I think loneliness is a disease

[OhGodImLonely]

I'm finally coming to this conclusion, seeing all that stuff on people's face books and I see them in parties and bbqs and stuff. They have people around them, smiles on their faces and all that ******* stuff I have longed for like my entire meaningless life !

I've got that old girlfriend of mine. She's in Brisbane doing really really good. She's got tones of friends and seems to party every single ******* day man !

We recently got in touch again a few days ago when I sent her a message to see what was going on. She replied like a month later and then accepted my friend request and couldn't help but go through her private life and boy what I'm seeing right now is killing me inside ! It brings me up some very sharp suicidal thoughts ! I wanna kill myself for being such an idiot loner !

I'm actually going to Brisbane in about 2 months. And I am actually very scared I don't make friendships there and stay on my own like a ******* terminal diseased young piece of honeysuckle.

And I don't even want her to know that I'm coming. Because she'll see I have no friends as the months will unfold and it's going to kill me even more !

Such a lonely day man !

 

[Seeker]

Well, all I can tell you is to keep in mind that Facebook only shows a picture of how a person wants himself to be seen by others, so the fact that she only has pictures showing her having fun doesn't mean that she always and constantly has fun. Furthermore, Facebook also doesn't reveal feelings, she may seem ok and happy, but in reality may feel as bad or even worse than you do. So my advice is, don't take what her Fb shows for granted, because the truth may be the exact opposite than what it seems

 

[OhGodImLonely]

Well, all I can tell you is to keep in mind that Facebook only shows a picture of how a person wants himself to be seen by others, so the fact that she only has pictures showing her having fun doesn't mean that she always and constantly has fun. Furthermore, Facebook also doesn't reveal feelings, she may seem ok and happy, but in reality may feel as bad or even worse than you do. So my advice is, don't take what her Fb shows for granted, because the truth may be the exact opposite than what it seems

But I'm not dreaming. She IS having that fun since these pics are proofs ! I have nothing like that man ! Even though she might feel down sometimes she at least have times when she doesn't !

Everybody has their ups and downs. But some rather than others seems to get more downs than they get ups ! That's the story ! She's got friends man ! I don't !

 

[isthatso]

here's my take.
You gotta move on. New friends new life. You can do it. Self-belief is what it's all about.
You'll be happy and you won't have to go on facebook to prove it. You are bigger and smarter than that.
Once you start believing those positive thoughts in your head, you'll surprise yourself no end. Go for it!

 

[OhGodImLonely]

here's my take.
You gotta move on. New friends new life. You can do it. Self-belief is what it's all about.
You'll be happy and you won't have to go on facebook to prove it. You are bigger and smarter than that.
Once you start believing those positive thoughts in your head, you'll surprise yourself no end. Go for it!

Thanks a lot dude but I don't feel I'm able to do that. Everytime I try to be friendly and socialize I fail. It's the old same cycle. I can't make friends. I just can't.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Defriend the old girlfriend. Watch yourself feel better as you don't see her on your newsfeed anymore.

 

[OhGodImLonely]

Defriend the old girlfriend. Watch yourself feel better as you don't see her on your newsfeed anymore.

I'm sad to say so but she actually is the only person I talk to these days... so defriending her would only add to my desolation...

 

[monkeysocks]

Yes I know that feeling - but what you see is not a true picture of the truth. She is unlikely to put up a photo of when she is unhappy or alone. And Face book does give a very selective view of how people want to be perceived.

Why not turn it around and if you still chose to go, start networking in Brisbane by using Facebook or forums etc and find new people in Brisbane to start chatting to which you build can on and arrange to also meet up with when you are there - you say you have 2 months. That way you have also gone with another purpose which is positive independent of how her life is going - you never know you might meet someone who makes all the difference to your life.

This is what I realised, OK life is crap at the moment but if I trap myself mentally to all the negatives of my situation then I am just going to end up completely depressed. This is also an opportunity to make new friends and meet new people who could make a far better difference to those I new in the past. That is a far better feeling to carry around than sit and feel doomed.

I would stop looking at what she is up to, or what others are doing - start looking at what you can do for yourself.

I know this is hard, hard work and sometimes unbearable - but trust me you do come through it.

