven't share due to fear. You can vent your mind with the hidden truths that burn you inside. I'm not some holder of great wisdom, I also just want to communicate deeper and hopefully learn new things.

We seek but we do not find. That is all.
What is the point of sharing feelings? Isn't that just chit-chat?
What is the point of sharing 'hidden truths' if they are not to be believed?

The world is the way it is for a reason. You may want a deeper knowledge, but do you truly know what that gets you?

I'm just tired of the same lazy answers and delusions some people throw at you.

Some people? All people. That has been my whole life.
It is why I've given up and given in. Why I don't even bother anymore. Why I just quit trying to talk to people, because I just can't stand the way no one else ever thinks about things the way I do. But I'm not so arrogant or delusional to think I have the right answers or that I know everything, quite the contrary. I appreciate most everyone's views so long as they are thoughtful and carefully decided.

But this is just so rare. People don't want to think carefully about the dumb things they do, the rules they follow. And when they do think? They are punished. That's the sad state of this society.
No one wants to ever question why it is we would rather talk about today's weather or a baseball/football game than to talk about philosophy or (genuine) politics. People would rather talk about getting rich or their money problems than talk about why money even exists at all. They'd rather talk about their pride for their children than to simply appreciate the general idea of an entire generation.
And I get it. I completely get it. People don't want to be bothered by things beyond the superficial level, because those things often do not have genuine answers and when they do have answers they require massive changes that people often do not want to see because it means they give up what they're used to. I don't even want to think about these things myself. I just do. I have to. I've never been able not to.

It's all about fear.
As they say "Ignorance is bliss." You cannot fear what you do not know, so for many it is just best never to know.

Not to say anyone is stupid or completely ignorant, but most people have simply just better learned what I failed to learn a long, long time ago: To let things go.

Just ask yourself why a forum like this even exists. Many of us here... We are the punished! We did not or could not conform to society the way we were 'meant' to, and so we are alone, so we are the lonely.

That's why I've given up and given in. I talk about the same old stuff everyone else does, when I'm in such a situation to talk, because I just don't care anymore. It has never gotten me anywhere and I doubt it ever will. People have in fact hated me for the things I've questioned. They have hated me for changing their world. And when they do not hate me, they will inevitably hate themselves because they will suddenly be stuck in my position, they will become like me. The position that I am opposed to the society and it's regular functions, that I am opposed to the status quo, and therefore I am hated by pretty much all for even existing, for being who I am.

So why should I give a **** anymore?
No matter what answers I have, what good are they if they change nothing?

Do yourself a favor, Xpendable. Just give up before you have completely lost your mind, like me. What you seek is not worth finding, I can tell you that. Learn from my mistakes.
The only reason I am even here is because I know that it is already too late for me.

 

[Veruca]

@Veruca

What's count to you as a deep subject?

I think its more about the nature of the conversation rather rhan the subject for me at least. It could be about about anything as long as some analyzing is happening and I feel like I am learning something.

 

[Bob Lee]

One time (I don't remember where) someone asked in a forum where to meet people. The question was marked as ridiculous, but it made sense to me.

"of course you can meet people in bars and clubs"

But what if I don't want to meet people who go to bars and clubs?
I don't want to look for people in restaurants or the mall, I don't want to look for people in concerts. I don't care for people who go out just because. People who go out where everyone goes out. I don't want to find people who does the exact same thing that everyone else.

I can't find people that ask questions, people who break the mold. I can't find people with unique opinions. I can't find people that know things no one else knows. I don't know where to find people that don't think about money, or celebrities. People who aren't thinking which brand is better or what cell phone takes the best selfies.
I feel I'm going mad, looking for ghosts of ideas that never existed. Looking for an spiritual "resistance" hiding from the noise. I can't find people that make me want to be better; to learn more, to give more.
I don't want small talk, I don't care how's the weather or what do you do for a living. I don't want to hear about cars or fashion. I don't care what team is doing well this season or for what candidate are you voting. I don't care how your kids are getting good grades or what diet are you taking, what shows are you watching or what band is releasing a new record.

I can't find people who look from outside... and beyond. People who make me feel sane. Maybe they don't exist. Or maybe they are also looking...

