I Hate Having Autism!!!

[Lost Soul]

I have Asperger's Syndrome and it my life is ruined because of it. I never have any friends. I'm 21 and still don't have a friend. I only have a a couple online friends but no friends in real life if you know what I mean.

I'm tired of trying so hard to make friends and just having the same thing happen every time. It really wears me down.

One thing I hate about having autism is that my social/communication skills suck. I can't write things professionally and I always send people off int he wrong direction. What I mean by that is that I'm always misunderstood.

Here is my site I made about my life with autism:
http://www.piczo.com/myshattered-life

 

[lonely_twin]

I do not have asperger's syndrome but i know your feelings of social/communication skills. i only have online friends only because making friends in real life i am socially awkward. people think that i am odd. if it was not for my family i am not sure if i would make it...

 

[VanillaCreme]

When I was little, I used to sit on the edge of my bed, before school nearly every day, and decide which sock to put on first.

I didn't know it then, but I think now that I had autism when I was little. I read an article online about it maybe last year, and it described what I did as having autism. Mind you, I didn't talk or speak to anyone but my brother until I was about 4. My mom said that my grandmother had thought I was retarded, until she realized that I just don't pay attention to people.

But looking back now, I do believe I had autism. Not sure when it stopped, or how I grew out of it, but I don't seem to have it anymore. OCD kind of took it's place I suppose. So, you can grow out it, I guess it just depends on how you react to it. I of course ignored it, because I didn't know what my problem was. And I used to get up really early in the morning, because I KNEW I'd sit there for 45 minutes deciding which sock to put on first. I remember it frustrating me one day as well, because I just couldn't understand why I couldn't put a freaking sock on and be on my way.

 

[Lawrens]

I don't have autism, but I could also relate. Don't have any friends my entire life, other than in the virtual world. Often I don't understand others, and people misunderstands me (and I'm aware of it because I often reread what people say afterward, and most of the time I could tell that I've misunderstood them, but it's usually too late to correct it).
It kind of goes both ways sometimes, since in a conversation, I can't tell whether it is the other side that is misunderstanding, or if it is my communication skill that's lacking, on the web, it is much easier since I could revise what I have to say over and over.

My verbal communication skill is extremely underdeveloped thanks to the interweb, so it's a really lonely world for me out there, all I know is how to smile in front of people like an idiot.

 

[tehdreamer]

Don't look at it as being something bad. It's a part of who you are as a person and anyone who doesn't accept that part of you, isn't worth being a friend.

We all have different things that can be seen as annoying or unattractive to other people. And you'll find that most people who spend a majority of their time online have social issues that put them apart from the crowd. So we all go through rejection and misunderstanding from people who don't take the time to get to know us. So, even if you didn't have autism, you could be experiencing the same troubles.

I know a couple of people with autism and who have a slight touch of it. I know they think differently than I do, and sometimes we misunderstand each other a lot, but I accept them for who they are. I may not understand everything they do, and they may not understand everything I do, but we can still get along and have some nice conversations.

So, you just need to find people who understand and accept you.

 

[Lost Soul]

The problem is I have many issues that ruined my life, mostly depression. I can no longer feel emotions and I had this problem for a few years. If I won the lottery, I would be Oh, Cool but it wouldn't really mean anything to me, sadly.

I have gotten worse in the past few years and there is no one especially around where I live who accept autism. I've been going downhill for the past couple of years and things have been getting worse, for the most part.

 

[lomojojo]

You mention in your site that you used to be suicidal and not anymore. I'd see that as an improvement don't you?

 

[Lost Soul]

Yes, but I still need a lot to improve on.

 

[Cammie]

What about going to some of the online dating sites and try to meet someone that is like yourself. I know you didn't mention that you want to date, but on a dating site you could post that you have autism and you are looking for someone to talk to that also has autism. There are so many people out there with autism that you are bound to meet a person or two.

Just a thought.