 

[OhGodImLonely]

Yes I know that feeling - but what you see is not a true picture of the truth. She is unlikely to put up a photo of when she is unhappy or alone. And Face book does give a very selective view of how people want to be perceived.

Why not turn it around and if you still chose to go, start networking in Brisbane by using Facebook or forums etc and find new people in Brisbane to start chatting to which you build can on and arrange to also meet up with when you are there - you say you have 2 months. That way you have also gone with another purpose which is positive independent of how her life is going - you never know you might meet someone who makes all the difference to your life.

This is what I realised, OK life is crap at the moment but if I trap myself mentally to all the negatives of my situation then I am just going to end up completely depressed. This is also an opportunity to make new friends and meet new people who could make a far better difference to those I new in the past. That is a far better feeling to carry around than sit and feel doomed.

I would stop looking at what she is up to, or what others are doing - start looking at what you can do for yourself.

I know this is hard, hard work and sometimes unbearable - but trust me you do come through it.

Yeah I know there are lots of people out there that long for new friendships and they're most likely to be on web forums like this one. But I can't help but feel that I have nothing to share at the moment except my negative mood.

I wouldn't know what to say and how to make them feel that I'm somebody they want to make friends with because I'll have to get them think that I'm a valuable person and that I can improve their well-being by being friends with them - which is why I think we need friends - and I couldn't fake a happy face when I meet them because I'm just not in the mood !

It's a vicious circle you'll say ! Yes !

 

[Okiedokes]

Is what you see in those facebook partying pictures something you would actually want in life? If it is then nevermind but sometimes what we see looks more appealing than it really is if well..we don't have it.

 

[OhGodImLonely]

Is what you see in those facebook partying pictures something you would actually want in life? If it is then nevermind but sometimes what we see looks more appealing than it really is if well..we don't have it.

Yep, "we're the middle children of history men. No purpose no place. We have no great war. No great depression. Our great war is a spiritual war. Our great depression, is our lives..."

 

[monkeysocks]

Yes it is hard to put on that mona lisa smile, so I understand exactly what you are saying. When feeling low its not the best company to offer people either so can make us feel like it's a self failing prophecy. But you will come through that, It just takes a little time to adjust.

This time is a transition and no one likes it. But it is also a time to re-discover yourself, start a new hobby, dust away your cobwebs and go on with new strengths, new goals and meet new people when you are ready.

It is also very common when finding ourselves in such situations to feel that we have little to give. But you are still you underneath this unwanted situation - so pleased to hear you remember all that you have to give apart from the way you are feeling at present.

if you meet new people, the ones who are worth it will accept and help you. The best way to approach them is to be honest talk about it, but don't make it the entire topic of conversation. And remember there are people out there who DO care, who will greatly appreciate your friendship - you just haven't met them yet.

I can identify with everything you have said, I once felt trapped inside of a box, the way out of it was to start think 'outside of it' by the following

Negative thoughts are fear, uncertainty, trepidation, pain and loss of self belief. These are all natural feelings in such situations but it is our fear that makes us feel that they are never going to change and we are stuck.

When you get a negative thought relating to any of the above make habit of finding a positive one or possible solution to counteract it. I even wrote them down.

During hard moments, find things to distract your entire concentration, for example: a computer game, but don't use it to block out your entire existence, use it as a tool to help you when you are really down.

And I know you don't feel like laughing - but watch comedy on TV because this helps balance the hormones that stress floods into the body which adds to depression.

you can turn this around (even to your long term advantage) get back on track and be happy again.

 

[OhGodImLonely]

Yeah I can't put on a fake face. I just can't. It shows that I'm feeling down. People at work often tell me "well dude, you look tired. get some sleep". fresia them.


This transition that you are talking about has begun a number of years ago. I'd like it to come to an end now. I've tried everything. I did basketball a few years in a club. I did music for some time. I played the piano actually. It didn't help. I tried travelling. But it seems everywhere is the same. I went to college. It was crap. I tried drugs and alcohol. It made me sick. I took chess lessons and I didn't understand a thing. Even now when I'm playing online and I lose I just wanna smash the computer against the wall. I moved to another city. Same honeysuckle.

