I keep wondering "How do they do it?"

[Lonesome Crow]

Like I said Machus...
That's some really deep stuff you're getting into.

You're basically cock blocking yourself with all these fucken bullshit
standard or value you think is so grandios,
It's actually a self imposed prison you're creative for yourself.
Still living and thinking within side the box.
it's not the box of society...It's your own fucken box.
Such as painting with limited colours and style.


We're talking about meeting people and getting to know people better....which
is at piont A.

You're throwing in piont Q,V,XZY. It's too much of a cluster fresia for most people.
And as intellilect as you think you might sound to yourself..it's dry and boring as fresia
to most people. Its has no life to it. It's like reading a manual of how to repair a fucken deldo.

Of course after people get to know one another better. After trust, bonding..etc
You can get into personal matters or deeper issues.

honeysuckle dude...people i know are fucken doctors, lawyers, authors, or professionals in a lot of especific fields.
Sometimes they'll wanna talk about thier work to let off steam...but most of the time poeple dont wanna
think about that honeysuckle when they socialize.

 

[theSmokingRabbit]

I don't think it can be imputed to being natural as you posit it. Our social institutions and cultural models, expend great effort to mold people to be unthoughtful, base and ignorant, so those types have an easy time assuming the banalities of small talk mean something. Thus what you perceive as natural or innate, is really the product of all the ensembles and efforts of social control heretofore developed. If you refer to my sig, John Taylor Gatto gives a good exposition on this. Often at work co-workers make meaningless talk about the latest happenings of sports teams like it matters deeply. Really most of their lives are infact so pathetic they identify so deeply with the achievements or loses of "their team". If you are similarly spiritually depleted you can interact with them on this low threshold and fool yourself that you are bonding over this shared consumption.

I for one can not ever be good at this small talk game, because I am not the type of person that can give up the part of my humanity necessary to make the sacrifice to this monstrous epoch we pretend is the apex of human development. All I ever see is its accumulated victims everywhere I go, all I see is lack of meaning and caring subsumed by artificiality. If you can pretend this fakeness matters, you can be socially successful in the present conditions. However by socially successful, we must recognize it is relative, if you ever are in a coma, jailed or in any other difficult circumstances, most your fair weather friends will abandon you, because sharing trivialities together can never form a strong bond.

Are you implying that human beings are not social creatures by nature? We didn't start out as pack animals huddled in a cave until someone brought over fire? That one who helped his tribe by warming and protecting them? Up until that point all they did was hunt animals and fresia each other Thras.


Vegan just wants some interaction and advice on how to attain it. Would you rather every discussion between every person be about some profound philosophical matter?


I don't disagree with you about conditioning the general populous through "social institutions and cultural models" but you use such a generalized statement. There are plenty of organizations, whether you want to admit it or not, that are trying to better humanity and not through 'small talk'.


These inhumane and sacrificial exchanges keep people human and sane for the most part. Not to mention collaborations or discoveries that arise simply because two persons from different fields swapped ideas.



You always seem to be fighting some shadow war against an opponent who I will agree existed but does so no longer. The creator of the system had done incalculable damage to the overall advancement of the human race.


I have a quote for you as well. Maybe you can divine what sort of hindrance has stunted us over our evolution as a society.



"Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful." -Seneca the Younger.







What you fear in society does exist, but it is not all that exists.



Take care.

---

My advice Vegan would be to go someplace where people of interests similar to yours tend to congregate. Like video-games? Then go to a Gamestop and chat up the employees. I'm sure it can be learned to some degree.


Best of luck.

---

 

[Thrasymachus]

You guys did not understand what I said. I remember in high school since I never felt I belonged due to various reasons observing everyone's small-talk and how meaningless it was. It could only be meaningful to initiates in the group and I was never really in any clique. If you take a pad for a day try to jot down the gist of all the small-talk around you will see how meaningless it is. Usually it centers on something so symbolic as to be totally artificial, useless or often enough about shared or personal consumption. There are alot of people out there who feel they need others to complete and validate them, and for these types, small-talk and the weak bonds it forms make this insignificant practice even with total strangers appear to take on important dimensions. But for me I can rarely if ever waste my breath for it.

Recently I went bicycling with a friend and he wanted to stop at a Volkswagen dealer to show a car he wanted to "buy" by loan. He tried to steer the conversation to the direction of, "imagine if I had this baby, how other people who react to me," then he asked what I thought. And I told him something to the effect that sacrificing your precious time at work is not worth it to amass debt to try to impress fake, materialistic people with your perceived social status, which you don't have since you are going into a large debt to obtain it anyhow.

This is the type of meaningless and deeply anti-social talk, which people try to bond with day to day, because they don't know any better. Massive effort is expended so that they have these low horizons. Now if this was not someone I shared previous past experiences with and already was comfortable with, I would avoid him. For me the problem is not that of other forumers, I don't think most people are worth knowing, so I don't try to know them. I don't understand how so many here can have problems as many are sufficiently shallow to find like minded people quite easily, but they seem to lack courage to put themselves out there.

 

[Bluey]

It is true that ppl are selfish by nature. Self preservation is built in through

Life is all about appreciating the small things though.

Your friend is only doing what most ppl do. He thinks by having a flash car it well make ppl like him.
In actual fact it wont make any difference. Some small minded ppl well even like him less cos they don't have what he dose.
Some close friends to him hopefully well be happy that he has something nice that he worked for that makes him happy, For what ever reason that is.

You know its proven that depression can make life seem meaningless.
Its all this little things that ppl talk of that don't really mean anything that make life what it is.