 

[Sceptical1]

You remind me of a friend of mine named Alex. Alex and I went to the same middle school and highschool together, and he was two years ahead of me. We sang in the chorus together, and then this year he graduated. He did always seem flustered and sad that he had struggles with some things other people didn't. I feel really bad because we used to sit next to each other almost every day in chorus and although it was hard to communicate, I soon realized that Alex was a true friend who would always do his best to cheer me up when I was down, and I tried my best to do the same for him, but I don't know how successful it was. This coming year, Alex is going to community college and i hope he comes back to visit. My best advice to you is to ask all your friends, be them online or in real life, for their phone numbers and or emails. I would then explain to them that you have Aspergers and that it's hard for you to communicate. See if you can help them to realize that it's hard for you. You could even go as far as suggesting they read "the curious case of a dog in the night time", a book about a boy with asperger's. From here you could try going to a place where you can talk to understanding people, such as a church or a club for people who share your interests. I know this advice is kind of general, and I know it can get really depressing at times, but like my friend Alex, just roll with the punches and keep going. You still have a long life ahead of you. It may take a while, but you will find at least one exceptional person out there who is willing to help you and be a true friend, you just have to know where to look!

---

Also, if you need any help, my email is: [email protected], good luck!

 

[Lost Soul]

You remind me of a friend of mine named Alex. Alex and I went to the same middle school and highschool together, and he was two years ahead of me. We sang in the chorus together, and then this year he graduated. He did always seem flustered and sad that he had struggles with some things other people didn't. I feel really bad because we used to sit next to each other almost every day in chorus and although it was hard to communicate, I soon realized that Alex was a true friend who would always do his best to cheer me up when I was down, and I tried my best to do the same for him, but I don't know how successful it was. This coming year, Alex is going to community college and i hope he comes back to visit. My best advice to you is to ask all your friends, be them online or in real life, for their phone numbers and or emails. I would then explain to them that you have Aspergers and that it's hard for you to communicate. See if you can help them to realize that it's hard for you. You could even go as far as suggesting they read "the curious case of a dog in the night time", a book about a boy with asperger's. From here you could try going to a place where you can talk to understanding people, such as a church or a club for people who share your interests. I know this advice is kind of general, and I know it can get really depressing at times, but like my friend Alex, just roll with the punches and keep going. You still have a long life ahead of you. It may take a while, but you will find at least one exceptional person out there who is willing to help you and be a true friend, you just have to know where to look!

---

Also, if you need any help, my email is: [email protected], good luck!

---

Thanks for your input. The problem with my communication is kinda hard to describe. But for when typing it's hard becuase I don't know how to make accurate sentences and there not professional. A lot of the time, people have a hard time figure out what I'm saying, but that's hardly a problem on this forum, or so it seems.

I put on all my profiles that I have autism with is good and bad. The bad thing is, people read it and block me or ignore my friend request becuase I have the autism. The only good thing about it is, you know who is bad/mean and who is true/nice. Most of the nice people except you and some people can see that and hopefully some day understand and maybe I will find a friend in my area I can hang out with.

I've been looking all my life for a friend, I never had anyone had a friend nor anyone who even understood. It is very sad for me, and as time goes on, I keep getting weaker and weaker, I'm battling a terrible depression that has done a lot to me, and many painful memories to carry with it, which only help the depression build over time becuase when I get depressed. I can't help but think about all that stuff. I just hope one day I can find a friend or something that will break me free of this curse. Everyday, I hope for some success, even when I'm really depressed.

I goal is for everyone to to understand autism and most importantly, accept those who are different.

 

[whirlingwaltzer]

Lost soul, I don't know where you live, but my son is PDD-NOS (high functioning; a lot like Asperger's) and I am involved in the local Asperger's association. There are a LOT of resources through them: social groups, counselors, online forums.

Even if you're not in the northeast of the US, you could contact them and explain your situation and ask for info about local services: www.aane.org

Good luck and know that there are a lot of wonderful and understanding people out there--you just need help finding them.

 

[Larami]

Hallo LostSoul,

My 6 year old brother has autism, he's not quite high functioning but he's not low functioning either he's in the middle some days are better than others.

I don't know if I'm an Aspie, I've always thought I was even before my brother was born seeing him reminds me of myself at times when I was a child. Many people have a sort of autism spectrum and don't even know they do it just goes undiagnosed. I do have problems related to people, I don't have friends per se but I have acquaintances but most of the time I feel out of place and I know I'm the problem.

In September I'm going to college, I want to be a teacher to children with Special Needs and I'm focusing on autism, I know it's not quite relevant to the thread but I just want to make a difference.

 

[Lost Soul]

Hallo LostSoul,

My 6 year old brother has autism, he's not quite high functioning but he's not low functioning either he's in the middle some days are better than others.

