I HATE my "Father"

[cryingcloud]

I am a teenager and I despise my dad. I don't even like calling him dad because he doesn't deserve that title. He's selfish, manipulative, superficial, and self absorbed. He thinks anytime anyone is around him, that they're is talking about him. He just HAS to chime in and join, and it always starts off with, "you talking about me?"My parents got divorced when I was 8 years old. After they split, he moved 8 hours away and it was up to my mom to raise me and my two brothers (who have gone through college now). For the last 4 years, it's just been me and my mom. When my mom had health problems, my dad had to move back to take care of me.(after several years of being gone)Though, he felt like it was his obligation and that he should be "praised" for it like he was doing a good deed or something. It's like, WTF?! You're the parent, it's your job to take responsiblity for your daughter! God for bid that anything he ever does would go unreconized. He is always fishing for compliments even when he doesn't deserve them.He will always hold even the smallest things against me. Everything comes with a price with him. Example: (this actually happened) I said I don't want him to keep taking my stuff because he NEVER puts it back, and he says, "fine don't eat my food or use my water" He has taken clothes, makup, hair supplies, shoes, and jewlery from me...confused?Yeah me too. Also, he will talk about me behind my back to my mom and to his "favorite son." No joke, he's admitted that before.Anyway, I could go on forever, but I think I made my point. Don't take this lighly either, I really HATE that person. I look at him and get disgusted everytime. Now he lives with my mom and me because he can't hold down a job to support himself. I swear if his mental unstablity ass stays under the same roof as me any longer, I will go insane. Not kidding, this anger has to be bad for my health. I feel like I could destroy anything in my path. Well my question is, how do I deal with this anger?

 

[Ox Blood]

It's not fair that, by the sounds of it, you've had to grow to be independent and self-sufficient at a younger age than most, especially with an ill mother and mentally-unstable father. I can relate to your situation. I held a lot of the same resentment for my father as you do for yours -- and mine is also mentally unstable

Now that I am older, I just feel sorry for him. He is trapped in the confines of his own imagination that he perceives as daily reality -- and he will never have anything close of a normal life. If he had the choice, I am sure he would not choose a life for himself riddled with mental illness and instability. For the most part, I now realize he can't control/help himself.

If possible, buy a chest/safe that you can lock and only you have the key to -- put your personal belongings there so he can't get to them. Better yet, you should be old enough to have a lock on your door - discuss why this is necessary to your mother. Make it so only you have the key to lock and open it from the outside. But the chest would probably be more ideal, and cause less conflict.

As for the anger... Sometimes I still feel it seething through me. I can't imagine having to live with such chaotic environment -- that must be difficult. I don't have a solution for the resentment you may feel towards your father. Distance from him will ultimately help you in the long run. Make plans for college ahead of time, so you can eventually move out and remove yourself from being in a toxic environment.

And maybe, with that distance, you'll have time to reflect and understand your father more... Will it excuse his behavior towards you? No. Will it take away the pain? Probably not. But at least you can have that distance and time to understand... And if not to understand, then time to heal yourself. I believe that anger is often used as a mask to other emotions; such as sadness and hurt. By the sound of it, he has hurt you... But you have to realize, that if he is truly mentally unstable, then he can't control himself. Instability takes away his credibility, and therefore, he has no power over you -- as long as you allow him not to.

Realize how strong of a person you are to be living in such circumstances... Know that you have come this far and can overcome any future obstacle. If you have that faith in yourself, no one can take that away from you.

 

[beautifulsorrow]

get a punching bag

 

[Tiina63]

I agree with Ox Blood-start making plans for college, for escaping from your dad. It will give you a lifeline, something to cling to in the middle of the chaos. Could you give some of your stuff (jewellry, clothes) to your friends to look after for you so that your dad can't get his hands on it? Or would this make him even angrier with you?

 

[SophiaGrace]

Or you could find a hiding place. I like hiding things under the floorboards in the attic inbetween the support bean between the drywall below and the plasterboard catwalk above. Just make sure its not anything heavy and you're fine. I've hidden several small shoeboxes full of letters and notes and money there.

Also I found a space where pipes go into another spot of the attic, and I hid a shoebox there with condoms and birth control stuff.

Yeah.

Go me.

 

[Kat]

I dealt with similar issues and still deal with them to this day.... being financially dependent on people who are emotionally or physically unreliable or indifferent or unstable. I've had the same games played with me...his food and water so he feels he can use that to control you. For various reasons I am still financially dependent on a man who emotionally nd physically abused/neglected me. Neither of my parents really know me because I have put up an emotional wall between us and I cannot trust them.

Like I have you may have to put up with this for years until you are able to separate yourself. You can try to unattach yourself emotionally in situations with your father and avoid taking hie behavior personally.... "this is my father acting out". You can try to let go of the fantasy you have that your father should have acted differently. You can try stress relieving activities. Ultimately I think you are stuck in an unfair situation. Spend as little time with your father or at your house as possible, be distant and friendly on the surface and do some stress relieving hobbies. Hang in there...there is light at the end of the tunnel.

 

[Poguesy]

Your dad will die a sad and lonely man.

 

[LoneKiller]

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