I thought I was done with the "Lonely Life" but I was wrong...

[ardour]

No, I'm not jumping to her defense at all. I'm jumping to everyone's defense that has had assumptions made about them when they don't know and can't know the situation. You aren't there, you don't know her, and you don't know the OP, so to make assumptions on why she (or anyone for that matter) did something is not your right. Perhaps it makes the OP feel better to get validation about what a horrible person she is, but it's empty validation.
I NEVER said what she did wasn't wrong. As a matter of fact, something similar to the OP has happened to me, so I know how it feels.

No, but your'e suggesting there might be extenuating circumstances we don't know of, instead of the rather more likely possibillity that the guy was being used.

It's like this: if someone hits or is mean to the people around me or to me, I don't care what reasons that someone has. I'm done a long time ago with taking bullshit based on the fact that first I should understand why a person does what it does. I don't care.
I forgive nothing and no one. Forgiving means to invite a troubled person to harm you. The OP knew this woman has a long list of problems (yes, what she had were problems). He brought this on himself.
Welfare state takes care of troubled persons. We would start an argument which would not be politically correct, I'm not interested in fighting half of the forum and getting suspended again, so let it be.

I agree, forgiveness is open to abuse. Make the effort to understand someone while they're in the midst of problem behaviour and they'll keep doing what they're doing, because the understanding is interpreted as a subtle form of approval. Leave it up to a psychiatrist (and the criminal justice system.) Offer forgiveness after a change, not before.

 

[TheRealCallie]

No, I'm not jumping to her defense at all. I'm jumping to everyone's defense that has had assumptions made about them when they don't know and can't know the situation. You aren't there, you don't know her, and you don't know the OP, so to make assumptions on why she (or anyone for that matter) did something is not your right. Perhaps it makes the OP feel better to get validation about what a horrible person she is, but it's empty validation.
I NEVER said what she did wasn't wrong. As a matter of fact, something similar to the OP has happened to me, so I know how it feels.

No, but your'e suggesting there might be extenuating circumstances we don't know of, instead of the rather more likely scenario that the guy was being used.

Perhaps there are extenuating circumstances. We cannot know, and neither it is likely that the OP will ever know. Perhaps she did use him, perhaps the feelings she expressed to the OP were lies. But, my main point here is that we do not know. Maybe you didn't see the post where the OP thinks that she did have someone there for her when she was going through her hard time and she just fell for him.
As I said in my first post in this thread, LDRs are hard to maintain under the best circumstances, add issues and it becomes even harder. Closeness and being able to be there for the other person during hard times is a very big part of a relationship.

 

[jaguarundi]

No, but your'e suggesting there might be extenuating circumstances we don't know of, instead of the rather more likely possibillity that the guy was being used.

There is a certain kind of person - maybe this is more common in women than men, I don't know - who is so lacking in any idea of what she wants or who she is, and so into pleasing other people that she will agree with everything you say. She seems like a perfect match, she likes what you like, hates what you hate.

Until after a short but intense relationship, she realises this isn't what she wants. She is too addicted to pleasing to say anything, so she finishes it by text, email or whatever. Only to quickly move on to someone else.. and more of the same.

This may seem like a manipulation, using someone .. But it isn't consciously so.

Beware relationships like this, that take off quickly, with someone who seems so perfectly like you. They may be a user, or they may just be a pleaser, but the heartbreak is still heartbreak.

There may also be cultural reasons behind 'pleasing' type behaviour, in some cultures saying no or voicing opinions is not acceptable behaviour, particularly for a woman. Which can mislead someone not used to that.

This person may or may not be that way. Whatever the reasons behind this breakup, **hugs** to the OP... and I hope you get over this in time.

 

[ardour]

No, but your'e suggesting there might be extenuating circumstances we don't know of, instead of the rather more likely possibillity that the guy was being used.

There is a certain kind of person - maybe this is more common in women than men, I don't know - who is so lacking in any idea of what she wants or who she is, and so into pleasing other people that she will agree with everything you say. She seems like a perfect match, she likes what you like, hates what you hate.

Until after a short but intense relationship, she realises this isn't what she wants. She is too addicted to pleasing to say anything, so she finishes it by text, email or whatever. Only to quickly move on to someone else.. and more of the same.

This may seem like a manipulation, using someone .. But it isn't consciously so.

Beware relationships like this, that take off quickly, with someone who seems so perfectly like you. They may be a user, or they may just be a pleaser, but the heartbreak is still heartbreak.

There may also be cultural reasons behind 'pleasing' type behaviour, in some cultures saying no or voicing opinions is not acceptable behaviour, particularly for a woman. Which can mislead someone not used to that.

This person may or may not be that way. Whatever the reasons behind this breakup, **hugs** to the OP... and I hope you get over this in time.

That seems like it could be quite plausible in this situation, but I can't agree that such a person is oblivious to what they're doing. It's sad they're that way, probably because of past trauma or an upbringing characterized by neglect and lacking in stability, but it's not a free pass.

 

[VeganAtheist]

I should probably delete this post. Pretty much all of what TheRealCallie said is right.
We can't know exactly what was going on and likely never will.
Human affairs are messy, complicated and kinda shitty.
Add to that mental health issues and it gets even more problematic.

I was looking for validation but not that she was a horrible person. I don't think she is a horrible person at all.
I, admittedly foolishly, was looking for ways to convince myself that I am better off. That I was done a favor.
But after a lot of reflection, I know I cannot convince myself of that which I don't believe.
Plus, such validation will not help anything.

Truth is I still love her and her daughter. Truth is I still want us to be a family.
Truth is that I am jealous of the guy she is with. And I don't know if I can handle the truth.....