Xpendable,

Sounds almost like the story of my life!
I am willing to be adaptable to a certain small respect but not by a whole lot. People are not going to change! Why the hell should I or anyone else for that matter?

I have read all of the comments leading up until right now, I am actually surprised to see that some of the respondents where suggesting "What you seek is unrealistic." While they may not had said that flat out it was certainly implied. I am disappointed in that implication, shame on them!

While I am sure there opinion and response is appreciated just the same, but to say that someone else is not entitled to have certain type of standards due to there being too drastic or unrealistic is something you don't get to say that is almost the equivalent of changing what is most dear to you.

It seems to me you want a true friend that is challenging and is passionate about learning. Just to put it simply. Is that not the gist of it?

I don't blame you man. I myself only responds to people I believe to be real and genuinely sincere. If I even think you are a fake, a flake, or trying to run some kind of a scam on me. You are fallen to deaf mute's ears.

Bottomline, whether we like it or not, or even willing to admit it or not....
We judge people all the time on a regular basis, as often as we are judged!
The moment you enter a room you are instantaneously declared the weirdo and no one will talk to you. We all do it too, the moment we think that that someone has the integrity of a rat, they just reek of willful ignorance... I run away as if they are the plague. I sometime think If I am around the willfully stupid for too long I will become just as stupid.

I judge not the humanity in a person for I myself love all people and truly wish for the success in all things that they positively hold dear.

When it comes to me devoting my time, my energy, going out of my way, doing things I may not necessarily want to do but will do so out of loyalty of the friendship or relationship that can only be exclusively reserved for a true genuine friend or proper romantic relationship.

I will never invest stock in the willfully ignorant.
I wouldn't waste my time in those that don't appreciate meaningful dialogue.
I value my honesty and integrity more than falsely representing myself in the interest of securing a possible friend.

I am by know means no saint, but if you ask my a straight up question... Don't be surprised if I give you an honest answer.

Although I don't go around lying to people, I don't necessarily reveal everything either. Withholding truth isn't lying.

I find it interesting the most loners are very intelligent and very observant, hence the reason we are in our very state. Whats more interesting that to be accepted we have to dumb down ourselves and take on this different persona just to be able to mingle with society. - I refuse!

I would rather accept a life of seclusion, than to change for a social order that's not willing to change either!

In conclusion Xpendable..... Stay true to yourself, you are who you are! Now go far!

Peace, Brother!

 

[Despicable Me]

Whats more interesting that to be accepted we have to dumb down ourselves and take on this different persona just to be able to mingle with society. - I refuse!

I would rather accept a life of seclusion, than to change for a social order that's not willing to change either!

We seem to be giving two completely different suggestions.
Why do you refuse to "dumb down" to be a part of society? What have you ever gotten from being 'different'?

I just read your profile and it seems me and you share a few similarities, but as I said in my post above, what good has being like this ever done for me? You suggest that being alone is a choice for you, but I don't think it is, and I don't think you truly believe that either. I used to think that way, but I realized I was merely lying to myself. At least for me it isn't a choice it's simply who I've become. How is that really a 'choice'? I can be myself, or I can be someone I'm not. Is that really a choice? It's as much a choice as suicide, I think.

And it's not that I want to go back or to change anything, I like who I am, but society does not and to truly be myself means to be crushed, destroyed, and possibly even, literally, killed.
So what does being yourself get you when the whole world does not want you in it?

Personally I'm sick of this whole rat race myself. I've just given up. I can't do this anymore no matter how much I want to. Now I just shut my brain off and pretend I'm normal. I just don't care about anything, just like everyone else.

 

[Xpendable]

What is the point of sharing feelings? Isn't that just chit-chat?

Is not about the feelings per se, but from what thoughts or experiences you have shaped your mind state. Feelings is not the right word either (my fault) It would be something more like Reflections or realizations.

What is the point of sharing 'hidden truths' if they are not to be believed?

I do not care for someone who choose not to believe in a clear truth. We have to be willing to discuss; that's just the first step. I wont force anyone to believe something they can't accept, but I'll at least expose them to the idea.