I don't know if I'm an Aspie, I've always thought I was even before my brother was born seeing him reminds me of myself at times when I was a child. Many people have a sort of autism spectrum and don't even know they do it just goes undiagnosed. I do have problems related to people, I don't have friends per se but I have acquaintances but most of the time I feel out of place and I know I'm the problem.

In September I'm going to college, I want to be a teacher to children with Special Needs and I'm focusing on autism, I know it's not quite relevant to the thread but I just want to make a difference.

Good luck teaching and please raise Autism Awareness too, the world needs to understand

 

[Four_in_the_morning]

I once met a guy with juvenile autism who religiously studied human behaviour, read heaps of books about humour, social interaction, cultural studies, anthropology and his obsession was to learn how to be normal.

I'm sure it could be a learned thing.

I have Asperger's Syndrome and it my life is ruined because of it. I never have any friends. I'm 21 and still don't have a friend. I only have a a couple online friends but no friends in real life if you know what I mean.

I'm tired of trying so hard to make friends and just having the same thing happen every time. It really wears me down.

One thing I hate about having autism is that my social/communication skills suck. I can't write things professionally and I always send people off int he wrong direction. What I mean by that is that I'm always misunderstood.

Here is my site I made about my life with autism:
http://www.piczo.com/myshattered-life

 

[buddy]

I have Asperger's Syndrome and it my life is ruined because of it. I never have any friends. I'm 21 and still don't have a friend. I only have a a couple online friends but no friends in real life if you know what I mean.

I'm tired of trying so hard to make friends and just having the same thing happen every time. It really wears me down.

One thing I hate about having autism is that my social/communication skills suck. I can't write things professionally and I always send people off int he wrong direction. What I mean by that is that I'm always misunderstood.

Here is my site I made about my life with autism:
http://www.piczo.com/myshattered-life

---

I think I may have asperger's although I have never been diagnosed , I have had a failed marriage and can't make friends ,I want friends but can't make them. It is like an ache I wish I would have worked on this when I was in my 2o's I know there are groups now for shyness etcetera. I used to think I was weird and there was something wrong,I have recently attended a shyness group and there are a lot of smart people in it. Graduate students and people with degrees,if I had this group years ago it would have made a difference.

When in eights grade I used to get physically sick before school every morning.

 

[Tiina63]

Hi, I have two friends who have aspergers, and they both suspect I have it as well. My suggestion would be that you could look for an aspergers support group near to where you live. This would hopefully help you to 'break the ice' on a social level and make some friends, and would hopefully give you the confidence to go on later to join other social groups.

 

[paulo]

i never knew why i was different up till a few years ago.
i was diagnosed with asperger.

it got a lot better for me when i knew what the problem was.
im not trying so much to be normal anymore, i like me and if people dont understand me they need to try harder or get out of my way.

ive been trying sinds kindergarten to understand "normal" people.
if they cant make the time or dont have the patience to try and understand me and you a little bit they are not worth the way they make you feel.
give everyone a chance but if theyre not willing to understand or accept you, you need to move on.
there are lots of people out there that are.

( im actually kinda glad im not normal )

 

[IgnoredOne]

I don't believe that high functioning Asperger's is much of an impediment with work and effort; I've seen children who are /greatly/ affected, mind you, but at the higher levels of functioning, if you can keep down a job, then you can probably work and find both friends and love. However, if you do have a more involved case of autism, you should and can find help with it. My brother has Aspergers and he has a difficult, though not impossible, time communication. He tends to focus on subjects that lead to somehow maniacal focus, such as competition on 'winning a dance' contest, and does well there.

I have been personally diagnosed with Antisocial Personality Disorder, specifically sociopathy, and it hasn't kept me from functioning well in society or getting what I've wanted.

 

[Cathedral]

Well, I'm in a similar way to the OP. I am a high-functioning autistic who struggles with moderate levels of ADHD and depression. I have had only one friend whom I used to see face-to-face before I lost contact about a year ago. Only a couple which I talk to online occasionally.

Communication in general is quite difficult for me. Online or IRL.

No friends? Try having no family who gives a ****! I never had competent parents growing up. No, I was just emotionally abused, neglected, and lied to. it seems like that I'm just a really sad and bitter person, with no redeeming qualities...

Seems like I'm stuck in my apartment with no future. In a town where no one can help me. I really want to move to a place where I can get some real goddamned support for my mental problems.

All people want to do is help the drug addicts and the criminals get back into society because unlike autistic people, they have social skills, and that's all that matters.