Are you depressed? I mean clinically? Do you think that you could be even if your not sure?
I have to ask. Sometimes I feel just how you do. Like when ppl talk about there new top or what they got up to at the weekend and I seat there thinking so ******* what man. How dose any of this matter. The truth is it doesnt. No one well remember any of it in a hundred years from now anyway.

A bird flying in the sky can seem the most amazing thing in the world when your feeling optimistic about life.
Where as the prospect of world peace dose nothing for you if your feeling in a negative mood.

Its how you approach things that gives them meaning.

I do think your one of them ppl that over analyze everything. we all do it.
Even Lonesome Crow cock blocks himself sometimes no doubt.
Cock blocking lmao, really? lol

Anyway its little things like that you have to find the fun in.
That's just life. With out those things life dose become meaningless and boring.
I suppose that's one of the main reasons being alone is so hard. Cos there are a lot lot less of those things to take joy in.

 

[Calm]

Have you ever watched two strangers strike up a casual conversation that is seemingly so simple and natural? Engage in "small talk" as they call it?

Well... How the hell do they do it? I... I don't really understand. I mean, I understand how it works in theory but I am unable to duplicate it. Something vital is missing.

It seems like these small conversations are sometimes the building blocks to starting a relationship. I don't know what to do without it.

Its called "common ground".
Sometimes, strangers are not strangers after all, or they share some aspects of their lives. Basically, common ground means you find something that you both are interested in. That is the key.

Usually, same type of people can attract each other, even just the looks, body gestures, etc. Bechause it also indicates their personality and that something is common. Personality indicates possible interests. And interests give you common ground to talk about. Now all you need is a trigger that enables you to start talking. Some action, a wink, a strange bodily gesture and comment on it, etc.

Small talk is not possible with everyone, that is just fiction. It is however, possible to sense peoples interests, their personality from their looks, and use that to your advantage to gain some small talk and even be manipulative.

 

[Felix]

It is true that ppl are selfish by nature. Self preservation is built in through

Life is all about appreciating the small things though.

Your friend is only doing what most ppl do. He thinks by having a flash car it well make ppl like him.
In actual fact it wont make any difference. Some small minded ppl well even like him less cos they don't have what he dose.
Some close friends to him hopefully well be happy that he has something nice that he worked for that makes him happy, For what ever reason that is.

You know its proven that depression can make life seem meaningless.
Its all this little things that ppl talk of that don't really mean anything that make life what it is.

Are you depressed? I mean clinically? Do you think that you could be even if your not sure?
I have to ask. Sometimes I feel just how you do. Like when ppl talk about there new top or what they got up to at the weekend and I seat there thinking so ******* what man. How dose any of this matter. The truth is it doesnt. No one well remember any of it in a hundred years from now anyway.

A bird flying in the sky can seem the most amazing thing in the world when your feeling optimistic about life.
Where as the prospect of world peace dose nothing for you if your feeling in a negative mood.

Its how you approach things that gives them meaning.

I do think your one of them ppl that over analyze everything. we all do it.
Even Lonesome Crow cock blocks himself sometimes no doubt.
Cock blocking lmao, really? lol

Anyway its little things like that you have to find the fun in.
That's just life. With out those things life dose become meaningless and boring.
I suppose that's one of the main reasons being alone is so hard. Cos there are a lot lot less of those things to take joy in.

I feel something similar to what you feel... my problem with small talk and chatting with strangers is that I find it extremely boring. It's just not interesting for me to talk about shallow stuff, at least most of the time. I can pretend for a while but most of the time it annoys me...

So that's another thing that keeps me form meeting people - not being asble to take much joy in those first conversations. If it's not about a topic I'm interested in or something useful to me, I will not naturally seek to interact with a person.

 

[Bluey]

I feel something similar to what you feel... my problem with small talk and chatting with strangers is that I find it extremely boring. It's just not interesting for me to talk about shallow stuff, at least most of the time. I can pretend for a while but most of the time it annoys me...

So that's another thing that keeps me form meeting people - not being asble to take much joy in those first conversations. If it's not about a topic I'm interested in or something useful to me, I will not naturally seek to interact with a person.

It is boring talking to ppl about what mostly normally is nonsense I agree.
How else can you get to know a person then to do that tho?
You need to go fro that boring bit in order to find out if that person has any interests the same as you.
I would say 90% of the ppl you meet you wont have much in common with.
Obviously if your sat in a class room or something like that then you well have that class in common if nothing else.
Maybe to Jone some kinder club or something like that for you.

I used to go play poker once a week at a pub.
I enjoyed it but was difficult to get to know anyone out side of that environment.
We did have the game (poker) that we all enjoyed but I myself don't seem to have much in common with many ppl I meet.
I guss most of the guys at that pub liked drinking. That's probably one reason they was there. I just used to go for the game and to get out. Am not a big drinker at all.

Am not into loads of things myself. I have a camera that I would like to get out and use moor. But I find it boring on my own and lack good ideas on what to take picks off.
I like biking also. I do that a lot on my own.
But that's about it really.
Most other ppl I know just wont to drink. Bit boring that is if you ask me.

Anyway ill sod of now cos am rambling cos I gots nothing constructive to add

 

[VeganAtheist]

Thanks for the advice/comments good people.

I do largely agree with Thrasymachus that the content of such conversations are usually meaningless/contentless. I also agree with the analogy with friend and the fancy vehicle. However, that is the world in which we live. Sometimes we have to do meaningless/stupid things in order to obtain something more valuable. I don't like the rules but I haven't found a way around them.