The world is the way it is for a reason. You may want a deeper knowledge, but do you truly know what that gets you?

It brings loneliness. But no just plane loneliness, it brings reactive loneliness. The one you can't escape because it would require you to be a totally different person. Not different like "improving" but being a different human being, with a different brain. I'm willing to look for a way of not needing people to be around me, to use knowledge to maybe fulfill this void in some different way. Is my only hope.

People don't want to think carefully about the dumb things they do, the rules they follow. And when they do think? They are punished. That's the sad state of this society.
No one wants to ever question why it is we would rather talk about today's weather or a baseball/football game than to talk about philosophy or (genuine) politics. People would rather talk about getting rich or their money problems than talk about why money even exists at all. They'd rather talk about their pride for their children than to simply appreciate the general idea of an entire generation.
And I get it. I completely get it. People don't want to be bothered by things beyond the superficial level, because those things often do not have genuine answers and when they do have answers they require massive changes that people often do not want to see because it means they give up what they're used to. I don't even want to think about these things myself. I just do. I have to. I've never been able not to.

It's all about fear.
As they say "Ignorance is bliss." You cannot fear what you do not know, so for many it is just best never to know.

Not to say anyone is stupid or completely ignorant, but most people have simply just better learned what I failed to learn a long, long time ago: To let things go.

Just ask yourself why a forum like this even exists. Many of us here... We are the punished! We did not or could not conform to society the way we were 'meant' to, and so we are alone, so we are the lonely.

That's why I've given up and given in. I talk about the same old stuff everyone else does, when I'm in such a situation to talk, because I just don't care anymore. It has never gotten me anywhere and I doubt it ever will. People have in fact hated me for the things I've questioned. They have hated me for changing their world. And when they do not hate me, they will inevitably hate themselves because they will suddenly be stuck in my position, they will become like me. The position that I am opposed to the society and it's regular functions, that I am opposed to the status quo, and therefore I am hated by pretty much all for even existing, for being who I am.

So why should I give a **** anymore?
No matter what answers I have, what good are they if they change nothing?

This is what I wanted. Have you ever being encouraged to say this type of things before? I bet no. Have you ever had the chance to say this in real life to people? And if you did, did they reflect on it?

Do yourself a favor, Xpendable. Just give up before you have completely lost your mind, like me. What you seek is not worth finding, I can tell you that. Learn from my mistakes.
The only reason I am even here is because I know that it is already too late for me.

Maybe I will eventually; I don't know. The need for company is something we can't shut down. I'm not willing to "get in tune" with the rest either. Or actually I'm not capable; I am who I am. I think there's more chance to find peace in myself that through somebody else. We are in fact asking too much.

---

I think its more about the nature of the conversation rather rhan the subject for me at least. It could be about about anything as long as some analyzing is happening and I feel like I am learning something.

I disagree. Is the subject what gives you the realm of complexity. I think death, for example, is more complex that a TV show. Because the mystery is bigger and the implications are more philosophical. No amount of analyzing is going to give you big answers if the questions aren't big to begin with.

 

[Bob Lee]

Whats more interesting that to be accepted we have to dumb down ourselves and take on this different persona just to be able to mingle with society. - I refuse!

I would rather accept a life of seclusion, than to change for a social order that's not willing to change either!

We seem to be giving two completely different suggestions.
Why do you refuse to "dumb down" to be a part of society? What have you ever gotten from being 'different'?

I just read your profile and it seems me and you share quite a few similarities, but as I said in my post above, what good has being like this ever done for me? You suggest that being alone is a choice for you, but I don't think it is, and I don't think you truly believe that either. I used to think that way, but I realized I was merely lying to myself. At least for me it isn't a choice it's simply who I've become. How is that really a 'choice'? I can be myself, or I can be someone I'm not. Is that really a choice? It's as much a choice as suicide, I think.

And it's not that I want to go back or to change anything, I like who I am, but society does not and to truly be myself means to be crushed, destroyed, and possibly even, literally, killed.
So what does being yourself get you when the whole world does not want you in it?

Personally I'm sick of this whole rat race myself. I've just given up. I can't do this anymore no matter how much I want to. Now I just shut my brain off and pretend I'm normal. I just don't care about anything, just like everyone else.

