Jesse
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I need to stop thinking the way I do. Being an introvert, I spend way too much time in my head. This causes me to think stupid thoughts.
Example: I've slept alone for nearly 2 years. In other words I don't get any. I'm a person as much as anyone else so I have desires and needs just the same, but since these desires and needs aren't being met I overthink the situation quite a bit in my head. I've thought to myself, ok, so what's the purpose of sex? Children. But if it's just for children, then why does it feel good? Why do people kiss? Why do they touch each other? I answer with, because it has to feel good so we'll want to do it. It's for the continuation of our race. I tell myself I don't want kids so I don't need sex. Basically I rationalize to make myself feel better. Well this needs to stop. I tell myself love is only a delusion to get us to procreate. I don't need love. This needs to stop. Although some of this stuff might be true, the additional truth is that I long for these things. Of course not just the physical stuff, but you get my point.
Now; I ask myself, why do I have so many difficulties finding love, finding a companion? I'm sure anyone else who has trouble asks the same question. I've had several answers for many years.
False Answer: I'm ugly. I'm fat. Women are disgusted by me. YADA YADA YADA YODA AND YOGURT. It's bullcrap. Although it's natural to feel this way I know it's not true. I need to quit telling myself these things because it's not helping my problem. I do believe now that I'm not ugly. I may be overweight, but there are plenty of women who like men with my build. The only reason I need to lose weight is to build my confidence- and I'm working on that too.
So what could be the real answer? Well I am shy, an introvert. Because of things that happened to me growing up it was practically inevitable for me to become this way, but that doesn't mean I can't change. Once I get to my ideal body weight, I'll have the confidence I need to approach people and by meeting people, my chances will go up.
But it's not just enough to meet people. I need to be attractive. This includes many things. Nobody should ever change who they are as a person. You are you, be you. BUT. If you're a slob, it's unattractive. So there are things you should change and things you shouldn't. If you're a geek like I am (if you havn't been able to tell yet from my avatar and signature) who loves epic fantasy novels about Minotaurs, don't try to act like you're not. If you can't stand hip hop music, don't pretend you do to try to impress someone. BUT. If you only shower twice a week..need I say more?
All of that being said, I do shower every day So there are certain things you should change. We have a new person at work. I havn't been able to introduce myself to her because I'm shy and nervous. Even though I know she's pregnant and has two kids already and a boyfriend, it doesn't matter. She's a stranger, a person I don't know. Approaching her just to introduce myself is scary. But today I overcame my fear and went up to her. For anyone else who has trouble doing this, I've found what helps me is just being completely up front with people by telling them I'm a shy person. When I intro'd myself to her, I told her I was sorry for taking so long to introduce myself, but that I'm a very shy person and once I get to know her better It'll be easier for me to talk.
Sorry for the length of this post, but I hope it helps someone out there. Now let me move on to Jesse's Battle Plan.
Battle Plan
----------
1. Lose weight to give me the confidence I need to be around people with less nervousness.
2. Get my ass in school.
--I live with my aunt and uncle. To increase my desirability I need my own place. It's the simple truth. I don't want to take anyone back to my aunt and uncle's. To get my own place I'll need a better paying job and the only way to do this is by going back to school. There are plenty of other reasons I need to go back to school. It's a win/win.
3. Focus on 1 and 2 and worry about women later. I simply don't have the attention span to be able to focus on schooling and a relationship at the same time. Sure, I can remain friends with people, but I need to realize priorities. I feel that once schooling is complete and I establish myself, I can focus on dating.
Wish me luck
Example: I've slept alone for nearly 2 years. In other words I don't get any. I'm a person as much as anyone else so I have desires and needs just the same, but since these desires and needs aren't being met I overthink the situation quite a bit in my head. I've thought to myself, ok, so what's the purpose of sex? Children. But if it's just for children, then why does it feel good? Why do people kiss? Why do they touch each other? I answer with, because it has to feel good so we'll want to do it. It's for the continuation of our race. I tell myself I don't want kids so I don't need sex. Basically I rationalize to make myself feel better. Well this needs to stop. I tell myself love is only a delusion to get us to procreate. I don't need love. This needs to stop. Although some of this stuff might be true, the additional truth is that I long for these things. Of course not just the physical stuff, but you get my point.
Now; I ask myself, why do I have so many difficulties finding love, finding a companion? I'm sure anyone else who has trouble asks the same question. I've had several answers for many years.
False Answer: I'm ugly. I'm fat. Women are disgusted by me. YADA YADA YADA YODA AND YOGURT. It's bullcrap. Although it's natural to feel this way I know it's not true. I need to quit telling myself these things because it's not helping my problem. I do believe now that I'm not ugly. I may be overweight, but there are plenty of women who like men with my build. The only reason I need to lose weight is to build my confidence- and I'm working on that too.
So what could be the real answer? Well I am shy, an introvert. Because of things that happened to me growing up it was practically inevitable for me to become this way, but that doesn't mean I can't change. Once I get to my ideal body weight, I'll have the confidence I need to approach people and by meeting people, my chances will go up.
But it's not just enough to meet people. I need to be attractive. This includes many things. Nobody should ever change who they are as a person. You are you, be you. BUT. If you're a slob, it's unattractive. So there are things you should change and things you shouldn't. If you're a geek like I am (if you havn't been able to tell yet from my avatar and signature) who loves epic fantasy novels about Minotaurs, don't try to act like you're not. If you can't stand hip hop music, don't pretend you do to try to impress someone. BUT. If you only shower twice a week..need I say more?
All of that being said, I do shower every day So there are certain things you should change. We have a new person at work. I havn't been able to introduce myself to her because I'm shy and nervous. Even though I know she's pregnant and has two kids already and a boyfriend, it doesn't matter. She's a stranger, a person I don't know. Approaching her just to introduce myself is scary. But today I overcame my fear and went up to her. For anyone else who has trouble doing this, I've found what helps me is just being completely up front with people by telling them I'm a shy person. When I intro'd myself to her, I told her I was sorry for taking so long to introduce myself, but that I'm a very shy person and once I get to know her better It'll be easier for me to talk.
Sorry for the length of this post, but I hope it helps someone out there. Now let me move on to Jesse's Battle Plan.
Battle Plan
----------
1. Lose weight to give me the confidence I need to be around people with less nervousness.
2. Get my ass in school.
--I live with my aunt and uncle. To increase my desirability I need my own place. It's the simple truth. I don't want to take anyone back to my aunt and uncle's. To get my own place I'll need a better paying job and the only way to do this is by going back to school. There are plenty of other reasons I need to go back to school. It's a win/win.
3. Focus on 1 and 2 and worry about women later. I simply don't have the attention span to be able to focus on schooling and a relationship at the same time. Sure, I can remain friends with people, but I need to realize priorities. I feel that once schooling is complete and I establish myself, I can focus on dating.
Wish me luck