And now I know nothing can change. When you think you have changed it's just YOU AGAIN but in a different form. But the main ingredients are the same. And it's just the old ******* YOU in front of the ******* mirror, but with a different haircut.



I can't.



People who accept me are generally people with the same attitude that I got. I blend in with depressed dudes only. And it gets even more depressing.



Then you could definitely be my friend lol


Pardon my French but I consider all this to be self-improvement bullshitting. And it's a big big industry.



I can watch comedy broadcasts but the problem is that I do it alone. One more time...

 

[monkeysocks]

What works for one person doesn't work for everyone.

You have tried things that didn't work out for you, but one pursuit or person doesn't give us or cure everything we need and never will, So did you expected too much from the pursuits and your travels ?

Drugs and alcohol are only ever going to make it worse.

Try something else and if you hang out with people who are depressive they are only ever going to bring you down.

Find a smile and you will attract happy people.

Do you really think that about your work colleagues or is that just frustration ? Either way its not their fault and they are obviously concerned about you. If you were a horrible person they wouldn't care enough to ask.

Do you respect the advice you are given - even if its not a route you find helpful ?

Or is anger and frustration (which you are quite justified in feeling) also holding you back and stopping you attracting people who would make you happy ? I understand that if you have felt like this for a long time that you are feeling stuck .

Hang in there, I could have taken a little offence at what you said but 'hey I have been there' I know its hard.

 

[OhGodImLonely]

What works for one person doesn't work for everyone.

You have tried things that didn't work out for you, but one pursuit or person doesn't give us or cure everything we need and never will, So did you expected too much from the pursuits and your travels ?

Drugs and alcohol are only ever going to make it worse.

Try something else and if you hang out with people who are depressive they are only ever going to bring you down.

Find a smile and you will attract happy people.

Do you really think that about your work colleagues or is that just frustration ? Either way its not their fault and they are obviously concerned about you. If you were a horrible person they wouldn't care enough to ask.

Do you respect the advice you are given - even if its not a route you find helpful ?

Or is anger and frustration (which you are quite justified in feeling) also holding you back and stopping you attracting people who would make you happy ? I understand that if you have felt like this for a long time that you are feeling stuck .

Hang in there, I could have taken a little offence at what you said but 'hey I have been there' I know its hard.

You mean the joke about you being a potential friend ? Hey I did not intend to hurt your feelings dude. Come on.

 

[monkeysocks]

You didn't !

---

You didn't !

If you had I would have sent you one of these :club:

LOL

Time to get you laughing !

 

[OhGodImLonely]

You didn't !

---

You didn't !

If you had I would have sent you one of these :club:

LOL

Time to get you laughing !

---

Cool

 

[OhGodImLonely]

She is awesome. She's now travelling to Chisdels to fruit picking. Oh boy oh boy... She is gorgeous and I'm a punk.

 

[HappyYogi]

Please don't compare yourself. I know people like that on FB, one woman a party every weekend, often more. I wonder what makes them feel they need to post constant pics of themselves. I think it's a bit egoistic. Be glad you are not a braggart or show off. It's amazing the stuff on FB. One woman constantly posts to get others to say "how beautiful" you are.

One thing that has helped me is to just accept you are different. You are not her and that's OK. You are you. You can only be your best and go after your own goals with small steps in improvement. There will always be others with more in life. The key is to figure what you need to be happy and go after that without comparing yourself to others.

 

[Walley]

sometimes, the people that appear to have perfect lives or a lifestyle that others admire, are actually just presenting a facade and their lives are more about superficial things, but void of meaningful things.
I knew someone like that, who had a bigger house than everyone first, had a good paying job and they were a picture perfect couple.
I always felt that they were phony though in their relationship, and once they had a drunked fight and devorced, and both turned into alcoholics and lost all kinds of money and the material things they accumulated.. then everyone realised things we'rent so "perfect" as they had presented themselves to be.

as for the party lifestyle being something to bragg of or feel jealous about.. it's not. trust me.
take away the drugs and alcohol and it's just a bunch of people standing around in small groups that can barely talk over music. they are lonely even in a crowd, whether they know it or not.
I was one of them!
i used to go to a party or out to some social gathering every single friday or saturday night for years. but now, i avoid them and have no desire to be one of them. it's a shallow empty existence.