I understand you are frustrated, and you know what... so am I.
There is a difference from being frustrated and over coming your frustration versus wallowing in defeat and ending yourself.

You say being a loner is not by your choice it is "what you've become!" I disagree because you are the controller of your destiny. Despicable me, you are the one that sits on your throne. You are the King of You. No one has no dominion on how you feel, or what conclusions you decided that life is.

You are that you choose to be... Choose!
You can choose to hate yourself, or you can choose to be jealous of your rich or well to do neighbor, OR in the alternative... embrace the nation that which is you and love it, cherish it, and keep it, and be at happy peace!
Be positive, and anyone that tries to honeysuckle on you... fresia em'

When I say dumb down, I merely mean acting contrary to how you would normally act which often times be contrued as "above anything they can understand."

I don't mean to suggest that the majority of people are stupid.
I am afraid we are! Hell, I can be a dumbass sometimes.
The difference once you know better you are now responsible for acting in accordance to the new wisdom that is now cognizant to you.

Why do we as a society allow for hunger and homelessness to even exist in our society? Is there not enough for everyone? Its not that there is no solutions to these two significant problems. The truth is most people are very selfish and probably know what should be done, but we take delight in willful ignorance and pretending to be dumb on the issue. Its easier to be dumb is it not, everyone loves to not know. Why? So know one has to be responsible when the honeysuckle finally hits the fan.

It is a choice for me, believe it!
I could have many "fake" friends and I would make an excellent actor of being someone else. If you work in client services or customer relations as I do the majority of my life... your whole entire professional act is quite an illusion. Most of my client are very ethically bankrupt, and their moral compass is so messed up its a miracle they find there way back to the parking lot at the end of each day. Sure I could fake it to make it! - I refuse!

Life is too precious to be living around snakes and vipers that secretly wish for your fall and demise.

There is a reason why I suggest most "Loners" are very intelligent because often times they don't adapt well with the norms of society. Lets face it... The willfully stupid will spot your high intelligence a mile a way and they will stay clear from you. Unless you... like I said, act contrary to who you really are so you may be accepted by them.

What is "Staying true to yourself" that you asked? Whatsoever the realizations you concluded to life being based off your real life experiences both good and bad have resulted you to. To put it more simply, You have decided what you are and whats most important to you out of life and you see no reason based off a reasonable foundation to change otherwise.
You see life for what it is, and you know who you really are, and you know that which is right. Whatever that maybe.

I highly doubt the whole world doesn't want you. If anything they are probably intimidated by you and dismiss you before you can have the chance to dismiss them.

I wouldn't invest much stock in people who are willingly stupid. Even an ignorant person is willing to entertain the possibility you may have value and hear you out versus someone willingly stupid and knows better and simply just doesn't care and takes delight maintaining the status quo.

For me I love everyone no matter what, but I can only commit to other people if they are willing to commit to me, I can only take people seriously, if they take me seriously. I can only be sincere and honest for those that wish to do the the same with me.

Now I do realize... Words can have many different meanings for different people, when we say "Stay true to yourself" one can reasonably conclude not to go off killing yourself and cutting yourself, or any other negative thing that could have catastrophic results.

Deep down inside, you know whats true, you know what the real deal is. I mean really.... Despicable Me, you are no dummy!
I find you to be very genuine in what you wish to accomplish out of life, but I don't really think you wish harm or pain for yourself. In this moment you think that is the answer. But truth be told you want many awesome and positive things for yourself. You just don't know how to get there, and that's okay.

I don't know how to really get there either, but I got a few ideas. I'm gonna keep trying no matter what and stay happy for as long as I can.

I am not going to Lie to you.... I am not always as happy as I would like to be, If I were to base my happiness off percentages, I can safely say I am happy about 75% of the time, and 25% I would fall into negative depths of sadness but fortunately I am strong enough to dig out of that pit by the end of the day or the next day.

So yes I have made peace with the likelihood that I am probably going to be alone for the rest of my life. Will I have acquaintances, and confidants that I can occasionally talk and not always feel so alone... yes. It will be easier to a certain degree, but not the same remedy as a real genuine friend.

I haven't lost hope to connect with someone as a friend, hell I haven't even lost hope with finding a spouse. If it happens, great! I would be forever grateful, if not that's okay too.

Although this is just my opinion, I think I safely say the end goal for all of us loners is to desire the following...

We want to be loved for who we are.
We want to be accepted.
We want to be valued.
We want to know our honesty won't put the friendship at risk.
We want loyalty.

You get the idea.

 

[Peaches]

I think I know what you mean.
I strongly disagree with those who have written that such people don't exist, and I agree that they are very unlikely to attend pubs and if they were, they would look very pissed and stay in a corner

What is your idea of "spiritual resistance"? how do you put that into practice?

Some ideas to find that kind of people (which might require some traveling, and for sure that you develop your interests)

spiritual communities of your choice (eastern, yoga, new age, buddhist etc even christian if not mainstream)

artists musicians squatters - they can be found in occupied spaces, ateliers, niche clubs - I find the ukulele community particularly friendly
writers - I wouldn't know where they hang out, or if they hang out at all

if you are more technological, hackers can be the way you describe, you find them here:
http://wiki.hackerspaces.org/List_of_Hacker_Spaces


political subgroups, activists, amnesty greenpeace wwf human rights volunteers, some ideas http://www.idealist.org

environmentalists, sustainable community living
for example they may go build an Earthship
http://earthship.com/academy or help create zero impact villages http://tribe-of-love.blogspot.cz/2013/06/intentional-communities-in-spain.html
In the LA area I was fascinated by Dumpster Divers

or sports! I can imagine extreme sports, ironman, bungee jumping, mountaineering and the like can attract some pretty free spirits.

I don't know where you live, Xpendable, sometimes in small cities there are not a lot of options to expand one's horizons and meet new people.

well, this is all I could come up with

Today with all those hipsters around it's not easy to find those who truly break the mold instead of just faking it, and nowadays everyone thinks they have unique opinions - the real ones are usually restless spirits who go outside the usual tracks, and they don't care about their beards THAT much

Last month I met a wonderful wonderful lady, that reminded me that cool people really cut the small talk short, or maybe they are capable to sense when the other person is open to that, and if the other person can only stand small talk, then they comply.

But what if I don't want to meet people who go to bars and clubs?
I don't want to look for people in restaurants or the mall, I don't want to look for people in concerts. I don't care for people who go out just because. People who go out where everyone goes out. I don't want to find people who does the exact same thing that everyone else.

I can't find people that ask questions, people who break the mold. I can't find people with unique opinions. I can't find people that know things no one else knows. I don't know where to find people that don't think about money, or celebrities. People who aren't thinking which brand is better or what cell phone takes the best selfies.
I feel I'm going mad, looking for ghosts of ideas that never existed. Looking for an spiritual "resistance" hiding from the noise. I can't find people that make me want to be better; to learn more, to give more.
I don't want small talk, I don't care how's the weather or what do you do for a living. I don't want to hear about cars or fashion. I don't care what team is doing well this season or for what candidate are you voting. I don't care how your kids are getting good grades or what diet are you taking, what shows are you watching or what band is releasing a new record.

I can't find people who look from outside... and beyond. People who make me feel sane. Maybe they don't exist. Or maybe they are also looking...

 

[Xpendable]

What is your idea of "spiritual resistance"? how do you put that into practice?

Resist the general concensus of ideas. Not only question things, also question people.

Some ideas to find that kind of people (which might require some traveling, and for sure that you develop your interests)[/quote]

I'm broke.

spiritual communities of your choice (eastern, yoga, new age, buddhist etc even christian if not mainstream)

What about if I want to join just humans. No labels or ideologies. Having your own cult makes you seclude and reject other people because they worship another god or have different believes. I care for what can be proved, not for what makes me feel good.

I don't think free spirits exist completely. We all have ties to ideas and believes. Even the less attached like the buddhists. Just because someone likes adrenaline or does activism doesn't mean that person hasn't formed a set of rigid believes that can't be changed, or that that person is open to accept new ideas. I don't think I need to look for eccentric free spirits to find subversion. This characteristic can be hidden in anyone.

I don't know where you live, Xpendable, sometimes in small cities there are not a lot of options to expand one's horizons and meet new people.

That's a big factor for me.

 

[Veruca]

I think its more about the nature of the conversation rather rhan the subject for me at least. It could be about about anything as long as some analyzing is happening and I feel like I am learning something.

I disagree. Is the subject what gives you the realm of complexity. I think death, for example, is more complex that a TV show. Because the mystery is bigger and the implications are more philosophical. No amount of analyzing is going to give you big answers if the questions aren't big to begin with.

Reading your post, I actually feel like I can resonate. I used to feel just like you. Talking about death, existence, creation/evolution, religion, anthropology, philosophy, psychology, the time and space continuum etc was what I sought out. Sure these are interesting subjects, but I realized that if these are the only things I wanted to talk about then, I was closing myself to the vast world of knowledge and intellectual debate.

A TV show could become an interesting topic if one were to discuss the social and psychological implications, the marginalizaton of characters, cultural appropriation, stereotyping etc of the show. And often I have found that by taking something people liked talking about and edging it towards somethig more analytical, they slowly become open to the idea. Then it becomes easier for them to talk about death etc.

But all said, this is just my view and experience. Where I am, people need to be nudged a little to get comfortable with the idea of giving opinions. Perhaps I have misunderstood what you seek in conversations but regardless I sincerely hope you find it =)

 

[Xpendable]

Sure these are interesting subjects, but I realized that if these are the only things I wanted to talk about then, I was closing myself to the vast world of knowledge and intellectual debate.

Such as?

A TV show could become an interesting topic if one were to discuss the social and psychological implications...

Which makes those implications interesting, but not the concept of a TV show itself. When has people around you worried about the sociological implications of The Big Bang Theory? Do you see those conversations often?

 

[Veruca]

Sure these are interesting subjects, but I realized that if these are the only things I wanted to talk about then, I was closing myself to the vast world of knowledge and intellectual debate.

Such as?

A TV show could become an interesting topic if one were to discuss the social and psychological implications...

Which makes those implications interesting, but not the concept of a TV show itself. When has people around you worried about the sociological implications of The Big Bang Theory? Do you see those conversations often?

I learnt about the Bechdel test whilst talking about TV shows and movies.

No, I dont come across such conversations often, but people have surprised me with new information or new perspectives eventhough the conversatiom had started with small talk. Like the example above.

Sorry this ksnt helping you. I realize that perhaps youre looking to discuss certain subjects and complexities and thats hard to come by and thus is frustrating.

 

[Xpendable]

Sorry this isn't helping you. I realize that perhaps youre looking to discuss certain subjects and complexities and thats hard to come by and thus is frustrating.

Why apologize? I can circumvent my frustrations partially by my own, but thanks.

I learnt about the Bechdel test whilst talking about TV shows and movies.

I had a bad feeling when you named cultural appropriation earlier. You have to consider evaluating the information you get by objective means, not just accept whatever comes to you at first hand. Question everything.

The Bechdel Test isn't really a test and doesn't really have any relevance when analyzing cultural implications in the media. It came from a comic strip some years ago and is not a scientific form of measurement of any kind. It's just some arbitrary complexion of ideas that shows more about the lack of creativity and laziness of hollywood writes that some form of systematic oppression of genders.

*Females characters must have names.
Why? Many movies have male protagonists with no name. As if somehow the decision of naming a character came from a hidden place of contempt. Or maybe the writer just need to create characters to drive the story forward and didn't considered a name so important.

*Females characters must talk to each other about other thing than a man for at least five minutes.
Why not 8 minutes, or 10?
There's no scientific thinking in that number.

What if they talk about a man that never appears on screen?
Is he still more important to the movie?

What if they talk bad things about this man?
Is he still seen as superior?

What if it is a baby male?
Is he still seen as an opressor?

But I get it. It supposedly refers to the idea that women's lives in movies always revolt around men. Because most writes are men and they write from their perspective, so they make females characters say what they want; or what they think women would probably say in that situation. But remember that many movies that fail were written by women and many movies that pass don't make women look good in others aspects. You know a "test" like this is flawed when lesbian porn passes with ease.

 

[kamya]

It's still a pretty interesting thing to think and talk about though. More interesting than a tv show.

 

[Peaches]

What about if I want to join just humans. No labels or ideologies. Having your own cult makes you seclude and reject other people because they worship another god or have different believes. I care for what can be proved, not for what makes me feel good.

well, I just wanted to say that the highest concentrations of the sort of people you are looking for can be found in certain places, and even among those some you will have a click with and with some others you won't, and I wasn't talking about cults but rather about people into spirituality and tolerance. I am sure you can find "your kind of people" everywhere, but then it really becomes like looking for the needle in the haystack.

 

[heretomeetpeeps]

Hey guys! So I came across this app called "LykeMe" that I have used and found some cool people on, hopefully I keep finding cool people on it.

Here is a link to the app if you guys want to check it out!

https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/lykeme/id990117149?mt=8

---

You're holding everyday interactions to an impossible standard.

Not everyday. People are more that their interactions. Just one person in my life time would be enough.

Ironically you want to meet people who "break the mold", yet you want them to fit into some whimsical, oversimplified, imaginary mold of your own, and they never will.

Quite the opposite. I want to be challenged, to doubt my own ideas. To be unaware of what I may find, and maybe even scared of the information I don't possess. I don't look for anything specific. I guess I'll know when I found it.

Most real people aren't so two dimensional and vulnerable as to present their uniqueness to you on a silver platter. You have to dig.

If they resists to dig themselves, I can't force them.

Just because someone goes out to clubs, thinks about money and has a celebrity crush doesn't mean they can't also know things you don't know or offer a rare perspective you might enjoy.

Maybe. Never happened to me or anyone I know.

Small talk serves a very important purpose in that it lets people "try each other on." A brief exchange of eye contact and meaningless patter is a stepping stone to better things. Small talk facilitates the process of establishing trust. Once the trust is there, then you can start to find out who they really are and vice versa.

Honestly, who goes beyond small talk once you meet them? What percentage?

Unfortunately, some individuals are content to exist solely on the plain of everyday minutia. The trick is that you occasionally have to put yourself out on a limb to find out who's more like you. Simply stated: no guts no glory.

Not some. Most.

"put yourself out on a limb" - Please elavorate.

Have you ever tried meetup.com?

I've looked up. There aren't groups of my interests in my area. You forget not everyone is from a generously populated first world country. I can barely find a bookstore in my city, let alone some cultural space where people want to meet.

Well I checked out this app called LykeMe that is supposed to be an app to find people who have similar interests so maybe that would help? Here is a link.

https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/lykeme/id990117149?mt=8

 

[LiLeila]

I have exactly the same feeling about people like Xpendable. It's not stupid that you can't find them. I don't know why someone couldn't get it. I don't know where to look for either.

Well, I was 17 years in 3 schools, in 4 different jobs, on parties, trips, I spend a lot of time in the Internet: many kind of forums, MMO games, social portals, chats, blogs, I tried been more open, more funny, more expressive, more confident, I moved to new town, live with other peoples and so on... And you know what? I have noone. Maybe with me is something wrong, ok, maybe, but today - I don't think so. And I know, just KNOW, that people with I can talk a lot and spending time exist. Those not a ghosts. Problem is WHERE can I find them? It's so hard couse there is so many sheeps. They care only about TV, sport, being attractive, money, working and the worst: not thinking. I don't want to be mean but I also don't want to be politically correct. True is that the huge part of humanity is stupid in our times. And it's obviously that "not stupid" people want to find place where they can find other "not stupid" people. Now we can talk about deffinition of "stupidity" but I guess you may know what I mean. So, I don't looking for the same person that I am (it wouldn't working neither - I checked), I just want to normal conversation sometimes. Not silly topics only, I hate small talks too. I like to talk about "nothing" but not in that schematic way like "nice weather".

Maybe I didn't tried hard enough, maybe I have a bad luck or maybe I am the stupid one. Who knows. But anyway there must be someone "for me". Not perfect one, no super smart, no angel. Just normal. I never expecting someone with this and that.

I think this is a very seriously problem.